DESPAIR

The dry, cracked lips refused to obey. Lying in this impenetrable darkness without any sound, it seemed to him that he left his body a long time ago, plunged into non-existence. Only bottomless void around.

"Shepard … are you here?" he whispered heavily.

Silence.

"Jane? Answer me …"

Silence.

Collecting the remainder of his strength, he slowly reached out with a weakening hand where the woman should be lying. The rustle of crushed stones and splinters on the floor caused by his movement sounded like music to his ears. At last, fingers felt the touch of her skin. Something wasn't right. She was silent. And she was... too cold. No, not dead yet, but the inexhaustible energy that defined Shepard was gone. The woman was fading away … He clasped her palm as much as he could and tried to wake her.

"Jane, please … If you hear me, just give any sign …" his lips murmured limply.

But she remained silent and her palm motionless.

Thane Krios had accepted death a long time ago, no matter how and when it would come for him. But for the last few days he prayed to gods for rescue. Not his. Hers. Increasingly plunging into half sleep half meditation, he chanted their names, repeating "Please … Please …" But they abandoned him. You were insufficiently assiduous in your prayers, Krios, you were insufficiently diligent in the attempts to expiate your actions. You don't deserve such a gift before your own death.

As his barely beating heart collapsed from pain, a knot formed in his throat and the last thing the drell remembered was a weak and hoarse shout of despair pulled from the depths of his breast, carrying away with it the remaining energy of a dying body.

4 MONTHS AND 9 DAYS BEFORE DESPAIR. DEEP SPACE. SSV NORMANDY

"Shepard, you should probably know, Mr. Krios has been waiting outside your door for the past four minutes."

Commander raised an eyebrow in surprise, turning away from her private terminal.

"And what is he doing there?" she asked, concerned.

"Nothing. Just staying and seemingly thinking about something," EDI informed her.

"Damn philosopher …" Grumbling, Shepard stood up from her working chair and headed for the exit.

The doors hissed open and, in two feet, she found herself face to face with the drell. Startled from her sudden appearance, he lifted his black eyes up to her.

"What the hell, Krios?" she asked with annoyance, crossing her arms and learning against the door frame.

"Sorry, Shepard. I didn't intend to disturb you. Just wanted to talk." he answered calmly.

"And that's why you stood out here instead of entering?" Shepard questioned.

"I … wasn't completely sure -"

"Are you sure now?" she inconsiderately interrupted.

"I am, yes." drell slightly frowned and looked into her eyes. "Will you allow me to enter or do you wish to speak out here?"

She nodded towards her cabin, examining him with appraisal from behind when he entered.

"What's going on, Thane?" the Commander heavily took a seat on couch and gestured for him to follow suit.

He nodded with appreciation and cautiously sat down on edge, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his palms together.

"You see, Shepard … As far as I understand, the mission for which you sought me out on Illium is successfully completed."

"Well, yes, unless the Collectors have another base." her expression became slightly surprised.

"Then, under these circumstances, I'd like to leave your crew." he said smoothly, looking at her.

Shepard's eyebrows shot upwards.

"Why? Is something wrong with your son?"

"No, Kolyat is fine" he nodded. "It's just me. I am afraid it will be too problematic for me to work further under your command. And time for me is short as well. Our subsequent purposes aren't absolutely clear, so I would prefer to spend this time close to my son."

"Problematic to work under my command? Explain." Shepard moved forward, her eyes narrowed.

Krios sighed and slightly made a helpless gesture.

"I don't quite agree with the decisions you so readily accept and your ways of achieving your goals. Pressure, unjustified cruelty, murders, all unnecessary … I have always worked alone, made my own decision and answered for them. The present state of affairs … divides me even more than I was before. I have done, and come to terms with, what you've asked of me, even if it is something I do not agree with. That cannot continue.."

Shepard stared at him with a heart-searching look and he answered in kind. It was as if they were dangerous predators, each studying the opposition, but neither assured of their own victory.

"Krios, are you okay?" she finally observed, inclining her head a little.

"Are you inquiring after my mental condition?" the drell looked away. "Don't worry, it is not a spontaneous decision. I'm absolutely collected now."

"So, then maybe you will explain to me what the hell is it? You understand perfectly that I have every good fighter under my belt and I need you here. I am a soldier and we are at war, no holds barred. Leave moral questions to me. Do your job and you'll make it out fine."

"I am not a soldier, Shepard, I am a killer. But I'm not a weapon in another's hands. Not any more... Sorry... If the decisive battle against the Reapers happens before my death, I will find you. Take care …"

The drell rose, momentarily hanging back as if he wished to say more, but then decisively headed to the door without looking back at the woman.

Left in the cabin alone, Shepard retrieved a bottle of her favorite cognac from the bar, generously poured the golden-amber drink into the casual wine glass, and emptied it in one gulp. She didn't have any special feelings toward Krios. If anything, a loss of a single crew member would not affect her much. Still, for some reason, deep down, her heart felt vile.

18 DAYS BEFORE DESPAIR. SYSTEM AJAKSIS. ORBIT OF CRONA. SSV NORMANDY

"Request confirmed, Commander. ETA eight minutes."

"Thanks, Joker," Shepard answered and switched on the speaker phone button on the control panel. "Attention everyone, this is the Commander. We're approaching the docking cradle. You have twelve hours. Local underground complex is not the Citadel, of course, but there are some fleshpots. Rest up and try not to get into a mess. Stay in touch. Good luck."

She was on her way to elevator when she was suddenly called by Garrus.

"Hey, Shepard!" She nodded in greeting and stopped. " Are you sure you want to go alone? Lower floors are not the safest, actually... "

"Don't worry, buddy, I just have some private matters to attend to," Shepard clapped the turian on his shoulder. "I'll keep to myself. Go to the bar. Relax. Perhaps you'll meet some nice girls..."

Vakarian snorted in light disgust.

"Don't make fun of me, Shepard. I'm not into things like that."

"Hey, okay. Don't be mad," she smiled. "My motives are friendly. Well, Garrus, as you wish. See you tomorrow."

The turian watched her leave while the elevator doors stayed open.

Crona was a severe planet, unsuitable for life. However, it abounded with natural resources and gradually, along with a set of mines and processing factories, the huge underground complex had been built in its core and served simultaneously as a shopping center, a vacation spot and simply as a transshipment point. The reputation of this place was better than Omega's, of course, but obviously wasn't as safe as Illium. Contraband, drug traffic and prostitution prospered on the lower levels. Despite the fact that the planet was in Council space, the officials did not care about what went on here.

Shepard knew that it was possible to find practically everything on the black market without the risk of being caught. But all the same, she did not want to involve the crew in her plans. The problems and weaknesses were her own to deal with. Standing in the elevator, smoothly counting floors on the indicator, she reflected on what to be engaged in after buying what she needed here. To get drunk in a bar? Lately, alcohol didn't bring her relief. It only aggravated depression and "pleased" with morning hang-overs. Little sense in that. Perhaps, go to a theater? The woman smiled ironically to herself. "You in a theater is like an elephant in a china shop. The same subtlety and delicacy", sounded a voice in her head. She would like to contemplate something beautiful though, but theatrical atmosphere was obviously not for the likes of her. Maybe casino? It was a good idea. Rather the best choice. There were enough credits in her pocket to have a blast with some skillian five or poker.

The indicator blinked "-20" and the elevator doors opened. Voilà! The ground floor of the complex. Feel at home, but don't forget that you're on a visit. An open attack is unlikely, but you never know whom you'll meet among the rabble hanging around. Unlike the top floors, there were too many batarians and volus here, less - humans. The floor looked more like a market than trading complex. The numerous shops were decorated by neon signboards, hardly dressed ladies leaned against the walls with bored expression, traffickers scurried through the walkways, and peddlers offered services unrelated to sales.

Having passed about forty feet, Shepard was about to round a corner when out of the corner of her eye, she caught a familiar sight: a drell at one of the counters, talking to an elcor dealer. She saw him only from behind, but she knew she wasn't mistaken. Shepard wished to pass by at first, but suddenly felt curious and slightly resentful. She headed toward him with deliberation and stopped a few feet behind the drell.

"So you left the ship for hanging around in this hole?" she asked calmly. He turned around slowly and examined her from head-to-toe before answered indifferently. "Shepard … Glad to see you too. No, I'm on business. And what are you doing here?"

"On business?" she sarcastically smiled, crossing her arms. "Did you return to your old job?"

"We'll finish our talk later." Krios shot to the dealer and headed away from counter, withdrawing Shepard by her elbow with him. "No, I didn't. This is different. So what are you doing here alone?" he frowned.

"Different? In what way? You became a pimp?" Shepard twisted her lips in a poisonous grin. "And I'm here because of … private affairs. The crew is on the upper floors."

The drell stopped and stared at her with reproof, shaking his head.

"You have not changed. You approach to me just to offend? Well, consider that a success. What's next?"

"All right!" she flung up her arms. "Yes, I'm a nasty piece of work, I don't deny it. Sorry. I really was very curious about what are you were doing here."

"I'm here because of … private affairs" he imitated her phrase, a faint smile playing across his lips. She looked away and muttered something to herself, smiling unnaturally.

"Well, not the best beginning for conversation," she said. "Listen, Thane, I know you don't hold me in the highest regard, I'm not crazy about you either, but nevertheless … We haven't seen each other in a while, I'd like to talk a little. What about having a drink somewhere in the bar? We'll just chat. I promise, I will try to keep my sharp tongue between my teeth."

"I do have a high regard for you, Jane, it's just … Never mind. As you wish. There is a good and quiet place on the fourth floor, I think. You'll like it. They pour excellent cognac from Earth."

"Wow." her eyebrow went upwards in surprise. " I didn't think you knew about this weakness of mine."

"Don't flatter yourself, it's just a professional notice." he said without a hint of a smile and added: "That way."

Entering the empty elevator, Shepard remembered that still hadn't bought what she came here for and bit her lip discontentedly. Fine, I'll come back later. Anyway, I don't intend to sit around in the bar for too long, she thought. The elevator began to lift up, but not even a few seconds had elapsed when suddenly, a powerful explosion rocked the whole place. Having lost her balance, her body jerked to the left, falling onto Krios who, in turn, crashed into the elevator wall with his shoulder. Everything around them began to grind loudly, threatening to burst their eardrums, light blinked a few times and went out, and in complete darkness, Shepard felt the ground beneath her feet drop off. After some agonizing moments, her body struck the ground and a sharp pain shot through her foot. Something knocked her on the head and before losing consciousness, she heard heavy fragments fall around her with a frightening roar…