Guess what this is… Okay, yeah, you gots me, it's a new project, hoo boy. I took waaaay too long a break from a long project. But here you go!

Okay, for people who have read my stuff before, know that while this is NOT a sequel to Memory or Aftermath, many of the same rules apply. (For those of you that know what these rules are it brings tears to my eyes that I have such loyal readers) For those of you that have not read my writings before, know that sometimes these authors notes ARE IMPORTANT, sometimes they are not, but I will announce things within them that you would not otherwise know, so keep an eye on these. Anywho, my returners, as always I love you, my newcomers, well I love you too, and to JanesRedBottle, sorry to say it, but you're up again my friend!

Accents: I like them, I use them heavily, Prussia and Germany's have changed a little bit, Prussia's is a bit thicker than Germany's as he went a longer time in life without having to learn English (that doesn't mean he will be unreadable of course XD unless of course it is meant to be such)

Ooh! Beginnings of a thunderstorm outside, I love my state J (sometimes it's like a whiny, bipolar bitch though)

()()()()()

All I Want is You

"If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter I know I'd be the snow,
Just as long as you were with me when the cold winds blow." --Barry Louis Polisar

()()()

The older brother contemplated something within his hand, the younger could not see it though. He seemed to stare at it as if whatever was in his palm held all the meaning in the world to him. His everything was encompassed within it so tightly that if he were to lose it he would lose himself too.

A cold, March breeze blew in through the window, making the older of the two shiver. It was fucking March and it was still snowing, what good was global warming if it didn't do away with such grotesque weather?

Finding his older brother's pensive state out of the ordinary, the blonde chose to look about the room from his seat. The house was old, creaky, but very homey. He didn't know why his brother chose to live here in this tiny town of about a dozen houses and a general store. The nearest large city was perhaps Schwerin and it was an hour away. Never had he pegged his brother for a country type when he had lived in Berlin for so long.

"So, Westen, I have this idea…" the albino started in his usual better-than-you tone.

"Am I not going to like it?" Germany asked, usually when his brother said things like "I have an idea" or "look at this" or even "what would you like to eat" something bad was about to happen.

"I don't know. That's up to you, I don't have control over your thoughts." Ludwig thought his brother's behavior very odd as of late. He had been spending more time away from his North American lover here in Germany. It was unnatural for Gilbert of all people to go so long without sex (the man's lover had complained to him via video conference) and even more unnatural to act mature for once. Gilbert had been pensive was he considering breaking it off with his lover? Or was he considering doing something that could potentially be even stupider? "It's a positively awesome idea though, I assure you."

"I'll be the judge of that. What is this idea?" Gilbert tilted his hand slightly so Ludwig could see the contents of it. "Oh… I… Do you really think you should?" A nervous rhythm had taken Ludwig's heart, a sense of unease resting in the pit of his gut like a catfish in mud.

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking your opinion of it, brother."

"You would only think of this if you meant it."

"Is that your answer?"

"Yes, after so long, I doubt you're just itching for it." Gilbert laughed and clinked the two objects around in his gloved-hand.

"Well, if the great Germany thinks it's a good idea, I don't know what else to say against it. You've had a few bad ideas, but nothing that wasn't fixed with a bit of--"

"Shut up…" Ludwig snorted, irritated as Gilbert just "kesesesed" his heart out. "It's not funny!"

"As a similarly affected party Westen, I think I have the right to laugh." Ludwig looked away from his laughing brother. Only he could make two world wars seem comical. And even then, only in his sick, little, twisted ways. "I'm off then! You might not want to try to talk to me for the next few days after this." he punctuated his suggestion with a smirk and a suggestive snigger, making his little brother pinch the bridge of his nose.

"I don't even want to think about that Osten."

"C'mon! Not even a little bit?" A quick pelvic thrust in the general vicinity of his brother had the blonde blushing.

"I'd rather be thinking of Italy." And the mental image was swiftly drowned out by thoughts of the little Italian boy. Oh how gaily he frolicked within the German man's mind, oh yes! Watch him paint and pick flowers! Watch him--

"Whoa! Whoa! Whatever you're thinking of, wait until I leave for fuck's sake!" A sly smile came across Germany's face and he put a hand to his bulging groin. "What're you… No! You wait 'til I leave dammit!"

"Like you've never done this in my home. You aren't exactly the most discreet person in the world."

Gilbert snorted, shoving his feet into a pair of boots. "What is this word you speak of? Discreet, I believe it was…?"

The blonde's brow furrowed at the look Gilbert was giving him. "You're disgusting."

"Ja! And if you're going to whack one off, at least do it in my bathroom, unlike you, I don't clean constantly."

Ludwig rolled his eyes, "As if that isn't the most obvious detail about this place."

"I have to go, are you going to jack off a bit?"

"I think so." Ludwig replied, his face turning a deep red.

"Okay, don't overdo it." Gilbert threw a bag of items over his shoulder and left.

()()()

"I don't know what t'do! He's been stayin' away more an' more often an' when he is with me he always seems t'be in a bad mood!" Alfred began, sitting at his kitchen table. Matthew just took out a pad and pencil, beginning to scribble things down. "Y'don't think he wants t'break up do ya?"

The younger blonde bit on his pen and scribbled something else down before looking to America. "I don't know Al. I hardly know the guy. What do you think is wrong?"

"Hell if I know! We're just sittin' there eatin' dinner an' all the sudden he'll just start in on me!"

"Okay, about what?" Really, Matthew was kind of bored with this, he had come over to say hello and hang out with his brother for a bit, instead ended up playing his psychologist.

"Just… Ev'rythin'. I don't clean enough, I need to keep my mouth shut sometimes--"

"Alfred, just so you know, that last one is quite valid." Though it sounded as if Alfred's marital problems were similar to his own relationship issues with Gilbert. It didn't really matter though, so what if his love was a lazy, dead, good-for-nothing nation? He was happy with him and his common absences recently were beginning to worry him.

"So it is, I get it, but… He never acts like this…"

"You're married now. Things are different Al." Matthew scribbled more down, thinking that he should maybe be worrying just a little bit more about Gilbert's absences. Was he wandering? In the end he scoffed at himself, Gilbert wouldn't do that… Would he?

"Somethin' the matter Mattie?" The smaller blonde jumped and looked to his brother, fixing his glasses on his nose.

"Uhm… No, nothing."

"No, no, I know that face. What were you thinkin' of?" Alfred reached for his cup sitting on the nearby coffee table. Picking it up and fixing his brother with a level stare, he took a sip. "C'mon."

"Al, it's not important… Have you maybe thought of asking Kiku what his problem is?"

Alfred blew a raspberry in response, "Hell no. "

"And why not?" Canada pushed a loose piece of hair back behind his ear, thankful his brother had worse ADD than Gilbert.

"Well… I ain't a woman of course." Matthew deadpanned at his brother, an eyebrow climbing up his forehead.

"Wanting communication between two people is being feminine?" America swallowed, his little brother could be quite scary at times. He could be docile and maybe even ditzy when happy, but pissed off Canada was a man to fear. "I think you're forgetting who--"

America clamped his hands over his ears and began, "La-la-la! No! No! I don't wanna hear it!" The younger of the two sighed and rested back in his chair with the pad and pencil, scribbling down on it.

"Then don't say something that would provoke that kind of reaction. If you would truly rather not know--"

"It's not that I don't care, I just don't wanna imagine it." Matthew smiled and looked to the cuckoo clock on the wall. "Our session over?" Alfred joked.

"I need to visit Gilbert. I haven't seen him in a few days."

"Whoa, few days? What happened?"

"Nothing, he's just been acting weird, like you said Kiku has." Alfred twiddled his thumbs for a moment. Matthew knew what that look meant; America was actually thinking before he said something. A sick feeling churned his stomach.

"No offense Mattie, but when a dude like Prussia does stuff like that, he's probably been off bangin' some whores." The pad and pen quickly met Alfred's face and Matthew jumped to his feet.

"You don't even know him! Shut up!" Quickly the older brother scrambled to his feet, heading after the younger as he stormed from the room.

"Wait! I didn't mean to--"

"Shut up, Alfred!" And the front door slammed before Alfred could stop him.

()()()

The door slammed and Prussia jumped awake from the couch. Groping for the knife in his pocket, a few seconds of disorientation followed as he looked about the room frantically for a threat. Finding none and hearing angry grumbles from the entry hallway he flipped it closed and placed it in his back pocket. A sniffle met his ears along with the grumbles and Prussia checked his other pocket to make sure the two items contained within hadn't fallen out during his nap. It would have to wait if Matt was in a bad mood. Stretching and cracking his back, he stood up from the couch and walked to the doorframe separating the living room from the entry hall. Matthew was busy taking his coat off, it had been chilly in Canada too.

"Vhat happant?" The blonde jumped at the sound of Prussia's voice and looked over his shoulder at him. Behind his glasses his eyes were grainy and red, his cheeks puffy and indicative of a prolonged session of crying. "Dit zomeding happan?"

Matthew shook his head, wiping his eyes and sniffling one last time, "I'm fine, nothing happened… How long have you been here?"

Looking to the clock on the wall, Gilbert scratched the back of his neck and answered, "I't zay aboud dree hours. Fell aschleep, voke up vhen you schlamt de door."

"Oh…" An awkward silence fell between the two. Gilbert had never been a man to console when someone was in a bad mood. He usually provided comic relief, but even he felt it a bit out of place to try for some laughs. Something was on both of their minds, one none too flattering and the other, well he still wasn't sure where it fell on the is-it-a-good-idea-o-meter. "Uhm…" Where have you been? "How've you been?"

"Fine, fine… I uhm… I vas vid Westen, ahd my uh, coundry home, you know, dat place oudzide of Schwerin?"

"Oh, it cold there?"

"Ja, colt… Znow und ahll… Ducks god schtuck in de vader, Westen chippt dem oud."

"Poor things."

"Ja…"

Matthew had never been very good at initiating sexual encounters between the two, but when upset, damn was he talented. It hadn't taken him much to get Gilbert back into the living room and to the couch. That was where Gilbert took over, occasionally Matthew felt as if he were being used by the Prussian. Anyone would when their lover was more given to closing their eyes during and looking to the ceiling, mumbling things in a language the other couldn't understand. It was only after several of these instances that Matthew learned from Ludwig just what Gilbert had been saying. Of course this encounter lead to a very red-faced German, but a very flattered (and equally red-faced) Canadian. Gilbert (a very non-religious man) was prone to hailing God, thanking the great being for Matthew.

This time, however was not one of those times, Gilbert's red eyes bored into Matthew's soul. Not in a hostile way, his eyes had the ability to pierce the very essence of who he was. Like a harpoon pierces the flesh of a whale and stays stuck, sometimes anchoring it to the boat, so were like Prussia's eyes to Canada. Of course, just a little bit less painful.

Prussia stood afterward, smoking a cigarette and seemingly looking around for something that could have been dropped on the floor. He snorted out a puff of smoke and tapped the ashes off the end of the bit of paper into an ashtray. Canada, meanwhile, admired the view from behind. Sure he would prefer it if Gilbert could have been on the couch with him then, but he understood the couch was not comfortable for two people laying down.

"Gilbert?"

"Ja Mattie?" It never got old to hear Prussia attempt the boy's nickname. It had gotten to a point where Gilbert no longer had to try to pronounce the ts in it, but it still sounded funny coming from his mouth. Even when he had grown better at pronouncing it it still sounded more like "ma-ti".

"What did you used to be like?" The scarred, naked man looked over at his little lover on the couch, taking another drag on his cigarette and sighing out the smoke.

"Vhy do you vant to know?" Matthew shrugged and sat up, picking up the blanket on the floor and wrapping it around himself. He smiled when he noticed the disappointed look on Gilbert's face; a favored pastime of the Prussian was simply admiring the view.

"I'm just curious." Taking one last drag on his cigarette, Gilbert ground it out in the ashtray and joined Matthew on the couch.

"I schtill don'd know vhy you vant to know, bud, I'll anzwer." The albino seemed to think for a moment, weaseling his way beneath the blanket. Matthew re-situated himself to lean on the warm man and Gilbert smiled down at him. "Fucking sexy." Canada laughed, nuzzling into his shoulder. "Jus' doughd you schoult know."

"Can you answer me?"

"I'm gedding to id! Mein Gott!" Gilbert's companion chuckled again and got himself comfortable. "Alrighd, to schtard ovf, you voultn'd hev liket me. I vas… How do you zay… Fucking awful comparet to today." The red eyes seemed so distant, his face serene, was he just lost in thought or a memory? "I only efer vantet to kill people. Sex it vas… Von of de bigger dings on my mint ja… Bud id ditn'd madder who vid." Slowly his eyes became further and further away. He was reliving something, at least this something wasn't terrifying. If anything he seemed to relish it by the smile coming over his face. "I't take von look ahd anyvon und dey't zubmid demzelfs to me… Id ditn'd madder if I doughd dem attracdife or nod, id vas sex, und dat vas ahll I vantet."

Confused whether or not he should be afraid of something like that, Matthew asked, "How did you manage to keep it up if they were… Not the best looking?"

Gilbert threw back his head and laughed throatily, a different variation of his usual "kesesese". Managing somehow to calm down enough to speak he replied with "I vas young! I god ovf on de mere facd dat I coult do anyding I vantet to anyvon. Vell, any human. Id alvays fuschtradet me dat I coultn'd do de zame to oder nations. Austria has alvays hat a mean righd hook." Gilbert punctuated this fact by rubbing his jaw, as if he could still feel the fist connecting with the bone. The other just chuckled lightly, thinking of the aristocrat being harassed by the man and punching him. "Bud jus' zoh you know… Don'd efer visch you knew me den… I don'd know vhat I voult hev done to you bud you voultn'd hev enjoyt id."

"What changed?"

The smile from before became something sweet, he was lost within a memory again. "I became a big bruder. I mean… I alreaty vas von, bud… I guess I schoult more zay I became a fader. Ludwig, de firsd perzon who acdually reliet on me… I vasn'd a general, I vasn'd dis… Big ding to be scart of, I vas his caregifer, de perzon who hat to prodecd him from eferyding bat. I hat to raise him to be schtrong--I ahlzo hat to keep him avay from Roderich, bud dat's besite de poind." Coming out of his memory he looked back to Matthew and his face screwed up at the look he was being given. "Vhat?"

"You're just a big softie."

"Noh I'm nod! De gread und awesome Prussia ist nod zendimendal! Ist nod a 'big softie'!" he snorted and Matthew laughed. "Ids nod funny! Schtoppid!" It was hard to make Gilbert of all people blush, but when it happened it was hard to resist doing what Matthew failed to resist every time.

"You're so cute Gil." Matthew nuzzled against the embarrassed man's cheek and kissed his earlobe. "I love you."

The embarrassment died and Gilbert frowned, turning to kiss Matthew's temple. "You too."

"Want to go to bed?"

"Ja."

That didn't exactly go well… Gilbert reflected, laying in bed, his arms wrapped possessively around the small Canadian. I wonder if they are still in my pants pocket. As long as he got up before Matthew he was good, which he always did, usually he didn't move from bed for about three hours after that though (unless pancakes were involved of course). He woke up with the sunlight (an old habit that never died) but didn't move until his brain woke up fully.

Matthew shifted in his arms slightly, burying his face into the white patch of fuzz on Gilbert's chest. Gilbert had scarcely noticed, his brain was already beginning to float off into memories he would rather have left buried. They weren't bad or traumatic memories, no, if anything they were exhilarating and made him wish he could go back to then. Back to a time when he could kill freely, fuck whoever he wanted and cause trouble without the law against him. Such sweet and enticing memories. The frown from earlier returned; but that was all they were. Just memories, never to be lived again. All that there was to happen had happened.

His eyes slipped closed, a fuzz unlike sleep overtaking his brain and wrapping him up like a fine silk blanket. He drowned in his memories that night, pleased with every one of them.

A grin spread his lips in sleep and he was lost to the world.

()()()

Matthew was shaken from sleep, very violently to add. "Uwah!" His face hit the floor, the rest of his body following a split second later. "What in… Gilbert what's wrong?" Slipping his glasses back onto his face, Matthew stood and stared across the room at the frantic and naked man. Something was definitely up and it wasn't what Matthew had been hoping was.

A nasty, feral growl issued from Gilbert's throat as he fixed his hostile eyes on the soft Canadian. He took a few steps back away.

"Gil? Are you feeling alrig--"

"Wo bin ich?" he roared, cutting Canada short. Realizing that probably should have been important, and he probably should have understood that, Canada raised a curious eyebrow, his face apologetic.

"Gil, you know I don't understand German. English please?" The Prussian's face screwed up angrily.

"Wer bist du? Sprich!" Now sensing that something was very wrong, Matthew made for his computer near the door. He had to dodge a Prussian coming at him though as the man violently threw himself at him.

"Gil! What are you doing?" The only reply he got was something violently spat at him before he had to dodge a blow from Prussia's fist. "Stop it!" It was when Gilbert reached for the keyboard of the computer and yanked it free of the rest of the contraption that Matthew knew he probably wasn't dealing with the man he knew. "Oh… Crap." The subsequent swings of the keyboard at him each came closer and closer to hitting him with each swipe. "Sorry, Gil." Matthew whispered, wrenching a hockey stick from beneath the bed and nailing his assaulter in the groin with it.

The other fell to the floor, usually Gilbert would have doubled up from a hit like that, it barely even seemed to faze him this morning. It was as if he were used to it. Quickly he regained his footing and just all out lunged at the Canadian, grabbing the stick in his remarkably powerful hands.

Shoving the stick forward and knocking Prussia in the nose with it, Matthew successfully dazed him, taking his chance to swipe his cheek with the blade. Prussia laid on the ground, his temple bleeding and his body stretched out. His eyes glared defiantly up at the small Canadian, possessing no traces of any emotion other than pure hatred.

"What did I do?" Tears filled Matthew's vision and he threw down the stick to the corner of the room. He wiped the tears from his eyes and saw the confused look on his lover's face. "What?"

"Wie kann ich dich verstehen? Ich kann kein Englisch… Wer bist du?" The only thing Matthew understood was that Prussia was addressing him (no shit) and that he had said something about English.

"I can't understand you… If you are really insistent upon German I can get Ludwig on the phone…" Gilbert's face suddenly lit up, happiness or recognition, Matthew couldn't tell the difference between the two.

"Kennst du Deutschland?" Well, at least Matthew could gather he was talking about Germany.

"I know him. All nations are required to know one another." Prussia's brow furrowed again, partially in disbelief and partially in confusion.

"Bist du eine Nation?"

"I'm Canada." Depression clogged his chest, why did this have to happen to him?

A big, proud, narcissistic grin stretched Prussia's face "Ich bin das Königreich Preußen."

Well… Canada figured mentally, I'm not really quite sure if things can get much worse than this.

()()()()()

Notes:

"Italics!"--Denotes the speaking of a language other than English, when it is in English and italicized and the punctuation isn't it's a long conversation in another language.

Ja--Yes

Westen--West (is not translated in his speech since it is a nickname in its own right.)

Mein Gott--My god

Wo bin ich--Where am I

Wer bist du? Sprich--Who are you? Speak!

Wie kann ich dich verstehen? Ich kann kein Englisch--How can I understand you? I don't know English.

Kennst du Deutschland--Do you know Germany?

Bist du eine Nation--Are you a nation?

Ich bin das Königreich Preußen--I am the kingdom of Prussia

New readers, yes, you get frequent bouts of different languages, don't freak out, there will always be translations at the end of a chapter (but if it's a phrase used commonly don't expect the translation to show up more than once, like for "ja")

As my older readers might have noticed, it's a bit more somber than my two previous projects. Well, I don't know if I should say that as both of them had sad points, but this one (while not really sad) is sort of different. It's going to deal a little bit more with serious themes (though I am lost without comedy so there will be plenty of that as usual)

So! Serious first chapter… I was unsure if I should have put a bit more comedy into the first one, but hey, the first chapter should convey to you the general feeling of the story. Also (as usual for me) the first chapter is the shortest (most commonly) I cannot guarantee that chapters will remain below the 10000 word mark, but I am fairly confident in saying nothing will quite have a chapter as long as Memory's chapter seven. It may come close as I enjoy long chapters, but I will try my best not to torture you.

As usual, comments are my motivation, so if you enjoyed it, lemme know and you will get your chapters a little bit faster J