1.

Falling. Cold. Falling. Falling. It was lonely in this place, the place with no walls, no sound or light, where her cries were not answered. Or were they simply not heard? It was the place where ghosts played on your mind. On her mind.

DI Alex Drake woke to the familiar 1980's London flat she did every day. To the same empty room. After the same nightmare. In the nightmare, her daughter Molly walked away from her, not turning to her calls, no one answering her own. Only one thing changed every time, the way Molly looked, every day she was a bit older, a bit taller, a bit more… faint. As though a childhood memory that kept slipping away, slipping into forget. And that was what scared her the most, not the cold, or the dark, but the thought of forgetting her daughter, of forgetting her need to get home, why she needed to fight.

she walked out of her flat over Luigi's, leaving behind, her fears, and last night's bottle of wine, and self, psycho- analysis ; picking up her pretence, showing no fear; behaving like she belonged.

That was one thing she often thought about, as she did now, walking through CID to her desk. Did she belong? And if she did, how? Was this, place, real? Or is it a figment of her imagination? "Drake! Wakey– wakey, your here to work, not sleep. If were gong to have any chance on catching this bastard, we need you on full alert". She was brought out of her silent contemplation by her senior officer, Gene Hunt, who didn't look back on his way into his office, before slamming the door behind him.

Bad sign. A closed door meant a hang over. A hang-over meant a bad mood. Looking over the evidence of the case in question, two things shouted out at her. The suspect, Jeremy Thyme, if he had committed the rape, then why was he not in Staffordshire lane at the time? Something proved by no positive sighting of him, just an anonymous tip off by some grass. Moreover, why was the only positive sighting of a man said to have been 6 ft, when Jeremy was less, more 5'6, short for a man. All of this pointed to one thing, Jeremy was innocent. It was his father, Geoffrey Thyme that was the rapist, of course it was a great cover, old, out dated member of the underworld, over shadowed by his up and coming gangster of a son, who would look to his fragile, yet obviously more dangerous father? Yes, a great cover, betting on one point only, that there was no eye– witnesses, to see the obvious. Jeremy Thyme looked nothing like his father, the only flaw in his plan. Alex was pleased with herself, case solved, they should have the scum in custody, and in luigi's by lunch time.

"are you trying to wind me up Bolly?" was Gene's original response to her breakthrough. "No Gov, look, If Jeremy was the rapist, her would have had to come up to the victim like this… from behind" she acted out what she was saying, "something impossible for him to do, as she would have been too tall to get a dominative hold, and according to the eye witness, the rapist was at least 6 ft, which would make it possible to carry out the rape, all evidence counted, alibis included, or lack of one, it all points to Geoffrey. He's your man"

All of the facts were true, and she was right of course. Again. This was one of the reasons Gene Hunt couldn't live without Alex. Ever since she sprang into his life, nearly two years ago, she had bettered him, they were a team Gene and Bolly, his Bolly. It was also one of the things that annoyed him the most. She always knew the answers, solved the crimes, shone a light on every corner of him, even what tried so hard to hide. Especially the stuff he tried to hide. That was the problem, you see, he spent too long tying to build up his reputation as a bad cop, that when she turned up and saw right through him, she changed him, made him see life differently. He didn't like it, she made him weak. Gene Hunt wasn't weak. Then why could he not let her go? She scared him. The feelings she evoked in him scared him. She brought back feeling. Feelings he had not felt in a long time. Feelings that he was happy to leave in the past. Because it was wrong, she was too good for him, how could she ever feel the same way toward him? He didn't deserve her, and he knew it. So he hid his feelings away, put on a front. Everything would be okay, if their relationship stayed this way, he couldn't loose her, no-one could screw up, or run away. As long as she didn't leave. And she was always talking of bloody leaving.

"Gov? Gov are you even listening to me? Geoffrey is your man, why are we just standing here, lets go get the bastard" Alex stared at Gene, why was he always so far away? So distant? If he opened up to her, trusted her, showed that he felt anything for her at all, then she could let him in. Accept her feelings. No there was no feelings. This, world was in her head, how could she be attached to an imaginary character? Yet here he was, her only constant in the prison that was her imaginary world. The one person, man, she trusted with her life. Ridiculous, but true; he was the one man she had ever felt this way towards. The only man she couldn't feel this way towards. She was his DI, real or not, it could never work. And she doubted he could ever feel the same way towards her, towards any woman. He was married to the job, and it was unfair to him, to try anything. After all, for all she knew, she could wake up tomorrow in 2008, carrying on with her life. She had to remember that! This, life, wasn't really life at all. She had to remember Molly, Moll was her life, her real life. She needed to remember, for her, to get back for her.

2.

It had been a hard day today. Her feet ached from an on foot chase is heels, and her head ached from the team counting on her to solve the case. So sat at her usual corner table in luigi's, drinking a glass of what Gene affectionately called house rubbish, she wanted nothing more than to go upstairs and curl up in bed. "you and me Bolls" said Gene. "were a team, fighting the rot together" she had heard the words before, but tonight she really felt their meaning. And for once she was truly sad that she would leave this place. This world. Her life here. Looking up at her senior officer she asked "Gene; what would you do if I left?" he looked at her.

"what? Well I would have to drag your bony arse back down ere wouldn't I. We need you here Bolls, and I know London's a shit hole, but what can I say? Someone's got to clean it up" he nodded sharply and drained his drink, looking round at the team. It was strange, the emotions he evoked in her. Strange, but undeniably real. She had once said that they were friends, but nothing more than that. But since then she had discovered that her feelings for him, might be more than that. The only thing stopping her was that he didn't feel the same way, or did he?

"No, Gene, I mean what would you do, you know if I wasn't here anymore? What would you feel?" he stared at her, un-answering, and she leaned over the table slowly, closing the space between them. After all, if she had to live this life, she might as well enjoy it while she was there. Besides, her ban on men had left her starved of male attention for a long time; and, the longer she sat there, the more intense her need for him became. Gene picked up on where the situation was leading and pulled back. "Bolly, you are drunk, I am no where near drunk enough. Now ;we have an early start tomorrow, I think you should head for bed." Alex was embarrassed, she had crossed a line and she knew it. Maybe she was drunk who knew? Come on Alexandra, your worth more than this, just give up. Go to bed. So she nodded her head, stood up and turned to face the team. Who were oblivious to the last minutes happenings and were fighting over whether city would cream untied that season. "night everyone" she called. "night ma'am" called Shaz, "see you tomorrow" called Chris, Ray tutting at him for his "ponsy" response, making Alex laugh, as she left the restaurant. "night Luigi" she called as she passed.

"good night Alex" her replied in his fatherly tone. She liked Luigi, he was nice. Yes definitely too much drink.

Gene had no idea why he had done it. It was a perfect opportunity. He didn't know what was wrong with him, normally he would give any thing for an arse grope. But with Bolly, it felt wrong, like it would spoil something. The pure relationship between them; sure he felt an attraction towards her, but it could never work, she was too good. But still, to dismiss her like that, it felt wrong, like for the first time something right could have happened between them. Not like other times when it felt wrong, or they were both blatantly drunk. Because it was a lie of course, she was obviously not drunk, and she knew what she was doing; so why did he pull away? He refused to accept the obvious; that he was scared, scared of rejection, and scared of her walking away from him after a one– night– stand. If he had done the right thing, why did he feel so shit?

He should go up and see if she was okay he decided. After all, if she decided to have one of her funny turns, she might need his help. Images of CPR flashed through his mind, their lips so close; and she always managed to bloody wake up. He smiled at the thought. He said bye to the team and made for the exit; un– drunk bottle of house shit in his hand (just for luck) making sure no one was looking as he doubled back on himself, up the stairs to Alex's flat on the second floor. As he climbed, his heart raced at the possibility tonight could hold, after all, he was tired of being responsible. She was the only one who ever listened to him, who was there to confide in, who he trusted with his life. And the only person he would risk it to save. God. He was in love with his DI; the truth hit him like a ton of– no an aeroplane full of bricks, and Rays words ran through his head "DI's should not. Look shag-able." . True, the job was much easier, before women provided a distraction. Before they drew your eyes off the ball. Sure, she was infuriating, and self righteous, at times, and she could annoy the hell out of him. But he couldn't live without her. She balanced him, pulled him back when he went too far. What would she say now? Now that the line was way behind him? He looked at her door. Would she want to see him? After the way he had shunned her?

There was a loud nock on the door. It was late, who could be knocking now? "open up! Police!" Gene's familiar voice called from the other side of the door, and Alex stood up to let him in, sighing as she walked, thank god, not another night of self interrogation, and staring at the un-answering walls of her flat, ignoring the lonely hole in her chest, yearning for things she could never have. She decided to ignore what had happened earlier; it was an accident, a badly judged decision. She would have to keep her feelings to herself. If Gene Hunt took now as the right time to become professional, then so would she.

She opened the door, and looked into his eyes, hoping that he would see her plea for help, and her need for comfort. "Bolly, I have a bottle of wine here, that is very busy not being drunk, with the need to get very pissed, up for it?" she stopped herself from laughing at the girlish part of her mind that heard the accidental innuendo, chiding herself instantly for thinking such stupid things. They collapsed on her sofa, as he poured them both drinks. "Cheers" she sighed as they both looked at each other.

"I wasn't under the impression there was anything to celebrate" Gene said slightly confused. Alex took a deep breath before speaking

"I think there's only so much time I have left before I go home, so I decided that I am going to enjoy the time I have left".

"do you always have to talk in such bollocks Bolly? Or is it just that you enjoy confusing me? And I thought I had already told you, your not leaving till I say you do and I don't say so". She had heard these words before, almost a year ago, but this time she felt something else mixed in the meaning, it stirred her oddly, his words, like something was warming her from inside, like he hole, making her feel lonely al the time, was being filled. And it was then she decided. She was in love with Gene Hunt. Gene Hunt, the rude obnoxious DCI, who'd sexist behaviour was infuriating. Gene Hunt, who was the most protective, kind man she had ever met, who had saved her so many times she had lost count, who was always there for her. How had she not seen it before? So much for her vow to ignore her feelings and attraction towards him.

"Alex?" Genes face looked almost shy, a strange emotion to see on his face.
"yes Gene?" she replied in almost a whisper, which was all she could manage after her sudden rush of feeling.

"There's, erm, there's something I need to say, and ive been putting it off for a long time, but I cant any more… us, you and me, well I don't think I can ignore the feelings I have anymore" he trailed off, unsure of what to say. Alex however didn't need to hear anything else, she set down her glass and shifted her position to face him. "I know" she mumbled moving her lips towards his, closing the space between them. Filling the hole in her chest.

Gene looked around the room. Las night seemed like a dream, how could it be reality? Yet he knew it was true, as when he looked to the side of him, he saw Alex's shape under the bed clothes. He closed his eyes. He had crossed the line, his line, because now there was no going back, no hiding from the truth. He was in love with this woman, like no love he had ever felt before, she was so… good, it felt wrong for him to be next to her. Yet here he was, she had accepted him, felt towards him for one moment, like he had felt towards her for who knows how long. But even as these warm thoughts ran through his head making him feel giddy, a shadow crept across his trail of thought. What if when she woke, she would realise her mistake, as she inevitably would, could he look into her warm eyes, and see the regret there? He wasn't sure if he could. He had been broken before, but that would shatter him. For his world to be torn off him just when he had found it was so unfair. He couldn't do that to her, couldn't make her feel guilty about not loving him, so he slipped out from beside her, and wrote a not, explaining everything, and turned to leave. As he reached the door, he turned to look at her face. Her beauty shocked him, even now, in the raw morning light. He would not wake her, he kissed her forehead and left the flat. It would be like last night never happened if she wanted.

3.

Alex woke from her first peaceful night sleep in about two years. She had the funny kind of feeling you have after a dream, that you cant remember , there was something about a girl, a young girl, but she couldn't remember what she was doing, or who she was. Alex decided not to let it bother her. Smiling to herself she stretched before turning off her alarm, and rolling over to face her Gene. The kind, emotional man no-one else knew. But she rolled into nothing, just empty, cool sheets laid beside her the morning after. She should have expected it, for him to run from the truth, and from his emotions. Yes it was to be expected. It still hurt like physical pain though, as the lonely hole inside her grew again, her fears and nightmares creeping around her mind. Then she saw the note, lying on the coffee table.

Bolly,

I didn't want to wake you. Gone to work, I let myself out.

Gene.

She didn't know what to make of the note. Didn't want to wake you? What did that mean? Did he want to pretend that it had never happened, that they were still just friends? She dressed and ate quickly, before leaving for work. She would see him there. Was it good or bad that she would?

Walking through CID she shook off Ray's, Chris' and Shaz's hellos, and mornings witch a faint smile and a nod towards the Gov's office. Explaining why she couldn't stop and chat. Closing the door behind her, she pulled down the blind and switched on the radio.

"Bloody 'ell Bolls, are you trying to deafen me? Or has Mac risen from the grave, and you have more information?" Gene asked gruffly, avoiding her eyes. She persevered, and walked to stand above him, opposite side of the desk. She would be able to think properly if her heart would quiet down, but it seemed adamant to have its say. "No Gov, its not Mac, or about the case… its well, its about last night" she stopped, as he looked up from his scotch into her eyes for the first time. "listen Bolls, I know its awkward, what with us lot working so close together" . What was he trying to say, did he regret it, and decide to pretend it couldn't happen? Was he what? Breaking up with her? Her stifled laugh at the unspoken notion added to the growing tension. Gene opened his mouth to speak, with what looked like sadness, as he broke their eye contact to look back at his drink. "I think we need to pretend last night never happened. If you want to that is. I mean, I can understand why you would feel like -". Alex had heard enough, she couldn't hear any more, to feel rejection again and blinking back tears, she mumbled okay, and turned on her heel from the office. This was just like any other time, when they even became close, something would find a way between them. Looking around CID, she just never thought it would be this place. She decided, it was the last time Gene Hunt would push her away.

4.

Neanderthal. Alex thought as Genes pungent smell of whisky and fags rushed past her as she walked behind him. If Gene Hunt was too good for her, then she would just have to show him, what he was missing. Walking along the red car she loved, running her fingers along its doors, she walked past her usual shotgun position to slip in next to Ray in the back. "Hey" she flashed a smile at Ray, who looked very confused at her sudden change of mood towards him, before flashing a look at Gene in the mirror, who looked away, pretending not to care. She knew he did. As the two teams split to surround both warehouse exits, she called as innocently as possible "Have you been working out Ray?". Looking at the Gov, before back to DI Drake he mumbled "not really" before walking away. She had seen it. Even if Gene tried his best to hide it. The look he had given Ray before he answered was almost predatorial. He was stating a unspoken possession of her, and Ray knew it. Alex smiled at herself, this was easier than she thought it would be, his emotions were showing today, a rare thing to happen at work. Crouched behind a wall, the cramped space pushed them together, and his presence was all to obvious to Alex.

Bloody London. Gene thought as he was pushed against the wall to stop himself brushing against Drake's body. Should have stayed in Manchester. No bloody women. Could have done my job and be out of here by now, instead of being backed up to a wall by the one woman who intimidated him the most. What did she think she was doing anyway? Coming onto Ray like that. If she was coming onto Ray at all, maybe it was his mind playing tricks on him. Drake and her bloody psychiatry. If he couldn't deal with a few glances at Ray, then he needed to pull his act together, or he would be in the Looney bin when she finds her next fling.

Gene spotted the suspect first. "Bolls, over there" he broke the silence between them. And looked to her beside him. Why did fantasies run through his mind like that, every time she held that bloody gun. "Bolly, I don't even see why you carry that thing, when you never use it" except to torture me, he added silently.

"in case you decide to shoot me again, I am going to make sure you get it back." Gene smiled, in– spite of himself, and gruffly cleared his throat, I guess he should have expected that dig. It was the only nightmare he had had in the last 10 years, the image of her falling to the ground, hurt by him, it would haunt him forever.

"Besides, I never said I wouldn't shoot it, I just haven't needed to yet" she looked at him mischievously before pointing the gun at the suspects back wheel, as he was just about to slip away. Shit. How did I miss that, he could have got away. The loud bang from Alex's gun seemed to shake the atmosphere around them. And she turned to wink at him before restoring the gun to her belt, and walking towards him. Christ. Is this woman capable of everything? He wondered before realising how close she was now, to him. Her sweet sent pulled him in, and his heart raced as they faced each other, their lips centimetres apart. There was no one else in the world.

"Gov, come in Gov" Chris' voice came from the walkie talkie, and they broke apart, breaking the spell.

"WHAT? Christopher?" he shouted down the receiver.

"I er, just though I should say, we had a runner, the suspect ran right into our team, we've cuffed him, and back up is coming to take him and us back to the station. You and DI Drake are okay to go over the scene aren't you?" Chris finished before Gene said

"okay thanks Chris", and stored the Walkie Talkie back into his pocket.

Ceasing the moment, with the both of them alone, leaning against the Quatro, as the rain started. She knew she had to tell him how she felt, to make him believe her that her feelings were true and genuine. Because it was him, it had always been him, through the clown, operation rose, Keats; he was always there for her. Her constant. She belonged with him. It just took this long for her to realise it.

5.

"Gov, I cant, I cant to do this anymore, I cant pretend to feel something I don't." Alex sighed and faced him, looking into his eves and making him see the truth there because I cant pretend were just friends anymore she added silently. Because it was true, it wasn't every day you found the person you were perfect for. Whose soul held yours perfectly, who knew your every move, and accepted you. Not every day you knew and accepted another. Like soul mates. The word seemed ridiculous, but fitted its purpose wonderfully.

"Alex" he paused has he said her name. He said it so rarely. "Alex, you don't have to do this, explain yourself, to me that is, I know that you don't feel that way towards me, so don't worry." he turned, to hide his face, scared to show weakness there. Alex was infuriated, and frustrated, how many times did she have to say it for him to understand? The rain hammered down heavier onto the two of them. "don't you see? You stupid, infuriating man? Don't you see that last night was my choice? That the feelings I cant pretend to feel anymore is just friendship towards you? That ive wanted us for" she paused before whispering "so long. Because I don't know why, and I must be stupid, or mentally damaged but I love you Gene Hunt" . The emotion between them heightened, and he crossed from the other side of the car before stopping a foot away from her "I lo-" she was stopped mid– sentence by his arms enfolding around her, as she slipped into his chest and felt for the first time all day, really safe. Their lips crushed together and her hunger for him was satisfied. "you've got one thing right, yeh daft cow, your definitely mentally damaged" he smiled before holding her once more.

They stood like that for who know how long. Rain soaking into both their jackets, two figures in an empty yard, holding each other up, not wanting to move or break the spell. Their kiss broken only by Genes whispers into her neck, making Alex dizzy. "I love you" "I'll always love you" "always have" showering her neck with kisses, weakening her knees. It was like their happiness closed around the two of them, their embrace so powerful, a bomb could have happened and they wouldn't have known. It was just the two of them, in their own world. And she loved this man. She would always love this man, and he loved her. Soulmates.