Drowning Memories

Chapter 1 The First Sip

Katara sat on the balcony of the room Zuko had given her. It was two months after he had been crowned Fire Lord. The gang had decided to stay at the palace to help Zuko make peace treaties and quell any rebellion. The new Fire Lord showed every kindness he could to his friends, he gave them each a small suite of rooms and promised they need only ask for something and maids would bring it to them. Sokka took this to heart and had immediately started demanding various meat dishes. Aang had at least seven different kinds of small animals in his room. Toph had had her room's large tub filled to the brim with mud and had stayed there for an extremely long time. Sukki had asked for some new clothes and was pleased to find plenty of new and beautiful garments waiting in her closet. Only she, Katara had not asked for anything. Oh sure she had asked for one or two simple outfits because her old water tribe clothing was falling apart, and yes she had asked for food to be brought to her room when peace councils had run long and she was too tired to eat in public; where the court nobles would ask questions about living in the water tribe village, while looking down their noses at her like she was filth, making her feel like a small dirty peasant. But she had not made some kind of unique request like the others. Now she wished she had.

She wished she had because it might not have made her request tonight seem so odd. And indeed it was odd, for her. If her friends had a thousand guesses they wouldn't be able to guess what she had wanted. A small tap at the glass door to the balcony alerted her to the presence of a maid. Not looking, Katara simply waved her hand to beckon in the servant. The maid skittered in and placed Katara's request on the small table next to the chaise she was reclining on. Katara turned to the girl and thanked her with a small smile. Thus dismissed, the servant left Katara's room.

Katara turned to the table where there was a fine-stemmed glass goblet and a bottle of wine. Katara leaned over and poured herself a glass, the maid had already opened the bottle. She swished the dark red liquid around the glass, then she sniffed it. It had a sourish smell of grapes and the damp smell of dark cellars. She raised the glass to her lips and took a small sip. The liquid was bitter on her tongue and not particularly pleasant but it matched her thoughts and feelings perfectly. She was still as the sun started to descend painting the horizon a blushing pink color, it was still far above the waves however. She continued to sip at the wine, her thoughts stewing.

Zuko was getting his daily reports on the goings on of his palace. He had requested to know what all was going on in his home, he refused to be unaware of his own guests. The guest master was giving him the usual list: Sokka wanted meat, Aang permission for one more furry friend in his room, Toph if she could earthbend in the garden, the list went on until the guest master said,

"And Lady Katara asked for and received a bottle of red wine a bit earlier."

"She asked for what?" Zuko asked disbelief in his voice.

"Wine, my Lord," the guest master was feeling a bit uneasy, only now remembering that the girl was only fifteen, "She asked for wine."

"How long ago was this?" Zuko's tone was calm but had an underlying tension.

"About a half hour ago, my Lord."

"Give Sokka his meat, tell Aang only one more animal, and tell Toph only if she puts every stone back in its original place. I'm sorry but I must take my leave now." the guest master made a bow to his Lord, who hurried away.

Zuko was rushing to Katara's apartments. Why in the world would she want wine, of all things? She had never shown any interest in alcohol before. She also hadn't asked for any specific desire like the others which, while not alarming, he found slightly odd. Zuko finally arrived at Katara's chambers. The main door was closed so Zuko knocked on it. He waited a few minutes and, after not getting an answer, went inside. Zuko looked around the room, searching for Katara. He spotted movement on the balcony. Zuko walked over and opened the glass door.

There was Katara, staring into the blazing sunset, clothed in a simple red dressing gown type robe tied at her waist, holding a glass goblet half full of wine. She looked much older than fifteen, and she looked beautiful. Her hair was down and she was lying on a red padded chaise. She hadn't noticed him yet. Zuko stealthily crept up behind her and when she started to move the glass to take another sip he asked,

"Katara, what do you think you're doing?" she froze. Neither moved for the next few seconds, then Katara said in a quiet voice.

"I'm taking a drink, what does it look like I'm doing?"

"You and I both know what I meant. Why are you drinking wine?"

"Because I want to."

"How many glasses have you had?"

"..."

"Katara, tell me."

"This is the beginning of my third." she grumbled.

"Katara!"

"Relax I'm not drunk yet." after that last remark Zuko promptly grabbed her glass and poured it out on the floor.

"Why did you do that?"

"Because you're not old enough to have one glass of wine let alone three!" to Zuko's surprise Katara let out a short mirthless laugh,

"HA!" her face darkened, "You and I both know that when one is born in war, it matters not how many years you've been alive. You are forced to grow up."

"But the war is over now, Katara." Zuko was sitting by her feet on the chaise, his voice was gentle and puzzled.

"Then why," her voice rose a bit and pain entered her tone, "Why, Zuko, do I see the faces of those I've lost in my nightmares? Why does my heart hurt when I hear the petty bickering of the counsel on who gets what land and why? Why do I keep having the same nightmares where Aang is defeated by Ozai and Azula's lightning bolt hits you and I can't heal you in time? Why won't the war stop in my mind as well as the world?" Katara was crying now and Zuko was shocked at the torrent of emotion he had released.

"Why can't I for once drink myself into an oblivion where the faces of the dead are smeared and the nightmares are fuzzy and meaningless?" Katara's voice was broken and listless. Her will cracked. "Why, Zuko, why?"

Zuko didn't know what to say to comfort her. What could he say? The silence pooled before them.

"Zuko, there's something you should see." Katara spoke softly. She turned so that her back was facing him. She rearranged her dressing gown so that her front was still covered but the back of the gown was off her shoulders and down to about her mid back. As the silk fell Zuko's eyes widened in shock. Running across her tan back was a long, thin, diagonal scar. It came from the middle of her right shoulder blade to the bottom of her left one. The scar was so thin it could have been drawn by a pencil. In the red light of sunset the scar seemed white against her naturally darker skin. Zuko reached a hand out and traced it with one finger. He felt shivers run down Katara's body. She started to tell the tale,

"It was two years before Aang came to us. One small Fire Nation ship came to our village. The men that poured out from it were haggard and evil looking, looking back now I think maybe they were deserters from the army. They were vicious and ransacked our village killing some and taking all the food and drink they could carry. One of the men had burst into Sokka, Gran Gran, and my igloo. He was trying to find something, my guess would be gold or food or something but when he found nothing that he wanted, he grew even more angry. He turned on my grandmother and pulled back the knife that was in his hand, about to slash her face. As the blade came down I jumped in front of her and the blade got my back instead of her face. The man's blood lust was quenched when he heard my scream, he found it... amusing to hurt the helpless. The last thing I heard was his laughter and then I blacked out. When I woke up the two healers in my village explained to me that I should thank Twi and La that the knife had mostly gotten my parka instead of skin but I would still carry my scar forever. The ship had left soon after and taken a good deal of our food. Two more people died of starvation that winter."

Katara slipped her silk dressing gown back around her shoulders and turned to face Zuko. He had a strange look in his eyes.

"You and I," she continued, "We are not so different. I thought once that we were, but now I see that we both will never forget the scar this war has torn into the Nations."

"Why are you telling me this?" Zuko asked in a hushed tone. Again Katara laughed mirthlessly,

"Well, I can't tell Aang now can I?"

"Why not?"

"Aang is no longer courting me."

"What?"

"He told me yesterday before dinner. He said that my first unsure instincts were right, that we really didn't fit as perfectly as he thought. He said that he now realized that he loved me more like a mother than as a lover. Then he asked if we could still be friends."

"What did you tell him?"

"I said yes, of course no need to break his heart, even if he did just rip out mine. Then I walked back to my room and cried. You see, I thought he loved me." Katara was on the verge of tears but her voice didn't betray it. Her voice was calm and clear almost light. But Zuko saw. Zuko saw the pain and hurt and deception she felt. He saw the terrible memories Katara faced. He saw the excruciating nightmares she saw at night. And he saw it was eating her alive. Zuko understood, now, why Katara had asked for the wine. It was to much. She had just wanted to drown. Drown out her memories, her sorrows, and her fears. Drown out her doubts, unease, and weaknesses.

Zuko looked at the girl, no, the woman... before him. At the age of fifteen she had endured more pain than many and sustained more hope than almost all the Nations combined. She was truly amazing. Zuko did the only thing he felt was natural at that moment, he leaned over and pulled Katara into a tight embrace. He felt all her muscles tighten, as if ready to spring back, but then her need for comfort took over and she relaxed fully into his arms, shaking sobs wracked her body but she didn't make a sound. He had the feeling she had cried many a night to perfect her silent sobs. Her head fit perfectly against his neck and her salty tears drenched his robe, but he didn't care. Zuko agreed with Katara, they were not so different. They both had felt immense pain and both had experienced great loss. This only made Zuko hold her tighter. He too, knew the pain of a broken heart, after he had been crowned Fire Lord, he had returned to Mai. For a while they seemed to be fine, he giving her all that she wanted, she giving him her solemn smiles. Then suddenly she had left. There was no note to her parents and no note to him. On the same day he had found a knife on his pillow. He recognized it as one that he had gotten Mai for her birthday about ten months ago. He had had it inscribed saying- to love that will never cool. Zuko had taken her return of the knife the only way he could. Mai did not return his affections, and so, she had made a clean break by leaving. Zuko was first sad then angry but his heart had healed after a week or two. To be honest with himself, Zuko no longer cared that Mai had left, just that she was happy were ever she was.

Zuko's heart ached for the waterbender in his arms. She didn't deserve this pain.

"Oh Katara..." he murmured into her hair. He couldn't figure out what else to say. She sniffled a bit and muttered in to his shoulder,

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Zuko answered. It registered that Katara had stopped crying but was still in his arms.

The moon was now rising higher in the sky, the last rays of sunset long gone. Stars started to shine out in the dark blue sky. He didn't know how long they had been there but he didn't care.

Aang was flying on his glider. He enjoyed the rush of air on his face and the bird's-eye view from up here. He circled high in the night sky. Looking down he saw Toph in the garden practicing earthbending, Sokka was taking a walk with Sukki by his side, he swooped the other way to see if Katara was outside. He spotted her on her balcony, but she was not alone. Not by a long shot. Aang peered from his heavenly perspective to see Zuko embracing Katara. For a moment Aang forgot to breath. More importantly, for a moment he forgot to airbend. He dropped a few feet before quickly gaining altitude. What was Zuko doing with Katara? And why was there a bottle of wine on the table next to them? thoughts spun in Aang's head. He quickly maneuvered down to a courtyard. Then he ran to Katara's chambers.

Zuko pulled back from Katara, gently, not abruptly, and wiped a few extra tears from her eyes.

"You need sleep, not liquor." he said and Katara nodded. She started to stand up but when she took her first step the wine took affect and she would've fallen if Zuko hadn't caught her just in time.

"Oh," Katara groaned, "don't be worried if I don't come to breakfast tomorrow, I can already feel the headache." Zuko chuckled softly as he gathered the tired waterbender in his arms.

"Zuko, what are you..."

"You obviously can't walk, 'not drunk' my foot. I'm just going to place you in your bed, as I said you need sleep." Katara gave a weak nod and relaxed against his arms. Zuko carried her in and placed her gently on the large bed. He tucked Katara in as if she were a small child, right before she drifted off she whispered,

"Thank you Zuko." then she was asleep. Zuko went back out to the balcony to retrieve the wine and glass, they were safer outside her room. He walked out of the room strait into an anxious and suspicious Aang.

"What were you doing in Katara's room? And why do you have a wine bottle? And where's Katara?"

Zuko was a bit surprised at the appearance of Aang outside Katara's door and, remembering what he had done to Katara, regarded him coolly, lapsing into his formal character.

"That is none of your concern, Avatar. Katara has had a trying day and retired early."

"What do you mean, it's none of my concern? I'm Katara's friend too!" Aang cried out.

"What I mean, Avatar, is that what Lady Katara chooses to do and whom she chooses to see in her private rooms has nothing to do with you. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to see about matters of state and I would greatly appreciate it if you do not bother Lady Katara because, as I said, she has retired for the night. "

Zuko turned and walked away from an astonished Aang.