Learning to Love and Be Loved

So, this is a sequel to my other story The Boy with the Purple Eyes. I suggest that you read the other story before this one since it might make things a little more clearer but hey, nobody's stopping you from reading this with out the other :D

April 30, 1973

Damn, I feel so incredibly NOT awesome today. I lost my journal! How the hell could I lose my journal! It's the only thing I have that contains Matthew's story and I lost it! I feel like screaming and tearing my hair out and hitting myself. No actually, I take my statements back; I won't tear out hair or hit my awesome body. I'll settle for screaming out the frustration as loud as I can. If the neighbors don't like it, they'll just have to kiss my ass. Excuse me for a second…

Ok, I'm back now. I guess I feel a little bit better than before. Well, journal number two, right now I really hate you. You cannot and will not, not even in a million years, be as special as my other one. I'm pretty positive of that statement too. I really should be talking about what happened so far in life, since I haven't written anything since the 28th. Let's see…

It's been two days since I found him, Matthew that is, and brought him to the hospital. He's been stuck in a hypothermia induced coma the whole time. The doctors gave him an oxygen mask to aid his breathing and gave him some other treatments to help the coldness of his body disappear. I guess it worked, even though he's still not awake.

Since the time I brought him in, I would visit him during my lunch break and after work. I'd go in the mornings too but the nurses wouldn't let me inside to see him, saying that it was too early and visiting hours hadn't even started. Just to let you know, I really wanted to flip them off and tell them to "kiss my ass" but I held it back. I didn't want to get kicked out or worse, be banned from seeing Matthew. That would be the most horrible thing ever. EVER.

Anyway, sometimes I like to sit with Matthew in his room. I'll watch his little chest move up and down, up and down, up and down in a constant cycle. I'm always worried that if I fall asleep, his breathing will stop and I'll never see him again. I force myself to stay awake and I pray to all of the gods in heaven to help keep Matthew alive and to one day make him mine.

I talk to Matthew too. I'll grasp his smaller hand in mine and tell him about everything I saw that particular day. I'll tell him about Ludwig, the office, about myself, the case I'm working on currently, and sometimes even about what we're going to do when he wakes up. I tell him how I'll take him to the park and he can play on the jungle gym and swings, doing all the fun things that children like to do. I tell him how he no longer has to be lonely and how now he'll finally have the love that he deserves.

In the two day's I've visited Matthew, nobody other than myself visited the poor boy. Not his two fathers, at this point I wouldn't even consider them his fathers, or his brother. It made me angry inside. Why should they have this sweet boy when they don't even care for him? It's not fair. Not fair to me and especially not fair to Matthew.

Anyway, today was different. While I was sitting with Matthew, his hand inside mine, two people came in, two people who I've never seen before. They introduced themselves as social workers who have come to take care of Matthew's legal work.

I was, for the most part, stunned. Matthew's legal work? I thought to myself "What the hell do they mean?" They must have read my mind because the taller one turned to me and said "The state is taking Matthew away from his current family. We have done a search of his home life and family and we have deemed it necessary to take him away."

Oh. My. God. It was one of the most shocking events I have ever had in my life. Matthew, the boy I obsessively looked for and wanted to make my own, could possibly be mine. I thanked all of the gods in heaven for answering my prayers. I remember going up to the agents, begging and pleading for them to let me adopt the boy. They explained that Matthew may end up in foster care, if he wakes up, until he finished with whatever treatments he may need.

"No!" I told them. "I want to take care of Matthew!" I explained to them that Matthew would be best suited for me since he already knows my voice and is familiar with me. I watched as they looked at each other and back at me. The shorter one let out a sigh and told me that they'll be judges of whether the boy would function well with me. They said that if Matthew does respond well enough, they'll make an exception and let him stay with me. Not to say the least, I was hopeful and excited. I wanted to give him a better life. A better one than the one he had already lived so long, without someone there with him.

As I sit here on my bed, I can't help but wonder, what will life be like if Matthew does come and live with me? What would he do? What will he need? Where will he sleep? (I'll probably have to get a bigger apartment…I guess for now I'll have to sleep on the couch and he can sleep on the bed.) And more importantly, what is it really like to take care of another child? I mean, I did raise Ludwig, but he was already practically a full blown teen and could take care of himself. I never really had to help him. Matthew, on the other hand, is ten, was never loved, was never properly cared for and lonely, something Ludwig never was. I don't want to hurt or mess Matthew up even more but I can't help but question whether or not I'm making the right decision. Am I right in saying that I am the best suited for taking care of him? I guess, only Matthew knows what is right for him.

Yay! I finally started the sequel! I hope it lives up to your expectations :D Oh, by the way, I totally made up that last part with the social workers and whether or not Matt can stay with Gilbert on account of compatibility. I used it because it helps the story flow. I know that it's probably wrong so yeah...I just wanted to get that out. Let see, I technically have only four more days of school left expect updates fairly soon...uh...I guess that's it. Oh wait, one more thing. As you know, I don't know any psychology and what ever information that goes into the story is what I've found off the internet. So, if anybody knows psychology and sees something wrong, please tell me. I now have time where I can actually fix it the same day...so yeah...

Anyway, thanks for reading and please review!