"Nothing Ventured is Nothing Gained"

2x5obsessions challenge entry—prompt: "Insomnia".

A/N: I know I should've been working on my 'Christmas in America' fic…but when this idea came to me I just got so excited I decided to focus on this for a few days. Plus, my computer randomly updated itself and, for some reason, I hadn't saved the original copy of this or Chapter 9 of 'Christmas in America' at all. I had a lot written, too…I actually cried when I realized I lost everything. I also lost quite a lot of work that I'd done on my Egoist wallpaper…I hate computers…

Italics primarily indicate that the event happened in the past. Though you probably could've gathered that yourselves.

X X X

Moonlight shone through the window like a dull lamp and cast the bedroom in a dull, ivory glow. Whirlwinds of snow flurries spun around outside as if they were trapped in a large blender, and the apartment walls shook slightly every time a heavy gust blew up against the building. The new, queen-sized mattress remained silent whenever one of the warm bodies lying atop it shifted to a more comfortable position. A thick blue comforter scantily covered their sticky nether regions while a pair of large, sock-clad feet stuck out from the bottom of the blankets. The owner of said feet snored softly as he lay on his back, left arm outstretched and bent at the elbow to serve as a make-shift pillow for its smaller partner, who had remained wide awake.

The night had been wonderful; it was one of their monthly 'date nights', and, as per their deal, Hiroki didn't protest too much as he indulged Nowaki for the night. The doctor had made reservations for them at one of the nicest (and incidentally, one of the most expensive) restaurants in the city, and after dinner they took the long way home, sharing snow-dusted kisses as they laughed through the vacant side-streets of Tokyo.

When they arrived back at the apartment they split a large bowl of strawberries and whipped cream before enjoying a candle-lit bubble bath together, complete with lavender incense and champagne. Needless to say, after Hiroki berated Nowaki for being such a good-for-nothing sap, they retired to the bedroom and made love for hours on end, pausing only to change positions or regain some of their seemingly endless stamina via water or fruit.

It was past 11 o'clock when Hiroki finally insisted that they called it a night, claiming that the younger man had torn his ass up enough to last him a few days. Though his back truly did ache Hiroki would've gladly done it again, but the truth was he knew Nowaki had a long triple shift the following day and that he'd need all the sleep he could get. Hiroki hated to admit that, even if only to himself, he was somewhat jealous of Nowaki's busy schedule and of how often it kept the pediatrician away from him. It was something Hiroki had grown increasingly used to over the years but that didn't make it any easier to for him cope with.

Hiroki craned his neck back as far as he could manage so he could have the full view of Nowaki's slumbering face, trailing long fingers down the younger man's neck. He gazed at the peaceful doctor for a long time before sighing and tucking back a dark, stray bang that had fallen out of place. As he laid his head back on Nowaki's broad shoulder, Hiroki thought about how he couldn't say anything about the younger man being at the hospital so much because Nowaki was doing what he loved, and he never wanted to be the one to come between Nowaki and his career. Especially since he knew Nowaki would never do the same to him….

Disappointment flooded Hiroki's body and in an attempt to distract himself, he began outlining the quiz he'd be giving the following week to his freshman class, but thinking about school incidentally reminded him of the adorable Pomeranian puppy he'd seen on his way home from work earlier that day. It was like a tan, fluffy ball of energy that looked exactly like one of the dogs Nowaki had pointed out as his favorite at the pet shop….

"You know we can't have it."

Nowaki was silent for a moment as he gazed into the penetrating depths of Hiroki's eyes. "I know," Nowaki whispered, frowning. Reluctantly, he placed the tiny fluff-ball back in its plastic cubical beside her snoozing brother. As the two turned to leave the puppy climbed up against the wall and began yelping excitedly, shattering Nowaki's heart as he walked out the door.

The two had walked in silence for the better part of three blocks; Nowaki staring sullenly at the ground and Hiroki trying to ignore his partner's obviously depressive state. It wasn't long until Hiroki decided that he couldn't take it anymore; he reached out, tucking his left arm underneath Nowaki's right and looking up at him. At the younger man's confused expression, he spoke.

"When our lease is up…" Hiroki coughed, trying to will away the blush that had quickly dusted his cheeks, "…we can…we can move to a new place, one that allows pets. Okay?"

Hiroki hadn't been anticipating the bone-crushing kiss that ensued, nor did he expect for Nowaki to break into a dead-sprint the moment they parted.

"Hiro-san, I love you."

As they ran home, Hiroki thought about how he'd never been much of a dog-person; but at the overwhelmed expression of happiness reflected in Nowaki's face, he knew he would never regret his decision.

A smile tugged at the corners of Hiroki's mouth as he ran his cool hand over Nowaki's chest, relishing the feel of the warm, powerful muscles beneath his palm. While they hadn't found a place yet, their lease wasn't up until late April so they still had several more months to look around.

In fact, it was just earlier that week that Hiroki had been browsing through the newspaper listings and saw that Nowaki's old apartment needed to be sublet. While it was obviously too small for the couple, especially now, Hiroki wondered if it were still possible for them to tour it briefly during one of the open houses. The older man held nothing but fond memories of the place; loving, laughing, playing; and despite it being smaller than a matchbox, when they were still living separately, the professor had always harbored a secret desire to stay the night at Nowaki's place as opposed to his. It didn't have central heating, but sometimes it was nice to have to huddle together beneath a mountain of blankets on Nowaki's tiny futon; it humbled him and though he put up a fight about it, Hiroki truly didn't mind indulging Nowaki in the 'alternative heating source'.

Out of the many nights Hiroki weathered there, he could remember one in particular clearer than day. It'd been one of the very first times Hiroki had ever stayed over and a heavy snowstorm had put a damper on their plans to see a movie, so they were stuck in Nowaki's house with very little to do. (Of course, Nowaki had offered a long list of 'things' for them to do and while Hiroki didn't mind doing them he insisted that, due to an important presentation he had the following the morning, they avoid doing the penetrative 'things'.) But after only one round Hiroki insisted that he was too hungry to continue so they made a large batch of American-style cupcakes and played Scrabble until the sun went down.

Once they'd broken their tie (Nowaki 2, Hiroki 1; effectively sending the older man on a tangent about how stupid brats cheated at board games), they watched one of Hiroki's favorite movies that happened to be playing on TV. As the older man had sat between Nowaki's long legs, their fingers absentmindedly twining and rubbing the others', Hiroki could only think of how nice it was that they'd already become so comfortable around each other. That after only six months of dating, the two of them could just sit around in their pajamas, playing games and have just as much fun as performing sexual favors for each other all day.

Later that night, long after the movie had ended, Hiroki expressed his extreme boredom of the medical drama they'd begun watching, and the younger man began throwing out random games for them to play. When the idea of 'Truth or Dare' was thrown up, Nowaki got very excited whereas Hiroki regarded him with a look of disgust….

"We're not middle school girls," Hiroki grumbled, wiggling out of the giant's iron grip. He stalked over to the fridge and threw the door open.

"Oh, but it's so much fun! We used to play it at the orphanage all the time."

At the mention of 'orphanage', Hiroki stopped cold in his tracks. While the older man had about Nowaki's humble beginnings from day one, it didn't make it any easier for him to stomach.

"Fine, whatever," Hiroki sighed, trying to sound breezy as he grabbed two bottles of water from the bottom drawer.

To this day, Hiroki cannot recall him and Nowaki ever having so much fun with all of their clothes on. They revealed truths and conducted humiliating dares into the early morning hours, eventually crashing together around 4 in the morning. The two told each other everything—their firsts and favorites, likes and dislikes, embarrassing encounters and hilarious misdemeanors. While the dares were few and far between, the two men were quite mischievous in their choices; in fact, at one point, Hiroki dared Nowaki to dye part of his hair red. Obviously, because the younger man didn't keep spare bottles of hair color lying around, they weren't able to do it that night; but, by the next time Hiroki saw him, Nowaki had streaked his bangs flaming red. Nothing extraordinary had really happened that day but Hiroki could still remember it crystal clear, because it was the first time he realized he could truly trust the other man with anything.

Recalling the earlier days of their relationship further reminded Hiroki of how different Nowaki had looked as an adolescent. When they'd met Nowaki had been nothing more than a young, determined boy with warm hands and smiling eyes. The teenage Nowaki had been tall and lanky, not to mention incredibly clumsy due to his body growing faster than he was able to adapt to. In addition, he was deceivingly weak for his towering height due to being borderline underweight. While Hiroki had always loved Nowaki's body just as it was, time had very different plans.

While Nowaki had always been exceptionally tall, by the time he was 20 the younger man had grown another 4 centimeters, and when he'd returned from America, he had somehow managed to shoot up another 3. He'd finally stopped growing around his 25th birthday, leaving him at a staggering 193 centimeters, more than 20 taller than the national average.

In addition to growing upwards, with his rigorous job at the construction site, it didn't take long for Nowaki to grow in diameter as well. His skinny stomach slowly began to define, replacing his formerly rib-barren belly with a delicious set of firm abs, while his arms and shoulders gradually broadened with a sexy mass of newly-formed muscle. When they first got together it was a struggle for Nowaki to carry Hiroki all the way to the bedroom, but now, he was able to hold the older man up for extended periods of time without so much as breaking a sweat (if he excluded the activity that Nowaki was holding him up for).

At one point, the man's height and muscle mass exceeded the healthy point of Nowaki remaining at a constant weight, creating a deep concern within Hiroki.

"Nowaki, you've barely touched your rice."

Glancing in his direction, Nowaki nodded, placing his chopsticks off to the side. "I had a big lunch, so I'm really not that hungry…I'll probably just save it for later."

"I wish you'd just eat it…" Hiroki murmured, uneasy. When the younger man remained silent, Hiroki hesitantly continued, "How much do you weight, anyway?"

Slightly caught off guard by the obscure question, Nowaki tilted his head to the side and thought about it. "Well, um, I think the last time I weighted myself was a couple weeks ago, and I was about 70 kilograms."

"Nowaki, that's what I weight, and I'm 10 centimeters shorter than you! Seriously, you've got to eat more. I'm…" Hiroki cast his eyes downwards as he picked up his rice bowl and obscured his mouth with it. "…really worried about you," he whispered, immediately following his meaningful words with a shovel-full of rice.

At this information, Nowaki's eyes widened. "Hiro-san…" Nowaki shuffled away from the table and crawled over, sitting behind the younger man and hugging him.

"Would you get off me? I'm busy eating here," Hiroki grumbled, though it was hard for him to deny that the embrace felt nice.

The younger man hooked his shaggy head over Hiroki's left shoulder, kissing his cheek. "You're worried about me."

"I am not! If you don't eat right, you'll get…worms."

"That's from eating raw foods, Hiro-san."

"Well, whatever. You'll get sick."

"And you don't want me to get sick, because you care about me!" Hiroki was momentarily glad Nowaki wasn't facing him, because his entire face immediately took on the color of a ripe tomato. "Just admit it, you care about me!"

"I don't! You're…just a much better cook than I am. If you got sick, I'd probably starve."

"Hiro-san cares about me…" Smiling widely, Nowaki grabbed Hiroki's chin and turned it towards him, kissing Hiroki tenderly. When they parted, Hiroki dared not open his eyes, for fear of losing all the reserve he'd just built.

"Well, if you want me to gain weight…" Nowaki whispered, continuing to longingly gaze at Hiroki's deliciously parted lips as he grabbed the chopsticks and placed them in Hiroki's hand, "…you'll have to make me."

In the weeks that followed, Nowaki's stomach and face gradually began to fill with healthy pounds that were brought on by Hiroki's fleeting comment. Nearly three months after their discussion, Nowaki proudly announced to Hiroki that he weighed 79 kilograms, a perfect weight for his incredible height. Hiroki was happy that such a minor observation made by him had such an effect on Nowaki, further proving that the younger man would do anything as long as he was happy.

Suddenly, a loud snore from pulled Hiroki back into the present, causing him to roll his eyes at the younger man's sleeping form. Nowaki only snored when he was forced to lie on his back, and though Hiroki could easily turn the man over and end the torturous noise, he refrained from doing so, instead opting to smooth a fond hand down the man's chiseled abdomen. A smile cross Hiroki's lips as he let his fingers dance over the blotchy pink-and-blue marks located near the unique dip where Nowaki's torso met his groin. As he fingered the small hickeys, Hiroki thought about how adorable the young doctor was whenever Hiroki was attending to him; that was one thing that had never changed over time.

His cheeks flushed, mouth agape as heavy pants fell through soft lips, head falling backwards to expose his deliciously bitable throat, large hands desperately pulling Hiroki's hair, long legs twitching uncontrollably as his narrow hips fought not to thrust upwards. One of Hiroki's secret pleasures was to see Nowaki his vulnerable state, especially since the younger man always managed to have a mask of carefully-arranged composure in everything he did. Being the only one allowed to see Nowaki this way, the only one able to make him come completely undone with just a few deft swipes of his mouth caused a noticeable swell in the older man's pride.

So much so, that one night, nearly a year into their relationship, Hiroki was feeling so bold following his oral ministrations that he brought up the idea of Nowaki bottoming, since he'd never done so before; and because the younger man was still incredibly disoriented from the mind-blowing sensations brought on by Hiroki's mouth, it didn't take very much persuasion on his part to get Nowaki to agree. When they began it was awkward and somewhat clumsy since neither of them were as accustomed to being in the other's position, but after a while, they allowed themselves to succumb to the pleasure. Just being able to have Nowaki beneath him, trembling and breathless and in submission; was a novel feeling because despite being older, Hiroki had always been the one to surrender and be overwhelmed in the heat of the moment, and it felt nice to be in charge for once.

Nowaki began to shift suddenly, startling Hiroki nearly to the point of gasping. The pillowing arm slid out from beneath his tousled head, causing Hiroki to roll on his back and allow the younger man room to move. A stray hand reached out and grabbed Hiroki's hip, trying to pull its unconscious owner towards a confused Hiroki. Hiroki lifted an arm and the young doctor quickly went to work in making a nest of the bony clavicle. Even through the realms of unconsciousness, Nowaki had managed to skillfully reposition himself so that he was now the one being held. Hiroki briefly wondered how often the two of them managed to sink into this position late at night.

Hesitantly, Hiroki brought his left hand over and gently placed it on Nowaki's dark head, allowing the warm hair to settle between his fingers. As he kindly began to stroke the raven scalp, Hiroki smiled and thought about how, Nowaki could easily have two halves; one that was controlling, powerful and even somewhat masochist, and one that was kind, gentle and always treated Hiroki as if he were a priceless gem. Hiroki had long since decided that he loved both equally, but in vastly different ways.

The dominating side of Nowaki was very seldom displayed, reserved mostly for playful role-play or after the occasional jealous spat. Typically, Hiroki hated to think of himself as the submissive one of their relationship, but every once in a while (and only then), he thought it was nice to be wrestled onto the bed and have the shirt literally torn from his body, to have Nowaki force him into doing things and to be 'punished' for his 'misdeeds'. The buttons skipping across the floor merely served as a prelude to the subsequent opus of moans, grunts, fleshy smacks and creaking bed springs. Of course, none of that came without a carefully measured amount of resistance from Hiroki, though Nowaki had long since been able to understand which 'no' actually meant 'stop' and which 'no' really meant 'do me harder'. It was fun to be able to play with each other like that and since they had established one another as equals, Hiroki never felt degraded by Nowaki's aggressive words, nor did Nowaki feel unnecessarily superior because he was the one momentarily in charge. (Besides, there had long since been an unspoken understanding between the two that, in their relationship, one person was in charge and the other person was Nowaki.)

Of course, on the on the opposite end of the spectrum, was the incredibly kind Nowaki that always treated Hiroki better than he ever felt he deserved. It was like the giant handling a delicate flower (or something equally fragile with a more masculine symbolism). The gentler side of Nowaki been the one to present itself that night as it usually did after their fluffier date-nights, not that Hiroki was complaining. Having someone to treat him that tenderly was like a wonderful dream, and sometimes after their more intense love-making sessions Hiroki had to pinch himself just in case it actually was. Even after all this time, Hiroki still so overwhelmed when Nowaki would regard him with that innocent, genuine, love-filled smile that was reserved for Hiroki alone. Hiroki's favorite thing, however, was when they would be in the middle of sex; Nowaki would stop, grab Hiroki's hand and weave their fingers together, squeezing them to silently telling Hiroki to open his eyes. After exchanging a long moment of unspoken understanding, Nowaki would lean down and gently press their mouths together, moving his lips so slowly and tenderly that Hiroki often had to fight the urge to cry because he was overcome by the sheer amount of love and devotion Nowaki always managed to convey in such a fleeting touch.

Heat pooled in Hiroki's groin at the fond memory and in an attempt to combat the slowly growing erection, he tried to focus his thoughts on the things he hated—like women in risqué clothing, doing Miyagi's paperwork, and watching baseball. God, how he despised that sport; he had no idea how Nowaki could stand to watch it as often as he did. It was so unbelievably boring! Watching dozens of steroid jacked-men swing and miss at a tiny white ball for hours wasn't exactly Hiroki's idea of a fun afternoon, but Nowaki enjoyed it, so Hiroki decided he was able relinquish control of the remote for a few hours, if it made Nowaki happy. Besides, what made the game slightly more interesting was Nowaki's seemingly endless knowledge of the sport….

"There sure are a lot of left-handed guys in baseball," Hiroki commented as the 4th lefty hitter in a row stepped up to bat.

"Actually, a lot of these guys train themselves to be 'switch-hitters', which just means that they can bat well with both hands."

"Why?"

"Well, statistically speaking, it's easier to hit off a pitch that's thrown by the opposite hand. The majority of these guys are probably right-handed by nature."

Hiroki's head cocked to the side. "Huh? Seriously?" Turning slightly to his left, Hiroki tried to imagine he was holding a bat and attempted to swing left-handed, but shook his head when he felt it was too awkward to pursue. "That sounds really hard."

"It probably is at first." Nowaki shrugged. "But actually, I've always batted left-handed…I'm not sure why."

"That's strange. Are you ambidextrous?"

"I'm not sure, but a number of people have commented that I shoot pool and play basketball left-handed. I never realized it until they said it because it was always natural for me to do it that way."

"Can you write with your left hand?"

Nowaki thought about it, then shrugged again. "…Yeah, I guess."

"Will you show me?"

Not finding a reason not to, Nowaki popped up and strolled into the kitchen, scouring the drawers for a writing utensil and scrap of paper. After three tries he finally found a functioning pen and rejoined Hiroki in the living room, kneeling before the coffee table so he could write down his name and their address in his dominant right hand.

A few seconds later Nowaki finished and quickly switched the pen over, naturally tilting the paper at a 45 degree angle so he could have a better view of his hand scribing the character. Despite writing practically in reverse, Nowaki didn't appear to be any less comfortable writing with his left than he did with his right.

"That's so weird," Hiroki breathed as he watched Nowaki finish his final stroke, amazed at how neat and similar the names were despite being scribed with a different hand.

"You do it," Nowaki insisted, scooting the paper in front of Hiroki.

"No way."

"Oh, just try." Nowaki reached across and gently poked at Hiroki's arm with the blunt end of the pen.

"No, I'm not all cool and mysterious like you, Mr. ambidextrous. If I try it I'll look like a two-year-old holding a pencil for the first time."

"Come on, please?"

Hiroki glared Nowaki for a moment before sliding onto the ground and leaning over the coffee table. After carefully scripting his name Hiroki hesitantly switched hands, trying to find a comfortable position for the pen to rest at. The implement felt incredibly awkward in his untrained left hand as the professor slowly began to write out his family name. While the first one had come out nearly perfect, on the fourth stroke of his 'jo' kanji the felt tip slipped between his fingers and effectively ruined the entire character. Frustrated, Hiroki clumsily drew a line through his name and started over, this time strictly using hiragana. Though it should've taken him only a few seconds to write the remainder of his name out Hiroki was fighting to make the characters perfect, so it ended up taking him more than half a minute.

"…It's not as good as yours," Hiroki admitted as he leaned back and hesitantly handed the paper to Nowaki. Despite his attempt at precision the characters were sloppy and blocky, but legible.

"Well…I can still read it," Nowaki commented as he compared the two names.

"But I had to write it in hiragana because my kanji is too intricate."

"Oh come on, you have, like, the some of the easiest characters."

"Nah-uh, they're more detailed than yours, which are mostly just lines," Hiroki defended.

"Whatever you say," Nowaki sighed as he drew a perfect smilie face in his left hand. "Wow, guess I can write well with both hands…"

Hiroki rolled his eyes when a beaming Nowaki presented the drawing to him. "You're a…freak!"

Nowaki smiled wider and playfully chucked the stationary at Hiroki, laughing. "Shut up, I'm not a freak! There are lots of people who can do things equally with both hands."

"True ambidexterity is really rare, though. Lots of people can train themselves to do something better with one hand—like those baseball guys!—but that isn't the same…freak!"

"I'm not a freak!"

"Okay, name one other person who can do things with both hands."

"Well…um…" Nowaki stopped for a moment to think. "That tennis star—Rafael Nadal, I believe it's pronounced—he writes right-handed but plays tennis with his left."

"That doesn't mean he's ambidextrous, he could've just been trained to play that way."

"…umm…Rocky Balboa! He always did the southpaw stance!"

"Rocky Balboa isn't even real!"

"…Well, either way, being cross-dominant isn't totally unheard of, especially in professional sports. Oh! There was some Russian tennis player who did two forehands as opposed to one fore and one back."

Hiroki stared at into Nowaki's eyes for a moment, once again amazed at how intelligent the man truly was. "…yeah, okay, fine." The older man pushed himself up off of the floor and onto the couch, fighting to keep the blush off his cheeks. "You win this round."

Still smiling, Nowaki exaggerated a loud grunt as he pulled himself up and placed himself back on the other chair, comfortably sprawling out on his back as he continued to watch the game with deep interest.

A sudden touch by the younger man's wandering hand tickled Hiroki's belly, breaking the professor of his reverie with a breathy laugh. When he was certain Nowaki was still asleep Hiroki gently pushed his body upwards and glanced over at the clock, russet eyes widening in amazement; without even realizing it, he had managed to spend the better part of an hour contemplating all the different aspects of Nowaki.

Smiling, Hiroki tipped his chin downwards, burying his nose into Nowaki's dark hair to breathe in the musty, spicy scent of his shampoo. While their relationship would never be perfect, Hiroki was unable to even consider the idea of being with anyone else. To be Nowaki's best friend was one thing, but being able to proudly call the younger man his partner was more than Hiroki could've ever asked for. Just Nowaki—that's all he'd ever need, ever again.

Buoyed by this feeling, Hiroki's smile widened while his eyes slowly slid shut as he allowed his partner's warmth to carry him into the wonderful world of bliss-filled dreams.

END

X X X

The average height in Japan is 5'7 ½" (170 centimeters). Nowaki mentions in the first act that he's 186 centimeters (6'1"), but as the stories progress Hiroki is always talking about how Nowaki keeps getting taller…so I'm making an assumption that he's now about 193 centimeters (6'4"). And based on the fan-art I've seen, everyone seems to blindly assume Hiroki is short like the rest of the ukes, but if you really pay attention, he's almost exactly the same height as Miyagi and Akihiko, with the exception of an inch or two. If the other two ukes are of average height and their semes tower over them, then they must be somewhat taller than average. So, I'm going to assume that Hiroki is about 5'10 ½" (179 centimeters). Besides, Nowaki never exactly makes him look tiny by comparison…why is it that I give these types of things so much thought?

70kg = ~155lbs. 79kg = ~175lb. I hate that America has its own form of measurement! Why can't we just be like the rest of the world?

Also, how did I manage to make a fic that was solely Hiroki's thoughts of Nowaki more than 4,000 words long? (I was thinking about doing a second part, the following morning, with Nowaki's thoughts of Hiroki while he sleeps. If I get enough feedback, I will, though it may be a while given that I really need to finish my Christmas fic first.)

If I made any errors, let me know, so I can fix them. I hate errors! **Fixed most of them...multiple...so many embarrassing errors I missed...