Disclaimer: I don't own The Hunger Games, Twilight, Harry Potter, the Jonas Brother, Gossip Girl, Lestat de Lioncourt or anything else famous mentioned in this fiction.

I really hope you enjoy it, it was so fun to write! Even if you hate Twilight you should read it if you like THG! Twilight is mainly made fun of (though I did like it) here…

I mention a lot of things (music, books, TV shows) in this fic that Panem probably wouldn't have, as it's hundreds of years in the future. In my mind, the technology, music, and books are just like old music coming back in style and the TV shows have to be played in reruns because the Capitol's not allowed to broadcast the Games anymore so they need more programming.

This is post rebellion, and I didn't kill anyone off because I didn't want to :)

Prologue

President Snow banged his fist into the meeting hall table as his colleagues rambled out suggestions on how to annoy the treacherous Katniss Everdeen.

'I hate that Katniss Everdeen, with her stupid pyromania disorder and unfathomable obsession with meddlesome song birds! Ever since the Mockingjay Forces defeated us…."

The hall went silent. They didn't like to think about their loss of power. It was true, the Capitol still ordered around the citizens who lived there and from many other Districts, but the whole population of their servants had depleted greatly, and many were escaping every day. All because of that Katniss Everdeen, that lovesick bread boy, that grumpy not-cousin, the drunken mentor, and piano girl the poor Capitol could not even hold their precious Hunger Games anymore. The Mockingjay Society and the rebel's numbers had grown so much during the rebellion, plus the District 13 survivors still had nuclear bombs, so the Capitol was pretty much at their mercy. Luckily, Katniss and the others agreed that if they were left alone, they would return the favor.

"What exactly is it that you want to do, President Snow?" asked Vice President Rane, no one was positively clear on why Snow had called the meeting, but when he called a meeting you'd better go or risk becoming an Avox. Plus, he had many other tortuous methods such as making you listen Jonas CDs. The Jonas Brothers were a very old, and bad, band who's CDs were just unearthed from an architectural site weeks earlier. They say they were so bad that even the Jabberjays would not repeat their song. Secretly, though, President Snow quite liked the oldest boy called Kevin.

"Well, Rane," Snow said huffily, "If we make Katniss Everdeen look incompetent in front of the nation, then, they will be less likely to follow her as a leader. I'm proposing a televised competition, sadly not of the fight to the death variety, but we will make sure Katniss Everdeen loses and all her followers see her epic fail!"

"Oh yeah, I get it!" bubbled Effie Trinket. No one knew why she was there, but no one questioned it. "Plus, if you get Katniss and Peeta to be on TV again, then the nation might be back on your side!"

"Whose side are you on Effie?" asked an anonymous member of the council. Effie shrugged, but you should pay attention to that bit of foreshadowing, for it will resurface later.

"But," continued another member, "How are you going to get Katniss to agree to this competition?"

"That is a fair question," Snow mused. "Luckily, I have the answer. No one, not even Katniss Everdeen, can resist the charm of a sparkling, exquisite vampire."

"What exquisite vampire do you know? It's Lestat de Lioncourt isn't it?" asked a council member who was currently obsessed with Anne Rice novels.

"No you idiot!" President Snow fumed.

He for one was so angry when Lestat woke the Queen of the Damned from her grave, that he had written him off his BFF list. Plus, he never enjoyed the movie adaptations of the Vampire Chronicles. It was his worst fear that The Hunger Games movie would turn out like them.

"Luckily I have this much better vampire on speed dial," Snow continued. He then picked up his cell phone, checked his Farmville updates (his strawberries were in dire need of water), and then called his number one speed dial.

The council members were silent when he was on the phone, a polite custom taught to Capitol children at a young age.

"Hello,

"How are you?

"Are you in the middle of anything of late?

"Oh no, not the Volturi!

"Yes well, Dakota Fanning's not particularly scary dear. Now me, there's a real villain.

"Would you like to help me with something? There's this meddlesome girl that needs to be taught a lesson. I believe you're the only one that can do it.

"Yes, I'm talking about Katniss Everdeen. How did you know?

"There are rumors that Kristen Stewart might audition to play her? NO!

"You don't want her to do it? Yes our fandom agrees. But Mitch Hewer, he would make a great Peeta,

"So you'll do it? Splendid! Come over at once!"

President Snow clicked off the phone after the council listened to his side of the conversation. They waited with baited breath for the guest to arrive and when he did it was Effie's scream that greeted him.

"OMG, ITS EDWARD CULLEN!"

And it was. Edward Cullen's crooked smile flashed from the doorway, his bronze hair was as perfectly tousled as ever. Pristine white skin sparkled in the sunlight that streamed in through the glass window, and his eyes were a buttery brown. That was the great thing about vampires, you could always tell when they were hungry and you should offer them a snack.

"Alright," he said in his velvet voice. "What's the plan?"

Meanwhile, Haymitch had just finished his seventy-eighth (exaggeration) bottle of vodka and the rest of the gang was lounging around the dense forest that surrounded the New Colony. Gale was unsuccessfully trying to teach Madge how to set a snare, while Peeta painted a picture of them.

"That looks nothing like me," said Gale indignantly, "My arms look like twigs!"

"Exactly," said Peeta quietly. He thought no one heard him, but Katniss did and hit him softly. Sure, Peeta and Gale had had their differences but now that Gale was dating Madge they got along better. Not well, but better, as in they weren't trying to rip each others throats out every two seconds (exaggeration again).

Over their chatter, a buzzing noise sort of like a fan seemed to be advancing through the air. Katniss, Peeta, Gale, Madge, and Haymitch knew that sound well enough to know that it was a helicopter. Katniss looked at Haymitch and he looked gravely back.

"Who could it be?" asked Madge worriedly.

"I have hunch," returned Gale darkly.

Peeta wrapped his arms around Katniss's shoulders tightly and she reached for the bow and arrows she took everywhere now. Looking up, they saw a person that they never wanted to see again in the passenger seat of the copter. It was President Snow and he looked angry.

"No! What do they want from us now!" shrieked Madge, and Gale comforted her.

When the copter touched down noisily the trees rustled in the breeze and Prim and Mrs. Everdeen ran over, sensing that their third member was in danger.

And though Edward Cullen had tried to convince many people, including Bella Swan, in the past that he was dangerous, really he just looked like a super hot male model when he strutted out of the helicopter.

. Katniss dropped her bow instantly, she was not the type of girl who usually took looks into consideration (Peeta's hotness was just a bonus) she had resisted Finnick Odair after all, but Edward Cullen was a different story.

"Who is that glorious creature?" she breathed. Madge smiled in a way that was too flirtatious for her usual meek demeanor. The two girls seemed to melt in a pool of love, and you could almost see the fireworks going off in the day lit sky.

Gale and Peeta looked at each other and agreed on perhaps the first thing they had agreed upon since the importance of Katniss's safety.

"I hate that guy," they said together. Gale wondered if he would have the romantic chops to compete with him and Peeta sighed at the amount of cookies he would have to bake to have a shot at his beloved's heart now.

A love song was playing softly in the background as Katniss and Madge were entranced by the vampire's presence.

"Where's that music coming from?" Peeta asked, annoyed.

"Oh, this?" answered Edward charmingly. "That's just my iPod Touch." He pulled the old school electronic device out of his slacks pocket and it beeped alarmingly. "Oh, don't worry," he said to a startled Katniss and Madge, "That's just an alert telling me about some new news on the Eclipse movie. There's an app for that. There's an app perfect for you on the iPod touch, even vampires love them,"

He then stared into some invisible camera to the left and smiled. The others were not accustomed to impromptu infomercials so they did not catch on. They also were not aware of the vampire marketing campaign Steve Jobs had just launched. By then, Snow had walked over too, and was much less welcome than Edward.

"What do you want, Snow?" Haymitch bellowed and Katniss got back her senses and picked up the bow and arrow again and prepared to shoot the President.

"Hang on," said Edward in a suave fashion, "Let's be hasty now. We haven't even begun to get to know each other," He placed a hand on her shoulder and she looked up dazzled.

If it was possible for Peeta to scowl the event would have taken place then.

"We were just wondering," said Edward, as Katniss melted some more, "If you are interested in a little friendly competition?"

All Katniss could do was nod and Madge joined in even though the question hadn't been directed to her

"Great!" President Snow clapped his big hands. "Now, I will tell you the rules to this shindig,"

"What?" Gale asked, aghast. "She is not in a fit state to answer important questions right now. Don't any of our opinions matter?"

"No," answered President Snow swiftly.

"Don't worry, Gale," said Katniss, "Edward's not going to hurt us," Edward smiled benignly.

"Yes Gale, you're being impolite,' Madge scolded, and Edward put his free arm, the one that wasn't around Katniss, around her skinny shoulders.

"Hold on a second," Haymitch began, "Who the heck is this guy?"

"Wow, Haymitch," Prim huffed. "Do you live under a rock? He's only Edward Cullen, the vegetarian vampire hero from the Twilight series? I personally think Jacob Black is better at least he didn't leave Bella unprotected in a forest!"

Edward looked outraged and sad.

"He was trying to protect her Prim!" shouted Madge. "Even Katniss knows that and the only book she reads is how to kill the President in three easy steps,"

Now President Snow looked aghast, "Who published that book? I must have them assassinated immediately. Anyways, back to the rules. Seeing as you already agreed to the competition. We are going to broadcast five days of you five competing in challenges against Edward here. There will be no death at all, sadly, but it will be broadcasted across Panem, like the good old days. Since I'm in a good mood today, possibly because Blair and Dan seemed like they were going to get together in the last episode of Gossip Girl I watched, I'm going to let you pick what you want the competitions to be. What are you best at? Think about it. You must tell me what the first competition, which will take place tomorrow, will be soon."

Haymitch, Katniss, Peeta, Gale, and Madge huddled together and thought about it. After a while they put their hands in and shouted "MOCKINGJAY FORCES!" in a sports team fashion. Peeta and Gale were still feeling rather betrayed by their girlfriends but that would have to be dealt with later.

"Well?" asked the President curiously. "What will Edward be competing in."

"A cake-off," said Gale steadily.

"Against me," Peeta finished.

Tune in next time for the Cake-Off of the century, info on President Snow's Glee obsession, and Peeta and Gale's growing friendship, I mean tolerance, of each other.