BACK TO WHERE WE STARTED FROM

So this is my reaction to the season 6 finale (I didn't watch the four episodes before it, so I hope this story works with the plots in those episodes). I thought it was a pretty decent episode, but despite all the death and horribleness of the ordeal, the scene that brought me to tears was when Alex was calling out for Izzie. So heartbreaking (but it reinforces, in my mind at least, that there will be a reunion in the future, as I've said many times.) This story is just a one shot, for now. There is a possibility that when next season starts, I'll continue this with a follow up, depending on Alex's storylines. We will just have to wait and see what Shonda has in mind.

And an update on "Another": Hit some snags with this story and real life has been super busy too. But I'm working through all that and hopefully I'll be able to get back on track soon.

Thanks for reading, and you know I love Reviews!

Sleep. After the long day she'd had in the OR, that was the only thought on Izzie's mind as she unlocked the door to her nondescript one bedroom apartment in Portland. She looked around at the white walls and beige furniture and rolled her eyes. This is what her life had become. She laughed at herself, at the fact that she missed that tiny trailer in the woods more than anything.

Now she spent her days keeping to herself, helping her patients and returning to the empty place she called home. Dropping her keys and purse on the counter, she immediately plopped down on the sofa and reached for the remote. The news would be on soon, so she could see other people's drama rather than dwell on her own.

Moving to the kitchen, she pulled out what she needed to make a sandwich and turned her back to the television. Then she heard it.

"New at 10:00, breaking news out of Seattle. Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital was the scene of a bloody killing spree by a gunman today." Izzie barely noticed the jar of mayonnaise that she dropped on the floor, shattering into a million shards. She turned, her eyes instantly glued to the screen. She prayed silently that she had heard that incorrectly. "Police are still putting the pieces together, but what we do know is that the suspect acted alone and there are multiple fatalities and injuries. Merrill Grove is live on the scene. Merrill what have you learned."

A blonde woman appeared on the screen, standing in front of that hospital Izzie knew so well. "Thanks Joey. A tragic day here in downtown Seattle. At least six people have been killed. Several more injured, some of those in critical condition. We are hearing that the violence is over, but whether that means that the gunman has been taken into custody or has been taken down by a bullet, we don't know. Earlier this evening I spoke to a witness ..."

Everything went fuzzy as the screen changed to a janitor, who was vaguely familiar to Izzie. Her hands were shaking violently as she mechanically reached for her cell phone. Alex. She had to talk to him. He'd do what he's always done when she was freaking out about something. He'd reassure her that this was nothing. He'd say something brutally frank, and then something sweet and then he'd make her laugh. They hadn't had much contact since the divorce papers went through, but what little they'd had was at the very least civil. She had to know that he was okay.

Six rings, voice mail. Damn it.

Meredith. Nothing. Cristina, straight to voice mail. Derek, Bailey, even Lexie. Nothing.

She'd run out of options. She had no way to know if her ex-husband, if her friends were still alive. Still shaking, she crawled onto the couch and studied the background of the news on the screen. Searching for a familiar face, but nothing. Tears began falling down her face, and as she had when her cancer had been diagnosed, she felt her world caving in around her.

At some point she must have fallen asleep, because the shrieking of her phone startled her awake. Fumbling for the phone, she dropped it twice before she was able to see who was calling. Lexie.

"Lexie! What the hell happened. Is Alex okay? What about Meredith and Cristina?" No hello, no pleasantries. She had to know.

"Um. H - hi. I guess you saw what happened. On the news. Um, I saw that you had called me. You probably called everyone, I'm probably the last person you would have called, but --"

Izzie rolled her her eyes in frustration. "Lexie! Stop rambling. Shut up and tell me what happened!"

"Alex was shot," the younger woman finally spit out.

Silence. There it was. Her worst fear. Her heart sunk at the words, as her stomach began to churn and her mind conjured images of his body laying in the morgue, just like Denny's and George's. "Oh my God. Is he --"

"N-no. No. He um .... He had lost a lot of blood when we found him. Mark kept him alive until we were able to get out of the hospital and then Dr. Altman brought him over to Seattle Pres. He's fine. He's going to be fine." Izzie heard something in Lexie's voice that sounded like relief and fear mixed together, only confirming what she already assumed. Lexie was the one Alex had been sleeping with. While anger threatened to bubble over, it oddly reassured her, having someone with Alex who cared about him. "He's still in ICU and probably will be for a few more hours. I just ... I thought you should know. "

"Okay." An awkward silence gripped them and Izzie couldn't help the numbness that came with knowing that the man she cared about most in this world was in pain and there wasn't anything she could do to help. Except stay away. He wouldn't want her there.

"Izzie," Lexie hesitated. "He ... he was calling for you. While we were stuck in the hospital. He ... he thought I was you. I think that ... he might want to see you, when he wakes up, I mean. It might help him."

She was stunned. Alex had called for her. Not Lexie. Her. And she wasn't there. She failed him again. Her heart was telling her to grab her keys and leave for Seattle that minute, but in her head his voice was echoing, telling her not to come back. "I don't know if --"

"He still loves you." Izzie could hear sadness in her voice as she said it. "You should come."

Her heart began to pound in her chest at the words. She could couldn't bring herself to believe them."Okay. I'll be up there soon." Just then other questions flooded her mind. "Lexie? What about the others? Meredith and Cristina ..."

"Oh, right. Meredith and Cristina are okay. Derek was shot in the chest. But Cristina and Jackson saved him. Hunt got shot in the shoulder. He'll be fine. Reed Adamson and Charles Percy were killed and a nurse and a security guard too. There were others, but that was the last I heard."

"Thanks Lexie."

"Can I help you, Ma'am?" The cheery receptionist looked up at Izzie with a smile.

"I'm looking for Alex Karev. He ... he was shot. Last I heard he was in ICU."

The woman looked at her computer screen to locate the patient. Izzie's fingernails tapped at the desk, as she was unable to hide her nerves. "Okay, he's been taken to a private room. Here's a badge. It's room 778."

"Thank you."

Speeding toward the elevator, both dread and hope came over her. It was not at all out of the realm of possibility that he'd send her away. But Lexie said ...

"Izzie!" She heard the familiar voice the moment she stepped onto the seventh floor. Looking up she was surprised to find Meredith looking at her from about ten feet away. The two friends quickly moved to hug each other, both relaxing a little bit with the contact.

"How's Derek?" Izzie could see the stress on her friend's face. It wasn't just Derek, though. There was something else different about Meredith, something sad that she couldn't quite place.

"He's going to be fine. He's sound asleep right now. Cristina was a rock star. The police decided to shut Seattle Grace down for 24 hours so they could process and clean the whole hospital, so they transferred all the critical patients here. Lexie said she called you. I would have called you earlier, but I didn't know about Alex until I came over here with Derek. I checked on him a little while ago. Iz, he will be okay. He looks bad right now, but he'll be okay." Izzie knew Meredith was trying to prepare her, and she appreciated it, but right now, all she wanted to do was see him.

"Okay. I'll come by later to see Derek. What room?"

"773."

"Okay."

She turned the direction of Alex's room. As she neared his door, it opened, and Lexie stepped outside. Izzie could see tears in her eyes. Her heart constricted momentarily, until the younger woman looked up at her and smiled. "Izzie. I'm glad you're here. He's feeling better. He's awake. You can go on in. I, um, I've got to go find someone. Excuse me."

And with that, she was gone. Not really sure what had just happened, she pushed on the door to her ex-husband's room. She knocked lightly, not sure if he had gone back to sleep. He didn't stir when she walked in. What she saw, though, scared her. He was pale, almost gray, obviously from the blood loss. His eyes were closed and the oxygen mask he wore on his face did little to quell her fears.

Suddenly his head moved and his hazel eyes cracked open. "Iz."

His voice was weak and gravely, and she knew that he had been intubated for a while. Tears sprang up in her eyes, but she fought them. "Hey." She stood awkwardly next to the bed, not exactly sure how to deal with this. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I got shot in the chest." A pained smirk briefly appeared under the mask.

She didn't see the humor and she could read his face like a book. "Alex..."

He relented and the smirk was replaced with a frown. "It hurts, Iz. Every inch of me hurts," he said honestly. "I've never felt anything like this. Even with the meds." A tear streamed down the side of his face.

"It's okay. It'll be okay." She wiped the tears away from his face and then moved to pull a chair closer to the bed so she could sit in it. They sat in silence for a few moments until he spoke up again.

"Why did you come? You didn't need to see me this way."

She scoffed. "As opposed to all the times you saw me after chemo and surgery? I had to come, Alex. You know that."

Nodding a bit, he pulled the mask slightly off his face. "Who called you?"

"Lexie."

He looked surprised at this. "Iz. You should know ..."

" ... That she's the one you've been sleeping with? I know. I think I had an idea all along." Her words were gentle and not accusing. A simple statement.

"She told me she loved me. When I was bleeding out in that conference room. I heard her words, but all I could think about was when you told me that on our wedding day. But she was here. Through all of it. She never left my side." Izzie had resigned herself to this on the trip up. He was with Lexie now. That much was clear from what he was telling her. "It wasn't fair to her. That's what I told her a few minutes ago. She doesn't love me. She shouldn't love me because I can't love her back. Not like she deserves. Mark does. I told her to go find him. Make things right."

Izzie was trying to wrap her head around what exactly he was saying.

"Look, Iz. I know we can't go back a year. We can't undo what we did or unsay what we said. But I need you in my life. Somehow."

She smiled and knew that he wasn't ready to go back to where they were. Not yet. But the fact that he still needed her as much as she knew she needed him made her happy. "We could start over completely. From the beginning. As friends. Maybe we'll be better at it this time." He smiled up at her, nodding his agreement.

"Izzie. Hey Izzie."

She heard the whisper through the fog of sleep as she slowly woke. Lifting her head from the precarious angle she'd fallen asleep on, she looked up. Beside her, Alex was still sound asleep, likely due to the strong meds the nurses gave him a few hours before. Standing at the door were Meredith and Cristina, who had been the one calling out her name. She motioned to her to come outside into the hall with them. She followed after looking at Alex's vitals and monitors.

"How's he doing?" Meredith asked.

"Better. They gave him the good drugs to help him sleep." Izzie glanced back through the window in the door.

"When was the last time you ate anything?" Cristina looked at her sympathetically.

"I, uh ... I honestly have no idea."

Grabbing both Meredith and Izzie's arms, she attempted to pull them down the hallway. "Okay, come on. You both need to eat."

"No, Cristina." Izzie wasn't budging. "I shouldn't leave him alone. If he wakes up ..."

"You just said they gave him the good stuff."

The blonde grabbed Cristina's hand and removed it from her arm. "He shouldn't be alone, right now. You two go ahead. I don't need to eat anything."

Meredith elbowed her best friend. "If she's not going to the cafeteria, neither am I." Izzie could tell that all she wanted to do was to get back to Derek. Clearly Cristina had given her no choice.

"You should all go down to the cafeteria." All three young women looked up to see their mentor walking toward them. "You three look like hell and I bet you haven't eaten in far too long." Dr. Bailey wore the same look that all of the Seattle Grace occupants wore. Izzie's heart broke even more, seeing the sadness on her face. "Grey, is Derek alone?"

"No, Webber's with him."

"Yang, what about Hunt?"

"They released him. He went to his place. Said he needed to rest and that I needed to be with the others. I think he just needed some space."

"Probably. Stevens, You go down stairs with them. I'll stay with Alex. You know, I thought he was going to be the one to stay off the operating table. Between cancer and buses and drowning and ectopic pregnancies and liver transplants, your group of interns gave me more heartache than a person should be allowed. But you're still my babies. You're residents now, but I still want to protect you."

The three stared at the shorter woman, not exactly sure how to react. She was reflective. Contemplative. Izzie could only imagine what had happened to her during this whole ordeal.

"So go on now." They did as they were told.

"So, Lexie told me that Alex told her to move on. To go back to Mark."

Izzie looked up at Meredith across the table in the unfamiliar cafeteria. "She did?"

"Yeah." Meredith picked at the sandwich in front of her. "Honestly, it was only a matter of time. She gets attached way to easily and he was trying to make it work, but he couldn't. I knew it and he knew it, but he wouldn't admit to it. He was walking like a duck."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. It's nothing."

"So I just talked to Owen." Cristina walked back up to the table with three bowls of ice cream in her hands. "He told me made the national news. Great thing for a hospital to be known for, huh?"

"Liked it better when we were known for separating conjoined twins and domino surgeries," Meredith mumbled.

"No kidding." She placed the bowls in front of each of them. "What were you two talking about?"

"Alex and Lexie."

Cristina's eyes moved from Meredith over to a silent Izzie. "How did he react to you coming up?"

"He seemed okay with it. He didn't tell me to leave, at the very least." Izzie put the spoon down and pushed the dessert bowl away from her and sighed. "Lexie told me when she called me that after it happened ..." she couldn't say that he got shot ... "that he was calling for me. I'm still not sure how to read that. But we talked before he fell asleep. He says he wants me in his life. Somehow. We ... we decided to start over completely. To be friends. Without any pressure for anything more. I'm going to stay in Portland. My career can't take another move right now. But I'll come visit. And he said he'd come visit me when he's ready to travel."

"Is that what you want?"

She looked at Meredith. "Yeah. Truth is, I need a friend and I need him in my life too. I don't want to go the rest of my life hating that he told me to leave or wondering about the what ifs. I want to make it work this way."

"Okay. I'm glad you'll be back to visit more often."

"Me too," Izzie said, feeling a sense of peace she hadn't felt in many months.

Izzie returned to Alex's room to find the door open. As she was about to enter, she heard Bailey's voice from inside.

"You're a good doctor, Alex. You can be a great doctor. I know you've got it in you. I trained it into you." Rather than interrupt, Izzie leaned against the wall right outside the door and listened. "You've gone through so much. Grey, Yang, Stevens ... They've all been through a lot, but until your brother came to Seattle, I had no idea the hell you've been through. You're a fighter. And this, today, you fought a huge battle and you beat it. The odds were against you. You probably should have been down in the morgue by now. But you fought."

Tears were beginning to fall down Izzie's face by that point. She knew that Alex was still asleep. He never would have let Dr. Bailey go on and on like that. It was a revelation to her that Aaron had come to Seattle. Alex had told her all about his brother and sister and mom and dad when they were cramped together in that trailer. She hated that she hadn't had the chance to meet him.

"Sure you were a pain in the butt sometimes, arrogant and cocky. But you've found your calling, Alex. The kids. You're the best I've seen with them in my entire career. You're better with them than I am. You step up when you have to. I've seen you do that for years. In the OR, there was the time that you performed that c-section on the mother who was in the car crash. You've always stepped up to protect Meredith and even Cristina ... yes, I've seen more than you think I have. And then with Izzie, you took care of her like very few men would have. When I saw you standing up there in that tuxedo, pledging your love to her, not knowing if she'd make it through to the next week ... well, it was as if my own son was up there. I was so proud."

It was all Izzie could do not to sob out loud. She slid down the wall and wiped her nose on her shirt sleeve.

"And then when she left, I'll be honest, I could have wrung her neck for that. You didn't deserve to be treated that way, Alex. But you handled it with a maturity I've never seen from you. You knew how you had to deal with it. You haven't drunken yourself to oblivion, or slept with half of Seattle. Lexie was a good choice if you had to make one. But do you really have feelings for her, or are you forcing it because she's convenient? I don't know what's going on now, but Alex, I'm learning that moving on, it hurts both people. Maybe your time is past with Izzie. But maybe not. She's here. She's clearly worried about you. I had to force her to leave to go eat something. That has to mean something."

Izzie looked up to find some of the nurses looking at her in a funny way. Standing up she wiped her face and moved toward the door, pausing one more time to let Dr. Bailey finish.

"I sat in that hallway today, holding Percy's head as he was dying. And he told me to tell Reed that he loved her. That he always had and that he never told her. I think it's in those times that we think we might not get the chance to say goodbye that we say what we mean the most. You called out for Izzie. Not Lexie. Think about it. Of course, with the drugs you are on, you probably won't remember one rambling word I've said. But that's okay. I'm just telling you things that you already know."

Putting a smile on her face, Izzie walked into the room, acting as if she heard nothing. Bailey was sitting in the chair, holding Alex's hand. "Hey," she said softly. "How is he?"

"He hasn't moved. I checked his chart and he probably won't be awake for a few more hours, judging by the meds. Just give him time, Izzie." The older woman stood, placed a hand on Izzie's arm and exited quietly, heading in the direction of Derek Shepard's room.

Izzie took her place in the chair and grasped Alex's hand, suddenly getting a hint of all that he went through when she was sick. Taking a cue from Bailey, she began to speak.

"I want to make things right, Alex. I know it will take time. For both of us. But I still love you. I know what Lexie said you said, but I'll wait until it's time for you to tell me yourself. And if it never comes and we're just friends from now on, that's fine. But I'll always be there for you. Don't forget that."

His fingers tightened around her's and she looked up to see if he was awake. He wasn't. But feeling his hand against her skin, she suddenly realized that no matter what the outcome, she had him in her life, they were both alive and that was all she needed.

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