A new story! Yay! Clearing the cobwebs out of my head with this. But unlike so many of my other stories, I actually think I know where I'm going with this. LOL. But don't hold me to it! I'm trying my hand at something different here, something I hope you guys will enjoy. I feel I should mention that this is AU, and Eli doesn't exist, but EK did reconcile. I originally sat down with every intention of writing a story where Elliot catches Kathy cheating on him (which I have never done, GASP!) But then I started listening to one of my favorite Taylor Swift songs, White Horse, and this idea presented itself. So here it is. Enjoy, and please remember to review!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

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Olivia Benson felt hot tears gather in her eyes as she stared down at the floor in front of her. How could this have happened?

She was sitting on the edge of her bathtub at five in the morning because she had been feeling terrible for the past two weeks. Vomiting, achiness, general symptoms of the flu. But it wasn't the flu.

The positive pregnancy test that rested beside her was proof of that.

Leaning forward, she cradled her dark head in her hands for a while, not really sure of what to do next. She had a baby growing inside of her, and she didn't know whether to laugh or cry about the whole thing. On the one hand, she had always wanted a baby of her own. She had tried to adopt, but she had been turned down because they didn't consider her a desirable candidate. And her job made it hard to have a normal love life, so finding suitable husband or father material was out. But as frightening a thought as that was, she knew that her child would want for anything. Least of all love and affection from her mother.

But on the other hand, she was completely and utterly alone. No family, no husband to lean on for the support she would need in the following months. She would be bringing a child into this world, knowing the violence, pain and suffering that she saw every day in her job. How could she do that?

And what about work? Obviously she would start showing in a few months, and she knew that, realistically, she wouldn't be able to hide it. There were also risks that she had never thought about before now. Chasing after perps, interrogations that sometimes ended in bloodshed, and the sometimes overwhelmingly long hours with little to no sleep in sight.

She finally tossed the test into the garbage and turned the hot water on as her tears rolled down her cheeks. And what about the father? How could she tell him? She shed her sleepwear and stepped into the shower stall, letting the hot water spray against her olive colored skin.

She was alone. That was something that she would just have to get used to. She chuckled bitterly. She had been alone most of her life. This couldn't be that much of a transition.

Then she thought of her partner. Elliot. Even if she managed to keep her secret hidden for a while, he would figure it out sooner or later. She spent most of her time with him, and he had been through three pregnancies with his wife. He would know all of the signs.

She rested her head against the tile wall of the shower and let her eyes slide shut. Wife. Just a short while ago, all of her hopes and dreams had been within grasp. He had told her that Kathy was filing for divorce, and that they were over. If she had said something then… But before she had gotten the nerve to, they were back together. Just like that.

But she didn't really have the right to be jealous, right? After all, they had a lifetime of history together. Four beautiful children, a home, a history. Maybe it wasn't perfect all of the time, but he had gone back to her. Something in him still loved her enough to take her back, even after she had left him.

Olivia snorted. If she had a man like her partner, she wouldn't leave him. He was the epitome of everything she had ever wanted in a man. He kind, generous, devoted, loving… She knew that he wasn't perfect, no one was. But in her eyes, he was…everything.

The water suddenly ran cold, and she quickly turned it off and reached for a towel. But before she wrapped it around herself, she took a moment to look down at her abdomen. It was taut and flat, a product of her stringent exercise and well maintained diet. Her hand moved slowly over it, and she tried to imagine what she would like in just a few short months, when the small swell that was already there would be a very noticeable bump.

Finally she wrapped her towel tightly around herself and headed into her bedroom. In just seven months, she would be bringing a child into her home. A child who would be completely dependant on her. A child who lived, who breathed and would call her Mommy.

Her knees suddenly buckled, and she sat down heavily on the edge of her bed. How could she do this? Abortion was not an option in her mind. It never really had been. Ever since her mother had told her that she had been trapped with Olivia because she'd had no options, she promised herself that no matter what, she would keep her child. No abortion, no adoption. She had been granted the one thing her heart desired, even if it wasn't under the best circumstances.

She would not be like her mother. She just wouldn't. Her baby would be loved. As long as there was a breath in her body, her child would never know what it was like to be unwanted, or in the way.

After a while, she got up and got dressed, then left her apartment and headed to work.

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Elliot Stabler sat at his desk, his hands folded and his cerulean eyes filled with concern as he stared at his partner's unoccupied desk. Olivia was never late. Normally she was there even before him, or arrived within a few minutes of his own arrival. This wasn't like her.

A picture on his desk caught his eye, and he felt a surge of guilt as his wife's picture stared back at him. Absently he twisted his wedding band. It felt strange putting it back on after Kathy left him, but his Catholic guilt had played a big part in that entire mess. Catholic guilt had made him marry Kathy when she had announced that she was pregnant, and he hadn't even been sure that the baby was his. But when he saw Maureen for the first time, he realized that it didn't matter to him. From the moment he laid eyes on her, she had laid claim to his heart.

But now it was twenty years later, and Maureen was already finished with college. Kathleen was a sophomore in college, and the twins were juniors in high school. In just a year, none of them would really need him like they had before, and then what? It would just be him and Kathy, and the ghost of the love that he once thought they shared.

And what kind of life would that be?

Olivia appeared in front of him, interrupting his self berating thoughts. He managed a smile for her, a smile that came easier than he thought it would. She was always able to do that to him, even in the early days of their partnership.

She sat down in the chair, and he couldn't help but notice how pale she seemed, even with the extra makeup that she had carefully applied before coming to work. He leaned forward in his chair, his cerulean eyes filled with true concern. "Liv?"

A minute passed before she finally answered. "Hmm? Sorry, Elliot. Did you say something?"

"I just wanted to know if you were okay."

She shrugged as she sipped from the bottled water she had purchased on her way to work. "Yeah. Just trying to get over this flu." She was terrified that he would be able to see through her thin excuse in a heartbeat, but to her surprise, he nodded.

"Keep drinking your water. And if you need to cut out early, just go." He gave her a sweet smile. "I know you have plenty of sick days saved. It wouldn't kill you to use one of them."

She forced a small chuckle. "I guess it wouldn't."

Something more serious was obviously wrong with his partner, but he didn't want to push it. She had been tense and feeling badly for a couple of weeks, but he chalked it up to illness and a hard case they had been trying to crack. If it was anything more serious than that, he was certain that she would tell him. So he sat back in his chair and brought his coffee up to his lips.

Wouldn't she?

TBC...

A/N: I have no idea where the title came from, but it seems to work, so I'm going with it. I'm trying to kick my writer's block out with this story, so I hope it works! Thanks for reading, and please review!