THE SEXIMORPHS

"Hey! HEY!" Marco yelled, his face contorted in a position of pure horror.

"Hey, what's that you're reading?" Jake asked, pulling beside Marco on the bale of hay.

"No! No!" Marco said, "No!"

"'No' what?" asked Cassie.

"I can't... I can't even get this out of my head! How, how could they do this to me?"

"Marco, man, just spit it out!"

"It's... it's the fan fiction, guys, the fan fiction. Oh, oh! My eyes! My brain!"

‹What is this 'fan fiction'?›

"Stories," Jake explained, "Things made up by people who have no lives outside of their computer. Like episode monkeys hacking out stories for a TV show, but they do it for free."

‹Ah. What is an episode monkey?›

"No, no no no no," Marco moaned, "No."

‹Marco, you're getting annoying, can you just spit it out?› grumbled Tobias.

"It's the fan fiction, Tobias. All the dirty, smutty fan fiction."

‹Could you perhaps get the fan fiction cleaned?›

"GAY!" Marco cried, "I'm GAY in all of these things. And married to Ax! Or at least his sex partner out in the woods. Or at home. Or in space. Oh god, the things I've read of myself doing!"

"Well we always knew you couldn't get a girlfriend," said Rachel.

Everyone stared Rachel down.

"Uhm, how are you here?" Cassie asked, "You're supposed to be dead."

"No, no, this is off-stage, so I can come by and check it out."

"What, that doesn't make any sense!"

‹Marco, I do not believe we would be a suitable couple,› Ax said.

"Let's face it, Marco," Jake said, grinning, "It could be magic."

Marco flung the huge pile at Jake. "Oh yeah? See how you like the ones with you in it."

Jake flipped through the pages, his face getting whiter and withdrawn.

"Oh. Oh. Oh, my god," He whispered. He slid down the bale of hay, onto the ground, traumatized.

"You boys," Cassie teased, and picked up the enormous paper, looking for herself.

She screamed seconds later, flinging the thing away.

"Make it stop! Make it stop!"

Tobias fluttered over to where he could look at the top page, momentarily before flying off.

‹Oh. Oh man. Oh, that is disgusting. Oh, god!›

Rachel came over, a large amount of swagger, but the fear caught in her voice a little as she said everyone was just being a baby. She picked up the large block of sheets and leafed through it.

"....." She sat down. Hard.

"I... I... I'd never do that," She moaned, "Or that. Oh, oh no."

Ax picked up the block and looked at it.

‹Why would Marco and I be trying to reproduce?› he wondered, ‹Do these humans really think I am too stupid to understand basic human biology?›

He settled down onto the ground, rolled onto his side and began chanting an Andalite mantra in his head while holding his tail.

"This means we've DONE IT," Marco hissed scathingly, "We're the figments of peoples' imagination. So we've DONE ALL THIS. And our creators are getting something out of all this, they're WATCHING US."

Jake and the others looked horrorstruck.

"Hey, hey, wait," Rachel said, "We don't have to be bothered by this. Let's just forget it ever happened and walk away from this.

Everyone agreed, rapidly.

Marco and Jake headed out the door.

"Uhm, you'd... You'd never be into any of that, would you?" Jake asked.

"No. No way."

"Ah. Okay, then. Forget I asked."