Button Buffoonery

"Let me get this straight," Piotr frowned in confusion. "You are saying that pudding can be used as pudding caps?"

"Exactly," Pyro nodded happily. "It's a perfect idea. Not only will a pudding cap protect your head, but also provide an easy and fashionable way to carry around a yummy snack."

"But wouldn't the wearer's hair and stuff get into the pudding?" Piotr pointed out.

"Na. It'd be covered by a hairnet or something," Pyro explained.

"I still do not believe it would be practical."

"Oh come on! It'd be a great way to stay in style. I mean who could possibly resist wanting to wear a pudding cap?"

"Uhhh….."

"Hey, what's going on in here?" Remy asked as he entered the recreation room.

"Hello mate," Pyro waved from the large, round oak table where he and Piotr were sitting. "We're just having a little discussion about pudding while working with some buttons."

"Buttons?" Remy blinked as he gazed at the enormous collection of sewing buttons spread across the table.

"Yeah, buttons," Pyro smiled as he picked out a bright orange button and began attaching it to a large, interconnected network of buttons and sewing thread in front of him. Several spools of various colored thread, a few pairs of scissors and a small box of sewing needles sat nearby. "Look, aren't they cute?"

"Uh, sure," Remy said slowly before turning towards Piotr. "Has he been into the scented candles again?"

"No, he is fine," Piotr assured him as he absently pushed and sorted buttons around the table. "At least I think he is. I only joined him about half an hour ago."

"Hehehehehe!" Pyro giggled cheerfully as he merrily worked on his button project.

"Okay, I gotta ask," Remy sighed. "Why are you playing with a bunch of stupid buttons?'

"Hey, they aren't stupid," Pyro huffed as he selected a shiny red button. "Buttons are one of the world's most important cultural and artistic inventions and have been in use for thousands of years!"

"Oh sure," Remy drawled sarcastically. "Buttons rank right up there with the inclined plane and the electric powered toothbrush."

"And they're not only fashionable, but have been responsible for some of the most famous events in world history!" Pyro continued excitedly. "Like the Great Depression. What do think caused that? Buttons! They made the entire economy crash and caused massive unemployment because people weren't able to hold onto their socks!"

"Stocks, Pyro. Not socks," Remy groaned.

"And I bet ya think an iceberg caused the sinking of the Titanic. Wrong! It was a button!" Pyro cried. "It distracted the lookouts from spotting the iceberg until it was too late!"

"Ummm…" Piotr tried to interrupt.

"And why did Napoleon lose the Battle of Waterloo? Because of buttons!" Pyro declared. "Ya see what happened was…"

"Enough already!" Remy shouted. "Pyro, I don't care about buttons and what you think they may or may not have done. Just drop it."

"Awww," Pyro pouted and went back to fiddling with his button assembly.

"You did not have to phrase it like that," Piotr frowned at Remy. "It was actually kind of interesting."

"Well, maybe I was a little harsh," Remy admitted. "Sorry homme."

"It's okay mate," Pyro shrugged. "So, you wanna hear more about Napoleon's buttons?"

"Uh, maybe later," Remy tried to change the subject. "So, what are you working on there anyway?"

"This!" Pyro finished snipping off some loose threads and held up his project. "A designer shirt made entirely out of buttons."

"Wow," Piotr blinked at the mesh-like ensemble before them. The buttons were arranged so that the shirt appeared to have the image of a roaring fireball in front. "That is really good."

"Not bad," Remy said checking it out.

"Yeah, and its got all kinds of special features," Pyro smiled proudly and began to put it on. "Just let me slip into it and…oops, hang on a second…my arm is stuck…"

"Well, it is original I have to admit," Piotr said as Pyro struggled with his button shirt.

"Yeah, I'm starting to think buttons aren't so useless after all," Remy grinned as he watched Pyro stagger around while trying to free himself from his entanglement. "I have to admit they provide some quality entertainment."

"And this isn't the only thing you can do with buttons," Pyro finally managed to wiggle into the button shirt and pulled it so it was straight. "There's lots of other stuff you can make with 'em. Like this," Pyro reached underneath the table and pulled out a strange looking chainsaw. "Look! One hundred percent buttons!"

"What the…?" Remy's jaw dropped open.

"Uh, please be careful with that," Piotr said nervously.

"Oh, there's nothing to fret about mate. It's got a safety button and everything," Pyro laughed and set the button-composed chainsaw down on the table. "It works just fine though. And it was really fun to make."

"I see," Remy blinked and gazed at Pyro's creation.

"It is very…um…impressive," Piotr tried to find a compliment. "Very nice work."

"Yep. It takes a rare person with skill and intelligence to make something like this," Pyro beamed proudly.

"Oh come on. How hard is it to string a bunch of puny buttons together?" Remy scoffed.

"Hey, it took a lot of patience, planning and hand coordination to make all this stuff," Pyro snapped defensively. "Skills you obviously aren't familiar with."

"Hey, I got plenty of hand coordination right here," Remy rubbed his fingers together mischievously. "I could take that thing apart and put it back together with my eyes closed."

"Oh yeah? You probably can't even sew on a button, let alone make something out of them," Pyro challenged.

"Oh yeah? Watch this," Remy sat down at the table and picked out a button, needle and thread. He pulled out a playing card and set the button on it. "Okay, now how do I start this out?"

"I have a question," Piotr said while studying a large brown striped button. "What is the meaning of a button nose? Except for the similarity of the holes and nostrils I do not see the relation."

"Oh, a button nose doesn't mean a nose that looks like a button," Pyro corrected. "It means a nose that is able to balance buttons."

"Huh?" Piotr blinked.

"Like this," Pyro leaned his head back and placed a smooth white button on the tip of his nose. "See? This is a real button nose. Try it."

"Okay," Piotr picked up a button and tried to balance it on his nose. "Hmmm, this is hard."

"It just takes practice," Pyro said reaching for more buttons. "See how many buttons you can balance at once. Once I was able to get all the way up to fifteen!"

"Really?" Piotr caught his button as it slipped off once again. "Hmmm, I guess my nose was not made for balancing buttons."

"THERE YOU ARE!" Sabertooth stormed into the room with a murderous look on his face. His long hair was completely braided and intertwined with dozens of large, bright pink and purple buttons.

"Uh oh," Pyro gulped and spilled the buttons he had managed to balance on his nose.

"ALRIGHT! WHICH ONE OF YOU NUTCASES DID THIS WHILE I WAS SLEEPING?" Sabertooth roared and angrily pointed to his hair. "WHOEVER DID IT IS GONNA DIE AND…PYRO!" Sabertooth noticed him trying to sneak away. "I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IT WAS YOU! NOW YOU'RE GONNA PAY!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Pyro screamed as Sabertooth began to chase him around the room.

"Hey, keep it down will ya? I'm trying to concentrate here," Remy grumbled as he fumbled with his lone button. "How the heck do I keep this thread from coming loose?"

"GET BACK HERE PYRO!" Sabertooth yelled furiously while chasing after him. "I'LL TURN YOU INSIDE OUT FOR THIS!"

"HELP! SOMEBODY SAVE ME!" Pyro screamed as he ran.

"In a minute," Piotr waved absently while attempting to balance a button on his nose once more. "I think I have it this time."

"DIE PYRO DIE!" Sabertooth shouted and reached out his claws.

"Aha!" Pyro reached into his button shirt and pulled out a large pair of buttons connected by a long length of thread. "See how you like these buttons Sabes!" He threw the buttons at his pursuer.

"I'd like to rip out your belly button you crazy…hey!" Sabertooth shouted as the thread looped around his outstretched hand and quickly wrapped around it. "What the…get this off me!" Sabertooth tried to shake it off.

"Dang it! Not again!" Remy swore as he accidentally ended up tying the button to his finger. "Okay, one more time."

"Ha! You won't get me!" Pyro yelled and pulled out more thread connected buttons. "Button-bolas away!"

"Gahhhhhh!" Sabertooth cried as some of them circled his legs and almost caused him to fall. "Grrrrrr! Stupid Firebug! You're puny toys can't stop me!"

"We'll see about that!" Pyro shouted and continued to throw button-bolas at him.

A short while later Magneto was passing down the hallway when he heard some loud shouts coming from up ahead. "Oh no. What are those idiots up to this time?" He groaned as he approached the recreation room and peaked inside.

"Yes, yes! It's finally coming together!" Remy muttered somewhat derangedly as he sat at the table and repeatedly attempted to sew a button and playing card together. "Just tighten the thread here and loop it through there and…"

"I'M GONNA GET YOU FOR THIS PYRO!" Sabertooth screamed as he hopped around the room completely tied up with button-bolas and his hair braided with buttons. "WHEN I GET FREE YOU ARE A DEAD MAN! YOU HEAR ME? A DEAD MAN!"

"Hahahahaha!" Pyro whooped as he kept out of reach while flicking buttons at Sabertooth's head. "Button power!"

"Hey! Look at me!" Piotr leaned back in his chair and proudly indicated his nose. "Six balanced buttons! A new record!"

"Come on…come on…NOOOOOO!" Remy screamed and began to frantically bang his fist against the table. "YOU STUPID BUTTON! WHY WON'T YOU STAY ON?"

"RRRAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!" Sabertooth foamed at the mouth as he bounced after Pyro with murder in his eyes.

Magneto watched the spectacle for a moment before pulling back and started back down the hallway while grumbling to himself. "That's it! Those fools have been cooped up in the base way too long. They've all gone completely, totally nuts! Whoever came up with the phrase 'bright as a button' obviously never meant it for this group!"