Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
A.N.: Thank you to alix33, itzcheeseball, Twilight Trekky, black widow mistress, Mrs. Elizabeth Gibbs, jstapny and MissJayne for reviewing! Thank you also to everyone who has added this story to their favourites list and alerts, I hope you will read the sequel, details of which are at the bottom!
Jenny wandered the hospital corridors almost in a daze, her throat tight and her eyes tingling. She had been prepared to let Emily go, she really had, but not so soon. It felt like she had only just regained her equilibrium and now she was being knocked back off of her feet. She had connected with Emily over the short time she had spent with her, only a few days really, and though it didn't seem possible, Emily had made her house a home. She couldn't bear to go back to her empty house with nothing but memories and echoes of the good times for company.
Jenny stopped and leaned back against the corridor wall, her heart rate spiking at her train of thought and a wave of dizziness passing over her. She breathed deeply and slowly, attempting to stave off the anxiety attack without drawing attention to herself. The last thing she needed was for a nurse to ask her what was wrong with her. A small smile threatened on her face as she imagined being wheeled into Fornell's room as he was led out, but it faded in the same moment as she mentally watched Emily leaving with him.
She wished she could stop it, she wished she could take Emily home and never be bothered by Fornell again, but she couldn't. She wouldn't do that to Tobias or Emily even if there was a way to get away with it. Jenny shook her head, wiped her eyes in case any tears had escaped and then did what she did best; she pretended to be alright.
One thing was sustaining her now; the promise of the bottle she still had stashed at home. No alcoholic worth her salt would have only one bottle in her house, and though she had been strong enough to pour one away only an hour ago, now she felt like she would lose her mind without a glass of the stuff she had hidden under her bed.
This morning she had felt that Jethro would help her through this, that she wouldn't need the alcohol while he was there. What a fool she had been. Jethro couldn't be there for her every second of everyday, so he couldn't really help her through this, the Bourbon could. It wasn't going to go to work in the morning; it didn't have any other duties except to be drunk by her when she needed it. She even had some stashed away at work that neither Ducky nor Jethro would be able to locate without a thorough clean out of her office.
Had she thought that Jethro would have some magic healing touch? Or had she thought that getting him into bed would be a substitute for her dependency on alcohol? There was no way he would be able to give her peace and contentment as often, or as thoroughly, as a drink could. He couldn't make her feel like the Bourbon did. Love couldn't heal all wounds, it could only suture them until the injury scabbed over and turned into a scar, and her heart was full of open wounds.
Rosie was the largest gash in her heart, one that would never heal and didn't seem to get easier to bear over time. It never got any worse either, thankfully, but nothing could dull the pain. Ziva had helped her to stay sane after Rosie's death, she had understood loss, but not of the same kind. Jethro did though, but could he help her to overcome the agony she still felt, when he couldn't lay the memory of his first wife and daughter to rest? Were they doomed to be pushed apart by the ghosts that they couldn't let go of?
Jenny walked calmly over to the nurses' station and asked for the discharge papers for Tobias Fornell, her inner turmoil invisible to everyone around her. They didn't know or care about her personal life, and that was how she wanted to keep it. What would happen to her if the Sec-Nav found out about her alcoholism? What if the media found out? She would have to be doubly careful and be as happy and pleasant as possible to the doctors and nurses here.
The nurse handed over the papers and asked how Mr Fornell was getting home, and whether he had the proper facilities there to allow him to care for himself and his daughter while his leg healed. Jenny didn't know the answer to that, so she just smiled and nodded, hoping that the nurse wouldn't ask for specifics. She didn't, instead she reluctantly followed Jenny back to Tobias' room so she could try talking sense into him.
The rest of the time spent at the hospital was a blur. Jenny couldn't actually recall getting Tobias and Emily out of the hospital and into her car or the journey back to hers to pick up Emily's things; the next clear memory she had was of following them into her own home while Noemi opened the door for them. Her ever faithful housekeeper had given her a long sideward glance and then disappeared into the kitchen, only to reappear moments later with a steaming mug of coffee in her hands. She had passed it to Jenny, who took a sip and instantly wished it was something stronger. She'd need it to get through the next few minutes.
She was now just sitting out in her entrance hall on the bottom step of the staircase, gazing into the kitchen and listening to Emily's joyful laughter and excited chatter drifting down from the spare room she had been staying in. She should probably go and help Emily pack, but the thought of helping her to leave made her sick to her stomach. She just couldn't do it. She took a long swig of her coffee, hoping to ease the chills that she could feel spiralling up from her gut to her heart, but the heat didn't seem to touch them.
A few minutes later, Emily and Tobias came steadily down the stairs, with Tobias holding the banister for support. Jenny got up and took some of the bags from him to make his descent easier, and then she stood back and gave it back to him. He put a hand on Emily's shoulder and gestured towards Jenny.
"Thanks for looking after her Jenny. Emily, what do you say?" he asked the young girl. She looked up at him and grinned before moving forwards and encircling Jenny with her arms in a tight hug. Jenny swallowed hard and tried not to embarrass herself by crying, but this was all so final. Emily was leaving.
"Thank you for looking after me, Jenny." Emily's small voice carried up to her from the little face pressed against her side, and Jenny's eyes finally gave in to the instinct to well up. She hugged her back and then quickly let her go while she still could. She didn't want to make Emily feel unwanted, so she stroked her hair when she pulled back, but it was getting harder the longer they drew it out.
"It's been a pleasure Emily." she choked out, somehow managing to sound normal even though she was screaming inside for her to stay forever. Emily beamed up at her and then pointed over her shoulder at her father.
"My dad says that it's ok if you want to come round to our house and see me. You will, won't you?" she asked hopefully, and Jenny found herself nodding before she had absorbed what she was saying. It seemed like a reprieve from the pain, but what if it just made it worse? What if by seeing her occasionally she would get hurt more than if she just cut contact now? That was probably what Tobias was hoping, that by going home Emily would forget about wanting to see her, but he wasn't willing to cut her off from her yet until he was better.
"Of course I will, thank you Emily, and thank you Tobias." she said, as sincerely as she could. The thought did make her happy, and a small bubble of hope appeared. Hope that maybe this wasn't the last time she would see her, that maybe they could remain in regular contact.
"Don't mention it. Oh and when you know about-" Tobias began, changing the subject to one that was always on his mind. Jenny cut him off, already knowing what he was going to ask.
"I'll make sure that Jethro lets you know how our talk with your boss goes. I'll probably call you myself just to make sure later on anyway." she said, knowing that Jethro would be busy with the case he was working on. She made a mental note to find out more about that when she went in later. Tobias nodded and then held out a hand. Jenny smiled and took it, shaking it as firmly as she could without over balancing him.
"Thank you." he said finally, for more than just looking after his daughter. He was thanking her for helping him to find her in the first place. Lord knows what would have happened to Emily if she had refused his request and let the FBI take their sweet time finding her. That monster could have done some more permanent damage to her, or even killed her. He would be forever thankful to Jenny.
"You're welcome." she replied in a slightly watery voice, unsure how long she could keep back her tears. She didn't want to let Emily see her crying, even though the young girl had witnessed the aftermath of her other two crying sessions. It just seemed like the wrong way to say goodbye, especially since she was going to see Emily whenever she called. Tobias released her hand and then turned to the door. Noemi opened it for him and he walked through it to put some of Emily's bags outside. Just as Jenny was about to ask if he wanted her to unlock her car for him, a familiar vehicle pulled up outside.
"I called Jethro, asked if he wouldn't mind giving us a lift. I thought you might want to get back to work or something, you have been away for a while because of us." Tobias said, glancing guiltily over to Jethro when Jenny's eyes narrowed. Was he afraid of riding in a car with her? What was she going to do, push him out in to oncoming traffic? She was very reluctant to let Emily leave but she wasn't homicidal.
"Of course…" she mumbled, shocked and saddened by his sudden change of plans. She had hoped to deliver Emily safe to her door, to have those last few seconds with her, but it was apparently not to be. This was her goodbye, she was just lucky he had given her one. Her fingers flexed slightly and her thoughts turned once more to the bottle lying secretly under her bed. Now that Emily was gone and Jethro was busy, there was nothing to distract her from it. She could always do some work, but the craving was digging its claws in and she couldn't find the drive to overcome it. She felt like she was falling apart, she needed a drink to help her let it all out, all of this emotion that was building up with no outlet. She needed the dam to release and only the alcohol could help her do that.
"Goodbye Jenny!" Emily called, shaking Jenny from her bitter thoughts and she realised that she must have zoned out for a moment. Tobias and Emily were both climbing into Jethro's car and waving, and it was all she could do to wave back. She glanced at Jethro, who was gazing at her intently, worriedly, and she smiled for him, trying to allay his fears, but she could already feel the need for a drink beckoning her inside and, impossible though it was, it seemed like he knew it.
Jenny waved until the car pulled away and then she disappeared inside her house, leaving locking up to Noemi. She walked quickly up the stairs and into her bedroom, closing the door behind her and then moving swiftly to her bed. She dropped to her knees beside it and reached under, her hands trembling as she did so, the anticipation of the relaxed contentment of her special place making her clumsy. She grasped the bottle and pulled it out along with the glass that she had rolled under there, in case she couldn't make it downstairs.
Jenny sat up with the bottle and placed the glass on the carpet in front of her. She swiftly opened the bottle, having had a lot of practise, and poured as much as she could into the small glass. She put the bottle down next to her and brought the glass to her lips, swallowing as much as she could without dripping any down herself. The burn was heaven, the heat moving through her warmed her in the way she had hoped the coffee would, but didn't. She sat back and leaned against her bed, content now to sip her way through the dregs and then pour another.
After the second glass was finished she got unsteadily to her feet and hobbled into the bathroom. She did her business and moved to the sink, putting some soap on her hands and washing them. She felt good, that fuzziness that made life changing decisions laughable was wrapped around her senses and she really couldn't care. She lifted her head to look in the mirror, to check her hair and makeup, and stepped back in shock.
She looked awful. At some point she must have begun crying, but she couldn't recall when. Her makeup had run and splashed on to her shirt and her eyes were slightly bloodshot. Shock turned quickly to anger. Why was she doing this to herself? She had been doing ok today, why had she gone back to the bottle? Why was no one helping her? They were lying when they said they cared, they were just making her feel that everything was fine so they could laugh at her behind her back. Ducky had started this, she hadn't had a problem until he told her she did, then she had started drinking more somehow, she must have.
Jenny turned from the mirror and moved back into her bedroom where she looked at the bottle and glass lying there in revulsion. The drink that she had thought made her better was just turning her into someone else, someone that even she couldn't recognise. This was Jethro's fault, it was him that had introduced her to it, and it was him that she had drunk it to feel close to, initially. It was him that was encouraging her to drink it even now. If he knew she had a problem why hadn't he gotten rid of all of the alcohol in her house? He just wanted her to suffer for leaving him all those years ago. Jenny reached down and grabbed the glass. The smell of Bourbon drifted up to her and she flung it away from her furiously, listening to the loud smash as it shattered on her bedroom wall.
Next she bent down and retrieved the bottle, walking intently to the bathroom. She pushed the door open as wide as it would go and then moved over to the sink. She sneered at the bottle, which she had thought to be the only thing could help her through the day, and thrust it into the sink. She misjudged the distance slightly and the neck of the bottle smashed against the porcelain, sending shards flying back out. She held the rest of the bottle in the sink watching what was left of it drain away until she felt her hand begin to sting.
All of her anger evaporated as she watched in horror as her blood dripped into the sink. She dropped the bottle and pulled her hand back sharply, the flying shards of glass having cut her hand in several places. Some of the Bourbon had found its way into the cuts and she hissed as the pain increased. Her inebriated state allowed her to do exactly what she had intended; she could feel. She could feel all of the pain from her hand and somehow that cleared her mind of all of her bitter thoughts.
Humiliation set in. She couldn't believe what she had just done. She carefully pulled a towel done from the rack and tried to cover it up but she had no emotional barriers to keep the pain at bay any longer. With a sob of defeat she lay down on the cold floor and curled up, cradling her bleeding hand.
That was how Jethro found her an hour later. Noemi had heard the racket that she had made and called him, so he had rushed back from Tobias' house. When he got there she had already cried herself to sleep. Jethro carefully unwrapped the towel from around her hand and winced in sympathy. It wasn't life threatening, all of the cuts were shallow, but there were pieces of glass in her hand.
He left her there for a moment while he called Ducky and then cleaned up her bedroom, trying to find all of the shards of glass before he thought about putting her in bed. He spoke to Noemi and asked her to look as thoroughly as she could for any hidden bottles that Jenny may have stashed around the house, which she agreed to do. The bottle in the sink hadn't been in plain sight this morning. When Ducky arrived he pulled out the glass and rewrapped her hand, this time in a bandage, and let Jethro carry her to bed once more.
The road to recovery for Jenny was bound to have its ups and downs from the beginning, but he had never suspected she would react as violently as this to Emily leaving her. He settled on the bed next to her, on top of the covers, not intending to stay the night again. Jethro was, however, in this for the long haul, which meant that he was more than willing to be there for her, whether she needed a shoulder to cry on, someone to love or someone to blame. Over the next few weeks, she needed him a lot for those exact reasons.
Emily did see her quite often, but that didn't seem to help her stop drinking. She drank less, a lot less than usual, but if her mood turned sour there was nothing Jethro could do to stop her from pulling a bottle from somewhere and cracking it open, until one day something changed. One day she received something very promising.
A.N.: Now I'm sure you all saw that coming; Jenny's crash and burn, but it had to happen at some point. I wanted to show you the low point, so you all know that things don't get much worse over the weeks that are going to be skipped in order to get to the next part. Thank you so much for reading! The title for the sequel, if you couldn't guess, is '…Is a friend in deed.' The first chapter will be posted next Saturday. Please don't tell me that I have spelled the last part of the saying wrong, there is a good reason for why I have done it this way.