Obito: *reads off a piece of paper* Two households, both alike in dignity, In fair Verona—er, Konoha—where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny— Oh, screw this! *throws paper on the ground* Otaku of Doom does not own Naruto or Romeo and Juliet. If she did she'd be a Japanese manga-ka and some old British dude who's been dead for centuries at the same time; which is both wrong and mentally scarring. *leaves*

The Unfortunate Patrons

The Akatsuki strutted down Konoha's main street, in formation not unlike a set of bowling pins. Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not. Their mission: destroy the village like any self-respecting criminal would do.

Bringing up the rear in the fourth row, Tobi was getting extremely bored. And when Tobi gets extremely bored, Deidara goes to jump off the nearest tall building. Either that or the lollipop look-alike starts doing the Carmalldansen for no particular reason. Today, he was doing the latter.

"Missa inte chanson, Nu ar vi har med, Caramelldansen!" everybody's favorite Akatsuki member sang, doing a dance that made him look like a possessed, slutty rabbit.

"For the love of Jashin, shut the (quack) up!" Hidan yelled from Tobi's right flank, waking up an innocent baby across the street.

"But Tobi likes the Carmalldansen!"

"I'll blow him up for you, un," Deidara announced. He whipped out a hunk of clay, forming it to look like Tobi's mask with the addition of a Hitler mustache.

"That looks like Tobi! But why does Tobi have such ugly facial hair?"

"Shut up!" hissed the other two. The bomb-artist's "un" tacked onto the end of the phrase stuck out like a sore thumb, receiving an irritating snicker from Tobi. At this, Deidara opened Tobi's cloak and shoved the clay sculpture into one of the pockets.

"Heehee, that tickles!" the annoying masked man giggled, seconds before exploding and flying 10,000 feet into the air. He came hurtling back down to earth moments later, shouting, "Wheeeee!" in an abnormally high voice. He crashed into the arms of an unfortunate Zetsu, who then started fighting with himself over whether he should eat the human projectile or not. By then, every infant within a fifty-mile radius had woken up and started screaming while Kakuzu silently contemplated how much money he'd be willing to sacrifice so he could go home.

Just as Pain turned around to face his followers and beat the snot out of them in frustration, Itachi let out a cuss word, drawing all attention to him. A random old lady gasped and covered her grandchild's ears.

"That's my (cluck)ing line!" Hidan complained.

"What is it, Itachi?" Konan asked the black-haired Uchiha.

"I just remembered that I have a play tonight," he answered, the exasperation he expressed while swearing fizzling away into normal-Itachi.

"A play? Tobi loves plays!"

"Since when, un?" the blonde smacked his friend upside the head. It was true: the last time Tobi had attempted watching a theatrical production he'd run out of the building screaming wearing a pair of boxers on his head.

Itachi shot the pair a bewildered glance, nodding slowly. "Some of the leaf shinobi are performing Romeo and Juliet in some theater that just opened. Sasuke got the lead and the needed someone to play a supporting role. So he forced me into it against my will." He went through this entire monologue barely showing any emotion, leading the rest of the Akatsuki wondering why in the name of Jashin anybody would pick him to be an actor.

"What happened to the (moo)ing twerp trying to beat your (meow)ing ass to death?"

Itachi paused for a few seconds, then simply shrugged.

"Tobi wants to see the play! Tobi wants to see the play!" a certain someone exclaimed, hopping up and down excitedly. Pain sighed in annoyance. Might as well humor him; it's the only way to get him to shut his mouth, he thought, then announced his new plan: they would go waste three hours watching Itachi and Sasuke do their thing at the theater. Then they would go trash the city.

The group returned to their bowling-pin formation, and marched off in the general direction of the Konoha Village Theater. The only one who looked remotely excited was, of course, the Lollipop man.

A/N: So, how's the first installment? (Don't worry; I'll get into the actual play in the later chapters.) Review or else I'll make you sit through the sure-to-suck insult against Shakespeare. Oh wait, by reading this story you're doing that already. I'll have an update posted as soon as possible, but knowing me there's no telling when that'll be!