Duplicity

Chapter 7: Wedded Bliss…not!

.~.~.~.~.

Before I knew it, the 26th had rolled around. To say I was dreading the event was an understatement, and as I got up and dressed for the day, the feeling just got worse and worse.

It felt like someone had stuck a knife in my chest and was slowly pushing it further and further in, twisting it for good measure.

But I had to go. I had no excuse not to—I was healthy, so faking sick was out. And besides the fact that Kyle was my friend, Rosalind was my childhood friend, a person I had known since I was a baby and played with all the time when I was a child, so not going to her wedding was probably akin to killing someone or something.

Besides…I loved her. I honestly did. To not go to her wedding would probably make me feel worse than subjecting myself to the torture of going, because eventually (hopefully, anyway) things would fade as time went on, and I would regret it later, I knew it. Not seeing her on what should be the happiest day of her life would be something that would haunt me forever, all lingering feelings aside.

So I went. Alicia was excited enough for both of us, anyway. As soon as we stepped out of the house she grabbed my hand and proceeded to practically drag me to the Park, where the main celebration was being held.

And I had to say, while I knew Herman knew how to throw a party, he held nothing back for his daughter's wedding. The Park was absolutely gorgeous. Flowers of every color were everywhere—tied with colorful ribbons to lampposts, statues, across any available surface you could possibly tie something to. All around the fountain there were rows of richly-covered tables filled with all sorts of food—more food than I could ever imagine being needed to feed Rosalind's extensive family, but considering her father's eating habits, I could probably expect it to be mostly gone by the end of the evening. Cecilia and whoever helped her must have been cooking for days.

Alicia let go of me when she got distracted by some sort of dish. I wasn't very interested in eating, so I wandered off, hoping to find someplace to be where I wouldn't be found and bothered by anyone I knew. I was familiar with some of Rosalind and Max's family, particularly their grandparents—their grandmother was a sweet talkative old lady while their grandfather was rather quiet and a bit of an enigma—and I really would rather not have to deal with them fawning over their grandchild getting married and all that. I didn't think I would be able to stomach it.

I wandered through the Park, dodging the celebrating family members and townspeople and keeping an eye out for Max, Rosalind, or Kyle—the three people I wanted to avoid at all costs. I made it to the West End, and found it to be just as lavishly decorated as the park; the streamers stretched all the way up to the top of the bell tower of the church, fluttering in the calm breeze. The road in front of the Manor and the Church were even more packed than in the Park—if that were possible—but I managed to push myself through, ending up at the very far end near the Mayor's house.

I resigned myself to sitting on a crate on the dock, picking despondently at the hem of my shirt. I just couldn't find it in myself to participate in the festivities, even though I knew in my gut I should just get over it and be happy for Rosalind. It was what she wanted, wasn't it? She wouldn't have accepted Kyle's proposal if she didn't feel the same. Rosalind was an intelligent woman; level-headed and unlikely to get too swept up into things. If Kyle was what truly made her happy, then I should be happy as well.

If you love them, let them go, right? Too bad the saying was a lot easier to swallow than actually following through with it. I looked out to the sea, but it wasn't really all that comforting, like it usually was. That knife that had settled itself in my chest that morning just kept on pressing into my chest until it felt like I was gasping for air.

I fought it back—I wasn't going to lose it, not in public, where anyone could find me. Breathing deeply, I fought to calm myself down, eventually managing to get a hold of myself.

It could only get worse, though, because just then the bells of the church tower started ringing, signaling to everyone that the wedding was about to begin. I took a deep breath, forcing myself to stand up.

I had to do this. I owed it to Rosalind and myself to see this through. Hopefully seeing the actual event would be enough to force myself to let go.

.~.~.~.~.

Alicia found me near the entrance to the Church, and quickly grabbed my hand again, pulling me in without a word. She seemed just as determined as I told myself I should be to make sure I saw this through, which I supposed I was grateful for—if I started to chicken out and decide to leave during the ceremony, she would at least keep me there, even against my will. I knew it was important that I was here, but I was seriously second-guessing whether this was a good idea—especially when I saw Max up by the altar, talking to Gordon while everyone filed in.

I hadn't so much as seen him in the last few days, part from him being busy preparing for the wedding, and part from me avoiding him. But although avoiding him really hadn't done much to sort out my thoughts, I still didn't feel comfortable seeing him yet. I still didn't know what to think of what he said, much less of what he did.

I must have unconsciously held onto Alicia tighter, because she squeezed my hand and looked back as she pulled us into a pew, putting me in between herself and Mana. At the very least, there wasn't any escape… She leaned over, whispering in my ear, "Relax, Ray. It won't be so bad, trust me, and it's better for you to see this." I snorted, slouching in my seat, avoiding looking at her. Sure it wouldn't be so bad. What did she know, anyway? "Besides, Rosalind needs you to be here. She seemed upset that you haven't been talking to her the past few days."

I grit my teeth as my heart clenched painfully in my chest at that—I hadn't so much as thought of what Rosalind must have been thinking when I stopped talking to her after I saw the proposal. As far as I knew, she had no idea that I had any feelings for her at all, so of course she would have been confused and hurt at my disappearance—and the thought hadn't even crossed my mind, I was so caught up in feeling hurt and confused and betrayed.

Great. Now, on top of everything else, I was feeling guilty. This was just turning into a spectacular day.

The din in the Church started to slowly quiet down and I ventured a gaze up to the altar, only to immediately regret it. Kyle was up there now, talking with Gordon, and Max was unwaveringly staring directly at me. At first his expression seemed surprised, but it quickly turned, the corners of his mouth turning down.

He looked utterly apologetic, like he was trying to beg for forgiveness with just his look alone. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, looking away. Alicia seemed to notice, because her gaze kept flickering between the two of us worriedly.

"You still haven't made up with Max?" she whispered, finally focusing just on me. I just shook my head.

"In case you haven't noticed, I've been trying to avoid doing that at the moment, thank you," I whispered back harshly. Alicia just sighed, shaking her head.

"What are you, five? Whatever happened between you two, you had better sort it out, or else you might just lose each other. Can you deal with that?" I flinched back, biting my lip.

No. I couldn't deal with that. But I didn't know if I could deal with the current situation either, which was why I had been trying to put it off. "I… I know that. I just…"

"Don't know how to deal with it?" she finished for me, giving me a small smile. I nodded, gaze snapping back up to the altar when I heard Max laugh. Kyle had apparently said something funny, because both Max and Gordon were laughing while he smiled at them. It made my insides knot up. "Just talk with him, Ray. Max isn't a horrible guy—whatever you decide, he'll still want to be your friend above all else. And I know you would rather it be like that too."

I was about to shake my head and tell her it wasn't that simple when the organ in the back started playing the wedding march, and the room went absolutely quiet. My chest automatically seized up as the doors to the Church opened, revealing Rosalind to be standing there, looking absolutely…

Absolutely stunning. That's what she was: absolutely and exquisitely beautiful. Her hair was pulled up and curled, falling around her head in long ringlets. A veil was over her face, but I could still see it, her emerald eyes shining brightly from behind, her rosy painted lips curved in a beautiful nervous smile. She wore the town's traditional wedding dress; white with red ribbons sewn along the hems and lined with lace. She stepped forward in time with the music, and all heads in the room followed her along, eyes glued to her.

I bit my lip, breathing in through my nose to try and calm myself down. This wasn't going to hurt as much as I thought it would, I told myself. I would just have to be brave and just get it over with. When she passed by she glanced over at me, at first seeming surprised before she gave me a small relieved smile. I did my best not to look like I was about to fall apart.

She reached the altar, where Kyle was beaming down at her, looking absolutely overjoyed. He took her hand, helping her up the steps so that she could stand next to Julia, who was her maid of honor.

I felt jealousy thread itself through my veins, meshing with the other emotions that had deposited themselves in the lump in my throat. If anything, a part of my mind told me, I had always imagined I would be the one up there with Rosalind, having her look so beautiful for me, to have her hand in mine while Gordon read off our vows and promises to each other. But it wasn't happening. Kyle was the one up there, not me. There was no changing it, nothing I could do to stop it. And I cursed that fact with all my being as I watched, my stomach and heart curling up in knots.

Just as Gordon started speaking, though, Max choked, breaking into a coughing fit, all but ruining the moment. Rosalind, Kyle, and the entire congregation watched incredulously as he coughed into his sleeve, face turned away. When he finally recovered, he turned back around, smiling uncomfortably and looking embarrassed.

"I apologize, dear sister, I'm afraid you took my breath away," he joked with a big grin and a laugh, and some of the congregation started snickering. Rosalind giggled, shaking her head. I just rolled my eyes.

Way to go, Max, really. He certainly knew how to ruin a moment. Although I guess I should have been slightly grateful—it turned my mind away from the path it had been going down…

I didn't really pay much attention to the rest of the proceedings, I mostly just studied my hands or the walls or the carpet—it had been switched from the previous blue to white to match the décor—not wanting to watch as Kyle and Rosalind gazed lovingly at each other as Gordon read off their vows and started the ceremony. Occasionally I did glance up, though, watching Julia in her blue dress that matched Max's suit—the exact color of his eyes, as I had noticed when I first walked in—and, traitorously, at Max. He was very obviously watching me, and considering how many times I caught him looking at me when I glanced up; he was probably watching me more than the ceremony. I bit my lip, trying to ignore the way his glances turned my heart over and over until it felt as twisted as a spring, and by the time Gordon told Rosalind and Kyle to seal their bond with a kiss the only thing keeping me in my seat was Alicia's firm grip on my wrist. I didn't want to be here, I didn't want to witness this, I didn't want to know without any doubt that Rosalind was forever gone from my reach and Max was in love with me.

I humored myself with the question of whether Julia knew and what she thought of it if she did, but decided it was still a touchy subject and I didn't want to think about it anymore. I looked up again just as Rosalind and Kyle kissed, and the entire room exploded with cheers so loud it made my ears ring. I bit the inside of my cheek until I tasted iron.

I stood up, everything seeming to go in slow motion, the noise around me dulling to a low roar. Alicia pulled me along, positioning me in line behind her, so that we could offer our congratulations to the new couple up at the altar, who were beaming brightly down at us. I found Max's gaze again, but quickly looked away, busying myself with watching how quickly and long the line grew, amazed that so many people seemed to fit in the Church like they did. I wouldn't have been surprised if there were more outside, honestly.

First up was Herman, who ran as fast as he could up the altar steps to give his daughter and new son-in-law what looked to be very uncomfortably bone-crushing hugs, talking excitedly, a handkerchief in his hands. Max and Julia said a few words next before excusing themselves and walking down the aisle to go outside, Julia on Max's arm. They both gave me a meaningful look as they passed, but nervously I looked away, practically hiding myself behind Alicia.

The line shortened quickly, too quickly, and before I knew it Alicia was stepping up, giving Rosalind and Kyle a delighted hug in turn, saying a few words before walking down, her overjoyed expression swiftly turning into a 'you better not back down now or I might have to kill you' look before she walked past me and to the doors.

I gulped, shakily forcing myself up the altar steps. Rosalind was smiling at me, but her expression looked a little worried and curious. I tried my best to smile brightly at her, nodding to Kyle, who flashed me a big smile as well.

"Uhh…" I started, fumbling with the words. I bit my cheek, forcing myself to say it. "Congratulations, you two. I'm… very happy for you. I hope… I hope you will be very happy with each other."

And I couldn't deny that it was true. I did hope that. I was happy for Rosalind, and for Kyle as well. Standing up so close to them, I could feel the excitement and love that radiated off of the both of them. It was almost dizzying.

"Thank you," Rosalind replied, stepping up and giving me a hug. I hugged her back until she pulled away, shook Kyle's hand, and numbly stepped down so the next person could come up.

I'd done it. I'd just given her away, the one woman I had loved, and probably the only I would love as I did.

My legs were wobbly and it felt like I had been torn in two, and it took all I had to not fancy the idea of stringing myself up with the ribbons so I could finally put myself out of my misery. Such a thought was dangerous territory.

.~.~.~.~.

"R-Ray…?" A soft voice spoke from beside me, rousing me from the textbook I had been trying to read for the past few hours. The wedding itself was long over, and the sun had set, but I could still hear the cheers and jubilation wafting from the west side of town. I had tried to shut it out—and my thoughts—by studying, but it was rather hard to concentrate on memorizing diseases and their symptoms when my mind tried to think of everything else.

I looked up, and it was Dorothy who had spoken to me, hiding under her bangs and hood like usual.

"Yes?" I asked, a little more of my displeasure seeping into my voice than I had intended. She shrunk back a little, and I instantly felt bad. "Sorry," I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. "What do you need, Dorothy?"

"I… umm… Julia asked me p-pass on a m-message…" she mumbled, clutching Fern to her chest.

"Julia did?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "Alright, go on."

"S-she asked me to t-tell you… to tell you to c-come to Shooting Star Path in about an h-hour…"

"What for?" I honestly couldn't think of any reason Julia would need me, much less at Shooting Star Path… hardly anyone set foot there.

Dorothy didn't say anything; she just shook her head and sped out of the room. I watched her go, feeling a little more than confused.

.~.~.~.~.

A/N: MOAR LONG CHAPTERS I write too much lulz. Anyway, that's the end of chapter 7.

Rosalind's wedding was fun to imagine, although I didn't really get to explore it much because this is from Ray's perspective. Everyone on the planet seems to come, and then they all eat lots of food, drink lots of alcohol, and then repeat it for the entire night until everyone passes out. Sounds like a party to me. XD

Thank you all for your kind reviews thus far, and for all the feedback I've gotten. You all make me so happy I could cry. 8D *hug-glomp-snuggles everyone*