[taped to Eric's office door]

26 Things Eric Northman is Not Allowed to Do (under pain of imposed celibacy)

1. Hide Sookie's underwear so she will have to go commando.

2. Hide Sookie's clothes so she will have to stay indoors.

3. Pretend Sookie has done either one of these things to him.

4. Install a pole in Sookie's bedroom in the vain hope that she will utilize it before, during or after sex.

5. "Accidentally" leave out a reminder of how Sookie is his (i.e. torn panties on the floor)when Bill/Sam/Quinn are visiting. This includes having sex immediately before their arrival and leaving the scent hanging in the air.

6. Think about a threesome.

7. Suggest a threesome.

8. With Pam.

9. Attempt to instigate sex on the Corvette.

10. Outside of Fangtasia.

11. Or Melotte's.

12. Or Bill's house.

13. Call Sookie while she's at work to turn her on.

14. Call Sam while Sookie's at work to turn her on, and pretend he 'accidentally' got the wrong number.

15. Pretend he is feeling vulnerable and needs sex to "reaffirm" the blood-bond.

16. Pretend Sookie is feeling vulnerable and needs sex to "reaffirm" the blood-bond.

17. Pretend drinking too much True Blood has weakened said bond. (I'm not falling for that again)

18. Give puppy dog eyes to instigate pity sex.

19. Or pity threesome.

20. With Pam.

21. Pretend the walls are soundproof when they are not. (See note on 17)

22. Ask Bill if regrets humouring Sookie and taking her to Fangtasia that first time when she was looking "so delectable".

23. Ask Quinn if he regrets not realizing how inadequate of a mate he is to Sookie.

24. Comment to Sam that it's a shame Sookie is more of a cat person.

25. Comment to Pam that Sookie looks better in a leather bustier.

26. Buy Sookie a leather bustier.