AN: Whoo-hoo an update! Sorry it's been so long. I've spent my free moments this summer getting caught up on Grey's Anatomy. Saw one random episode of season 2 and was hooked. Haha Almost done with season 5. Oh! And if you have a free moment and want some spoilers, you should try to find the Bones Comic Con vids on YT. At one point, David and Emily start arguing over who loves who more…in baby voices… Too funny! Well anyway, update is here. Enjoy!

In life, change is almost always a bad thing – that's the way that Brennan saw it. Change led to disaster and disaster led to pain. And yet the thing that was almost worse than change was waiting. Waiting for a change that could bring your whole world crashing down around you in an instant.

That's where she found herself now: waiting. Waiting for Booth to call her and tell her that this whole tumor problem had been misdiagnosed, that he was going to be absolutely fine… that Avalon had been right. She needed things to be fine because quite simply, she couldn't handle them if they weren't. She couldn't handle the possibility that Booth's feelings for her might just be a figment of his imagination. She couldn't handle seeing him in yet another coma in which he may never wake up from. She couldn't handle losing him.

If their year apart had taught her anything, it was that she needed him in her life, especially now that Angela was married and had a baby on the way. She needed him to be her partner again so she could get back to forensics. While her time in Indonesia had been well spent and served as a pleasant break from dead children, she couldn't deny how much she actually missed solving murders. She needed him to be her friend whom she could tell anything to. Angela had the tendency to be a bit of a blabber mouth… And recently she had come to accept the fact that sometimes, she just needed him to hold her.

She knew it sounded pathetic, but his comfort often had a way of making her feel better.

Brennan glanced at her watch and then at her cell phone. Booth said he would get the results back at noon. It was 12:28 and she still hadn't heard from him. She was worried. He should have called her by now…

She got up from her spot on the couch in a huff and aimlessly wandered into the kitchen. She pulled a beer out of the fridge, hoping that the alcohol would help calm her nerves. Brennan leaned against the sink, toying with the ends of her hair as she nursed her drink. Any minute now, she told herself, any minute now, he'll call and tell me that everything's going to be fine. More than fine even. He'll say that –

There was a sharp knock on her door, bringing her out of her thoughts. Brennan put down her beer and rushed to open the door. Just like she had expected, it was Booth. But unlike what she had expected, was his expression. It was solemn and not in the least relieved.

"Booth?" She spoke his name softly, afraid of what his response would be.

He didn't say anything, instead just pulling her into a hug. Brennan focused on his heartbeat, hoping that it could reassure her in some way. It didn't. Booth pulled away and locked eyes with her.

"I think you're gonna want to sit down."

"That bad?"

Booth nodded and silently made his way over to her couch. Brennan followed, sitting down next to him.

"I wasn't misdiagnosed. They did manage to remove the tumor last time, but it came back."

Brennan instantly thought back to his terrified expression before he went into his surgery and how desperate his voice sounded when he begged her to be in there with him. She remembered standing in the OR, holding his limp hand, and watching the neurosurgeon dissect the tumor from his brain. She recalled never leaving his room as he lay unconscious in his hospital bed. She could still picture the words she had written and read to him. There was no way she could go through this again; no way he could go through this again.

"There's more," Booth said, softly.

"More? What, has the cancer spread?"

"The tumor's inoperable."

She felt her whole world spiral out of control.

"Why is it inoperable?" It was the only thing she could think to say, even though she already knew the answer.

"It's gotten too big. An operation would be too dangerous. They just…they didn't catch it in time."

Brennan suddenly felt anger bubbling up inside of her.

"It's not their fault, Booth, it's yours. You should have realized the tumor was back the moment you started hallucinating! You should have come back home and had the operation to get it removed before it got this bad!"

"You weren't –"

"I could have returned too! You're more important to me than some ancient, dusty remains!"

"I just blamed the hallucinations on the heat and the stress. It happens, they happen. People say crazy stuff happens in the desert all of the time."

"Not all people have been diagnosed with brain cancer!"

"Bones, I'm sorry. I –"

"What were you hallucinating this time? Dead army buddies? Hockey players? Animated babies?"

"Don't make me tell you," Booth whispered.

"I want to know, Booth. I want to know what was so damn important that you let it cost you your life."

"I'm not going to die, Bones. I start chemo next week. I can beat this."

"Who were you seeing, Booth?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me? There's no one you could have seen who would have –"

"I saw you, but you were my wife…the club owner. And you were pregnant."

There's no one he could have seen who would have hurt her, except for that…except for her. She was just one more problem pointing to the solution that Booth didn't really love her.

"See? This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you! I knew you'd jump to conclusions."

"How did you –"

"You haven't said anything for at least a minute and I know you. It was just a hallucination, Bren."

"Bren? See now that's where you're wrong. All of your past hallucinations were linked to what was going on in your life. So you must have been missing me while you were over there. But the thing is, Booth, you didn't see me, you saw her. She's the one that you're in love with, your wife, not me. And the fact that you just called me Bren proves it."

"Angela calls you Bren all of the time."

"Yeah, but you don't. You call me Bones. It's what you've called me since the first time we worked together. You don't get to just change that now to try and prove something to me!"

"Bones –"

"And then there's the fact that you didn't want it to stop. You didn't want her to go away, so you just brushed off the idea of it being another tumor like it was nothing. All because you didn't want to lose her again…because I'm not her."

"I don't want you to be her, Bones. I want you to be you!"

"Could have fooled me…"

"I honestly don't know why I saw her. The tumor –"

"No! Don't you dare blame this on the tumor!"

"Why not?"

"Because if the tumor is the reason why you chose her instead of just regular me, then your love for me is just a symptom of your cancer."

"Bones, I told you yesterday that I've known long before I started hallucinating that I had feelings for you. And there's no way they would have been able to take it out if it had been growing for that long."

"No, Booth you were attracted to me. There's a difference between love and attraction."

"Do you love me?"

"What?"

"I just ask because the last time I asked you said no."

"You never asked. You said that you wanted to give us a chance and you kissed me and rambled off about couples who've been together for 50 years, but you never, not once, asked me if I was in love you."

"So, are you?"

"I don't know," Brennan said softly as the tears began to fill her eyes. "I still don't know. A year apart and I still can't tell. But what I do know is this: I want you to love me. That has to mean something right? That has to mean that I care…"

She choked on her own words as her tears started spilling out of her eyes. Booth pulled her into his arms and she sunk into his embrace.

"I don't want to lose you, Booth. I can't."

Booth began to stroke her hair, forgetting how long it had become over their year apart.

"You know, in my dream and in my hallucinations she's everything like you another than your career choice. You're both smart, and beautiful, and don't fully comprehend pop culture..." Brennan laughed lightly at that and Booth continued. "I think the reason why my subconscious made us club owners and not partners working for the FBI is because it takes out the rule that tells us we can't be together. It allows us to be married. That's why I keep reverting back to her; there are no rules with her."

"You know I hate psychology."

"Yeah, I've noticed."

"Can we just focus on getting you better and worry about all of this love nonsense later?"

"We can do that."

They sat in silence for while, just enjoying the fact that they were together again. A year apart had been far too long.

"Are you fully aware of the toll chemo is going to take on your body?" Brennan asked, needing to talk about something.

"I know I'm going to lose my long luscious mane of hair."

"I'm serious, Booth."

"So am I! If we can't make light out of this situation, it's going to get down right depressing, and fast."

"Does Parker know? Does he even know that you're home?"

"I saw him yesterday, but I wanted to wait until I got the test results back before I got him all worked up. And you're the first person I've told the results to."

"This isn't going to be easy on him."

"This isn't going to be easy on any of us."

"You know I've heard that marijuana can help with some of the effects of the chemo…"

"Oh so now you're suggesting I do illegal drugs?"

"No! There have actually been medical studies done to determine the medical purposes of the substance. I was just trying to give you some advice."

"I know and thanks for that really, but I've still got a week before I start chemo. We've got plenty of time to worry about that stuff. Right now, let's just focus on the fact that we've got the whole team together again!"

"I doubt we'll be doing much crime solving over the next few months."

"We?"

"You really think I'm going to let you go though this alone? Tell me when you have chemo, and I'll be there. And if I can't, I'll send Angela or Cam or somebody. Your health is the number one priority right now, Booth, not catching serial killers."

"I guess I'm pretty lucky to have a friend like you who cares so much."

"That was a very corny thing to say in this situation, but you're welcome. I've 'got your back' on this one, Booth. Just think of it as payment for all of the times you've had mine."

AN: Feedback is majorly appreciated!