A.N: The first of hopefully quite a few Zutara oneshots. This one is written for DefyGravity2502. Happy Birthday, dearie, and thanks for all your support over the past few months or so. Hope you enjoy this one: it's kinda cliché and whatnot but… Yeah. And it's definitely not my best work. I don't really know if I like it or not… It's too… I dunno… But anyway. You apparently like the song =)

Reviews, concrit and even flames will be loved

Disclaimers: Avatar: The Last Airbender belongs to Bryke and Nickelodion.

"In Between" belongs to Linkin Park

This story belongs to DefyGravity

In Between

The smell of tea wafted over all of them as they lounged on comfortable chairs and had carefree, easy conversation with one another. Beyond the patio where they sat the life of the Upper Tier of Ba Sing Se continued, utterly undisturbed by their presence. Katara lay over the railing with her head on her folded arms, watching the people as they passed and amused herself with their strange fashions and stranger expressions. She felt utterly happy and tranquil inside for the first time in months. The world was finally in true peace- the nations had forgiven each other and the rebuilding of what had been destroyed was well underway. The worry lines had finally left Aang's face and his eyes smiled once again as they used to. He'd been under the most stress out of almost all of them, and it had started to show quite alarmingly. Luckily Toph took over the comforter role and quickly straightened out his deepening depression that things would never truly be right. The two had grown very, very close in the past seven months, so much so that she doubted she'd be the one getting a kiss from the Avatar this time around in the pretty city.

The knowledge brought with it no bitterness: it was just the way life worked. Sometimes you won, and other times the world took things away from you and you lost. She was just a little sad that she hadn't seen it coming: maybe she could have saved the situation. But she'd learned not to live with regrets and so she never let herself dwell on the 'what if's. She was happy for them, and was going to make sure they knew it. Likewise, she was also happy for her brother and Suki. She had never seen Sokka as nervous as he'd been the day he'd introduced Suki to his grandmother, and his relief at her approval had been very comical. The two hadn't spent more than a week apart and an engagement was inevitable. Even though they bickered almost constantly, everybody could tell by the way that they looked at each other that they were for real…

Everything was finally falling together, and that made the stress and guilt and disappointment seep out of her as she shut her eyes and let herself be carried away by the city's sounds.

"Has anybody seen Zuko?"

Katara straightened up and turned to find that Iroh's face was furrowed in worry. Everybody else shook their heads no, and tried to remember where last they'd seen him. Katara frowned. The Firelord had been acting very strange since they'd arrived in Ba Sing Se the previous day. Something was obviously bothering him; his silences were much more loaded than usual. But she had assumed, like everybody else, that it was work related. Now as she saw Iroh's worried face she realized they had been wrong in their assumption; if it had been work-related, Zuko definitely would have told his uncle.

"He does this every time," Iroh sighed, looking defeated. "Every time something really bothers him he slinks away to a spot he can confront it and… wallows. He's too proud to ask for anybody's help…"

"I think I know where he is," Katara said quietly. "Let me try and help him. Alone. I think… I think I may be the only one who can…"

Iroh nodded, thanking her with his eyes. She smiled in response, partly hoping she wasn't right. Because if she was it would mean re-living…

"Where are you going? So we know where not to be…" Aang was genuine.

She wouldn't look at any of them as she replied; instead she just started down the stairs.

"The catacombs."

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say

But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed
And somehow I got caught up in between

It was surprisingly bright; in her memory the place was almost the belly of darkness itself. The crystals still bathed everything in an eerie green light, and she shivered as she entered. Her searching blue eyes found what she was looking for almost at once.

"I thought I'd find you moping here."

"I'm not moping." The reply was automatic.

She walked to sit beside him on the floor, pushing away the memories that were eager to resurface. She didn't say a word and instead looked at him, trying to read his face. It remained closed off, though, and eventually she gave up and just let her chin rest on her curled up knees.

"I'm sorry, Katara."

His voice was too rough, and her head jerked up in surprise. She felt her heart plummet to her stomach as she looked at him and saw that he actually looked close to crying.

"Zuko…"

He shook his head, gritting his teeth to hold back the tears, still refusing to look at her in the eye.

"This place… Was where I made… the biggest mistake… I…" His eyes shut. "I truly am so sorry. It wasn't what I wanted to happen, I promise. We were staring again! Uncle and I… We had worked so hard and it was finally paying off. We were going to have a good life here and then…"

Katara remained silent. They had never spoken of Ba Sing Se before and she'd thought it would remain a closed topic. Zuko's eyes opened and he began methodically picking at a thread on his pants.

"At first I was just mad at Azula. Once again she was going to ruin everything. I couldn't let her; Uncle wanted that new life too much. And I… I needed that new life too much. So instead of running from her when I had the chance I went back. To take care of her. To get rid of her once and for all. It wasn't the life I really wanted but I would be able to live with it. I knew I'd be able to live with it…"

Katara was almost transfixed by his voice and how hard his eyes were; his guard was up entirely to try and protect himself from the memories that held a horror for him she was only beginning to discover.

"She beat me, of course. And threw me down here." He shuddered as he was confronted by the walls again. "I thought I was just going to be left alone to rot but then you…" She remembered falling in and finding, to her utter horror and despair, that he was in there too. "I never thought I'd actually see you again. You were just… a figment from the past life I'd accepted was over. Then you were dropped in here with me and nearly slit my throat as soon as you saw me… And you opened up to me and suddenly I was telling you things I'd never told anyone else before…" He suddenly gripped his hair tightly in his hands. "Then I screwed it all up. Azula came and offered me everything I'd always wanted on a silver platter. She had Dai Li on her side, Aang was trapped in these catacombs and she swore to me that… And I made myself believe her. Because it was easier. It was so much easier than accepting who I was wasn't me anymore."

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed
And somehow I got caught up in between

He stared at the floor, his face blank and hiding every raging feeling she knew was eating him inside.

"What then?" she asked quietly.

He needed to get it out, or it would eat him until he died. And besides, she actually wanted to hear this. Not to punish him, but to understand. Because it was somehow suddenly very, very important that she understood.

"Then I went home," he whispered. "And I got everything back. My room, my privileges, my honour… And all I had to do to keep them was pretend I was still the same boy Ozai had kicked out of that palace. The same boy who cared for nothing more than his throne and his pride. And I was… so sure… I would manage it. After all, I was more than happy to be home. I'd… really and truly missed the place." He was silent for a moment. "It was easy at first. I was able to pretend nothing had changed. I could pretend I was mad at Uncle for being a traitor, I could pretend Azula's sly looks meant nothing. I could pretend Ozai…

"But it got harder. I started noticing those sorts of things more and more often. I felt like I was being pushed out again, this time by myself. That was why, when Mai came along… She saved me, in a sense. Made it easy again to be who I had to. Made it easy to mistreat people, even Ty Lee who is about as evil as a turtleduckling… It was okay. What I'd done, I'd done for the good of my throne and my people. I was the crowned prince; I could do what I pleased to anybody, anyway. I'd won back my honour, in the end, and even gotten myself a nice, nation loving, noblewoman girlfriend…" The bitterness in his voice was unmistakable.

Between my pride and my promise

Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
And things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none

"But even Mai couldn't stop me thinking about it. Thinking about what I'd done to Uncle and Aang… I found I had to put my mother's picture away- I couldn't bear looking at her knowing what I'd done. And no matter how I tried to stay on the side I'd chosen, I kept getting pulled back to the one I'd forsaken until I was wedged in the middle of the two. Wanting both of them so much it hurt sometimes. I felt guilty and ashamed and angry at myself for feeling guilty and ashamed… I tried everything to forget and just live the life I'd chased for three years of my life… But no matter what I did I'd always end up thinking about what could have been. What things might have been like if I'd chosen the other path. And I replayed this cave meeting over and over in my head, seeing a new mistake each time. So I started trying to analyze you, to find fault with your actions so mine could be somehow justified." A humorless laugh escaped his lips. "But that only made things so much worse, because I realized that-"

He broke off and remained silent.

"That what?" she pressed.

"Nothing." She swore she saw him blush. "Nothing, it doesn't matter."

The atmosphere was suddenly charged with lies and secrets, and it made Katara's hairs stand up somewhat. What had Zuko realized about their meeting that was so bad? Why wouldn't he tell her? Had she done something wrong? But no… that would have made things easier for him, he'd admitted that himself. So why was he staring resolutely at the ground, refusing to meet her eyes and just tell her?

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to regain your trust was harder than it seemed
And somehow I got caught up in between

"When I finally got into my thick head that I was living worse than I lie, a part of me was scared it was too late. I didn't know what I would tell you all so that you'd see I was genuine… I was worried about Aang's reaction but above even him I dreaded seeing you again. And my apprehension proved right; you hated my guts."

A small smile twitched at Katara's lips at his tone of voice. He would never truly understand how intensely she had despised him. Heck, even she didn't understand it entirely.

"You were patient, though," she said softly, trying to help him overcome his guilt in some small way.

He shook his head. "No, I just seemed that way. There were times I would have gladly thrown you off the edge of the temple. You just… never stopped hating. And even though I understood your feelings and knew they were more than justified I still had to work really hard not to snap at you. Almost as hard as I was working to get you to trust me again, in fact. And… to be perfectly honest it hurt too. I knew I deserved it, but the expression in your eyes every time you looked at me… It honestly made me scared. I started wondering how many other people would look at me like that for what I did. Uncle, my mother… Mai. And when I thought of her, I began to wonder if I'd made the hugest mistake in the world. I'd given it all up- everything I'd ever wanted in my whole life. And why? Because my father was a bloodthirsty tyrant? I'd known that all along… And if I became Firelord I'd put an end to him. So why exactly was I out in some abandoned temple teaching a one-hundred-and-twelve-year-old boy how to Firebend whilst being attacked by a ferocious Waterbender?"

He sighed and rubbed his face, looking more world-weary than she'd ever imagined he could look. "And once again I found myself caught in-between. I missed my home and felt I was failing miserably at what I'd set out to do… When Azula attacked us I realized I could never go back. But until that moment I would have left." A bitter look crossed his face. "I never learn. Even after this place I was ready to make the same mistake. What a joke. No wonder you couldn't forgive me. You were right; I would have walked away again."

She wanted to tell him that he'd gotten it wrong but stopped the words from leaving her lips. This was his time to let it all out. Besides, what she wanted to say was ludicrous; he'd laugh at it.

Between my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none
The only thing that's worse than one is none

"I wanted to make up for what I'd been thinking, so I decided to make it my main goal to find a way to make you forgive me. Well, that and I just… didn't want you to be mad anymore. I really didn't… So I spoke to Sokka and… Well, you know the rest."

There was silence as both of them re-lived their journey. A warm feeling started to seep through her as she remembered how supportive and strong he'd been for her. He'd helped her finally heal the hole that had been in her heart for so long. After that, she hadn't been able to deny that she had forgiven him.

"I was so happy. At the moment you forgave me… I felt again I'd made the right choice. I was ready to take on both my father and my sister for Aang; he was the right choice. And even sleep-deprived and slightly hurting you looked…" Again he stopped, shaking his head and laughing silently to himself. "I was such an idiot, even then." He was speaking to himself now. "I had eyes, I could see how he looked at you and yet… You forgiving me was enough to make me forget about everything I'd been willing to kill for for years…"

She gave him a confused look, but he just shook his head, looking away from her again. She frowned. That was the second time he'd done that; stopped himself from telling her something he obviously had on his heart. She sighed in frustration. He was so complicated…Every time she thought she had him all figured out he did something or said something that threw her into the darkness again. This conversation, for instance. She knew he felt guilty about Ba Sing Se but what he was expressing now was far too deep to be called mere guilt. It was eating him alive being back in the city, and still he wouldn't explain everything to her.

And I cannot explain to you
And anything I say or do or plan
Fear is not afraid of you
But guilt's a language you can understand

"You aren't going to explain everything to me, are you?" she asked him quietly.

His smile was wry. "No. You don't deserve to have that knowledge dropped on you."

"Come on… What could possibly…?" Her breath caught as she saw his fingers unconsciously twitch towards his scar. My face? I see… "Part of what you're not telling me is… how you…"

He nodded. "Part of it, yeah." He couldn't seem to look at her. "The rest of it is… Stuff I wouldn't be able to word even if I wanted to. Realizations and guilt and dreams that… all seem to boil down to this place."

He's haunted by these walls… Katara squared her shoulders and stood up.

"Come." It was an order. He looked at her blankly. "We're going to get you over this. You get to re-live that day and make the right choice this time."

A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

"Thanks but it won't change anything…"

"No, it won't. It won't change anything you did to help Aang or the rest of us. All the danger you put yourself in, what you put yourself through for us… We've all forgiven you, Zuko. It's time to forgive yourself."

Slowly he reached out and took the hand she was offering him. She pulled him to his feet and did not take a step back. They were standing so close she could feel him breathing; just like she had the last time they were there.

"So let's see…" Her voice wouldn't come out above a whisper. "We were standing like this because I told you I might be able to… heal you… And then…"

Her right hand slowly rose again and he watched it, looking almost as nervous as he had the first time. As her fingers came in line with his nose he shut his eyes and her hand automatically reached towards his scarred eye. She touched it only very gently and yet he still flinched slightly under her touch. Unable to stop herself she stroked the smooth, cold and alien skin, trying to decide whether it fascinated or repulsed her. Without her realizing her thumb again stroked over Zuko's lips; she could feel the places he'd bitten it out of anxiety.

I cannot explain to you
And anything I say or do
I hope the actions speak the words they can

"Nobody is going to interrupt us this time," she breathed. "Go ahead. Do what you would have done back then if Aang hadn't come."

His eyes suddenly opened, and the look he fixed her with rooted her to the spot. It was nothing like she'd ever seen in his eyes before. It mesmerized her, twisted her stomach into knots, made her mouth go dry almost instantly. His hands moved from his sides and cupped her face, stroking her cheeks ever so slightly. Without meaning to, she closed her eyes and lent into his hand.

His body relaxed as the last of his hesitance disappeared. In slow motion Katara watched him lean forwards. His face was getting closer… His eyes were burning… He was… Kissing her. She forgot everything else as his lips met hers, soft and gentle. He kept them almost entirely closed and kissed her in the chastest way she could imagine. And even though it was nothing more then his lips softly pressed to hers she felt like she was flying and burning all at once.

It was over too quickly. He couldn't seem to bring himself to look in her eyes and so instead he leant his forehead against hers and looked at the ground.

"I would have done that." His voice was rough. "I wanted to do that. Many times. I dreamed about doing that during the time I crawled back to the Fire Nation. I realized… You still want to know what I realized? I realized I'd fallen in love with you. Somehow, somewhere. That was why it was so hard to pretend. That was why I tried extra hard to gain your trust. Even though I saw how much Aang loved you I… I made more mistakes in this place than you know, Katara. I betrayed my uncle and myself and let Aang get hurt and I let you go. Because I was scared of how easy it was to let you in completely."

She was silent. No words or answers or explanations came to mind no matter how hard she tried to search for them. She was bewildered and shocked and tingling… although the latter was not in a bad way. She felt Zuko's shoulders tense as the silence grew; he was regretting telling her.

"When?" Her voice sounded choked.

"What?"

She pushed him away from her so that he was forced to look her in the face.

"When did you first fall in love with me?"

The question took him by surprise.

"I… don't… I don't know… I guess… I guess it was when I woke up in the North Pole on top of Appa and the first thing I saw was you. I thought you would leave me to die out there."

"That's strange."

"What is?" He was trying to conceal his hurt.

For my pride and my promise
For my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is

"I first started loving you when I saw you'd kept Aang warm and safe even though you had captured him. And all I remember feeling after Aang told us we couldn't leave you out there was relief. Pure and complete relief."

His face turned blank with shock, and she couldn't help but smile.

"Did you really think you were the only one, Jerkbender? Why do you think I hated you so much for betraying me? Betraying me, not Aang. I saw you and your uncle working in the tea shop and I ran away. I thought back then it was because I was scared for Aang but I realized later that I didn't want to fight you. When I was thrown down here with you I was horrified and the first instinct I should have had was to attack you. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead I told you things I'd told basically nobody…"

"But… Aang…"

"Is my brother and my first love. He's like my Mai. You had her and I had him. And now we don't any more. Sometimes life gives you good things and then takes them away to give you better."

Zuko didn't believe her. She could see it written all over his face and in his body language. He thought she was teasing or joking or purposefully taking the Mickey out of him. Her eyes softened and she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him again.

"Believe me," she breathed. "I'm not just saying this. If you had kissed me the first time we where here I would have kissed you back. I would have. This is how it was supposed to end."

He didn't argue. And this time he kissed her with everything he had.

Pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none
The only thing that's worse than one is none
The only thing that's worse than one is none