OtA..

Epilogue...

7 months later...

It was 2.30 am, Bella awoke as per normal and made her way to the bathroom. She peed, moving her body in the awkward manner to which she was becoming accustomed to. Her belly twinged, as it had been doing so for the last several days. Except this time it lasted a little longer.

She hoped desperately this baby would be coming today. She was over being pregnant.

Climbing back in bed, her husband was oblivious to the cramping in her belly and she thought it better to leave him ignorant until such times as she was good and certain that this time, this time, it meant the baby was finally coming.

At her 39 week appointment she had felt slightly cocky, telling the receptionist that she did not need an appointment for next week.

The older receptionist had smiled, patted her hand and suggested they make an appointment "Just in case." She felt she had been cursed and had dutifully turned up the following week. She had eyed the receptionist in a suspicious manner as she gave her name for the appointment.

She was further deflated and supspicious walking into her 40th week appointment then her 41st and now, in her 42nd week, the baby was going to be induced tomorrow afternoon if it didn't come naturally.

The threat of induction was obviously all the encouragement that this little one needed to finally get into action when at 6.30 when she awoke again, the pain was still there. She poked her husband in the rib. He'd had enough sleep.

"No Bella, I can't screw you again, there's only so much a man can take.'' Edward managed to mumble.

She leaned over seductively to his face, leaning into his ear and yelled. "The baby's coming!"

Edward fell on he floor, a tangle of sheets wrapped around his legs as he tried to become composed. He failed miserably.

"You cow, I could have broken something and then where would you be? All pushing out the baby with no husband's hand to hold." He kissed her gently, obviously not cross. Plus by now he had learnt not to upset the hormonal tigress she held within.

"Yes I am a cow, but I waited four whole hours before waking you up. You will remember this come mother's day when you will wait upon me hand and foot for the incredible efforts that I make today." Another contraction paused her conversing.

"Do I rub your back or something?"

"No it's not bad yet. But I would maim someone for some toast or something."

"Toast coming up." Edward left the room. He came back a second later.

"Should we call the hospital to let them know you are coming?"

"Oh, yeah, I can do that later." Her baby brain was really effecting her normally exceptional organisation abilities. She wondered how she had ever passed the bar exams with her current retention abilities. Edward popped his head back into the room.

"Just don't have the baby while I boil the kettle okay?"

"Have you not learned anything from those ant-natal classes. These things can take forever to come out." She pointed to her belly. Edward moved and kneeled before her, kissing her belly and then kissing her.

"You are so sweet. But please get me some toast sometime in the next three minutes or I won't be held responsible for what I might do to you."

He saluted her and left the room.

She got up and stood before the mirror. Everything was going to change today. They were going to become a family. The room next door would have a little person sleeping in it soon. She wouldn't sleep a full night sleep for the next 5 years. And her vagina would be ruined. She didn't care too much about the last one, but she knew Edward was rather fond of her vajayjay.

Edward called out from the kitchen.

"What do you want on your toast? Do you want tea as well?"

"You are so bloody British. Tea does not fix everything! Can I have Nutella on my toast?" Mmm Nutella, hazelnutty chocoloate spread of the gods. How had she ever not known the joys of Nutella. How empty had her life been before. If it were legal she would probably divorce Edward and marry a giant size jar of Nutella. Her baby brain really was going to mush.

They spent the next few hours pottering about the house. She repacked her bags, arranging items in the order for which she thought she would need them. The twinges became closer together, but were quite manageable.

She was surprised when she had rung the hospital for the second time after lunch and the nurse was saying they had expected her earlier.

"I'm fine, the pain isn't bad."

"Yes Mrs Cullen, but you have been in labour for nearly 12 hours now, how about coming in and we will just have a look at you and see how far you have gone?"

The nurse's voice was soft and reassuring. Bella was certain this woman was hiding a gigantic epidural needle and was just wanting to stab her viciously as she walked in the hospital door. An hour or so later she told Edward that she was going to have a shower and that maybe they should head in. She wasn't worried, this thing was going to take forever.

It was a stupid move. Within minutes the pain became worse and she found herself on the floor of the shower, wave after wave of pain gripping at her abdomen and creeping around to her back. She wanted to throw up, but her steadfast non belief in vomitting was holding her back.

"Edward!" She managed to call out in a strangled voice and he came running.

Seeing his wife bent over on the floor of the shower, he raced to her and helped to get her off the floor.

"Did you fall? Are you okay? Is the baby coming?"

"No the pain was just really bad. I am a stupid stupid girl. We should have gone to the hospital hours ago. They wanted me to, but I thought the less time I was there the less chance they would have of sticking needles into me."

"Okay honey, I know you are afraid of needles, that's why we bought all those numbing patches. You are going to get dressed and I will bring the car around the front and we are dragging your needle phobic arse to hospital. Right now honey."

Edward helped her to dress and helped her ride the pain of another contraction before he felt secure in that he had enough time to get the car.

As she toddled slowly to the door another contraction struck her. She slid down the wall and got onto her hands and knees and crawled. This position seemed really good, maybe she could just crawl to the hospital? The pain finally abated and she got to her feet. She walked to the car and sat down. She was already tired. Surely this little one would come soon.

"Why do we live so far away from the hospital?" She groaned, the trip seemed to be taking forever.

"I know I tell you that you drive like a douchebag, but could you just do that today? Go through red lights, it's all good. I'm pretty sure I can convince the..." Another contraction ended her speech.

"Get...there...quickly...NOW!"

To her fury Edward drove at the speed limit and even stopped when the traffic lights were red.

"Don't make me kill you...drive faster. Drive badly. Drive like a frikkin' Cullen." She needed to calm herself down, but the drive was stressing her out. They finally reached the hospital, the security guard at the front of the emergency entrance for the birthing centre smiling to himself as he watched the erratic father-to-be park his car in the emergency 20 minute zone.

They made their way to the lift and to the third floor.

Edward enquired at the desk and gave the nurse Bella's name. A few minutes later another nurse arrived and directed them to one of the suites. She showed Bella the room and offered her a hospital gown to change into before saying she would be back in a few minutes to attend to her examination.

Edward helped her to undress and just as the gown was slipped over her arms her water chose to break. It was warm and slightly comforting. Suddenly she was glad it hadn't happened in the car.

"Holy crap, I didn't even think about how messy that shit would get in the car. You would have to get it detailed."

"Oh I dunno, vagina is kind of a nice eu de toilette."

Bella scrunched her nose."Yeah but that would be three day old, shut in a car with the windows wound up, no air circulating vagina smell."

"True. Kind of like used prostitute scent I guess. I can't imagine how much that would cost to get rid of out of the leather seats."

The nurse returned to the room and saw her waters on the floor.

Bella pointed at Edward. "He did it."

"Okay sweetie, let's check this baby out." She indicated for Bella to hop up on the bed.

After poking around for a bit the nurse declared her dilated to 3cm.

"Really? Only 3cm? That sucks. I've been contracting for 12 hours. Stupid vagina."

"Oh missy, these things take time, how about you have a shower, go for a walk and get this baby going." She left the room.

"Oh I forgot I made you a present."

"Oh that's really..." Another contraction hit. She really just wanted to sit in the shower and feel the heat run over her muscles. The nurse must have read her birth plan and had known to not even bother offering her any injections of pain relief. She breathed the tide of pain out. Edward rubbed her back.

"You're not getting lucky tonight there Mr."

"What me? Gosh Bella just because a fellow rubs your back you think he just wants to have smexy times with you. My feelings are hurt."

"You dickhead. Back rubs always lead to sex."

"No they...oh yeah they do. I'm really getting predictable aren't I?"

"Yes Edward, sex with you is always so predictable - up against a wall, up on the table, at the beach, in the car, in the lift, in my office, in your office, in the loo, in the loo at the movie cinema, in the loo at the restaurant..."

"Not my fault you have a freaky loo fetish."

"Alright well how about you join me in the shower which is right next to the loo and grab that inflatable ball thing and you help me to get relaxed." She made her way to the bathroom and turned on the shower.

From the other room she could hear music. She tried to make out the song.

Edward re-entered the room. Recognition struck her.

"You prick."

Edward smirked at her.

"What the hell is with this song?"

"I made you a present, it's a mix CD. I call it 'Inappropriate Songs to play during Childbirth.' It took me weeks to make."

"And this song?"

"It's called 'Only Women Bleed' this is the John Farnham version."

"That is so inappropriate you douchebag."

"I made you a nice one too. But I thought this would take your mind off things."

"You really were suited to being an arsehole DJ."

"Yes honey, whatever you say." He continued to rub her back.

For the next few hours they listened to the CD over and over. Bella playfully hitting him when she recognized each song.

After the third running of it, it was getting quite enjoyable to watch the staff getting freaked out when they realized the title or the lyrics of the songs that were being played.

"Oh I get it...Push It by Salt and Peppa. That's clever- what do you call this CD honey?" The lovely nurse had made a reappearance.

"It's a mix CD- Inappropriate Songs for Childbirth." Edward proudly piped up.

"Your funny. I hope she punches you in an hour or so honey." The nurse waddled out.

"Yay it's Britney! Baby one more time. We are so only having one child." Bella grimaced through her next contraction.

An hour later she commented- "I don't like "The First Cut is the Deepest" skip that one, it freaks me out." She was just managing to talk now.

Her OB finally made an appearance.

"Mrs Cullen, how about we see if we can push now?" She was positioned on the bed, a wave of calm washing over her, knowing that she was ready.

She pushed for a few minutes, Edward holding her hand and speaking words of encouragement in her ear.

"I love you Bella."

Finally the baby's head made an appearance.

"Good girl, okay on this one give a really big push Bella." She gripped Edwards hand even firmer, took a deep breath and pushed with all that she had.

And in that moment she became aware of the lyrics of the Live song that was playing.

"Lightning crashes, a new mother cries, her placenta falls to the floor."

She laughed just a little through the pain as she heard the wail of their firstborn.

Thanks for reading. That's it folks. The above is loosely based on the story of the birth of my son. My husband really did make me a mix CD with that title and that really was the lyrics that were playing as my gorgeous boy came into the world. Interestingly enough, when my daughter was born I refused to have music.

My son is tone deaf and my daughter is very musical. Go figure.