Musician and the Rabbit
Chapter 4- Resolve.
Allen now sat at the edge of the bed back in his own room. His knees where drawn up to his chest with his hands clasped loosely on top of them. His lips gently touched his thumbs as he gazed forward at nothing, thoughts spinning faster then he ever thought they were capable of. He knew he was hurting Lavi by being distant but at the same time, he felt the need to sort out his own feelings before he could be comfortable around him again. This isn't fair Lavi. I don't know what to do. I don't know how I feel. It's not like I can like you because you kissed me. Do I like him though? If I do then…what does that mean? That I've liked him all along? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. This is ridiculous. I don't-I can't…if I like you then that adds a whole new list of complications and if I don't then…how do I talk to you easily when I know it's just hurting you to pretend you're fine with being friends? He dropped his knees to let his feet touch the floor and leaned forward, placing his hands over his face. Slowly, he let his hands slide upwards as he ran his fingers through his hair, pausing at the back of his head for a second or two before letting them fall gently into his lap. Allen let out a hurtful sigh and continued the attempt to sort out his feelings. How long can I ignore it before he demands a response? How long will it take me to find a response I can give him? I'm sorry Lavi. I don't want this either. Just…let me have some time…to figure it out.
Days passed and much like the previous ones, neither boy said much of anything to each other. However, they would exchange a friendly greeting now and then if they happened to cross paths. It wasn't much of an improvement but it was still an improvement. They kept the usual routines; they still sat with their other comrades in the cafeteria; they acted like things were normal, but this was very far from reality.
Lavi had begun to spend more and more time on his own in his room. He hated the silence. It felt like he had really lost his friend and depression was slowly creeping in. What's wrong with you Allen? He thought as he sat lazily on the floor. How can you be this upset with me? Is there something else? There has to be? I just-I just. Damn it! The read head swung his arm up and, clenching his fingers into a tight fist, hit the wall behind him. He let his arm drop back down to his side. He could feel his teeth clamp together as he tried desperately to choke back any tears that might attempt to fall. Lavi closed his eyes as if that would trap them from leaving, only to realize one had already escaped down his cheek. To loose you completely, over something so stupid. So stupid. Are you that afraid of just a kiss? I didn't mean to- I didn't think you'd- If I knew it would be like this I might have- I just want my friend back. Ruined it? You can't be serious Allen? Tell me you didn't mean that… He opened his eyes and stared at the floor for a few minutes, letting himself stay lost in his emotions. It was then that he noticed something laying on the floor in the corner of his eye. It had likely fallen off of his dresser when he side-punched the wall. The red-head leaned over to see what it was. He recognized the item immediately. Really? I forgot I still had this. It was the Ace of spades. The one he had picked up that night with Leenalee. To think back on that time almost brought on more unwanted tears. I really thought I might never see you again. What am I doing? This is a horrible state for me to be in. Aren't I supposed to be a bookman? How many taboos have I broken now? Man… The red head stood up and placed the card in his poket. He decided it was time to go for a walk. Staying cooped in his room would only drive him to insanity. Lavi wiped the remnants of his tears and walked out into the hallway. He had barely gotten out the door and there was Allen walking in his direction. Shit. The Jr. Bookman promptly turned around to walk the other way. To run into you when I'm like this…it's too hard to hide it right now.
Allen tilted his head slightly, noticing Lavi abruptly turn away. Lavi… are we really going to go back to that? I thought I'd do what I could to be nice but if you don't…want me to? It wasn't long before he had caught up with the red head's pace. He decided he'd be friendly, despite the circumstances. "Hi Lavi." he greeted with a smile.
There was a slight silence before he managed a reply. "Uh…hi." Lavi did all he could to look everywhere but at Allen. You have horrible timing you know that?
Allen gave his friend a concerned look. "Oi, are yo-"
However, the boy was abruptly interrupted as he felt something shove him sideways into Lavi, and the visually distracted red head had next to no time to respond as Allen careened into his side. By the time they had realized what happened, they found themselves to have been pushed into an empty room. "O-oi, what the hell?" Lavi placed a hand on the door knob to open it but it was locked. "We're locked in?"
Allen looked around at the room and then at Lavi, still a bit dazed at the situation. He shook his head as he caught the last words his friend had spoken. "Locked in? Seriously?"
"Looks like it."
"But how…?"
It was then that the voice of Leenalee came from the other side. "I don't know what it is going on between you two but it's been over a week and I refuse to watch this! I'm not letting you out until you're friends again."
"What?" Lavi questioned, quite surprised to hear Leenalee's voice as the culprit. "Oi Leenalee! We told you we're fine. Seriously. Open the door! How do you expect to know when we've worked things out anyway?"
"I'll be back in 24 hours. You have until then." she replied from the other side.
"Ano…Leenalee…" Allen called. "Is this really necessary? Really, we're fine."
"No. Stop lying. You aren't fine! I know you aren't. I'm not stupid you know. Everyone can see it. I've just decided to do something about it!"
Allen let out a sigh, acknowledging the girls stubborn nature.
"Leenalee! Don't make me break the door down!" Lavi yelled, reaching for his hammer. Much to his surprise, it was no longer there. "What? Where did…? How?"
"Sorry Lavi. Nii-san would be terribly upset if he had to put more money into repairs."
"What? Leenalee!" Lavi turned to Allen. "Oi, Allen, why don't you break it?"
"If Allen breaks it he pays for it." With that, Leenalee's voice faded into the distance.
"Ano…I have enough debt." Allen replied.
"Still?"
"You have no idea."
Lavi pounded his fists on the door screaming for Leenalee to come back. "Leenalee! Leenalee! Come back here! Leenaleeeeeeeee~!" The red head soon gave up and let out an annoyed sighed. "Seriously. What's that girl thinking?"
"She's probably thinking something like she wants her friends to get along again. She's just concerned for us Lavi. I…didn't expect something like this though." Allen turned around and examined the room they were now trapped in. It appeared to be something like a mini library. The walls were lined with books on ceiling high shelves. He walked over to the furthest wall and ran his fingers along a few of the spines.
Lavi turned around as well and leaned against the door. "Stuck in a room with you again." he stated plainly.
Allen froze and slowly turned back around to face his friend, giving him that I-know-what-you're-thinking glare. "Oi, you stay over there."
"Eh? Allen! That's not what I was thinking!" the red head yelled defensively.
"Uh-huh."
"Seriously." Lavi protested, looking off to the side.
Allen sat down on the floor, crossing his legs. This would be a long day if Leenalee wasn't coming back till evening. He leaned back against the bookshelf and studied his red haired companion who seemed to have already drifted into his own thoughts. The silence was defining. He watched his friend run a hand through his hair. Not once did he so much as glance at Allen. He looks stressed. It's my fault isn't it? I'm sorry. He observed his friends profile and posture. The boys fingers slowly curled into fists. Why do I feel so nervous? Am I afraid of loosing a friend here or is it that I really do like him. Well…it's not like he's not atrrac…tive… what is this? Did that kiss play with my mind that much or do I actually- this sucks. Allen continued to study the red head in front of him, eying up his features. Is this why I always loved when you were around? I miss seeing you cheerful and happy. I miss you as a friend. Maybe I might…want more then that after all. How did you figure it out Lavi?
Lavi leaned sideways against the door. Now what? You can't avoid me, but you still won't talk to me will you? Why can't you talk to me Allen? Say something damn it! Anything. Just say…something! Letting anger take over, the Jr. Bookman threw his leg forward and kicked the shelf in front of him with as much force as he could. He channeled all of his frustrations into his muscles as his boot slammed into the wood and hard covered books, knocking a good quarter of the shelf's contents onto the floor.
Allen jumped back a little at the unexpected event. "Lavi…" he muttered softly. It's bothering him more then I thought it was isn't it? How much pain are you in Lavi? "Are you okay?" he asked quietly. His voice was somber and sympathetic.
The red head turned until he was facing the door, his back to Allen. He bowed his head slightly letting his forehead rest against the surface. "Yeah. I'm fucking fantastic Allen, thanks for asking. Does it look like I'm okay to you?" Lavi's voice was unusually dark and sarcastic. He couldn't hide his emotions anymore, no matter how hard he tried. The thought of having to endure this silence for the rest of the day only brought on more frustrations. It was one thing to have the freedom of leaving the situation but to be trapped with the one person he actually hadn't wanted to see today was more then he could take. He felt like he was sitting in a cage, just waiting for something to collapse the walls and crush him, like the old magician's trick of making a bird disappear.
"Lavi…I'm…sorry." Allen replied, not used to seeing his friend in a state like this.
"Yeah well screw you." Lavi forced the words out before he again felt his teeth clamp together as more tears threatened to rise into his eyes. His voice had nearly cracked.
"Lavi…"
"If you won't let me apologize then neither can you." The red head's shoulders began to shake slightly as his muscles tensed. Stop it. Stop it. God. I've never felt so many negative emotions at once. I don't want you to see me like this Allen.
The boy just watched for a few minutes, not sure what he should do. Is he…crying? Allen questioned to himself. As sad as it is to see him like this I…can't stop staring. I'm starting to think it'd be nice if I could just hold him and forget all of this. Alright…Lavi…you win. I like you. But how do I say it to you now? He stood up and slowly approached his friend. Placing a hand on his shoulder, Allen smiled at Lavi. "Oi, I'm sorry. Lets go back okay? This is stupid and I've been cruel to you haven't I? Lets be friends again, okay?"
Lavi turned his head to glance at Allen. A light blush fell on his cheeks as he looked at his friend. It seemed like forever since Allen had showed him that smile of his with such sincerity. "Allen…"
Just then, the doorknob began to rattle. Someone was trying to get in. Both boys backed up a bit.
"Someone's there." Allen stated.
"Moyashi?" It was Kanda.
"My name is Allen!" The boy shouted through the door.
"Yuu! Man am I glad you're here!" Lavi exclaimed. "Open the door will ya."
"You're locked in?" Kanda asked curiously.
"Yeah, it's a long story. Would you let us out already."
"I thought it was locked from the inside."
"Huh? You mean you can't open it either?
"No. It's locked dumb ass."
"It's locked from both sides?" Allen questioned. "Is that even possible?"
"Apparently" Lavi replied.
"Who would make a door like that?"
"God knows."
"How irritating." Kanda mumbled from the other side. There was a few seconds of silence before the all too familiar Mugen came crashing through the door.
Allen and Lavi jumped, barely escaping the swords blade as the door fell in pieces before them. "Oi, Yuu…some warning would've been nice." Lavi scolded.
"I didn't do it for you." Kanda replied simply as he entered the room and grabbed a book from one of the shelves. "Tiedoll asked me to get something, that's all. And stop calling me by my first name!"
"Right. Well…thanks for that…" Lavi replied as Kanda left the room, leaving him alone with Allen once again.
Allen waited a few minutes before speaking. If I don't say it now, I never will. I lied. There is no going back. It either goes forward or we both loose a friend. "Ano…Lavi…" he began, only to be interrupted.
"Well looks like we aren't stuck in here all day after all."
"Lavi…"
"It's okay Allen." Lavi replied with smile, though he was still hurting. "I understand if you aren't interested. I just don't want to loose my friend because I did something stupid." He was happy to hear Allen's honest apology. It was unfortunate and still painful to not have his feelings returned but he would get over it so long as they remained friends.
"No. I. Well that's fine and all but…"
"I'm sorry I acted like that. We're okay now right?"
"Ano…" Okay? Yeah right. You were just crying back there don't tell me you're suddenly fine.
Lavi turned to walk away. "I'll see you later Allen."
"Lavi, wait…"
"Don't worry about me Allen. I'll be fine. Really."
"I. No. That's not what I…"
Lavi ignored Allen's incoherent stuttering and continued walking.
"Lavi!" Allen shouted, grabbing his hand to stop him. "Wait please." Allen's heart raced. This was still a bit awkward for him. He tried desperately to speak the words on his tongue but his lips refused to move.
Lavi turned and stared blankly at Allen, who was still holding onto his hand. "Seriously, Allen, what is it?"
"I-I just…" It was no good. He still couldn't say it. I can't let him walk away.
"Look. I told you. I'll be fine. If that's the way it is then it can't be helped. I'll get-"
"Lavi! Please stop speaking over me." Allen was slowly becoming frustrated. Why can't I just say it? Just say it. Just tell him already.
"Huh?" Lavi gave Allen a confused look. "Then say what you wanna say already. Geez…I've never heard someone stutter so much." the red head waited for a response, still confused and very curios as to why Allen still hadn't let go of his hand. Not that he minded.
"Lavi…"
"Yeah…"
A small grin appeared on the boys face. "Just…stop talking…" Allen pulled Lavi's arm, forcing him to fall forward. He grabbed the back of his neck with his free hand and gently pressed his lips to Lavi's.
The red haired boy widened his eyes in complete and udder shock. For a short moment, he thought he might actually have a heart attack. Is this? This…isn't a dream? This is…Allen is kissing me right now…and I'm not hallucinating?
Allen pulled away and looked curiously at Lavi. "What's wrong?"
"Allen…you…"
"Ehemn." came the sound of someone behind them.
Both boys jumped away from each other, very surprised to see Kanda standing in the doorway.
"Y-Yuu…how long have you been standing there?" Lavi asked awkwardly.
"Long enough." He replied, stepping into the room. He had come to bring back the book he had taken earlier.
Allen merely looked away, nervously scratching the back of his head. "Ano…Kanda…"
"I don't wanna know." he replied as he returned the book to it's place and left the room.
Lavi let out a sigh and turned to Allen. "Well that was awkward…"
"Yeah…no kidding."
"So…Allen…" Lavi began, a wide grin slowly creeping across his face.
"Yes?"
The red head moved in closer. "That really happened right? I wasn't dreaming?"
"Huh?" Allen blinked innocently at Lavi. "Ano…well…I didn't know how to say it so I just…"
Lavi laughed lightly, now grinning proudly at the boy.
"What are you laughing at?"
"Allen needs a hug~!"
"Eh?"
The red head wrapped his arms tightly around Allen, still smiling that child-like smile of his.
"Lavi…" Allen replied as if it were a complaint.
Loosening his grip, he stared into the boys pale colored eyes. He leaned his head forward and touched his forehead to Allen's. "Oi. You've had me going insane these past few days you know?"
Allen smiled back at Lavi. "I know. I'm sorry. I just needed to figure out how I felt. I apologize for keeping you waiting so long."
"Oh? Is that what avoiding me was about? You should've just said so Allen. Geez don't scare me like that."
"I said I was sorry."
"Well you owe me something to make up for that then you jerk." Lavi replied jokingly, turning his smile into a playful pout.
"O-oh? And what did you have in mind?" he asked wearily. He couldn't deny it though- Lavi's face looked as adorable as a puppy begging to be taken for a walk.
"Can I kiss you now?"
"Oh, is that all?"
"Is that a yes?"
"That depends."
"On what?"
"Are you going to listen and wait patiently for me to answer you or are you going to go ahead and do whatever the hell you feel like?"
Lavi let out a small laugh. "Okay. I'm listening."
Allen paused for a few minutes, as if he was purposely teasing Lavi while he waited for his response. "Yes, you can kiss me Lavi." he answered finally.
Lavi's pout turned to a content smile. He lifted a hand and lightly caressed the base of Allen's cheek with the back of his fingers. Letting his hand spread out, his fingers slid behind the boys ear, gently gripping his jaw line as he tilted Allen's head upward slightly. The red head closed his eyes and leaned forward into Allen's lips as he waited for that familiar feeling he had been longing for all this time. His heart immediately filled with passion, relief, and complete joy as their lips connected. Everything he remembered from the last time came back to him, consuming his senses. This time, however, was different. It was better. This was real, there would be no regrets, it wasn't something he desired but couldn't have, it was mutual and he couldn't have been happier. He felt Allen's hand grip the back of his hair gently as the boy pressed his lips harder against Lavi's, both accepting and returning his kiss. The red head pulled himself away and began to lightly kiss the boy's neck, trailing his kisses down to Allen's collar bone. He lifted his head back up a bit until his lips lightly grazed Allen's ear. His free hand now hovered at the boy's hip. "Allen…?" he whispered softly.
"Yes Lavi?" Allen replied. The boy stood with his head tilted slightly, letting the red head fulfill his satisfaction. He felt relieved to have realized his feelings now. Having Lavi this close to him gave the boy a sense of comfort and relaxation.
"Can I…" he began, pausing to try and find the right words to properly ask what he wanted.
"ALLEN!" suddenly came the voice of Link from the doorway.
Lavi let his head drop forward over the boy's shoulder, both disappointed and annoyed. "Interrupted again…" he mumbled.
Allen jolted upright at the voice yelling his name. He gently pushed Lavi off of him and looked away from the blond haired inspector. "Ano…Link…have you been there long?" he asked nervously.
Link faced the boy with a serious expression. "I am going to choose to pretend I didn't see anything, though I am thoroughly disturbed."
"Ano…"
"You are trying my patience. I am very close to reporting you for running off."
Allen turned his head back to look at Link. "Didn't Leenalee tell you I was here?"
"No…" he replied curiously.
"She's the one who locked us in here. Then…Kanda…broke the door…" he replied, pointing to the rubble at the entrance.
"Why would Leenalee lock you in a room together?"
"Long story." both boys replied.
Lavi now sat on the floor, his chin resting on his hand as his elbow sat on top of his leg. His other hand lay lazily in his lap. His face bore an expression of slight disappointment. However, he was actually quite pleased. Allen had returned his feelings and not even Link's interference could ruin the newly blossomed relationship. It would indeed be a difficult journey for the two of them. It's not like they could openly tell anyone and those in the order seemed to have that annoying habit of just showing up. Though, Lavi feared the most for his own life if the news ever happened to reach Bookman's ears.
"Oi, Link. Isn't it you're job to supervise me?" Allen questioned. "You should pay more attention, it's not like I'm doing this on purpose you know." The boy smiled, hoping that Link would be a bit considerate about the matter.
Lavi stared at Allen's oh so common innocent expression. Yes, this would be a difficult journey. They would find a way to make it work though, somehow. God, you're adorable.
Authors notes:
Awwww~ lol. Thus ends my adorable little fic. Some of you may be disappointed that they never surpassed kissing, but I'm trying to be realistic. I mean, to get that kind of privacy would be ridiculous with Link around, and if Allen keeps sneaking away he's gunna get himself in quite the heap of trouble haha. I completed my goal, which was to tell how I think a relationship could develop between the two. I've also determined that if I drag a fic out too long I'm bound to loose interest and that would be disappointing to both me and you as the readers.
I do hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I've truly impressed myself with how this turned out. It's been a long time since I've attempted to write a story- of any kind. I think this is also the first story I've actually finished and followed through on.
Again I thank everyone who has and will in the future read/favorite/alert/review this. You guys are awesome~!
Special thanks goes out to ma lil' fanfic sis Runi-chan who, despite multiple disturbed protests, read this anyway. I also need to give her credit for using a line she said in chapter 3. While we were watching D. Gray-Man awhile back, the first time Lavi enters with his hair down she replied. "He looks better with his hair down." - which is one of the random thoughts Allen had amidst his confuzled emotions. haha. Thx Runi~! You know I luv ya. And yes...I know...I've officially defiled your "innocence." - again. XD
Comments are welcome as always~! I love comments. Spam me with reviews. lol j/k...
kind of. XP