Niles Takes a Trip... And Then a Tumble
Author Note: In the story Niles is attending a local college
in Seattle before going off to Yale.
I figure he is doing this to attain a scholarship so
he can cover his expenses. I really don't
know if there is such a college in Seattle, but let's
just call it *artistic license. Also please
be forewarned - this is an *adult* story. There are
some swear words, sexual references and
*steamy* scenes and some violence in upcoming chapters.
Don't read any further if any of those things will
offend you, or you are at a too tender of age.
For those who are old enough and aren't
bothered by such things - Enjoy!
Part One - How the "Odd-esy" All Began
From Season 1, Episode 17 (Mid-Winter's Night's Dream) -
Martin: Oh, relax! It's just one of Niles' little crushes.
Frasier: Oh, I suppose you're right. Niles is harmless enough.
And from Season 2, Episode 13 (Retirement is Murder) -
Niles: You know, I actually caught Brisbane's act on a trip to Las
Vegas during college. Those apes were amazing! One
minute, they'd be staging a living tableaux of George
Washington crossing the Delaware, the next they'd be
shooting suction cup arrows at Brisbane's lovely
assistant's derriere. (Sighs)
Now that everything is set, let's turn back the clock ...
As he drove down Interstate 15, going well within the posted speed limit, Niles let his mind wander a bit. In a couple of hours he would be in the very bastion of American lust and glitz. Some place very untypical for someone as usually as reserved as him. Yes, his intended target happened to be none other than that shiny paragon of greed and hope, Las Vegas. Vegas! Even the sound of the word echoed in his head with disbelief! But here he was - on his way, all the same! It wasn't at all like the Niles Crane that everyone else saw and thought they knew so well!
"But that is just the point!" Niles emphatically stated in his mind.
"Everyone assumes that I would never visit a place like that! They'll shake their heads in wonder at the very fact that I chose such a place to spend my vacation. I couldn't have picked a more perfect place that has a reputation for lack of "culture" and sophistication! When I let it be known to my classmates at college that I visited Las Vegas, their mouths will collectively drop open so wide I'll have room enough to fit the entire cast of West Side Story into them!"
It was a particularly warm day, so Niles had all the windows down on his father's 1979 Chevy. The hot Nevada noonday sun beat relentlessly down on the red vinyl interior of his father's treasured vehicle. Niles felt surge of contentment, as he let the arid wind buffet his blond hair about. He glanced in the rear view mirror to check the mental image he had of himself.
"Yes," he thought. "I do look kind of cool, for once in my life! I'm glad
I picked up these sunglasses before I left Seattle. If only the girls in my social behaviour class could see me now! Maybe they would even take a chance and go out on a date with me. Well, maybe not - one step at a time. Still, I am glad that I talked Mom and Dad into letting me do this."
At first, both his parents had been reluctant to let him go on a trip as long as the one to Las Vegas.
"You only have a week, Niles, dear," cautioned his doting mother Hester.
"It will take two or three days just to get there. That's such a long way! You
are just barely 20 years old, dear!"
"And you aren't the world's most confident driver, Niles," added his father
Martin.
Niles started to open his mouth to protest, ready to marshal his arguments
about his spotless driving record, but his father cut him off.
"I know, I know, you haven't had so much as a parking ticket, but I am
talking about driving a long way on some very unfamiliar roads!"
"Why Las Vegas?" queried his mother. "Why not San Francisco or Vancouver? They have some nice museums and theatre, that I know you would like!"
"You don't understand!" Niles sulked. He listened to himself and decided he
sounded like he was whining just a bit too much. If he appeared too childish his mother would be justified in pointing out that he wasn't really mature enough to handle this. A different tactic had to be applied if he was going to successfully sway his mother to his side. Taking her hand, Niles
stepped into the kitchen with her, just out of earshot of his father.
"Mother," he said quietly. "I want to go to prove something. I want to go to show those laughing hyenas I call classmates that I can be spontaneous and surprising. I have planned this all out very meticulously! I'll be careful!! I have thoroughly researched the quickest route to get there and taken notes on various motels that are both respectable and affordable. If you are worried about me losing all my savings to gambling, don't be. I've saved a bit of my own money just for this trip and have budgeted a specific amount for entertainment. I won't even bring my chequebook and I don't own a credit card. I'll just have the cash and traveler's cheques that I have with me. Mother, I need this. I am not all books and opera. Sometimes I just want to have fun! Please!!"
His large eyes pleaded with her to comprehend his dilemma.
His mom laughed gently and smiled. "For the first time I actually see part of your father in you. You really can be quite a conundrum, can't you?
I understand dear, I just worry about you so, that's all. Now stay in here while I see if I can get your father to agree to let you take his car."
Niles glued his ear to the kitchen door, listening with eager anticipation while Hestor started to work her oratorical magic on Martin, hoping she would pull out all the stops to get his Dad to overlook his definite lack of roadway experience.
He peeked out from behind the wooden barrier and watched closely as Hestor took Martin quietly aside and slowly convinced him that their younger son desperately needed a break from his studies.
"If you don't allow Niles to take the car, no matter how nervous you are Martin about him driving such a large chariot," she pointed out with utter calmness. "This holiday will just never take place and you know it. We both know that he could never afford to fly to Vegas, not with money being as tight as it is right now what with Frasier being at Harvard. Niles works so hard. You know he deserves a small break."
Niles wasn't sure, but he thought he overheard Hestor whisper to
her husband that it could be considered a break for them as well. He strained even further up against the swinging door.
"Come on, mother," he prayed. "He's almost ready to give in!"
"Martin," she said as cooed in his ear and gave it a nibble. "If Niles is gone, we will have this whole big house to ourselves for a full week."
"What will we do?" was his father's response, while his eyes glittered and
a slight smirk traced across his countenance.
"Then it is a 'yes', I take it!" Niles squeaked, as he fell enthusiastically through the kitchen doorway and did an awkward little victory dance, after his father nodded yes and his parents headed for their bedroom.
The celebration was short-lived though, when Martin returned a minute
later with the keys and the owners manual.
"Here," he said with a tinge of regret in his voice. "Put that super-I.Q. to
work and digest this before you go traipsing off to the "Desert Kingdom"!
And for God sakes Niles, practice shifting gears BEFORE you go so you don't rip out the transmission in the middle of the Land of the Hustlers! "
"Right Dad!" he assured his father. "I'll take good care of the family
heirloom - you won't regret putting your trust in me! I promise! Which
pedal is the clutch again..."
And after the inevitable eye-rolling from his father, which Niles dutifully endured, he excitedly packed his bag, carefully making sure that all the garments were in their most wrinkle-free position. Niles wanted to be fully prepared for this impulsive moment.
As Niles carefully checked the rearview mirror for traffic, he remembered what had motivated him to set out on this journey. He could still hear the stinging comments of his classmates ringing in his ears, as he approached the study hall table a few weeks ago...
"What do you suppose Crane will be doing for the break? Making love to a
philosophy textbook?"
"It might be rather difficult though - getting that large object up his
tight ass!!"
With that Niles turned his usual crimson hue, hugged his armful of books and papers a little tighter and veered off in the opposite direction. The echoes of laughter and snickers that followed his retreat pushed him down the corridor even faster.
They would never accept him as part of their gang. He would always be an outsider! Sure, once in a while some students who were desperate to push their marks up, came to him for tutoring, but that was as friendly as it got.
When the exam was over, those same people would turn their backs
whenever he would sit down to eat his lunch at the same table as them. "Nerdy Niles" was nothing more than a target for the ritualistic ribbing they called "good fun". No one seemed remotely sympathetic as they unmercifully buried him in an avalanche of daily verbal abuse. His reputation as a hoity-toity preceded him, justifying in their minds the insults and snide comments. Niles just withdrew even more, building up a defensive wall, so that their rejection didn't hurt as much.
"I really don't want to be part of their immature highjinks. Really, they
are so crude!!" he would say as he sniffed the air with contempt. But then,
as he sat alone in the stacks of the immense college library, he wished that he had a tribe to hang out with, as the others would have put it. Some comrades to talk to. Something or someone to make the lonely hours pass more quickly...
"Frasier and I used to do everything together," he remembered. "back in
junior high. But that was a long time ago now - a lot of water has passed
under the "Pont Neuf" as the French would say. Frasier is studying at
Harvard and I am here to face this on my own. I miss his companionship. I even miss his pompous, know-it-all attitude! I'm headed to Yale myself, in another year... a really quality school!!" he defiantly thought. "I bet none of these ingrates will be going to Yale!! When I get done these credits and gain that scholarship, they can eat my dust!! I won't look back to this dump!!! No siree!!! I'll be outta here! That's all she wrote!!"
With his festering anger spent, he would pause and then let out a small sigh, close his books and trudge off to spend another night alone reading, or listening to the classical recordings in his bedroom, or worse still, watching the occasional documentary T.V. programme with his parents.
"Oh God! My life really is pathetic!" he would silently moan to himself in the
darkened recesses of his parent's living room, as the television bathed the
mossy green plaid furniture with a ghostly light. "When I get my own home it will be rich in colour and textures, filled with art and sculpture! I am going to make sure that I am well enough off to live in a beautiful building like... like the Montana of Euclid Ave. But, I suppose to be fair, Mom and Dad do direct a lot of their hard earned dollars to my education. They can't afford to live in a palace like the Montana and pay for Frasier and my education, even with the scholarships. I guess talking like this makes me sound not only uppity, but also ungrateful for all they have done! Great! Now I can feel guilty about that too!!"
It was during one of those nocturnal self-examination exercises that he
decided on the perfect destination to raise himself out of this numbing rut.
He had heard some of the other students discussing their vacation plans and one blonde co-ed with particularly perky breasts, Niles noted, had mentioned that she and her cousins were going to "Vegas for a week of gambling and debauchery." Outwardly Niles' face took on the look of disdain at the time, but inside he felt a twinge of envy.
Vegas...
The girl's words reverberated in his mind, until he could think of nothing else.
"That's where I'll go, then. Maybe one of them will see me there and my
reputation for being such a "stick-in-the-mud" will dissolve away and my social life will take a turn for the better! Yes, that is the solution! I won't back out of this! I have to do this! All right! This is just what I need!"
With those emphatic inspirations still sounding in his ears, he headed off on his adventure...
And now with overnight stays in Boise and Salt Lake City that left him
with little more than a six-hour drive to complete his journey.
Niles tried hard to ignore the cleanliness of the budget accommodations that he was forced to accept, telling himself that the dust and the hard
mattresses would be the crosses he would have to bear in order to get to his "social salvation" in Vegas. As he straightened his shirt cuffs, while
putting on his jacket early that morning before heading out of the Hide-Away Highway Motel, Niles made a mental note of the irony of his situation.
"I'm leaving one of the most officially moral cities
in the region," he pondered, "and heading off to a city which is
affectionately known as "Sin City". But, redemption can be found
in the most unlikely of places occasionally. And what I am in search for
can't be found in a book or an aria. I want to feel like... like I belong...
I want my classmates, or anyone for that matter, other than my own flesh and blood, to like me and want to spend time with me. To accomplish this I have to gain some experience in their environment, try to fit in, show them that I can be a "with it" guy and be part of their world. This trip to Las Vegas could be the key that could unlock those doors that have been shut to me all my life.... and... I could actually end up having some fun!"
This would be so much more than just a vacation for rest and relaxation.
Las Vegas would be his "Holy Land" where he hoped to find the silver challis of acceptance from the others.
Niles gripped the steering wheel with determination as he approached the
sign that indicated that he was now entering the state of Nevada. It wouldn't be too long now before he reached his destination.
Viva Las Vegas, indeed!
A lot was riding on this one trip...
End of Part 1
To be continued...
Author Note: In the story Niles is attending a local college
in Seattle before going off to Yale.
I figure he is doing this to attain a scholarship so
he can cover his expenses. I really don't
know if there is such a college in Seattle, but let's
just call it *artistic license. Also please
be forewarned - this is an *adult* story. There are
some swear words, sexual references and
*steamy* scenes and some violence in upcoming chapters.
Don't read any further if any of those things will
offend you, or you are at a too tender of age.
For those who are old enough and aren't
bothered by such things - Enjoy!
Part One - How the "Odd-esy" All Began
From Season 1, Episode 17 (Mid-Winter's Night's Dream) -
Martin: Oh, relax! It's just one of Niles' little crushes.
Frasier: Oh, I suppose you're right. Niles is harmless enough.
And from Season 2, Episode 13 (Retirement is Murder) -
Niles: You know, I actually caught Brisbane's act on a trip to Las
Vegas during college. Those apes were amazing! One
minute, they'd be staging a living tableaux of George
Washington crossing the Delaware, the next they'd be
shooting suction cup arrows at Brisbane's lovely
assistant's derriere. (Sighs)
Now that everything is set, let's turn back the clock ...
As he drove down Interstate 15, going well within the posted speed limit, Niles let his mind wander a bit. In a couple of hours he would be in the very bastion of American lust and glitz. Some place very untypical for someone as usually as reserved as him. Yes, his intended target happened to be none other than that shiny paragon of greed and hope, Las Vegas. Vegas! Even the sound of the word echoed in his head with disbelief! But here he was - on his way, all the same! It wasn't at all like the Niles Crane that everyone else saw and thought they knew so well!
"But that is just the point!" Niles emphatically stated in his mind.
"Everyone assumes that I would never visit a place like that! They'll shake their heads in wonder at the very fact that I chose such a place to spend my vacation. I couldn't have picked a more perfect place that has a reputation for lack of "culture" and sophistication! When I let it be known to my classmates at college that I visited Las Vegas, their mouths will collectively drop open so wide I'll have room enough to fit the entire cast of West Side Story into them!"
It was a particularly warm day, so Niles had all the windows down on his father's 1979 Chevy. The hot Nevada noonday sun beat relentlessly down on the red vinyl interior of his father's treasured vehicle. Niles felt surge of contentment, as he let the arid wind buffet his blond hair about. He glanced in the rear view mirror to check the mental image he had of himself.
"Yes," he thought. "I do look kind of cool, for once in my life! I'm glad
I picked up these sunglasses before I left Seattle. If only the girls in my social behaviour class could see me now! Maybe they would even take a chance and go out on a date with me. Well, maybe not - one step at a time. Still, I am glad that I talked Mom and Dad into letting me do this."
At first, both his parents had been reluctant to let him go on a trip as long as the one to Las Vegas.
"You only have a week, Niles, dear," cautioned his doting mother Hester.
"It will take two or three days just to get there. That's such a long way! You
are just barely 20 years old, dear!"
"And you aren't the world's most confident driver, Niles," added his father
Martin.
Niles started to open his mouth to protest, ready to marshal his arguments
about his spotless driving record, but his father cut him off.
"I know, I know, you haven't had so much as a parking ticket, but I am
talking about driving a long way on some very unfamiliar roads!"
"Why Las Vegas?" queried his mother. "Why not San Francisco or Vancouver? They have some nice museums and theatre, that I know you would like!"
"You don't understand!" Niles sulked. He listened to himself and decided he
sounded like he was whining just a bit too much. If he appeared too childish his mother would be justified in pointing out that he wasn't really mature enough to handle this. A different tactic had to be applied if he was going to successfully sway his mother to his side. Taking her hand, Niles
stepped into the kitchen with her, just out of earshot of his father.
"Mother," he said quietly. "I want to go to prove something. I want to go to show those laughing hyenas I call classmates that I can be spontaneous and surprising. I have planned this all out very meticulously! I'll be careful!! I have thoroughly researched the quickest route to get there and taken notes on various motels that are both respectable and affordable. If you are worried about me losing all my savings to gambling, don't be. I've saved a bit of my own money just for this trip and have budgeted a specific amount for entertainment. I won't even bring my chequebook and I don't own a credit card. I'll just have the cash and traveler's cheques that I have with me. Mother, I need this. I am not all books and opera. Sometimes I just want to have fun! Please!!"
His large eyes pleaded with her to comprehend his dilemma.
His mom laughed gently and smiled. "For the first time I actually see part of your father in you. You really can be quite a conundrum, can't you?
I understand dear, I just worry about you so, that's all. Now stay in here while I see if I can get your father to agree to let you take his car."
Niles glued his ear to the kitchen door, listening with eager anticipation while Hestor started to work her oratorical magic on Martin, hoping she would pull out all the stops to get his Dad to overlook his definite lack of roadway experience.
He peeked out from behind the wooden barrier and watched closely as Hestor took Martin quietly aside and slowly convinced him that their younger son desperately needed a break from his studies.
"If you don't allow Niles to take the car, no matter how nervous you are Martin about him driving such a large chariot," she pointed out with utter calmness. "This holiday will just never take place and you know it. We both know that he could never afford to fly to Vegas, not with money being as tight as it is right now what with Frasier being at Harvard. Niles works so hard. You know he deserves a small break."
Niles wasn't sure, but he thought he overheard Hestor whisper to
her husband that it could be considered a break for them as well. He strained even further up against the swinging door.
"Come on, mother," he prayed. "He's almost ready to give in!"
"Martin," she said as cooed in his ear and gave it a nibble. "If Niles is gone, we will have this whole big house to ourselves for a full week."
"What will we do?" was his father's response, while his eyes glittered and
a slight smirk traced across his countenance.
"Then it is a 'yes', I take it!" Niles squeaked, as he fell enthusiastically through the kitchen doorway and did an awkward little victory dance, after his father nodded yes and his parents headed for their bedroom.
The celebration was short-lived though, when Martin returned a minute
later with the keys and the owners manual.
"Here," he said with a tinge of regret in his voice. "Put that super-I.Q. to
work and digest this before you go traipsing off to the "Desert Kingdom"!
And for God sakes Niles, practice shifting gears BEFORE you go so you don't rip out the transmission in the middle of the Land of the Hustlers! "
"Right Dad!" he assured his father. "I'll take good care of the family
heirloom - you won't regret putting your trust in me! I promise! Which
pedal is the clutch again..."
And after the inevitable eye-rolling from his father, which Niles dutifully endured, he excitedly packed his bag, carefully making sure that all the garments were in their most wrinkle-free position. Niles wanted to be fully prepared for this impulsive moment.
As Niles carefully checked the rearview mirror for traffic, he remembered what had motivated him to set out on this journey. He could still hear the stinging comments of his classmates ringing in his ears, as he approached the study hall table a few weeks ago...
"What do you suppose Crane will be doing for the break? Making love to a
philosophy textbook?"
"It might be rather difficult though - getting that large object up his
tight ass!!"
With that Niles turned his usual crimson hue, hugged his armful of books and papers a little tighter and veered off in the opposite direction. The echoes of laughter and snickers that followed his retreat pushed him down the corridor even faster.
They would never accept him as part of their gang. He would always be an outsider! Sure, once in a while some students who were desperate to push their marks up, came to him for tutoring, but that was as friendly as it got.
When the exam was over, those same people would turn their backs
whenever he would sit down to eat his lunch at the same table as them. "Nerdy Niles" was nothing more than a target for the ritualistic ribbing they called "good fun". No one seemed remotely sympathetic as they unmercifully buried him in an avalanche of daily verbal abuse. His reputation as a hoity-toity preceded him, justifying in their minds the insults and snide comments. Niles just withdrew even more, building up a defensive wall, so that their rejection didn't hurt as much.
"I really don't want to be part of their immature highjinks. Really, they
are so crude!!" he would say as he sniffed the air with contempt. But then,
as he sat alone in the stacks of the immense college library, he wished that he had a tribe to hang out with, as the others would have put it. Some comrades to talk to. Something or someone to make the lonely hours pass more quickly...
"Frasier and I used to do everything together," he remembered. "back in
junior high. But that was a long time ago now - a lot of water has passed
under the "Pont Neuf" as the French would say. Frasier is studying at
Harvard and I am here to face this on my own. I miss his companionship. I even miss his pompous, know-it-all attitude! I'm headed to Yale myself, in another year... a really quality school!!" he defiantly thought. "I bet none of these ingrates will be going to Yale!! When I get done these credits and gain that scholarship, they can eat my dust!! I won't look back to this dump!!! No siree!!! I'll be outta here! That's all she wrote!!"
With his festering anger spent, he would pause and then let out a small sigh, close his books and trudge off to spend another night alone reading, or listening to the classical recordings in his bedroom, or worse still, watching the occasional documentary T.V. programme with his parents.
"Oh God! My life really is pathetic!" he would silently moan to himself in the
darkened recesses of his parent's living room, as the television bathed the
mossy green plaid furniture with a ghostly light. "When I get my own home it will be rich in colour and textures, filled with art and sculpture! I am going to make sure that I am well enough off to live in a beautiful building like... like the Montana of Euclid Ave. But, I suppose to be fair, Mom and Dad do direct a lot of their hard earned dollars to my education. They can't afford to live in a palace like the Montana and pay for Frasier and my education, even with the scholarships. I guess talking like this makes me sound not only uppity, but also ungrateful for all they have done! Great! Now I can feel guilty about that too!!"
It was during one of those nocturnal self-examination exercises that he
decided on the perfect destination to raise himself out of this numbing rut.
He had heard some of the other students discussing their vacation plans and one blonde co-ed with particularly perky breasts, Niles noted, had mentioned that she and her cousins were going to "Vegas for a week of gambling and debauchery." Outwardly Niles' face took on the look of disdain at the time, but inside he felt a twinge of envy.
Vegas...
The girl's words reverberated in his mind, until he could think of nothing else.
"That's where I'll go, then. Maybe one of them will see me there and my
reputation for being such a "stick-in-the-mud" will dissolve away and my social life will take a turn for the better! Yes, that is the solution! I won't back out of this! I have to do this! All right! This is just what I need!"
With those emphatic inspirations still sounding in his ears, he headed off on his adventure...
And now with overnight stays in Boise and Salt Lake City that left him
with little more than a six-hour drive to complete his journey.
Niles tried hard to ignore the cleanliness of the budget accommodations that he was forced to accept, telling himself that the dust and the hard
mattresses would be the crosses he would have to bear in order to get to his "social salvation" in Vegas. As he straightened his shirt cuffs, while
putting on his jacket early that morning before heading out of the Hide-Away Highway Motel, Niles made a mental note of the irony of his situation.
"I'm leaving one of the most officially moral cities
in the region," he pondered, "and heading off to a city which is
affectionately known as "Sin City". But, redemption can be found
in the most unlikely of places occasionally. And what I am in search for
can't be found in a book or an aria. I want to feel like... like I belong...
I want my classmates, or anyone for that matter, other than my own flesh and blood, to like me and want to spend time with me. To accomplish this I have to gain some experience in their environment, try to fit in, show them that I can be a "with it" guy and be part of their world. This trip to Las Vegas could be the key that could unlock those doors that have been shut to me all my life.... and... I could actually end up having some fun!"
This would be so much more than just a vacation for rest and relaxation.
Las Vegas would be his "Holy Land" where he hoped to find the silver challis of acceptance from the others.
Niles gripped the steering wheel with determination as he approached the
sign that indicated that he was now entering the state of Nevada. It wouldn't be too long now before he reached his destination.
Viva Las Vegas, indeed!
A lot was riding on this one trip...
End of Part 1
To be continued...