A/N: This is the follow up to Two Sentences, Six Words. I recommend having read that fic first.

He sat on the window sill, staring out at the perpetual dingy night of Omega Station and wondered if he'd feel it if she died.

He hadn't the first time. No dark feeling creeping across his spine. No sudden wrenching as if part of his soul had been torn away. No clue until Joker had shattered his world telling him it was Shepard's own fault that she was dead.

A bitter smile touched Kaidan's lips. This time he wouldn't even have Joker to tell him because there was not one doubt that if Shepard didn't come back from the Omega IV relay, no one would.

He wondered how long he'd wait. How long Anderson would allow him to sit here, staring through dirty windows searching for a reason to try and survive that agony a second time.

I love you. Be happy, Kaidan.

Her words. Her damn duty. Someday, some fucking way, he was going to be the first thing she thought of and not this damn universe that had done nothing but jerk them around like puppets on a string.

And by whatever Deity you chose, if he got her back a second time he was taking her to the most remote, inhabitable planet that could be found and they weren't going to leave ever. The Alliance, Cerberus, the Reapers, the whole damn Universe be damned.

For a moment he closed his eyes, centering his soul, calming the biotics that flared so readily, so angrily, so often. He hadn't had this much trouble keeping his powers under control since Brain Camp. Since Vyrnnus. Since Rahna.

His communications console pinged shattering the calm he'd been searching for. Staring at it with apathy, he wondered if it was Anderson again and if the threats had changed to something that actually meant something. Although, if Shepard was dead…again…he couldn't really think of anything that would matter enough to him to be threatened with.

Without enthusiasm he clicked open the link.

"Hey, Soldier boy. You owe me some creds." Syelana's too smooth, too sly voice was heard. "That ship you had me on the lookout for? The human racist one? She just docked and it looks like someone shot her all to shit."

Kaidan's heart started beating again.

"I'll be expecting you and your creds at the usual place. Come naked."

The Normandy was back.

He took a long breath, steadying himself. That didn't mean Shepard had survived. It was a good sign, yes. A very good sign. But Joker was a hell of a pilot and…why was he even thinking about this?

Sliding into his armor, automatically checking his weapons, his thoughts at the docking bay rather than on the task, Kaidan efficiently dressed.

She would be alive. That was the only acceptable answer. She would be alive and she would be whole and she would be near him.

Not really so much to ask, was it?

Kaidan settled back into the shadows near the dock and studied the Normandy, his gut clenching tighter as he took in the amount of damage that had been done to the ship. Some was simply cosmetic and could easily be fixed. Other parts…a gaping, jagged hole in the lower decks shielded by a kinetic barrier…were much more troubling.

"Don't you worry, baby. We'll get you settled and all pretty again." Joker's voice floated across the dock as he crooned to the ship. "We'll get that nasty logo off of you and everything will be all better."

Joker was alive.

Some of the tension in his gut eased, but his eyes were already searching, seeking out the lanky female form he'd so briefly touched on Horizon.

"I'll reach out to some old contacts." An Earth-Aussie accent rang clearly through the dock. "Funds will be an issue. I'll see what I can do. There might be some accounts The Illusive Man hasn't frozen yet that I can appropriate."

"Anything to keep from having to planet scan for minerals." Came the wry answer. "I hate that. It's boring, wastes my time and for some odd reason hurts my wrists."

She was alive.

Emotion surged through Kaidan so strong, so quickly, that he half bent over from its strength. The stale slightly sweaty gym socks smell of Omega Station burned through his nostrils as he inhaled sharply, sucking air in as if he had been holding his breath for days. Or years.

Alive. Commander Shepard was alive. Kaet was alive.

"Joker, get with EDI. I want a prioritized list. What needs to be repaired first and what can wait until I have more creds." Shepard continued giving commands, not even looking at Joker as he nodded and returned to the ship.

Kaidan pulled back into the shadowed alcove where he hid, not quite trusting himself to go to her. What would he say? Do? Their last parting hadn't been…optimal.

She looked so tired. Her skin had a grey tinge just under the surface that concerned him. She hadn't looked that exhausted when they'd gone up against Saren & Sovereign.

"Chambers, get a list from Gardner about our food stores and let me know what needs replenishing. Oh, Chambers, also have Mordin and Chakwas let me know about medical supplies." Another datapad transferred to another set of hands. "Garrus, I need status on weapons. Ship repair is a priority, we're vulnerable right now, but I want our weapons at their best to compensate for that. Get me a list of what needs replenished as far as thermo clips, etc, goes."

"I'd advise being careful of any thermal clips purchased on Omega, Shepard." The Turian said quietly pacing alongside Shepard. "Factory rejects often end up on Omega on the black market and you'll be more likely to have a weapon explode in your hands than take out an enemy."

"Reach out and touch some of your old sources, Garrus." Shepard ordered shoving a hand through her hair. "Try not to start another war. Archangel should probably stay dead. But get me that information and get me good supplies. I'll find the funds, somehow. If necessary I'll tap Aria, but I'd rather leave that as a last resort. Too many strings attached."

"Will do." The Turian seemed to hesitate. "Shepard, about the new logo for the Normandy."

Kaidan could see the surprise on her face. "What about it?" Her eyes took on the slightly unfocused look of someone barely listening. Her eyes were scanning down a datapad, her index finger rubbing at the soft spot between her eyes, where forehead began the line down her nose, a gesture she unconsciously used when stressed.

"I realize that getting rid of Cerberus' logo is important. That's not who you are." Garrus continued to be hesitant. "But to replace it with a human fist…is that wise?"

"A human fist?" Shepard responded, still distracted, but now confused.

"Yes. I realize that a human fist with a middle finger extended is a human salutation, but I think it would be better to encompass more than just humans with that greeting." Garrus persisted.

"A human…what?" Shepard pulled her attention completely away from the datapad and stared at the Turian, her expression incredulous. "Who told you…Joker."

Kaidan couldn't help himself, he laughed.

Garrus had his sniper rifle drawn and aimed before the datapad Shepard had been holding hit the ground, her Hand Cannon pointed directly at the shadows where Kaidan stood.

"It's…" Kaidan stepped out of the shadows, hands up and extended away from his weapons. "Me." The last bit was said lamely and he wondered why the hell he hadn't planned this better.

Garrus' stance didn't change, if anything he grew stiffer. "Well, just when you thought you'd seen the worst Omega has to offer, out comes crawling more slime." He drawled.

"Garrus." Shepard said quietly and with only a slight hesitation put her weapon up.

"Have you come to call her a traitor again? Maybe show how superior you are by waving an Alliance flag in her face?" Garrus' voice was implacable.

That…hurt. Kaidan closed down any emotion on his face, containing the feelings that simple statement inspired. Garrus had been the first Turian friend he'd had. Yeah, he'd started talking to him to prove he was over what Vyrnnus had done. Prove he could see past Turian to the individual, but they had been friends. They had watched each other's backs. They had…protected Shepard. Together.

"I didn't come here to hurt her, Garrus." Kaidan said quietly but he did not step any further from the shadows.

"Do you think what you came here to do means anything to me?" Garrus answered back, a vicious snap in the words. "Where were you, Kaidan? When we needed you?"

"Garrus." Shepard spoke his name, quiet but firm.

"No, Shepard." Garrus shook his head, his gun not wavering. "You had to recruit assassins, mercs, psychotic humans. An infant Krogan. You had to recruit the worst elements this universe has to offer because he was too good to stand at your back."

Shame stained Kaidan's features. "It wasn't that simple, Garrus."

"Do you know how many times she looked around for you and you weren't there?" Garrus demanded. "I could see it on her face…she'd want to share something with you like she always did on our early missions together. Only then she'd remember you weren't there and this…grief…"

"Garrus, enough." Shepard's voice cracked across the room and the Turian flinched. "Please, Garrus." She softened, reaching out to touch the arm holding the sniper rifle so firmly. "I don't think he's come as an enemy this time."

Ouch. Kaidan almost took a step back. That one hurt just as much as Garrus'.

"Look, maybe this was a bad idea…" He couldn't do this now. Not…not like this. "I just wanted…I'm glad you're alive. All of you." He turned and began heading away.

"Shoot him in the ass, Garrus, if he takes one more step." Shepard ordered.

Kaidan instantly stopped.

"You are not walking away from me again, Kaidan Alenko." The words were angry and flat. "Not like Horizon."

"I can't." Garrus muttered finally slinging up his sniper rifle. "I can't shoot him, Commander. I'm sorry."

"I can and will." Shepard answered calmly as she drew her Hand Cannon again. "Thousands of women across the known Universe will mourn if I have to mar such a prime example of human heinie, but I will do it."

Garrus chuckled. "We wouldn't want that, Commander. I may not be able to shoot him, but I can do this."

Kaidan slowly turned around, not wanting to push Shepard's dicey temper only to realize too late that the blur headed toward him was a Turian fist.

The Universe exploded in pain and lights as he was knocked back against the bulk head of the dock and rammed his head a second time. Stunned more by the pain than the action, Kaidan took a minute to get his bearings, watching as best he could to see if Garrus had changed enough that he would go after a fallen opponent.

"I'm good with that, too." Shepard put up her weapon up and crossed her arms over her chest, one hip cocked out as she glared at him.

Kaidan got angry.

"Do you think it was easy?" He shouted at them, blue flaring about him. "Do you think I wanted to be chasing around the Universe being told one lie and then another? I thought it was about duty! I had to find out on my own that I was being lied to by both sides!" Still sitting on the ground he wiped at the blood on his mouth. "I didn't even find out about the Omega IV Relay until after you'd used it and it was too late."

Neither answered him. Garrus gave a questioning look to Shepard but her attention was completely on Kaidan and her expression was giving nothing of what she thought or felt away.

"I've been here, waiting for your return for weeks now." Kaidan continued as his anger and biotics dampened. "Just…waiting for word. One way or the other."

Garrus tilted his head and then laughed softly. "You missed one Hell of a fight, Kaidan." He extended his hand down to help him stand.

Kaidan looked at the hand and then up at Garrus. "I would never intentionally hurt her, Garrus. You have to understand that."

"Horizon hurt her." Garrus answered, unforgiving, but his hand remained unmoving, still extend to help him. "But I figure that's now between the two of you. I've made you bleed for it and that's good enough for me."

Kaidan accepted the hand and was pulled to his feet. "Your face looks better, Garrus."

"Can't keep the women off me." Garrus answered before pulling him into a man hug. "She wasn't the only one that missed you, Kaidan. There were several hairy moments when your biotics would have come in handy. Plus, the Normandy's new crew? No sense of humor. The most scintillating conversations I had were running calibrations."

"I don't know about that." Shepard spoke, her voice soft but not quite warm. "You should ask Joker about his sense of humor. Right after you look up on the extranet definitions for a human fist with one finger extended." Tilting her head, her eyes pierced Kaidan, challenging him, daring him. "Although it is exactly the same gesture I used on Timmy when he wanted to keep the Reaper base for its technology. That pretty much ended our working relationship. Not that I had any intentions…ever…of maintaining it. Do I make myself clear?"

He almost answered 'Yes, Commander'. Almost fell back into old Military habits of rank and command. Only she wasn't his commander any longer and he would never again obey any order of hers that let him go to safety while she stayed behind in danger.

"You're not fool enough, Shepard, to believe he'll accept that easily." Kaidan said quietly. "Especially since it seems you took the Normandy as a parting gift."

Shepard glanced at the ship and her expression grew more troubled. "No. I'm not fool enough to believe that."

Licking his lips, wincing as the cut Garrus had given him throbbed at the contact, Kaidan took a step closer to her. "I can…help with that. I've spent a lot of time studying Cerberus. I know names. Operations. Agendas. I have contacts that will prove useful for out-maneuvering The Illusive Man."

"We can't stay on Omega. Too many elements that could do some permanent damage to the ship before she's completely fixed." Shepard shook her head at him. "But, thank you, Kaidan. It means a lot, that you would help."

She was…rejecting him? She was turning him away? Kaidan felt a large chasm open in his gut and wondered if maybe he hadn't misunderstood the message she had sent him before the Omega IV relay after all. Maybe she had been dumping him.

"If…if it's possible…" Her voice was hesitant, her expression almost unsure. "Uhm, if you have time before you have to get back to Anderson, you could, maybe help us. Give us contact information?"

No. This was not going to happen. She was hurt because of Horizon. Because he hadn't been able to go with her, Kaidan understood that. Understood she had every right to be more angry than Garrus over the matter. But the only way she would get over that anger was if he was near her.

The only way they would learn if their love had survived her death and his duty.

"Right now my mission is to support you and the recovery of your team in whatever capacity is necessary." Kaidan stiffened his back, answering her with an almost military precision. "I can best do that by maintaining a presence on the Normandy to coordinate with you regularly."

She blinked at him, processing the thought. "You want berth on the Normandy? You want to come with us? I don't even know where we're going, yet, Kaidan. We limped here because it was the closest dock for repairs."

A corner of his mouth kicked up in a smile. "Shepard, it doesn't matter where you're going. I'm coming with you."

"Oh." Her expression held a stunned surprise that hurt nearly as much as her comment about him not coming as an enemy this time. "Uhm. Okay."

"Kaidan!" A pleased voice shouted and he turned in time to catch the slight form that hurled itself at him.

A smile curved his lips. "Tali'Zorah vas Normandy." He greeted returning the hug. "How are you, Tali?"

"Very good! We have finally told that Cerberus bosh'tet to leave us be." She settled back from him just a bit but kept her hands on his forearms, clutching him. "The final fight against the Reapers? Shepard was magnificent! Oh, and those poor humans!"

"vas Normandy." Shepard's voice repeated, the tones cold.

Kaidan looked at Shepard, confused.

"You called Tali 'vas Normandy'." Shepard said crossing her arms over her chest once more. "How did you know her name had been changed? We left the flotilla for the Omega IV relay."

"Uhn." Kaidan scrambled around, trying to think of an answer that wouldn't get him into more trouble.

"You've had a contact on the Normandy." Noveria's winds had never been as icy as Shepard's voice as she stared at him. "Someone was reporting to you directly. Telling you what was going on with our mission."

"Shepard…" Kaidan began again.

"Thank you for your offer of assistance, Commander Alenko." Shepard bent and picked up her dropped datapad. "Once we have found a formal base of operations I am sure you will be informed. Until that time, I don't believe we will be requiring any assistance from you or the Alliance. Dismissed." She turned her back and began walking toward the Normandy's airlock.

Kaidan's eyes flared blue and before conscious thought could caution him against the action, his left hand surged forward, power pulsing forth that caught her in a shimmer of azure and pulled her back until she was right in front of him, hovering just inches from the ground, her face lined up with his.

"This isn't the Alliance." He said in low tones full of fury. "I'm not part of your command and I do not serve under you. You can try to dismiss me all you want, Kaet, but I just told the Council to go to hell because I wasn't leaving Omega unless it was with you."

"Was it as easy to walk away from them as it was to walk away from me?" She hissed, not bothering to struggle against the biotic field that held her.

"Easier." He snapped back, not hesitating. "Yes, I have a contact on the Normandy. Yes, I have done my best to keep track of you because anything you do with Cerberus is potentially fatal. And yes, I messed up big time because I didn't learn about the suicide mission until it was too late for me to join you on it. All of it…all of it, Kaet!…was done with the intention of joining you once more."

"Let me go." She ordered in a deceptively quiet voice, her eyes flaring with fury.

"Never."

The answer surprised her. He could see that in her face, in the confusion that flashed so briefly across her features before all emotion was shunted away.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this." He continued, the blue still flickering across his eyes, his expression still angry. "I thought of this a thousand times. What I would do if you came back to me safely, what I would say. It was supposed to be…" He let the words trail off and the anger seeped from him. What kind of man was he? Handling her like that. He set her gently down and released the field. "I'm sorry, Shepard. I should…"

She kissed him.

Cold fingers on the back of his neck pulled him down to her, her hot mouth slanting over his. Surprise held him back for only a moment until the taste of her filled his senses, the smell of her washed over him and somewhere in his soul, a part that had been cold and silent for the last three years, began to sing with the knowledge that she was here. She was safe.

She was alive.

"I am so sorry I wasn't with you." He whispered against her lips, holding her tight against him.

"You're bleeding on me." She answered.

Kaidan blinked at her and then burst out laughing. "How could I possibly have missed how practical you are, Shepard?" She stirred slightly but his arms tightened around her. "No, don't go just yet. I need a moment. I just need…a moment."

Fingers stroked the hair at the back of his neck and he felt her breath sigh hot against his throat.

"As long as you need, Kaidan." She murmured and stilled.

He could feel the tension in her shoulders slowly ease up as he held her. As if she was unaccustomed to laying her burdens aside, even for a moment, but couldn't help herself as she slowly sank deeper against his chest.

Alive.

The word sang through him. She was alive and if this was some sort of delusion, he never wanted back to reality, never wanted to see another morning when she wasn't part of the vivacious Universe even if she wasn't at his side.

Kaidan inhaled long and slow, her scent eroding the stink of Omega Station, and allowed himself to shift back slightly, his embrace no longer so desperate, but he couldn't quite bring himself to let her go. Not…not just yet.

Shepard lifted her head from his chest and smiled up at him.

Her fingers had warmed up slightly, but they were still cool as she stroked a shaggy bang from covering his eyes. He hadn't had a hair cut since he'd arrived on Omega Station. There hadn't really seemed to be any point.

"I didn't want you on that final mission." The words were soft, her expression sad. "I wasn't sure any of us would return. I wanted you safe. Joker knew that."

For a long moment he didn't understand her words, didn't understand what she was saying. "You knew who my contact was?"

"No." She shook her head. "I honestly never thought about you having a contact on the Normandy. I had too many Cerberus contacts I was concerned about. And you have never been a threat to me. But Joker….makes sense."

Kaidan's head snapped back, understanding the rest of what she'd said. "He delayed…Joker delayed the message on purpose. So I couldn't join you. So I would…" Blue sparked across his eyes again, his hands shaking with the rage that thought put him in. "Do you have any idea what it was like?" He said in a tone so low that someone might have confused his control with calm. "To sit there, day after day wondering if you were alive? Wonder if I'd ever know for sure. Do you know what it was like for me to think I'd lost you a second time?"

Her large eyes watched him with compassion. "No. I don't know. I don't want to ever experience that. I wanted you safe and safe wasn't something I could offer you before the Omega IV relay."

"Safe isn't something you can offer me now, Shepard." He snapped back. "And it sure as hell wasn't anything I'd ever asked for! I would rather be in danger at your side than ever…ever…be stuck safe and sound wondering if you were dead again! You should have given me the choice!"

"Would that be before or after you marched your fine ass away from me on Horizon?" She responded in sugar sweet tones.

"You two should go back to kissing." Garrus commented from his position next to Tali where he'd been watching avidly.

"Unless you prefer hurting one another over events that have occurred and cannot be changed." Tali added, her weight cocked to one hip as she stared at him.

Shepard flushed and gave him a slightly shamed look before turning away.

Frustrated, Kaidan ran a hand through his hair. "Look, is there somewhere we can...talk?"

"I thought we'd just established that was the last thing they needed to do?" Garrus commented to Tali with a note of exasperation in his voice.

"Humans." Tali gave a dramatic sniff. "They never listen."

Shepard glared at the pair of them. "My cabin will suffice."

"Oh, I get it now." Garrus nodded and held up two fingers and bounced them like quotes. "'Talk'."

"I will never understand human euphemisms." Tali agreed.

"Garrus, weapons status. Tali, I want you in Engineering. Tell Ken and Gabby that if they need any replacement parts I'm on Omega now and they'd better speak up." Shepard ordered. "You, with me." She pointed to Kaidan and began to walk toward the airlock of the Normandy.

"Shepard, do we need to have the discussion about my not being under your command again?" Kaidan asked as the other two moved quickly away.

Shepard halted and turned back, her expression a mix of consternation and annoyance. "Please?" The word was more strangled than conciliatory but he would take what he could get.

He smiled. "Of course, Shepard." He said and followed her trying to keep the smug look off of his face.

"She's larger than the first Normandy." Shepard said as they entered the airlock and boarded the ship. "Not necessarily in crew, but in modifications and available space. You'll find the layout very similar for the most part." She turned left rather than the direction he thought she would and headed up toward the cockpit.

"I promise you, EDI, that the crew quarters are a priority to Shepard and should be higher on the list. The last thing Shepard needs is a bunch of cranky ex-Cerberus employees going after her with torches and pitchforks." Joker was arguing as they approached.

"I do not believe we currently are stocked with either of those items, Jeff." The AI answered as Joker rolled his eyes.

"Joker is correct, EDI." Shepard informed him coming to a halt next to them. "It's not more important than the armor of the ship, but it is up there."

"Kaidan Alenko." Joker gave a lopsided grin as he caught sight of the figure behind the Commander. "So they just let anyone on the Normandy now? How long has it been?"

"She already knows, Joker." Kaidan informed him, but extended a hand. "Thank you for your help."

Joker gave a shrug, as if not bothered by the fact Shepard knew. "It would've been different if I thought you were trying to hurt her. Even after Horizon. I'd hit you for that…but it looks like the Commander already did."

"Garrus actually." Kaidan gingerly touched the cut on his mouth again.

"Day's still young." Shepard gave him a disarming smile that made him wary. "EDI, this is Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko. He's to have access to all areas on the Normandy and all security protocols."

That was his Shepard, Kaidan mused with a slight smile. Threaten to punch him in one sentence and then show her absolute trust in the next.

The blue globe of the AI flickered into visibility. "Greetings, Commander Alenko. Commander Shepard, I note marked discrepancies between the image in your cabin and Commander Alenko. You may wish to update your file image."

Shepard froze, her expression tingeing pink. "Thank you, EDI, I'll take that under advisement."

"Image in your cabin?" Kaidan repeated just a tad disingenuous as he looked at Shepard.

A crewman walked up with a datapad for Shepard just then and she took it as a welcome distraction.

"You are looking a bit worn about the edges, Kaidan." Joker commented, his sharp eyes assessing. "Smartest thing you could do? Take the Commander to her cabin and both of you not come out for a couple of weeks."

"Thank you, Joker, I'll take that under advisement as well." Shepard's tone was icy as she handed back the datapad and glared at the pilot.

"Just sayin'. Right now the Reapers could take one look at you, Commander, and run screaming. Especially if you use that expression right there." Joker pointed out.

Kaidan laughed softly. "It's good to see you haven't changed, Joker."

"Come on." Shepard began heading back toward the bridge. "Joker, I need those reports ASAP." She called back over her shoulder.

"Aye, aye, ma'am." Joker answered.

It was interesting, watching the faces of the crew about them, Kaidan mused as he followed her, listening to her address each one by name, introducing him. They still wore Cerberus uniforms, some with the identifying patch cut out, and all of them looked at Shepard with a kind of awe and gratitude that had been so prevalent on the faces of the Citadel survivors as they swept through eliminating the pockets of Geth after Sovereign's death. To look at her, you would think she was oblivious to those glances, the hero worship.

He knew her better than that.

There was a weight on her shoulders that was almost physical. A burden that couldn't be set down or shared with anyone about her and each time some gaze fell on her as an expectant salvation from what was to come, that burden grew heavier.

Maybe the kidnapping plan he'd thought about in the early days after Horizon wasn't such a bad plan after all.

"Hey, boss. Fresh meat?" A cocky voice called as they neared the elevators.

Kaidan glanced once at the young woman approaching them and then after noticing the ink and little else she wore, very carefully kept his gaze on her eyes. The eyes of a killer. One who had laughed at each death and then gone back for more.

"Hi, Jack. No. Not fresh meat." Shepard answered and Kaidan could hear the added authority she put in the words as if she were aware of the need to constantly prove who was the Alpha female of the two. "Commander Kaidan Alenko, this is Jack. Jack, Commander Alenko will be joining us for the next little while."

A smile sharp enough to slit a throat curved generous lips. "He can bunk with me." She closed in on him, her very presence a threat and in her eyes Kaidan saw a flicker of blue.

"You're a biotic." He commented in neutral tones, not wavering his attention from those eyes. Eyes revealed movement, betrayed attacks, and he had a feeling that was exactly what she would do if he turned his back on her. Maybe even if he didn't.

Jack leaned in close, rising to her toes to put her lips near his cheek, breathing across the line of his jaw. "A very good one. I'm good at a lot of things."

"Jack." Shepard's tone was warning enough. "Mine. Back down."

To Kaidan's surprise, the other woman did exactly that, reassessing him.

"This the one, then?" Jack asked giving nothing away of what she thought. "The one you'd think of when you just needed your quiet time?"

"Jack lives on the lowest level of Engineering." Shepard commented softly after giving the inked woman a short nod of agreement. "She wanted some place quiet…without a lot of traffic, is how I think she put it. It's a nice place to just think."

It said a lot, Kaidan mused, that Shepard found her quiet place sitting next to a psychotic human biotic with a prison record that had her banned from most civilized ports.

"I like him. He sees me." Jack bumped her fist into Kaidan's shoulder in a companionable way and then left as abruptly as she'd arrived.

Confused and not a little concerned, Kaidan glanced at Shepard. "I was trying very hard not to see her."

Shepard laughed, her expression brightening. "That's what she meant, Kaidan. Most men never see past her nipple straps to her face. You looked at her eyes."

"It's a…ah, a very unique distraction technique." Kaidan cleared his throat.

"Yep. And I'm sure it's been the last thing more than a few men have seen before they died." Shepard agreed. "Me, I can't see the appeal." A shrug and she was continuing on through the ship. "Yeoman Kelly Chambers is the perky red head. I don't trust her and she'll try to sleep with you."

Kaidan blinked. "She sleep with all the men on the ship?" He questioned as they drew closer.

Shepard shrugged again. "I don't think she's that picky."

"Commander, you have a new message at your private terminal." A cheerful smile accompanied the Yeoman's words but her eyes were on Kaidan.

He suddenly felt threatened in a way far different than he had with Jack.

"Chambers, this is Commander Kaidan Alenko. He'll be berthing on the Normandy for the next while. Until we have repairs made, at least." Shepard motioned to Kaidan before taping a small console and scanning it.

Abruptly all movement stilled in the Commander and Kaidan's fingers itched toward his weapon, wondering where the threat lay. Shepard's eyes hadn't left the console and he noticed she was reading something very carefully, an intentionally blank look on her face, as if to stifle whatever reaction might escape free.

She needed a moment, Kaidan realized as he caught the sharp eyed Yeoman studying Shepard.

"Have you been on the Normandy long?" Kaidan drew Chambers' attention with a harmless smile.

She favored him with a bright smile that conveyed perpetual cheerfulness. "Since Commander Shepard took command, yes. Did the Commander say where she was letting you bunk? There is the crew quarters…"

"Undecided." Shepard broke in tapping several commands on the console. "Thanks, Chambers. That'll be all." She flicked a finger toward Kaidan and feeling very much like a summoned pet, he followed.

But he could feel the interest of the Yeoman stabbing into his back.

"Why is she still aboard?" Kaidan asked as the elevator slid closed.

"Hang on." Shepard pulled a small flat pad from her pocket and tapped a command too fast for his eyes to read.

Surprised, Kaidan watched several small, nearly invisible objects snap and spark before exploding. None of them had been large enough to harm, but the sheer number had his mouth dropping. "Surveillance devices? In the elevator?"

"Why not? They stick them every damn other place." Shepard gave a weary sigh. "I get a perverse satisfaction out of destroying them, but there are always more." She slid the pad back into her pocket. "To answer your question about Chambers…it goes back to the old adage. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Needless to say…don't send me anything you don't want Cerberus reading through the ship's extranet channels. I'll give you codes to personal secure accounts that I can access."

She looked so tired, so exhausted. Kaidan stepped forward, his hands catching her arms. "Shepard…Kaet." Her name was soft on his lips and for a brief moment her expression showed something other than stress and fatigue. Something that had him bending over her, his lips almost touching…

The elevator door slid open.

Shepard laughed softly and stepped back. "Whoops. Should have told you the elevators go much faster on this Normandy."

"That's a damn shame." Kaidan said with such heartfelt irritation that she laughed. "You need a vacation, Shepard. You need a break."

"I'd say I'd rest when I die, but, well. You know how that turned out." She retorted and headed to the right.

"No. I don't." He corrected her, watching as she paused, mid-step and turned to look at him, confused. "I know rumor. I know supposition. Cerberus was very reluctant to part with any concrete information about your…recovery. There were more than a few petitions to have your command status reinstated so you could be forced to return for experiments. They wanted to find out how Cerberus did it. Brought you back."

Fury, absolute and cold and deadly darkened the features that he loved so well. "No." The short word held a wealth of hate. "No more experiments. No more enhancements. No one touches my body but me."

Kaidan blinked. "Well, there went my reason for arranging berth on the Normandy." The words were dry and utterly sincere.

Startled she paused and then burst out laughing.

"Now there is a pleasant sound not heard before." A soothing female voice commented as a tall Asari woman came around the curving wall.

That wasn't all that was curved, either, Kaidan thought as a slow blush worked its way up his cheeks.

Like many teenage boys, he'd had a healthy interest in the Asari and had studied them avidly where his mother would never find him or the holos. He could honestly say he'd never seen a more enticing representative of the species than the one sauntering toward him on high heels, her armor looking painted on and showing a wide gap to his everlasting admiration from her front collar bones to just above her navel.

He could also say that Shepard's expression could back down a charging Krogan and make him whimper in submission.

This was going to be more difficult than staring Jack in the eye.

"Samara, may I introduce you to Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko, Alliance Military. Commander Alenko this is Justicar Samara. She graciously swore herself to my service and helped me defeat the Collectors." Shepard was still glaring, but it was minor compared to the respect in her voice and body language as she introduced them.

"I am honored to meet a friend of Commander Shepard."

Ah, geez, even her voice was everything a teenage boy could hope for, Kaidan silently groaned and outwardly gave a nod of respect.

"I apologize for being somewhat unfamiliar with Asari Justicars." He sincerely hoped his voice was even but judging from the flash in Shepard's eyes, his attempts at normalcy were wasted. "They are of an equivalent to the Council's Spectres, are they not?"

"Not exactly." Samara responded, but her smile held no anger at his lack of knowledge. "I would be more than happy to educate any friend of Shepard's on the role of a Justicar."

"Kaidan would love that." Shepard drawled in sardonic tones. "Kaidan is also one of the more powerful human biotics. He was exposed to eezo while in gestation and began active training as a teenager in the use of his abilities."

"Ah." Samara gave him a long study. "I would be honored to study these abilities, Commander Alenko, if you have the time."

"All the time you need." Kaidan said without thinking and Shepard pulled her Hand Cannon, casually looking it over. Clearing his throat, he licked his lips. "Justicar Samara, I can think it only to my benefit if you were to assess and possibly counsel improvement in those abilities."

"Of course." Samara smiled at him. "I think it only fair to warn you, Commander Alenko, that if you betray Commander Shepard, my Code will compel me to kill you even though you are human."

"You'd have to beat Shepard to it." Kaidan wryly answered, one corner of his mouth kicking up in a smile. "Have no fear, Justicar. I would like to learn anything you can teach me, but I am on this ship for Commander Shepard."

Shepard holstered her gun and looked away but Kaidan caught the edge of emotion that chased across her face.

"You make her laugh." Samara said softly, smiling at him. "This is a rare gift. Do not squander it." With that pronouncement she passed him and entered the elevator.

"I think she likes you." Shepard commented.

"I'm still breathing, aren't I?" Kaidan responded in droll tones. "Tell me something, Shepard, how many more women did you recruit for this suicide mission of yours and why did you allow Joker to have the final say in what their uniforms would look like?"

"Only three…four if you count Miranda and don't be silly." She responded smiling at him. "If I'd allowed Joker final say they'd all be in thongs and pasties. So would I."

The surge of lust that image inspired burned through Kaidan and had him pausing for a moment, his gaze on Shepard as almost three years of celibacy made themselves known with a fierce vengeance.

"Let's change the subject, okay?" He pleaded.

She frowned at him for a breath and then her eyes widened slightly and her gaze dropped. "Oh." She said as a slow smile curved her lips. "I guess it's been a couple of months, hmm?"

"Years, Shepard." He corrected unable to keep a faint note of bitterness out of his tone. "It's been almost three years."

Just like that all of her humor fled and the mask tinged with exhaustion was back in place. He could have kicked himself for driving her back behind her walls and began to search for something, anything to say that would make her laugh once again.

She opened her mouth to say something only to have her gaze flicker past him.

"Hello, Thane."

Kaidan didn't like the warmth in her voice and was only slightly more accepting of the nod of respect she directed to the Drell who had joined them.

"Commander Shepard." The nod was returned and Kaidan found himself studying the elegant Drell.

The elegant Drell assassin.

"This is…" Shepard began only to be cut off.

"Commander Kaidan Alenko. Alliance Military. Spectre, although the last is less well known." Thane gave a second nod that was as graceful and honorable as the one he had given Shepard. "I declined a contract to assassinate you."

"What?!" Shepard demanded, what little color she had in her face draining away. "Who offered that contract?"

"Thank you for not fulfilling it, Thane Krios." Kaidan answered sincerely. "I am familiar with your talents and skills. I am also aware of your efforts to make the universe a better place over the last year or so."

"Who offered the contract?" Shepard demanded again.

Thane's liquid eyes studied her. "A man most illusive who is known to us both."

"I'll kill him." Shepard stated in flat determined tones. "I will actively hunt that son of a bitch down and I will smile as I empty every last bit of ammo in my gun into his head."

Kaidan gave her a half smile before turning his attention back to Thane. "Do you know if the contract was accepted by anyone else?"

Thane shook his head. "It was withdrawn shortly after that and shortly before your assignment to Horizon. It was my belief that The Illusive Man had found another purpose for you."

Shepard began swearing and wasn't subtle about it, drawing the attention of those around them.

"Calm down, Shepard." Kaidan advised her and saw her blink in surprise at the order.

Eventually she was going to accept that he wasn't her subordinate anymore.

"I can access a few contacts and find out if the contract has been reinstated." Thane said, his eyes on Kaidan.

"I would appreciate that." He nodded at the assassin. "I will be berthing on the Normandy for the foreseeable future and should be available for any information you can share."

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Commander Alenko." Thane nodded and retreated back to Life Support.

"You have absolutely no problem with the fact he was once offered a contract to kill you." Shepard said puzzled as she studied him.

Kaidan smiled. "Out of everyone on this ship, Shepard, who do you think has the most kills?"

"Me." She answered without hesitation.

A shadow covered his dark eyes. "I wouldn't lay money on that. I haven't exactly been crying over your grave the last three years."

Shepard looked taken aback. "I have a grave?" She asked her expression a curious mix of morbid curiosity and revulsion.

"Four at last count." Kaidan nodded. "Every colony you saved wanted their own piece of commemorative to help with tourism."

"My grave…graves…are tourist attractions?" She demanded, shocked.

"You have at least as many or more memorials. My personal favorite is the wedding chapel with the singing Saren impersonator." Kaidan gave her a half smile, watching the consternation play across her features. "Several are little more than 'Shepard walked here and here are the marks where she fired her gun and those are the bloodstains of those she killed'."

"Did people go nuts after I died?" She demanded.

"They needed a hero, Shepard. They needed you." He answered softly.

She shook her head, her expression bitter. "I'm not a hero, Kaidan. I'm just someone who gets the job done."

His smile was slight as he followed her. "Isn't that the definition of a hero, Shepard?"

"No." She answered emphatically. "Heroes don't resent what's been asked of them. Heroes don't look at the cost and wonder why they had to pay it. Heroes…" She looked at him, her eyes bright with anger and grief. "Heroes get to be with the one they love when it's all said and done. They get the white picket fence, the peace they've earned."

Kaidan tilted his head at her. "Where'd you hear that bullshit?" He asked in sardonic tones. "Shepard, like it or not, you are a hero. That's what everyone on this ship sees as they walk by you."

She studied him for a long breath. "Is that what you see, Kaidan? A hero?"

"Yes." He nodded and caught her arm as she turned away from him. "But it isn't all I see, Shepard. It isn't even the first thing I see."

"Kaidan…" She began and then pressed her lips together. "I'm not sure…I don't know…"

"Does it have to be figured out right now, Shepard?" He asked tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear.

"It's been…" She paused, her expression utterly weary and he could see her trying to figure the time frame out in her mind. "A long time, Kaidan. I…we…have lost so much and I am terrified of losing more."

A crewman called a greeting to her, handed her another datapad and she closed down the momentary vulnerability on her face to scan and then sign the file.

"This is impossible." Kaidan gave an exasperated sigh. "Even if we go to your cabin you're going to constantly be interrupted."

"Price of command." She gave him a wry smile. "Of being a hero."

"You know better than to push someone to the point of breaking." Kaidan snapped back. "You are breaking, Shepard, and I refuse to allow it."

"Don't worry about it, Kaidan." She gave him a disarming grin. "They'll just put me back together again."

Kaidan opened his mouth with a hot retort and was again cut off by another datapad that needed her attention.

He was a patient man. He had learned to manage his temper years ago, promising that never again would someone lose their life simply because he had lost control. He had found comfort in the rigid rules and regulations of Military life because they helped him maintain that control, taught him to know the boundaries and then how to safely exceed them. Taught him how to never be out of control.

Kaidan snatched the datapad from her hands and flung it across the room to shatter against the far wall near the Mess Sergeant's head.

"Really, Gardner's cooking has improved." A woman's refined voice drawled from behind Kaidan and he bit back an oath.

"Miranda. I was just coming for you." Shepard gave Kaidan a questioning glance before turning her attention back to the sleek brunette.

"We have a new crewman?" The cultured words held just a hint of amusement as large dark eyes stared at him, assessing him. "Surely that's a waste of Commander Alenko's skills and talents."

A cascade of conflicting emotions raged through Kaidan as he stared at the symmetrical face before him, specifically crafted to attract and please a man and doing nothing for him but raising every instinct to fight and protect.

"I'm more than capable of deciding what is a waste of my abilities, Ms Lawson." He answered and found he'd unconsciously moved between Shepard and the Cerberus agent only after the amusement lit the devious woman's face.

"Commander Kaidan Alenko, meet Miranda Lawson. Miranda, Kaidan." Shepard needlessly introduced in sardonic tones. "Now go to your separate corners and don't come out fighting."

With a disdain that reminded him of his mother's Siamese cat, Miranda Lawson dismissed him from her attention and focused on Shepard.

"I've appropriated four different accounts and laundered the money through various contacts. We have enough the repair the ship and restock our supplies if we're frugal." Miranda told her. "I've also worked out several plans to appropriate more funds from pirates and mercenaries when the time comes."

"That's better than scanning for minerals." Shepard nodded. "Good job, Miranda. Unfortunately, you'll have to take charge of the Normandy for the next little while. I have a personal matter to take care of."

"What?" Kaidan managed to get the question out a half breath before Miranda's.

"Yes, I know." Shepard said in disgusted tones that seemed to encompass them both. "God forbid I have a personal matter and be out of contact of the whole frickin' Universe."

"You were out of contact for two whole years, Shepard." Miranda pointed out and Kaidan bit back the exact same words, glaring at the Cerberus agent.

"Deal with it." Shepard advised. "I will be out of contact for the foreseeable future. You two will have to learn to work together…"

"I will not work with Cerberus." Kaidan cut her off.

"Well, that's handy as I am no longer with Cerberus." Miranda snapped at him. "Shepard, I strongly advise that you…"

"Knock it off. Both of you." Shepard's voice snapped across all of their protests. "It's not negotiable."

"Okay, we're actually going to have to have the conversation about me not being under your command again, aren't we?" Kaidan crossed his arms on his chest, gazing pointedly at her.

"My ship, my rules." Shepard stated flatly.

"You won't be on your ship, will you?" He countered and was childishly pleased at the frown of consternation that narrowed her features.

"As much as it pains me to say…" Miranda glared at him. "And make no mistake, it does pain me. You need back up on whatever mission you're undertaking. I recommend Thane Krios. Or Zaeed Massani. Neither are crucial to the repairs of the Normandy."

Kaidan simply looked at Shepard, ignoring Miranda. "I would like to accompany you, Shepard, but if not me, then, yes, you need back up."

"What about the Council? Anderson?" She asked him.

Once corner of his mouth lifted in a slow smile. "I'm on liberty. Anderson is not happy that I've chosen now to enforce my vacation, but he can't deny I've earned it."

A stunning smile lit her face and he sucked in a silent breath at how beautiful she was.

"Then I would like you to come with me." She said.

Kaidan arched an eyebrow at her.

Irritation had her lips thinning. "Please."

"Yeah, we'll work on that, Shepard."