This is Dead Until Dark switched. Eric is the telepathic bartender, and Sookie is the Sheriff of Area Five. This is told from Eric's perspective.

If Jane Boathouse didn't get up off that stool and go with her son, I was going to have to throw her bodily out of Merlotte's. If it had been any other woman, I wouldn't have minded, but I could not take one more lewd comment about being proportionate. This woman was old enough to be my mother for God's sakes.

Of course, most of Jane's commentary had actually been silent tonight. But, I could still get very disturbing images of her and me in the back of her car, on top of the bar, . . . you get it I'm sure. Once Jane was gone, I was free to give attention to the far more deserving ladies. I winked at Tara while JB, her husband, had his attention diverted elsewhere and got the satisfaction of a quick mental picture from her that was not so disturbing. I wasn't sure if Tara was as limber as she was in her fantasy, but the fantasy was enough to make me hot.

I put up my shields before I did something really stupid, like take Tara out back and have my way with her. It wasn't too busy of a night, I guess that's why I didn't notice her at first. I had my back to the door, trying to get an early start of my liquor counts, when I was suddenly aware that there was a blank spot in the bar. I turned quickly not sure I was "hearing" right. In front of me was a vampire, an honest-to-God vampire. No one in the bar seemed to notice right off. I could tell because apart from the wonderful blank space her mind was occupying she had a faint glow to her skin.

She had long blond hair that was currently pulled up in a way that screamed librarian-whore. Her shirt was a half-length sleeved oxford button down and her skirt was, no kidding, tweed. The skirt clung to her frame over top of some sort of patterned stockings and fuck-me-heels. She smiled at me and walked up to the recently vacated barstool in front of me.

"Good evening, ma'am. What can I get for you?" I asked.

"Do you have any True Blood?" she asked.

"No ma'am we don't, begging your pardon. You're the first vampire to ever come through those doors, but if you're staying awhile I'll make sure my boss puts it on the next truck order."

"That's kind of you. I am moving back to Bon Temps, so do so please. Well, I can't just sit here and not order something, so why not make it a red wine."

"Yes ma'am, that I can do." I tried very hard not to smile like a jack-ass, at least that's how my brother Jason describes it when I've noticed a pretty woman. The women seem to like my smile just fine, thank-you very much.

When I mentioned she was our first vampire, every ear in the place perked right on up. The Ratrays especially looked interested, and Mack sauntered over and invited her to come join him and his bitch-whore of a wife. They weren't the worse couple in all of Bon Temps, but they were certainly the worst couple of people in Bon Temps, if you understand me. Even on the day of Rapture I'm sure they'd find some law to break, and it would be a big one.

I'm not saying I'm a complete straight-laced guy, but no one trusted those two. I tried to keep on eye on the beautiful vampire, but Lafayette distracted me with a recent account of one of his sexcapades. It was both a disturbing and a hilarious story. When I turned around, the Ratrays and that gorgeous blonde were gone. I yelled to Sam, thankful that tonight was inventory night, that I was stepping out for a minute and went out into the back parking lot. Behind the lot in the trees I could hear the Ratrays' thoughts. Denise was worrying about the amount of blood they had gotten, while Mack was thinking of doing some awful things to the blonde's drained body.

I got my baseball bat out of the back of my truck and crept up behind them. Blonde's eyes found me right away and tried to fight against the silver that was binding her arms and legs. The Ratrays were distracted enough that I was able to hit Mack against the back of the legs before they heard me coming up behind them. God as my witness I've never hit a woman, but Denise pulled a knife. I didn't swing quite as hard at her, but I brought the bat against one of her legs. When she went down I grabbed her wrist and took away her knife. Mack started to get up, so I walked up and punched him twice in the face, I knocked him out cold. Denise wasn't going anywhere so I took the time to untwine the vampire.

"Thank-you," she said.

"You're welcome. You alright, do you need the blood?" I held up the bag that the Ratrays had managed to extract from her.

"No, thank-you, I'll survive. You may have it, if you'd like. My blood is old enough to bring you some money."

"I wouldn't take it."

"You're very odd for a human. Does the bar pay so much that you can just throw away free money?"

"No, but I won't take drug money," I paused and looked at the bag, "or blood money, as the case is."

"You could take it for yourself."

I just shook my head at her. "My name is Eric. Can I have yours?"

"Pam."

"Sounds kind of modern for a vampire."

"I am over two hundred years old."

"Well I got to say, you don't look a day over a hundred." I admit, it wasn't one of my finest moments, but I really had no idea how to respond to that.

Pam smiled at me. "You've been very kind. If you'll excuse me, I must really go feed now."

I tried really hard not to picture that. "Can you get to where ever it is you need to get to?" I looked down to her wrists and ankles. And then I looked again. She had completely healed. "Wow. I've heard about the healing, but that's kind freaky up close and personal." I reached out absently and touched her wrists.

She pulled back and hissed at me. I froze and stared at her narrowed eyes and elongated fangs. I'm a pretty big guy, over six foot, so there's never been many times I can say I was scared. This was one of them. She looked at me for a moment and then her eyes cleared, but she didn't retract her sharpened incisors.

"I apologize, vampires are not very big on being touched." She stood up so quick that I blinked and missed it. I was suddenly staring at a pair of perfect legs, and despite my fear from her earlier reaction, my hand had a mind of its own. I reached out to stroke the back of her calf, which was suddenly not there.

I spun around, and she was gone. I was completely alone was Denise and Mack. Mack was still out cold, so I pulled Denise to her feet and threw her over my shoulder. She tried to bite me, which I'm sure would have brought around some sort of infectious disease, so I stood her up again and looked her in the eyes.

"I swear to you if you try that again, I will knock you out cold." She seemed to shrink in front of me and stayed still when I threw her back on my shoulder.

I carried her into Merlotte's and placed her in a booth. I told JB and a couple of the other guys to call Sheriff Dearborn and to watch her while I got Mack. Mack was a small, wiry guy, so it wasn't much more different than carrying Denise. I laid him out by Denise and went to wash the dirt off of me and grab a new shirt from Sam's closet. I wasn't too keen on having any of their blood on me. They were just lucky Pam hadn't chosen to feed from them, and if she had, I wouldn't have blamed her a bit.