Author's Note: Keep it a one-shot? Or write a novel-length adventure?

Everyone's a jackass.

That's just asinine.

Surrounded by fools...

"This world is rotten, I tell you what," Hank said to himself, a sly grin on his face.

He put his pencil down and closed his Death Note. As he got up he noticed his reflection in the mirror.

And saw his grin.

His smile gone and his eyes wide with horror, he stuffed the Death Note in the desk and left Peggy's office.

"This world is rotten," he mumbled. "I'm doing what any good American would do."

The family had just finished dinner. They gathered around the television in the livingroom. Bobby flipped through channels while Peggy thumbed through a copy of the Arlen Bystander.

Hank noted several bits from the channels:

"Vaya con dios."

"Hehehehe, propane."

"D'oh!"

"I'll take a potato chip...AND EAT IT!"

"...Thatherton of Thatherton Fuels..."

"Wait, Bobby," Hank said stiffly. "Turn it back a channel."

"Okay," Bobby said, with very little hesitation.

"...Was found dead this afternoon," Nancy Gribble said. She was next to a fellow anchor, a man with a mustache and glasses. "Cause appears to be from cardiac arrest or heart attack. No foul play is suspected. Back to you, Bill."

"Thank you, Nancy," the man said. He threw off his glasses in an overly-dramatic fashion. "Pandas: peaceful giants or bloodthirsty killers? After these commercials we'll show you shocking footage from the Arlen Zoo."

Hank got up and turned off the T.V. "Can you believe this?" he said, showing no emotion.

"Uh-huh," Peggy murmered. "I knew those pandas were too cute to be trusted.

"No, about Thaterton."

"It's sad?" Bobby guessed. "Right?"

"Er, right." Hank turned away from Bobby.

"What's the big deal about that?" Peggy asked. "He's a bad man and Strickland's biggest competitor. I say, 'good riddance!' May he rest in peace."

"It's just sad knowing we'll never see him again," Hank said, trying to stifle a wicked laugh.

Peggy and Bobby just stared at him.

Dale had watched the news report too.

He grunted and put M.F. Thatherton's picture on a board. The board included pictured of Khan Souphanousinphone and Cotton Hill. "It doesn't make sense!" Dale roared. "Who would have a grudge against these guys? Let's look at the facts: everybody hates Khan, so anyone could have killed him. Thatherton is less than trustworthy, so anyone could have killed him, too. "Cotton Hill! Everybody had a grudge against him, sure. But who had the biggest grudge?" "Peggy Hill," he concluded. "And she probably killed Thatherton to help Hank...or incriminate him." He fed his turtles and pondered, "But how?"

Hank was having a nightmare. In his nightmare, ghoulish versions of Khan were shooting out of the ground. Hank was running, but one Khan grabbed his leg and screamed, "You killed me, stupid redneck!" Hank woke up. He lurched foreward and let out a terrified "BWAHHH!" "Bad dreams again, Hank?" Peggy asked in a drowzy voice. "Yep, that's it," Hank said. He faked a yawn. "Just...a bad dream. Goodnight, Peggy." "G'night, Hank." This world is rotten, Hank thought. I will reshape the world into one without jackasses. And I will be the god of this world, I tell you what. Yep.