I Caught Myself

Down to you

You're pushing and pulling me down to you

But I don't know what I...

Quinn stood in front of the full-length mirror looking at her reflection disparagingly. All week she'd been trying to drop a few pounds for the Cheerio's regular weigh in, the only sustenance she'd had consisting solely of Sue Sylvester's' Master Cleanse drink, a vile combination of water, maple syrup, lemon, cayenne pepper and ipecac.

After days of starvation, of hating herself for succumbing to her craving and snacking on a cookie, the time had finally come for her weigh in with Miss Sylvester. She'd been positive, no, she'd been certain that she'd lost weight. Quinn hadn't even considered it possible that after a week of suffering through agonising stomach cramps, nausea and bouts of light-headedness she could have gained weight. Her body was literally crying out for food, her mind conjuring up images of nourishment wherever she looked. It had gotten so bad that she'd even started to wonder what Brittany would taste like with a side of French fries.

She didn't know what was worse; the fact that she'd actually gained a pound in weight as a result of her efforts or that Miss Sylvester had made an example of her, publicly naming and shaming her in front of the rest of the squad. Quinn had been so disappointed, so disheartened by the diet that she'd gone straight out and splurged on as much food as her body could handle after a week of malnourishment.

As she criticised her reflection in the mirror before her, Quinn couldn't help regretting her moment of weakness. She was wearing a cute white eyelet dress, plain and sophisticated, accessorised with a yellow sweater and matching limousine shoes. On any other day she would have felt comfortable in this attire, but today, she just felt bloated and fat.

She sighed heavily, turning her gaze away from the mirror and surveying the bedroom she was currently hiding away in. It was simply decorated, the walls a combination of peach and magnolia. On the left was an en-suite bathroom, the right a walk in wardrobe containing an elegant collection of clothes and accessories.

She couldn't believe she'd let Santana and Brittany drag her to ridiculous excuse for a party, especially when her self-esteem had taken a massive hit only hours earlier. She wasn't in the mood to mingle, to make mindless small talk with people she didn't really enjoy the company of. The fact that Brittany and Santana had unceremoniously ditched her for a quick fumble in the Jacuzzi had only made her feel worse. So she'd hidden herself away upstairs alone, debating whether or not she should just abandon the party and go home.

Quinn thought that she had finally made up her mind when suddenly the bedroom door flew wide open and Puck hastily pitched inside, closing the door firmly behind him and turning the lock over. Once inside, Puck leant his back against the door, holding it securely in place. He exhaled noisily, taking a moment to catch his breath, his eyes closed, unaware that he was not alone in the room. Quinn watched him, an amused expression on her face, her eyebrow raised knowingly.

"Trouble?" she asked playfully, enjoying the surprised expression on his face as he opened his eyes and reached for his chest, startled at her presence.

"Geez Quinn," he scolded her clearly taken aback. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Not intentionally," she teased him taking a seat on the bed and laughing.

Puck glanced around the room, taking in the bed, the en-suite bathroom.

"Eww," he moaned a sudden thought coming to him. "Is Finn in here somewhere?"

Realising the conclusion Puck had come to Quinn stood up quickly from the bed.

"What? No," she defended quickly. "It's just me."

Puck watched her sudden awkwardness and smiled in amusement.

"So…" he started playfully walking over towards her. "What are you doing hiding out in here? Waiting for me?"

He raised his eyebrow suggestively and pushed her gently back onto the bed.

Quinn couldn't help but laugh as Puck stood over her.

"Yeah," she replied sarcastically sitting herself back up. "I just happened to know that you'd come barging in here. In fact, I've been planning an ambush all day."

"You don't need to ambush me Quinn," Puck mocked winking. "If you wanted a little one on one action with the guns here," he continued tensing his biceps, "all you had to do was ask."

Quinn gave Puck a disapproving look and he sat down on the bed beside her.

"Seriously though," he asked. "What are you doing up here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," she replied watching him closely.

"I thought that was obvious," he answered mischievously. "I'm casing the joint for goods I can racket."

"Puck," Quinn complained hitting him playfully on the arm. "Would you be serious?"

"I am," he laughed, rubbing his arm exaggeratedly where she'd just hit him. "I need a new controller for my games console."

"Yeah? Then why did you look so relieved to be locked away in here?" she asked raising her eyebrow suspiciously.

"Fine" he relented. "I may have pissed off some guy downstairs. Nothing major."

"Let me guess," she teased. "You accidentally made out with his girlfriend."

"Mom," Puck clarified.

A large grin spread across Quinn's face.

"You made out with his mom?" she asked incredulous.

"Well actually," Puck elaborated. "I slept with her."

Quinn burst out laughing.

"You're unbelievable," she scoffed.

"Hey don't laugh blondie," he protested. "He really wants to kick my ass."

"Are you seriously surprised?" she asked in disbelief. "What if he'd slept with your mom?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Puck griped. "No one our age would want to sleep with her, have you seen my mom lately? I mean I love her and everything but she is definitely not MILF material."

"I wouldn't lead with that in her mother's day card," Quinn offered.

"No?" Puck replied, his voice low, his eyebrow raised.

Quinn swallowed hard, their eyes locked together, their faces inches apart.

"No," she confirmed turning her face away from his to glance back towards the door.

"So what are you doing up here?" he asked. "The party getting a bit too much?"

"I'm not really in the mood," she confessed looking at her hands, which were fiddling nervously in her lap.

"Why not?" Puck asked sensing the change of tone in her voice, the subtle hint of sadness in her words.

Quinn didn't reply straight away, looking up at Puck and smiling sadly.

"Just had a bad day that's all," she admitted.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked her.

"Not really," she replied placing one of her hands on his gratefully. "Thank you though."

Puck looked down at her hand atop his and felt a sudden shiver run up his arm, causing him to stand up quickly.

"Ok," he said feeling a little flustered and quickly running a hand over his Mohawk to try and hide it. "We won't talk about."

Puck started looking around the room searchingly, trying to distract himself from the unexpected awkwardness he felt. It was strange; he'd always felt so natural around Quinn. She was his best friends girlfriend so nothing could ever happen between them. He could talk to her, joke with her, without it meaning anything more. He could just relax when he was with her, be himself without fear of repercussions. She was a friend that was all.

So why was it only now that he was realising just how attractive she was. The way her blonde hair hung loosely around her shoulders, a stray lock falling over her eye that he was itching to brush to the side and tuck behind her ear.

"Are you ok?" she asked a confused expression on her face.

"Fine," he lied continuing with his search, avoiding eye contact.

"What are you looking for?" she asked slowly getting up from where she'd been perched and walking over to him.

She placed her hand on his shoulder as he bent down to look in one of the bedroom cupboards. He jumped slightly at her touch, hitting his head loudly on the wood above him.

"Ouch," Puck moaned, pulling his head out from the cupboard and rubbing it frantically with his hand to help ease the pain.

"Sorry," Quinn apologised cringing.

Puck smiled at her in forgiveness and went back to rooting through the cupboard once again. Quinn bent down beside him, her face once again inches from his. Puck could feel her warm breath on his cheek; smell the subtle scent of cherries from her glistening lip-gloss.

"Bingo," he said, reaching into the back of the cupboard and pulling out two large bottles.

Quinn frowned as he held the containers up in front of her a large grin on his face.

"Alcohol?" she asked him, her eyebrow rising reflexively. "That's what you were looking for?"

"Guaranteed to make you feel better," Puck said light-heartedly.

"I'm not really a big drinker," Quinn protested as Puck carefully stood up and headed back over towards the bed.

"Oh come on Q," he teased gesturing for her to sit beside him on the bed. "It's not like I'm asking you to get drunk. It'll just help take the edge of a bit, help you to relax. You said yourself that you've had a bad day."

Quinn rolled her eyes in defeat, standing up from her position near the cabinet and walking over towards Puck and the bed. He unscrewed the first bottle and threw the cap in the direction of the bin, sniffing the top of the bottle uncertain.

"What is it?" Quinn asked taking a seat beside him.

He steadied himself as the mattress shifted beneath him before glancing at the label covering the outside of the glass bottle.

"It's only a wine cooler," he answered taking a swig from the bottle. "Barely enough alcohol to get a gnat drunk, yet alone us."

He passed the bottle to Quinn who looked at it sceptically before relenting and taking a sip. She made a face before handing the bottle back to Puck who was watching her in amusement.

"Sugary," she stated simply.

They sat for a moment in silence, each one lost in their own thoughts, passing the bottle between them, each one taking a sip and then handing it back.

"So where is Finn?" Puck asked breaking the silence.

Quinn glanced at him for a moment before taking another sip from the bottle, which had just been placed in her hand.

"Probably hanging out with the rest of those Gleeks," she replied handing the bottle back to him.

"What is it with him and homo explosion?" Puck asked her. "I don't get it."

"Me neither," she admitted. "You know I asked him to quit?"

"You did?" Puck asked her surprised.

"Even offered him some under the shirt action to try and get him to leave." She elaborated.

Puck took another swig of the wine cooler before wiping at his mouth and handing the bottle back to Quinn. He raised his eyebrow impressed by her methods.

"And?" he asked.

"And nothing," she replied. "He said that he couldn't leave them."

She paused for a moment to take another sip.

"You know everyone thinks that he's gay now?" she questioned, taking another sip.

Puck watched her uncertainly, reaching for the bottle again. She gave it back to him.

"Everyone thinks I'm just his big gay beard." She finished.

Puck laughed a little as he was taking a sip, dribbling the liquid down his chin. He wiped it away with the back of his hand.

"No one thinks that," he said reassuringly offering her the bottle once again.

She took it from him, taking a large gulp.

"Are you sure everything is all right?" he asked concerned.

She passed the bottle back to Puck but this time he didn't drink from it, instead watching her intently.

"Quinn," he pushed gently. "What's going on?"

Slowly she looked up at Puck, met his eyes and saw genuine concern behind them. She smiled dejectedly, her gaze never leaving his face. She'd never really noticed before, but Puck was a stud, just like he always professed he was. His dark eyes were so intense that she felt her resolve crumble a little under the weight of them.

"Do you think I'm fat?" she asked him seriously dropping her gaze to the bottle, which was now back in her own hands.

Puck fought back the urge to laugh, instead placing a hand gently on her shoulder. He squeezed it reassuringly and she lifted her eyes to meet his once more.

"Fat?" he questioned smiling. "I don't think so Quinn."

He paused momentarily, moving his hand to the side of her face and forcing her to look at him. To understand that they weren't just words, that he really meant what he was saying.

"You're one of the most beautiful girls I know." He continued. "Fucking beautiful actually."

She smiled wanly, unconvinced.

"You're just saying that," she said unconvinced.

"No," he disputed. "I mean it Quinn. If you weren't my best friends girlfriend, I would totally have kissed you already."

"You're an ass," she said laughing, her mood lifted slightly.

"I'm not," he complained his hand still lingering on the side of her face.

He continued to look at her for a moment, their eyes never leaving one an others. He brushed her hair gently out of her eyes, tucking it behind her ear and she let him, her eyes watching the movement of his hand.

She felt a quiver run through the length of her spine and closed her eyes momentarily, enjoying the sensation.

When she opened them, Puck was examining her closely. She smiled at him, reaching up and brushing the side of his face lightly with her own hand.

Puck felt that same sensation he'd had earlier return, like an electric shock coursing through him, heightening all his senses, leaving him completely vulnerable and exposed. He felt totally out of his comfort zone being so close to Quinn now, all his previous experience escaping him, leaving him unprepared and uncertain.

"Quinn," he sighed as she moved her face closer to his, so that their lips were almost touching.

Gently, she pressed her lips against his searching, exploring his face with her eyes. Puck closed his eyes, all volition leaving his body.

She pulled back slightly and Puck opened his eyes slowly at their separation.

Now when I caught myself

I had to stop myself

From saying something that I should have never thought

Now when I caught myself

I had to stop myself

From saying something that I should have never thought

He swallowed hard, clearing his throat quietly.

Neither of them spoke, instead they just stared at each other, neither one of them knowing what to do next. Puck licked his lips; his mouth was dry and he tasted the unmistakable tang of cherry where she'd kissed him. He licked his lips again, craving for more, for another taste of her on his lips, to feel her soft skin brush against his.

Quinn studied him, feeling guilty and exhilarated all at once.

Unable to bear the separation any longer, Puck reached his hand out placing it gently in the crook of Quinn's neck and pulling her close to him, their lips meeting once more. He felt Quinn's hand pull lightly at the hair on the back of his neck, her lips feverish with a desire matched by his own.

He probed her lips with his tongue, searching for her acceptance, for an opening. Finally, they parted allowing him access. Puck rolled her gently onto her back on the bed, hovering above her, his body pressed into hers, aching for her like he'd never ached for anybody before.

Of you, of you

You're pushing and pulling me down to you

But I don't know what I want

No, I don't know what I want

She pulled Puck closer to her, eager for the feel of his body, his skin against hers. She reached up under his shirt with her free hand, and began caressing his torso, sending little jolts of energy through him and causing him to gasp, his breath catching in his throat. Their lips parted and Quinn opened her eyes anxiously, her body protesting at his absence. She was breathing hard, her chest rising and falling hurriedly.

Puck hung his head slightly, resting on his elbows above her. He met her gaze imploringly, questioned her with his own eyes, begged her to give him a reason to stop because they both knew that this was wrong, that they would regret this tomorrow, if not sooner.

She didn't.

Instead her eyes were pleading with him, pulling him into her further, so that he felt that he could see deep inside her soul.

Quinn continued to caress Pucks' torso, trying to reassure him that she wanted this. She didn't understand it, didn't know what had come over her. Usually, this was where she'd pull away, where she'd sit up and walk to the other side of the room to get some distance between her and Finn, to prevent the inevitable from happening. All she knew was that with Puck, she was lost. Leaving, removing herself from the situation would be futile, because separation would only intensify the need for his hand on her thigh, his lips against hers.

She was lost now, drowning in the yearning of his dark eyes, the longing and lust he displayed so easily for her to see, his vulnerability, his helplessness pulling her in.

You've got it, you've got it

Some kind of magic

Hypnotic, hypnotic

You're leaving me breathless

I hate this, I hate this

You're not the one I believe in

With God as my witness

Puck reached his hand down towards Quinn's leg and he grasped her thigh firmly, pulling her leg up around him, pushing his body closer to hers once more. He stroked her thigh lightly, pushing his lips against hers once more.

He felt her moan beneath him and he slowly made his way down her neck, kissing her softly. She rocked her head back, exposing the soft skin of her throat further and Puck accepted it gratefully his hand still working it's way slowly up her thigh.

Quinn gasped as his hand slowly moved around to the inside of her thigh and Puck pulled back worriedly.

Now when I caught myself

I had to stop myself

From saying something that I should have never thought

Now when I caught myself

I had to stop myself

From saying something that I should have never thought

"Quinn?" he asked breathless, apprehension in his voice.

"Don't stop," she pleaded, this time taking her turn to kiss his neck seductively.

Puck sat up, pulling away from her further, uneasy.

Quinn sat up onto her elbows, wanting him close to her once more.

"This isn't right," Puck said, standing up and heading towards the door. "I don't want to hurt you."

He leant there for a moment, his head resting against the cold wood, his hand hovering over the lock. Quinn followed him, placing her hand on his back reassuringly.

"You didn't," she whispered gently, pulling lightly on his hand and turning him around to face her.

He reached up brushing his thumb over her soft lips.

Slowly, Quinn ran her hands down Pucks sides until they reached the bottom of his shirt. They lingered there for a moment before starting to pull the shirt up and over Pucks' head. Once off she threw it haphazardly onto the floor and stroked his now exposed chest with her fingers, tracing small circles on his abdomen.

She stepped closer to him, closing the space between them and he pulled her into him, lifting her slightly to lock their lips once more. Quinn deepened the kiss, teasing him with her tongue, daring him to make the next move.

He swung her around, pushing her into the door behind her with his body whilst slowly undoing her sweater. The buttons now loosened, Quinn shrugged the sweater off, Puck helping to guide it over her shoulders and onto the floor beside them.

Puck lifted Quinn once more, her shoes falling to the floor; their mouths still engaged. He moved her back towards the bed, lowering her gently onto the mattress beneath him. He slid his hand back under her dress, grazing her inner thigh as he manoeuvred it up towards her underwear. Slowly he started to pull the offending item off, shifting his weight to help remove them.

Quinn fiddled with Puck's belt, unfastening it and tugging his jeans down. Their lips separated momentarily and he pushed Quinn's dress up, exposing her perfect body at the same time as he kicked off his shoes onto the floor at the end of the bed.

His hand reached up behind her, unfastening her zip and sliding the dress off her shoulders. He pulled the dress off completely, kissing her now bare collarbone and working his way down to her breast.

Quinn continued pulling at Pucks' jeans and underwear until finally he discarded them both onto the floor as well, revealing his naked body.

He pushed himself closer to Quinn and she could feel his body harden against her and he undid her bra removing her final piece of clothing. He pulled her closer once more, his eyes searching hers, giving her once last chance to change her mind, to finish it.

Instead she kissed him again, grabbing the back of his neck eagerly and pulling him into her.

Of you, of you

You're pushing and pulling me down to you

But I don't know what I want

No, I don't know what I want

She moaned slightly as Puck traced gentle kisses across her chest, their bodies moving rhythmically together in unison. He took his time, not wanting to push too hard for fear of hurting her. She felt a spasm run through her body and she dugs her nails tightly into his back as he continued trailing his lips down her torso.

He felt himself shudder uncontrollably, felt her quiver in response and gasp suddenly in release. He felt his body relax, falling on to hers slightly before he rolled over onto his back beside her.

For a moment, neither of them said anything, each of them panting furiously, trying to regain their breath.

Quinn rolled her head to look at Puck who was staring at the ceiling, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He turned to look back at her.

"Are you ok?" he asked out of breath.

She ran a hand over the side of his face and smiled nodding.

He seemed relieved and rolled back onto his side, supporting himself on one elbow so that he was looking at her. With one hand he began tracing circles on the soft skin of her exposed stomach. This was normally where he'd jump up, put on his clothes and flee as soon as he could but something held him in place. For this first time ever he wanted to stay, wanted to be intimate with someone. This wasn't just a conquest for him; at least it didn't feel like it was. There was something deeper there, an unbidden feeling, longing for her that he didn't even know existed until right now.

He leant down and kissed her softly on her perfectly formed lips, memorising her taste, her scent. She kissed him back, brushing his flank with her hand.

Puck pulled her further into his arms, kissing her forehead lightly as she rested her head in the crook of his neck.

I could lie here forever, he thought watching her closely as she shut her eyes sleepily. For him it was all over. He had taken her virginity but she had taken something much more valuable for herself. She had taken his heart, stolen it like some unexpected thief in the night, without warning, without knowing. He was hers now, it didn't matter if he slept with someone else, sex was just that, sex. What he had shared with Quinn was something altogether different. Something he had never experienced before, something that scared him to his very core.

He kissed her forehead again gently, closing his own eyes and pulling the blonde in closer to him.

I don't know what I want

But I know it's not you

Keep pushing and pulling me down

When I know in my heart it's not you

The guilt came instantly for Quinn, the knowledge that she'd cheated, that she'd broken her vow of celibacy, but it was overpowered by something else. Deep down she knew it was wrong, knew she should have stopped it, should have pulled away and gone home like she'd planned, but she couldn't. Being with Puck, had felt right, despite the knowledge that it shouldn't have been. Lying in his arms know she felt that she belonged there, like they were made for her alone. The guilt she could deal with later, right now, she was content to belong, for Puck to hold her, to want her.

Recently it seemed like Finn was more interested in his singing, in spending time with man hands Rachel Berry then he was in spending time with her. It was nice to feel like she was attractive, that someone wanted her for who she was. She sighed heavily relaxed and let Puck pull her deeper into his arms.

Now when I caught myself

I had to stop myself

From saying something that I should have never thought

Now when I caught myself

I had to stop myself

From something that I should have never thought

Of you, I knew

I know in my heart it's not you

I know,

But now I know what I want

I want, I want

Oh no, I should have never thought.