Warnings: AU, shonen-ai/yaoi, drabble-ish, crack and attempts at humour, slight fluff, Sasuke torture, and literally, a bit of this and that drizzled into the equation. Oh, and beware the cuss words.

Pairings: Sasuke and Naruto – in no specific order.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto, or 101 Ways to Torture Your Husband, which this fic is based off of. I also do not make any profit from this whatsoever.

Ways to Torture Sasuke

by Nicole Fang

Arc: Mental Torture

Hide the Remote

Though Sasuke didn't watch television a lot, he did on some occasions. He would watch the screen with an intensity that made Naruto swallow, and the volume would be so low it made the blond wonder how Sasuke even knew what was going on. His feet would be planted on the ground, and his chin would be set on his left hand. Chances were he would most definitely be watching the History Channel, or Animal Planet.

And like any guy once he starts watching TV, Sasuke became a brainless potato.

This was how Naruto found him when he came home from work.

"Have you called Kakashi yet, Sasuke?" he asked, looking for signs to see if Sasuke was listening at all. Nope. None. Naruto gave a loud sigh and rolled his eyes exasperatedly, trying to calm the urge to stomp his foot. Sakura, their dog, looked up from watching the cat across the street through a window. He squatted near her and gave her a nice pet, saying softly, "He's a stupid idiot, huh, Saku-chan?" She growled at him, and he wondered why he tried. That dog was in love with Sasuke. Thank god his husband didn't have a bestiality fetish, or he would have been worried.

He walked in front of the couch to pick up Sasuke's jacket, giving a well-aimed glare at his husband even though he knew it wouldn't work. "He's such a pig!" he sighed, before spotting the remote on the counter. His eyes lit up with a mischievous light.

Oh, Sasuke, you just dug your grave, Naruto chuckled to himself.

Naruto was ordering dinner when Sasuke came out of the living room, looking around with a suspicious eye. Ignoring his husband in favor of talking to the pizza man, Naruto hid his smile as he watched out of the corners of his eyes. Sasuke had started to look around to kitchen, obviously trying to find something he misplaced.

"Yes, thank you," he said brightly over to the pizza guy, placing down the phone to watch. Teasingly, he asked, "Are you missing something, dear?"

"Have you seen the remote to the living room TV?" Sasuke asked, appearing disgruntled at the fact that he lost it. Naruto let his fox grin shine.

"Why yes, I have," he said, smiling so hard his cheeks hurt. "I hid it."

That made the brunette stop short. The blond bit the insides of his mouth to try and quell the urge to laugh at the expression on the Uchiha's face. Oh God, priceless! Why the hell did he not have his camera with him? Never had he seen such surprise and shock on Sasuke's face so clearly. He watched as Sasuke blinked, almost dumbly.

"Let me get this straight," Sasuke murmured, voice almost croaking. "You just confessed to hiding the remote."

"Why yes, yes I did." It felt good to smirk, Naruto thought, letting one slide onto his face.

"The fuck…did…?"

Naruto let out a snicker, fist going up to his mouth to try and stem the rambunctious laughter that bubbled in his stomach. "Your face!" he gasped out to Sasuke, pointing and not bothering to hold it in anymore.

At one point, Sakura came into the kitchen and was watching her brighter owner with a 'what's wrong with him?' look.

"Your mom," Sasuke muttered back at him, clearly peeved at Naruto. The blond, however, could care less as he laughed. He walked over to Sasuke and slung an arm around him, grinning from ear to ear.

"Aww," he cooed, trying to pinch a cheek. "Is the little Uchiha mad and confused?" Sasuke slapped at the hand right as Sakura growled at Naruto for touching her dear, darker owner. Shrugging, Naruto let go of his husband and leaned on a nearby counter. He stuck his tongue out at Sasuke, leaving his mouth in a one-sided grin. "Hey, it's your fault for not listening when I tried to get your attention, you turd."

"I already called that stupid pervert," the brunette sneered, now very irritated. "I called you at lunch and told you that." Clearly not remembering, Naruto perked an eyebrow.

"Did you really?"

"Yes I fucking did, you idiot. Now give me back the remote."

Walking into the living room and pulling the remote magically out from behind their sofa, Naruto rolled his eyes and waved the thing at Sasuke. "You're a douche, you know that? And a damn lazy one. Instead of wasting time and looking for this damn thing, you could have saved time by going to the TV and clicking these little buttons to change your channel."

Sasuke snatched the remote from Naruto's hands. "I knew you were hiding it anyway. I might as well get the unpleasant shit done with and kill two birds off with one stone."

"You trying to get your dignity back won't work on me. I hope you know that liars go to he–"

Sakura's barking and the ringing of their doorbell cut Naruto off from his reply. He gave a petulant frown to his husband and went to get the pizza.

"I win," Sasuke murmured, smirking and flopping down on the couch as he flipped the TV on to the Discovery Channel.

Author's Note: Ah Sasuke, why can't you humour Naruto for a few minutes, hm? Anyway, I hope you enjoy this new series! This first drabble is dedicated to my wifey, NBW, for her birthday!

This will be one of those drabble fics that will probably go on forever and be sparsely updated. LOL. But I hope people will be interested anyway! :D I've heard from those over at YGal that this was actually kind of funny.

Don't forget to leave one!