Heeey there. I seriously couldn't get this out of my head. There were these quotes that just WOULD NOT GO AWAY. So here. I've compiled all of them into this crackalicious fic. Also, because i've this recent infatuation of Itachi. Every since that one chapter in the manga that had me crying and this one Itachi/Shisui/Madara fic by coincident that i fell in love with. Okay yeah.
Enjoy.
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto....who needs to wrap things up. I mean like...soon.
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"I'm surprised you're not trying to kill me right now, Sasuke."
"I would. I honestly would but I'm kinda TIED UP OVER HERE."
"Ah I see."
"Fuck you Itachi."
"Now now little brother, that's not nice. I'm hurt."
"Like I care. I'm justified for any horrible thing I say to you."
"Are you still sore about me attacking you while you were sleeping?"
"YES."
"Who goes to sleep at 10 anyways? I was expecting you to be awake and ready to fight when Kisame and I came to kidnap you."
"I go to sleep at 10! Its healthy and it's good for my complexion!"
"…I have no witty comeback to that. But would that explain why you go to sleep in the buff?"
"…it feels nice okay?"
"I bet, what are those sheets, 200? 300 thread count?"
"500 actually."
"You got them from Orimonogakure didn't you?"
"Yup. I got them on sale. Half off."
"Mmm…."
"What were we talking about?"
"You sleeping naked."
"Right, can we change the subject?"
"No. Were you waiting someone perhaps? A certain, blonde haired, blue eyed, loud and obnoxious, foxy ninja?"
"Dude. Seriously. Don't look at me with those eyes. It's creepy. And did you just call Naruto foxy?"
"I did and with reason too. Have you seen him lately?"
"No. Then again, I'm not gay."
"You're borderline. I give you another year or two."
"I'M NOT GAY."
"Neither is Kakashi but I didn't see him complaining when he was sucking face with that chuunin with the spiky ponytail and the scar."
"LOW BLOW. ACCURATE. BUT LOW BLOW."
"I could probably introduce you to some people, you know, so you can test the waters."
"With the people you hang out with? No thanks. Your taste in comrades leaves a lot to be desired."
"You know, Kisame's not that bad looking, I mean, once you look past the blue skin and gills of course. He could be quite handsome."
"Uh, you forgot the shark teeth."
"Oh you can't say anything, Suigetsu has them too."
"Do you think they're born with it?"
"No I heard they file them down to look like that at some point in their lives."
"Huh, interesting."
"Quite."
"…"
"…"
"Do you think anyone will come rescue us? Not that I need any saving or anything, it's just that all the blood that's rushing to my head it getting annoying."
"Hanging upside down tends to do that to you."
"You're turning red you know."
"It's the blood, Sasuke. Don't be stupid."
"Pfft, shut up Itachi."
"This is all your fault, you know that?"
"My fault? My fault."
"That's right."
"How is this my fault? You were the one who insisted on going into this cave!"
"Well I wouldn't have insisted if you hadn't opposed it so much."
"What?"
"I had merely suggested it and if you had deigned to reply politely, I would've just let it go. But noooo, you had to scream and whine like Deidara when he has his man periods."
"So you're saying you did this to spite me?"
"Pretty much."
"And because you wanted to spite me, we go in this cave and get attacked by suspicious looking tentacles that look like they belong IN A HENTAI MANGA AND GET HUNG UPSIDE DOWN BY ROPE?"
"Now Sasuke, how would you know about these hentai mangas?"
"Shut up. Just, shut up."
"My my! Little Sasuke's growing up!"
"Itachi…"
"But hentai? Really? I pegged you as a yaoi kind of guy."
"Itachi…seriously."
"Oh! Are you trying to convince yourself otherwise? You know that never works! You know what? Pout like that again and I might forgive you for getting us stuck in this mess."
"Itachi!"
"You know I love it when you scream my name like that. You're getting me all hot and bothered!"
"ITACHI STOP IT. I'M YOUR BROTHER."
"Hahahaha, you're so cute it hurts sometimes."
"I hope you rupture a spleen."
"And I hope Karin finds where you put your underwear."
"Okay okay, truce? For now? I have this disturbing feeling that you'll help her."
"Good choice. Truce."
"Oh, one more thing? Next time you try to kidnap me, can you not do while I'm sleeping?"
"I'll try. Any specific reason why?"
"Have you ever tried the chidori naked? It's not fun."
"Duly noted."
"…"
"…"
"Did you hear that?"
"What?"
"That ripping sound. Hear that?"
"Really? Resorting to scare tactics now, Sasuke?"
"No seriously! I think the ropes are about to-"
Snap!
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Suigetsu trudged into an abandoned cave only to find his leader and his brother lying on the floor, bound and trussed up with Kisame Hoshigaki leaning over them with a peculiar look on his face.
"I know all the members of the Akatsuki have issues but a penchant for emotionally constipated brothers is just a bit much."
Kisame jumped away from the brothers with such alarm that Suigetsu was tempted to look at his ass to see if a chinchilla bit it or something.
"Sup," Suigetsu said with a snarky grin.
Kisame shot him an annoyed glare and crossed his arms. "I still see you're that bratty little kid you were when you were little."
"And I still see you're as blue as ever."
Kisame was not amused.
"So, uh," Suigetsu drawled, strutting over to the unconscious brothers on the ground, "what happened?"
Kisame snorted. "By the looks of it, I think they got tied up with this rope and were dangling from the ceiling." He nudged the rope with the tip of his toe. "I suppose it snapped. Keh, I told Itachi to lay off of the dango."
Suigetsu grinned. This was just priceless. Oh how he desperately wished for a camera. The two survivors of the Uchiha clan, all cuddled up against each other, warm and snug. If that wasn't proof of Uchihacest, he wondered what was. Damn, he could've made bank!
Kisame ignored the gleeful expression on Suigetsu's face and grabbed Itachi by his collar, hoisting him over his shoulder, mindful of his Samehada. It wouldn't be so great for Itachi to wake up and go 'Hey look! I'm bleeding. How are you Kisame?' Nope, not so great at all.
He lightly kicked the other Uchiha in the ribs and looked pointedly at Suigetsu. "I think this belongs to you."
"Funny," Suigetsu rolled his eyes but grabbed Sasuke anyways, more or less dragging him along the floor instead of throwing him over the shoulder like Kisame did. There was something ambiguously gay about how Itachi's butt was so damn near Kisame's face.
Suigetsu shuddered. One shipping in this cave was enough, thanks very much.
Together, the two former swordsmen of the mist dragged pulled their respective partners out, walking in absolute silence except for the sound of Kisame's footsteps and Sasuke's limp body being dragged against the cold, rocky ground.
Suigetsu eyed Kisame out of the corner of his eye.
"Soo…"
"What?"
"That's a nice sword you got there."
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What the hell what that? You might ask?
That, was a brain, on seven bottles of highly sugared VitaminWater Power-C.
i haven't been sleeping well...
Peace out!