Story Title: Julie and a Man Called Skinner
Rated: PG-13 for (completely justified) abuse
Status: Complete // 300+
Summary: In which Suzuki Adelheid keeps her bitches in line; or, five reasons why Katou Julie prefers Suzuki Adelheid's left thigh over her right. 1120, vaguely.
Steve's Notes: So every week, tsunayoshi makes a review of the Reborn chapter in her community, headshotted. Long story short, she makes me spray soda out my nose and makes me write semi-ridiculous things, like the story below.
Disclaimer: Katekyou Hitman Reborn! © Amano Akira

01: The first time Katou Julie manages to lay his hand on Suzuki Adelheid, he places said hand atop her right thigh. He receives three broken fingers, a black eye, and several loosened teeth. Six weeks later, when he manages to brush his hand against her left thigh, he only gets a bloody nose and a minor concussion.

02: After careful observation, Julie has learned that when Suzuki reaches for her Metal Fans of Certain and Imminent Castration, sometimes the fan attached to her left garter snags on the fabric of her skirt and pulls upward, resulting in the exposure of her left thigh and buttock. It never catches on the right side. Julie would tell her that this is due to the combination of her being right-handed and her stance—she shifts most of her weight to her right foot, thus forcing her left hip outward—but he's too busy admiring her lacy underwear and garters to form a coherent sentence.

03: Suzuki's reaction time in regards to being appreciated (read: groped) is 0.1547 seconds slower on her left than her right. After years of trial and error, Julie has learned this lag means the difference between barely avoiding a kneecap to the face and possibly irreparable damage to his nethers.

04: When she gets ready in the morning, Suzuki's position in front of her full-length mirror in relation to Julie's position outside her window has familiarized Julie with Suzuki's entire right half. While he has trouble finding fault with her Amazonian physique, her left half remains shrouded in vague mystery, much like the dark side of the moon. Despite the obvious symmetry of the human body, Julie imagines it to be even more perfect than the right.

05: There is a pale freckle on Suzuki's left inner thigh, which Julie has observed many times before, and which he continues to look for when Suzuki catches him peeping. As she executes a perfect high kick, her foot connecting with his temple and sending him sprawling, Julie imagines that he just might be in love with small beauty mark. This is why, when he skips out on Family meetings to stalk other girls, he always asks for one of the other members to give his regards to Suzuki's thigh—he may not be a monogamous man, but damn if he isn't faithful.

end.