Undateable by WeasleyForMe

Hermione knew better than to form a crush on any of the boys in Gryffindor house. They were all so undateable! If only there were something she could do about it... something other than fall for George!

Thanks to Clover Bay for inspiring and beta reading this story!

Hermione Granger may have been a book loving, bushy haired, know-it-all on the surface, but she was no stranger when it came to the subject matter of the opposite sex. So, perhaps she had never actually had a steady boyfriend before. And maybe her first and only kiss with Neville had been the result of a dare, but she knew a thing or two about boys. To be precise, she knew better than to form a crush on any of the boys currently in Gryffindor house! They were all, so… undateable.

From her seat in one of the straight-backed chairs in the common room, Hermione tried to focus on her History of Magic textbook but couldn't help rolling her eyes in annoyance at the conversation she overheard.

"Hey Lavender, check out my new pet. Isn't he just adorable?"

Hermione lowered her book just in time to see Ron flip his new rat, Wheezy, onto Lavender's lap, resulting in her outraged shriek and flailing arms. Wheezy was tossed unceremoniously onto the floor before scampering under a bookcase while Ron laughed raucously at his prank. Soon a few of the other boys joined in his laughter, and Hermione frowned across the room in disgust.

"Grow up, Ronald!" Lavender wailed, running up to her dormitory.

Hermione tried to tune the others out, but was rendered unsuccessful when Harry plopped down in the seat across from her. "Still studying, Hermione?" he asked kindly, pushing his glasses up his nose and awaiting a response.

Silently, Hermione studied her best friend, taking in his physical qualities. She wasn't a vain girl; it was a well known fact that Hermione Granger wasn't traditionally cute, and she was very aware. But, Harry was still very much the untidy boy he was when they started at Hogwarts. His hair stuck out in every direction and his glasses were crooked on his face and bent along his temple. Luckily he was "The-Chosen-One-Who-Could-Make-Girls-Swoon-Without-So-Much-As-Picking-Up-A-Comb".

"Hermione?" he asked again, running his hand past her eyes. "You okay?"

"Yes!" she responded sharply, feeling ashamed of her mental appraisal knowing Harry could never really come up short in her mind. "I'm fine. And you can never have too much studying." She emphasized her point by tapping the top of the text and smiling.

"Then I'll leave you to that, Smarty Pants." He grinned as she picked up the book, ignoring the nickname, before he headed over to Ron.

Just as Hermione was starting to become absorbed by the Great Goblin Uprising of 1285, all remaining peace in the Common Room was slashed by the arrival of the Weasley twins. A small explosion followed them through the portrait hole, succeeded by a trail of fireworks swirling through the air. All of the younger Gryffindors looked on in awe, obviously enthralled by the twins.

Hermione, on the other hand, caught herself half-smiling at the look of sheer mischief and joy on George Weasley's face. He had a way of brightening her mood by just being in the same room. Hermione would never admit it to anyone, but if she were to form a crush on any Gryffindor, it would be George. But of course, she did not actually have any interest of that sort in him; doing so would go against her better judgment.

"Hey, Creevey, pull my finger," Fred called to Colin and held out his hand to the younger boy. George tried to stifle his laughter as the he ran over, pleased to have their attention, and pulled Fred's finger.

"Oh no!" Colin screamed, staggering backward, holding a rubber 'severed hand' and looking to be on the verge of tears. "What have I done?"

Fred and George burst into booming laughter as Fred poked his hand down through the sleeve of his jumper. "Gotcha!" they hollered, leaning on one another to keep from falling down laughing. Colin just dropped the rubber hand and wiped a tear from his eye as he sauntered away from the ruckus, and most of the other students headed back to their assigned dormitories.

Seething, Hermione dropped her book to the table and stood. She was a Prefect after all, and the twins' inappropriate pranks had been the source of many hurt feelings. "Fred, George," she hissed as the approached them. "You need to apologize for that horrible prank!"

"Aww, come on Hermione. We didn't hurt anyone," Fred responded, batting his eyelashes.

"Yeah, it was just a little bit of fun," George reassured her. Hermione had to pry her eyes away from the dimple that appeared on his cheek when he grinned at her causing her heart to flutter.

"You need to stop it with the pranks, boys. How would you feel if someone did that to you?" she proposed, hoping to get through to them.

The twins scoffed. "Nobody could be as clever as we are, Hermione," Fred informed her.

She ran her fingers through her curly hair, her annoyance level rising with each unchecked display of immaturity. It was amazing the way none of these boys could understand why most girls gave them a wide berth. They needed to grow up!

Suddenly Lee Jordan burst into the room. "Hey guys, check this out!"

Fred, George, Harry and Ron all turned their attention to the newcomer, waiting with baited breath.

Lee grinned widely before clearing his throat. He then proceeded to belch the entire alphabet so loudly that Hermione had to clap her hands over her ears. With each additional letter that came forth from his mouth in sloppy burp format, her dismay deepened, and her appalled expression grew more intense.

"X! Y! Z!" Lee finally belched, beating on his chest to further amplify the sound of his grand finale.

Hermione gasped in shock and her jaw dropped; the boys all whooped and cheered as if Lee Jordan had just singlehandedly cured Dragon Pox in front of their very eyes.

"Very impressive!" George announced. Fred just clapped and slowly shook his head in admiration.

"You've got to teach me how to do that!" Ron exclaimed.

"Enter that in the spring talent show!" Harry encouraged.

"You're all absolutely gross, and I'm appalled by your behavior!" Hermione announced, and suddenly five pairs of eyes were fixed on her.

"What are you talking about?" Ron asked, clearly puzzled. "What did we ever do that could be appalling?"

Hermione just shook her head at him. "You're all just so… just…. Don't you get it? You need to grow up!"

"We're older than you, Hermione," Lee announced, gesturing to the twins and himself. "That makes us more mature."

"You just belched the alphabet!" Hermione informed him, jabbing her fingers into the air for emphasis.

She then turned to Ron. "If you want Lavender's attention, which I know you do, it would help if you did not throw a rat at her! Girls don't appreciate that!" Ron blushed crimson and dropped his eyes to the floor.

Next she turned to Harry. "I know you have a comb in your bedside drawer. Use it." She reached out and straightened his glasses on his nose. Harry looked surprised but began to smooth his wild hair down against his head.

"Lee, if you would just quit with the belching, Alicia would probably go out with you!" she explained. A thoughtful, faraway look appeared on his face as though such a thought had never occurred to him.

"And I'm sorry, but I doubt there's any hope left for the two of you," she said as she faced the twins. "No matter how cute the two of you happen to be, I don't think you have it in you to behave for more than ten seconds. Which is a shame, Fred, because I know for a fact that Angelina likes your sensitive side."

Fred grinned broadly. "She fancies something about me?" He wandered off and spread himself out on a loveseat, muttering to himself about Angelina Johnson fancying him.

"Wait a second… you think I'm cute!" George winked at Hermione as he reiterated her announcement.

Her eyes grew wide and she shook her head. "I didn't say that!"

"Yes you did!" George argued. The other boys dispersed, not wanting to be caught in the middle.

"I just meant that other girls fancy you and Fred," she blurted out, blushing in her indignation. Of course she didn't fancy them! That would be preposterous.

"Riiight," George drawled sarcastically with a smirk.

Hermione turned on her heel and started to march back to the table to pick up her discarded book.

"Hey Hermione, will you teach me how to be more sensitive?" Fred asked seriously from his prone position on the loveseat.

In response, she just groaned and snatched up her book before fleeing from the room. She'd had enough out of the boys to last her through the weekend!

Thanks for reading! Please leave a review and let me know what you think :)