5. Repercussions of Sin
'War is the father of us all'-Heraclitus
For many years chains bound my clan and I to our conquerors. I served the firstborn 'son' of the Senju clan with hatred burning in my heart until I saw chains binding Hashirama as well. A battle raged between her heart and mind that held her captive between two worlds, not fitting in one or the other.
Like her I was a prisoner of destiny until she freed me through a marriage neither of us wanted. I have broken the chains but she has not.
I was born to the clan of slaves. I was born of Yamineko.
"You are marrying Hikari" the wood user spun to face the disembodied voice and saw Madara leaning against the wall, the Senju woman wasn't really that startled at his mute entrance and unruffled appearance. His eyes were unreadable, frustratingly so, and his body was relaxed with not one line of tension running through like a thread of steel wire. Hashirama couldn't say the same for herself.
She didn't want him here, to tempt her, not when all she wanted was for him to make love to her again, whisper those beautiful cutting words as he pounded into her.
Endeavoring to look natural she muttered "Yes" to his almost forgotten statement reminding herself that it was easier this way. Hashirama turned back to the tree she had planted. She had planted it as a child; 10 years ago. Ten years, which now felt like centuries.
Madara lowered himself beside his friend taking in the grove of sakura trees that grew behind the walls of the Senju Compound.
"…You do not love her?"
"No, and I do not wish to. Sometimes we must put aside what we want" Although Hashirama's words were soft the eyes that accompanied them were not. Eyes of black diamond. Madara felt a tug in his chest as he saw those eyes that looked so much like another's; but on a softer face, eyes that he had not seen for so long. He brushed the imagery from his mind's eye fastidiously and with uncommon irritation. She had no qualms about leaving him so he should do the same. She was a weakness, nothing more.
"You are trying to free the Yamineko clan"Hashirama turned away but he didn't deny it. Unconsciously Madara asked the question that had been burning on his tongue"Do you not wish foryourown life?" He regretted it as soon asthe words rolled out of his mouth. All this talk about something that was not even his business and his reflections was unraveling him piece by agonizing piece. His best friend turned to him with a jaded expression he had never expected to see on his face. When had Hashirama become so acerbic, so draine of his ridiculous idealism and precious hope? Had he distanced himself enough, that he couldn't read anyone around him, their motivations, emotions, and agendas?
"Doesn't everybody? However I know enough not to hope for I am a shinobi. I have been a tool my entire life"
Dear god… She had gotten under his skin so badly, so irreversibly, that he couldn't even keep a tenuous control on his own life.
The bile burned up her throat, leaving an acidic aftertaste until it spewed from her mouth and dropped into the grass at her feet. This was not the first time Hashirama had emptied the contents of her stomach and it was growing rather tiresome.
"Hashirama? Are you alright?" Hikari said worried, holding back Hashirama's long hair as her friend used her katana as a crutch. This was not the first time and Hikari was sincerely hoping it wasn't what she thought it was. She knew where Hashirama had been on their wedding night and felt the almost physical barriers she had put up after that night, so as usual she worried for her friend silently, and tried to lighten her burden any way she could.
She took her hands away as the Senju woman struggled to her feet and leaned heavily on her weapon.
"Hikari…get my mother"
Miho
Hashirama had not spoken to her mother for many years about anything of importance and the silence full of unsaid things washed over her like waves upon the beach.
Until finally her daughter murmured "Mother" stiffly. Hikari lingered behind Hashirama fluttering like a butterfly in the background. Miho knew why her daughter was here and she wasn't surprised.
She sat composedly on the tatami mat in seiza position "Your symptoms?". Violet eyes stared stoically back. One second. Then two. Still staring steadily the young Senju clan head replied " My bleeding period is late, I regurgitate every morning, and my breasts have become fuller." Only her daughter could manage to make every word as dignified and complicated as possible.
The former Senju matriarch glanced more fully at the young woman and noticed the male features transposed on her daughter's face. Would her daughter ever become the woman she was meant to be?
"Remove that disgusting henge, Hashirama, or I will not tell you what your disease is" Hashirama's lips tightened before she grudgingly, almost sulkily let the illusion fade away and reshape her body into her own natural radiant features.
Disease. Miho almost snorted in contempt at her own words. Bringing a child into the world was a beautiful thing; one she had experienced herself. Her own children were bundles of memories and images of a happier, well-worn past. But, perhaps this occurrence was different, one more burden to add to the ever growing pile. As a mother she had always wished for grandchildren, but not in this way.
"I'm afraid my news will not be welcomed" Looking seriously into the visage that her daughter shared with her late husband and pushing the resemblance aside Miho continued "This is not something that will go away. It will affect the rest of your life" No reaction was given or revealed which she had expected but it stung to know that the child you had birthed could not even show one weakness, one chink in the armor to their own parent.
"You are with child"
Hashirama was stone still as her brain made the connection between what she had heard and her own disbelief. The façade snapped into place like a stretched rubber band and Hashirama stood up and swept out of the room without a word.
Hashirama
She had to get away from there. Anywhere would do. Diamond tears overflowed as the rain did long ago on the day of her wedding. The analytical part of her mind was still whirring with efficiency even though the rets of her seemed incapable. This was a complication, one that Hashirama knew she should regret, but with frightening ease could not care. Growing within her was Madara's child, something precious they had created. The unification of the Senju and Uchiha clans. It was surreal in a way that both excited and doomed her in one fell swoop.
Looking up at the stars that now scattered across the shadowed world Hashirama knew she would solve this.
She had to.