If You Give Hagrid A Dragon…

If you give Hagrid a dragon, you better be totally shit-faced, rip-roaring, dancing-on-the-tables wasted cause otherwise you'd have the sanity to refrain from doing so. However, if you are shit-faced, he's going to ask you for another drink cause he's shit-faced too, though not as much as you. After you get him another keg of fire-whiskey, you're going to be thirsty too, so you're gonna throw up your hands and shout, "WHAT THE HELL? DRINKS FOR THE BAR ON THE HOUSE!" After that little show of stupidity, everyone's going to get totally wasted too, so people start irritating the baby dragon by jabbing their wands in inappropriate places on it. So, when someone gets the bright idea of feeding the dragon a keg of wine, the said dragon will spontaneously combust, thus covering everyone in dragon spleen, liver, and intestines. However, some lucky bastards will thank you for making them millionaire by giving them free dragon bread. Hagrid, who is totally wasted and thus more susceptible to emotional outbursts, will pitch the biggest bitch-fit known to man when he starts whining that 'li'l baby Fluffykins blew 'is top'. Then you, being the insensitive bitch you are, will slap him across the face and tell him 'to get a goddamn grip'. After which you both will just pass out, and everyone else in the bar will burst in applause as they laugh at your pitiful alcohol tolerance. So basically, if you give Hagrid a dragon…

YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND!