New story, nothing but funny. I just needed something to lift my spirits. It's been a bit rough lately, so I wrote something funny to help me better my mood.

Read and enjoy.

Speak to me!

The battle was won, Ganon was dead, Hyrule was sunk and everyone was happy. Except, that is, for a certain pirate princess.

Shortly after the pair of hero and pirate reached Outset, the two flopped on the ground and inhaled the scent of peace and freedom, which was needless to say, was warm and welcomed to the two weary adventurers.

The villagers and pirates immediately wanted to part. Who could deny such a simple request?

However, as Tetra mingled and chatted with the various villagers, she realized something when her eye caught Link. Not once had she heard his voice or had him engage her in conversation throughout the whole adventure together.

After slowly making her way over to the resting hero, she stared awkwardly at him, hoping to use it as a ploy to get him to say some sort of greeting.

When Link finished a quick yawn and noticed Tetra standing away from everyone. She was staring at him. He let off a slight chuckle and waved her over.

The pirate captain blushed in annoyance that her plot not only failed, but backfired, making her appear to be some sort of social invalid. Tetra walked up to Link after reforming her pride and stood next to him. On her face was an almost cocky sneer. "Oy Linky. Too lazy to join the party, eh?"

The hero gave a slightly weary smile then put his head back. The smile changed to a satisfied, more relaxed smile.

Tetra blinked repeatedly as what he did actually made sense in her head. To her it said, 'I'm tired, relaxing here is party enough.' She tapped the side of her head. "I see... Can I get you something to drink?"

He opened his eyes slowly, then nodded.

"What would you like?" Tetra snapped back instantly.

Link thought for a moment. Tetra sensed victory. He was finally going to talk. A grin started forming on her face until he then pointed to a glass of some orange fruity concoction that Gonzo was holding.

Tetra huffed and walked over to where the refreshments had been placed. "I am captain Tetra... it should not be so hard to get some Island kid to talk!"

"Hey! Watch what you say about Island kids!" A voice snapped behind her.

"OH…! Sorry Aryll... didn't mean to get personal," Tetra sighed.

"Don't sweat it Miss Zelda," Aryll chided happily.

"... How did you know I'm Zelda?" Tetra asked, suddenly serious.

"Link told me, duh!" The younger blonde answered, like it was the simplest thing in the world.

"Woah woah!" Tetra tried to think for a moment. "Link talked to you?!"

"Well of course. I am his sister after all. If he didn't I would worry."

Tetra felt like she was being overly critical, but this was a golden research opportunity for her new mission. "Well... I just... he never talks to me. I've never even heard him speak."

Link's younger sister smiled wearily as she finished pouring the few drinks. She grabbed the cups to walk away. "He's the quiet type." And with those cryptic, but less than mysterious words, young Aryll walked off.

"Obviously," Tetra grunted and grabbed the juice Link had asked for.

He took a sip, nervously eyeing her over the glass.

" *Ehem*... Are you going to say thank you?"

Link's eyes widened at his own rudeness. Instead of simply apologizing, he flashed a big toothy grin in thanks.

Tetra almost face vaulted, but she quickly recovered. Instead, she decided to yell at Link loudly. "Would it kill you to actuallySAYthank you?"

The hero sat back, wide-eyed at the sudden outburst. When he finished processing what she said, the tips of his mouth curled back into a large grin, and his eyes grew into a pointed leer. He stood up and walked up to the young captain. Link stopped when there was barely a hairs' breath between them. Then, he slowly and tauntingly shook his head.

"Damn you…!" Tetra made a gesture that would have gotten her smacked by her mother and made a move to walk away.

Before she fully left the area though, the young, green-clad hero let out the slightest, smuggest of chuckles. Feeling a vein pop, she spun around quickly and planted a kick between his legs. "Smug bastard!" She then left as he fell with a wordless squeak.

Tetra walked all the way back to her cabin and locked herself inside to plot.

The celebration continued without the pirate princess and no one noticed the hero being incapacitated.

The next day when she had calmed down, Tetra left her cabin to apologize to Link.

Link was in his swimsuit and hat, lounging in a rocky, shallow bay when Tetra found him. She rolled her eyes with a huff. "You're very lazy... Did you know that?" Tetra groaned at seeing the now legendary Hero of the Winds lying about.

With an annoyed sigh, the vengeful hero reached out of his pool and grabbed the pirate by her ankle.

"Huh?" She said. The pirate's eyes widened when she noticed his grip was unusually strong. Glancing at his hand, she noticed the strange gold bracelets he wore were glowing. "What are you doi-" She was cut off as she found herself hurtling through the air and plunging into the pool of water.

'DAMN HIM!' Tetra roared in her mind. She glanced up at Link from underwater. His lips were moving and there was a slight noise above her. In excitement, she raced for the surface. Unfortunately, the noise stopped as she her head broke into the surface.

Tetra looked at him, her eyes wide. "Were you just talking?"

The Hero of the Winds narrowed his eyes and smiled a thin, evil smile.

The pirate captain was fuming. In fact, her rage alone raised the temperature of the pool. "Nayru, damn it all Link!"

Link's eyes widened as he barely managed to dodge her left hook, which ended up slamming into the slightly widened rocks instead.

The fist was ripped away from the rocks as the knuckles began to bleed.

Narrowing his eyes in concern, Link reached forward and tried to check her hand.

Of course, Tetra only flinched away, not allowing him to touch her. She climbed out of the water and headed for the boat... to plot once again. First though, she turned back around and loudly announced, "Zeldas of the past may have put up with their silent heroes, but I will not!" She stamped her foot and headed back to her room.

Later at the legion of doom! No seriously, I went there.

"Today, I have gathered you men here as you are the greatest force of evil the world has ever see-…" She smacked her forehead. "Yes Niko?"

"Miss Tetra, I don't mean to question orders, but why did we dredge up the statue with the swabbie's sword in it?"

"That's Ganondorf!"

"Well... why did you get out your old paper mache` mask?"

"... It's the Majora's mask," She mumbled shyly while poking her fingers together.

"No, its paper mache`!" He half snapped.

"Shut up, Niko!"

"Only after I know why I, and this guy in green spandex, are here. Tingle was it?" Niko directed his question to a short, slightly chubby man that was in fact, clad in green spandex.

Tingle nodded.

"You two are here because you were voted the two, most evil things Nintendo ever did to its gamers."

"Fair enough... so how are you going to get the swabbie to talk?"

"... I'm going to take him to a restaurant and have him order for himself!" Tetra stood up on the table triumphantly then left to find her prey.

"...Yeah, good luck with that!" Tingle muttered sarcastically.

Later at some restaurant.

"Welcome... may I take your order?" The over-eager, unnamed waiter asked.

"You go first... I'm still thinking." Tetra stepped back innocently.

Link took a step forward and tapped his chin thoughtfully. After a short while, he held up three fingers.

"A number three, alright. Any onions on that?"

Link shook his head no.

"Alright here you go!"

Smugly, the Hero of the Winds then turned, sat at a table with his food and took a bite.

"GRAGH!" Tetra screamed, collapsing to the floor and cursing all of existence.

The end

It got a little strange and cracky towards the end, but I have a sequel with a bit more maturity and romance so keep an eye out.