AUTHOR'S NOTE~ This is a very different rendition of REPO! The Genetic Opera. I've taken the characters of Mag and Nathan and put them in a very different, more modern day scenerio. It's very equine centred. It's diffreent, yes, but Shilo is in it, as are Mag and Nathan, and Marni's accident happens in a very different way. Please don't hate me, I hope I've stayed loyal to the characters. I'm still working on what to do with it. Call this the pilot episode. Nathan, rather than being a doctor, is a large animal vet. It sort of ties in to how he blames himself for what happened to Marni. PLEASE read, I've been working on this on an email draft at work. if it seems to appear to have a few changes from present tense to past tense, that's by accident. I originally did it in present then changed my mind and redid the whole thing in past, I thought I got everything but I might not have.

Crucifixus

It doesn't matter what happens during the day. All hell could break loose, you could be having the worst day of your life. But for a horse person, being around the one horse that makes everything better can completely turn your day around. To me, that's Rigoletto. A big mahogany bay Iberian Warmblood who is my heart and soul. Throughout the days Marni and I would ride and compete together, we had a team. It consisted of me and Rags, shown affectionately as Caro Nome and with my best friend, Marni Wallace and her horse, a big German Warmblood stallion that they called Uther Pendragon. The three of us, including her husband, Nathan, have all been close. And just recently, Marni gave birth to a little girl, Shilo, who was just turning a year old.

"Mag!"I knelt at Rigoletto's black foreleg, wrapping it with dark red shipping wrap for travel. The gelding was spotless, sheeted in a crimson dress sheet with black lining. I looked up to see Marni's sweatshirted form making her way down the aisle. Rig craned his head with pricked ears toward Marni's shoulder. She obliged by rubbing the offered nose, which immediately pleased and satisfied my gelding. He got the attention he wanted. He was pleased.

"Hm?" My response was grunted as I straightened, adjusting the sheet over Rigoletto's back.

"Nathan's pulling up with the rig." Marni's light brown eyes were lit with excitement, her shoulder length dark hair pulled back in a ponytail. "Can you believe it? We both made it to finals."

"I know, it's brilliant," As I stood next to Rags I could feel his lip unrelentingly nudging my shoulder, not-so politely demanding my attention. Absently, I stroked a finger over his dark muzzle. "Are you bringing Shilo?"

"Yeah, she's too young to be left alone, and I'm sure Nathan would have a stroke if we did," Marni said, glancing my way as she made her way down the aisle, running an arm over Rags' haunches to let him know she was back there. "Truth is, I don't want to leave her, either. It's incredible, this unconditional love you have for a human being right then and there."

"She's your child, it's human nature," I responded, turning to look at her as she slid open the stall door of her stallion. I could hear her gushing to him from behind the wall. "She's a part of you—Marni, watch it—"

I cast a wary glance at her as she lead her Warmblood, black and white pinto stallion down the aisle. I know Marni's careful, but between Rigoletto; a gelding, and right in the centre of the aisle, Uther; a stallion, and me sandwiched between the two, I felt I was entitled to be a bit uneasy of the situation at hand.

"I've got him, I've got him," Marni assured me, but Rags' ears slammed down against his head, snaking his head out with a rather ugly expression at Uther. That didn't sit well with Uther, who about ploughed Marni over to show Rags just how much he didn't appreciate it.

"UTHER." I snarled, more alarmed than angry, whacking his shoulder to get him back over. Marni about pulled the stallion's head around to try to get him out of the aisle. I looked up and see Nathan's truck pull up and before long, Marni's six-foot-six, sandy-haired husband with thick black rimmed glasses, got out of the driver's seat, advancing toward Marni and Uther to give his wife a hand, since her smaller one-hundred-twenty pounds in no way is a match for Uther's fifteen-hundred-plus, but Nathan was a bit more of an equal adversary, even though Uther still outweighed him as well. They were able to get Uther out of the aisle, where Marni stood with him. Uther gave a full body-shake that shuddered from his head to his dock. Out of sight, out of mind. But Rigoletto still seemed pissed.

"How did I miss this excitement?" Nathan mused, turning his head as Marni greeted him with a kiss, returning it with an arm around her. Nathan and I had been friends for ages, almost as long as I've known and been friends with Marni, But there was a part of me that still couldn't help but wish I had what Marni did. Marni was happy. She had a family, and Nathan was unlike any man I'd ever met.

"You put a stallion and a gelding in the same barn aisle and hell is almost guaranteed to ensue." I responded jokingly. Marni shot me an apologetic glance.

"I'm really sorry. I thought we had more room than that." She said. Uther was indeed a big horse. He got far too close for Rags' liking and my gelding retaliated, with initiated war, or at least the plan to pound Rags into the ground in order to teach him a lesson. I have no doubt in my mind it would have worked, either.

"You're fine, neither of them are hurt." I assured her, and then looked in Nathan's direction. "Nate, what trailer do we have?"

"Three horse slant-load," He said. "I figured we could put Uther in, leave a space open between him and Rig and they would get along well enough throughout the trip."

"Reasonable enough."

We got the horses loaded and are on the road. The second I was in the backseat, I was immediately met with a pair of big, dark brown eyes in a baby carrier.

"Why hello there, Shi," I crooned, scooting toward the carrier to offer a finger. The little girl issued a big, toothless grin, her whole face and eyes wrinkling in absolute glee. Marni twisted around in the front seat, looking from Shilo to me with a smile.

"Say hello to Auntie Maggie, Shi," She said, reaching back to adjust the baby blanket. I could already see tufts of thick black hair pluming out from the skull cap Shilo is wearing. When Nathan got in the truck, he also turned around, his thin lips curving into a grin.

"She knows Mag." Nathan's green eyes turned to me for a brief moment. "She's got to know her god mom."

"I'd be amazed if she didn't," Marni said. "She sees Mag about every day."

"I love seeing her every day." I ever so softly tapped Shilo's little nose with the pad of my finger, and the infant squealed with laughter and complete joy. I looked up. "We have everything, right? Saddles, etc.?"

"We've got everything." Nathan said, turning in his seat to back the truck and trailer out of the driveway. From where his eyes were turned, I could see the tiny spot of hazel in his olive green eyes. Amazing how I pay attention to these things, he wasn't even my husband. But there was a side of me that wished he was. "We've got the saddles for all three events."

"Fantastic." I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. "What would we do without you, Nathan?"

"I ask myself that many times," He joked, and then jerked away with a laugh as Marni playfully smacked his arm. "Ow! Ok, kidding!"

"You didn't have to wash and groom horses, on top of braiding manes and tails." Marni eyed him matter-of-factly; I could see the triumph in her eyes.

"I don't have a horse, honey," Nathan pointed out. "I shouldn't have to."

"You could've at least helped a bit."

"Helped? I hooked up the rig and helped you both load." Nathan's voice raised an octave in mock defence. But for some reason I think Marni wanted to argue the point further. Nathan saw it as a joke, but Marni lately had wanted to argue for the sake of arguing.

"I appreciate what you did, Nathan, leave me out of this one," I said quickly with a laugh, but something told me this was about to escalate into something more than just playful. Marni was throwing hand grenades while Nathan was desperately trying to defend himself.

That night we finally pulled up to the event show grounds. We got the horses unloaded, and while I was watching Shilo, I could hear Marni and Nathan rowing from outside of Uther's stall. They weren't fighting too badly, but it was definitely an argument. From what I could hear Marni was getting on Nathan's case about something, with him just trying to defend himself. After getting Rigoletto fed and bedded down for the night, I headed up to my hotel room, and within minutes of sitting down on the bed, I heard my iPhone going off. Grabbing it off the bedside table, Marni's number immediately glared back at me. I pressed accept, propping between my shoulder and cheek. "Hey, what's up?"

"Nathan and I had an argument, so I'm going to head over to that little bar down the street. You want to join?" She said. I made a face. A night of drinking right before the Dressage event the next day, when I knew we were going to have to get up at the crack of dawn, didn't sound appealing in the least.

"I'll pass, love, but thanks," I responded, shifting so I could sit up comfortably. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just pissed," Marni responded. "Nathan can just be difficult sometimes."

I frowned. Now wait a minute… Nathan didn'tdo anything. I wanted to ask her if she really was pissed at him or if maybe this was just another confrontation that Marni was looking for. Sometimes that girl's moods switched like ying and yang. But the second she said it, I knew Nathan must have been in a mood as well. He hated fighting with Marni. Nathan always gave his all to her, and their arguments affected him more than Marni thought. Or really it was more than Nathan let her think.

"Party pooper," Marni said teasingly, though she sounded slightly disappointed. "Alright. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Alright, 'night," As soon as I hung up the phone, I quickly scrolled through my contacts for Nathan's number and pressed send.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me," I could immediately tell he was not happy.

"Hey,"

"You okay?" I sat back against the bed board, pulling my knees up to my chest. I could hear Nathan sigh heavily on the other end. "I'll take that as a no."

"I could be better, I'll put it that way."

"Yeah, Marni told me." I told him sympathetically. "Why don't you come up, we'll have a chat. I know how Marni can be."

Nathan soon showed up at my door, with little Shilo in hand. Closing the door behind him, I reached forward and gently rubbed his back as he moved past me. "How're you doing?"

"Bottom line, I feel like crap," Nathan muttered, sitting down in one of the chairs after he gently set Shilo down, taking off his glasses and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, rubbing his eyes as the glasses dangled from his hand. I knelt down to pick Shilo up out of the carrier, gently bouncing her as I sat back down in one of the chairs near Nathan with a sympathetic glance shot in his direction

"I know, I saw her start up. I'm sorry." I tried to search his face but his eyes were closed as though pained or stressed. My heart clenched. I absolutely hated seeing him like this.

"What I don't understand is why she does it." Nathan said, lifting his head, though his shoulders remained hunched.

"It could be that maybe she's defensive about something," I said with a shrug, "Do you think it has anything to do with… you know…?"

The "You-Know" happens to be referring to a time when Nathan had found out Marni had been cheating. That had been the one time there ever might have been a possibility of something happening between me and Nathan, but once Marni had found out she was pregnant, both Nathan and I knew that nothing between us could happen. He remained a close friend of mine, as did Marni, especially since she had no idea that I once slept with her husband.

"It could be," Nathan said with a heavy exhale. "It sounds a lot like Marni."

I studied him for a moment, watching as he lowered his head, running a hand through his light brown hair. Setting Shilo down on the ground for a moment, with a careful glance as to where she might wander to, I moved nearer to Nathan and lay a hand on his upper back, gently running my hand up and down his back and over the backs of his shoulders..

"You don't deserve that, Nate," I was still trying to find his eyes. I could feel the subtle muscle tone in his back, which made my affection for him hit me with a pang. I don't think I ever wanted anything more than to be with Nathan. As much as I loved Marni dearly, I knew she didn't treat him well. Poor Nathan, he was a good person, but very inwardly insecure. He was a loving man, fiercely protective of his family, and a doting father. Why did Marni seem to think she could take advantage of him?

Nathan nodded slowly, laying a hand on my knee. Immediate pleasant chills shot from the area where his hand resided.

"I didn't think I did, but I love her," He said softly. "I shouldn't put up with it, but I do. She's my world, she's everything to me, her and Shilo. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost her."

YOU HAVE ME! My subconscious was practically screaming. I knew it would never happen, though. I knew Nathan well enough to know that while he had a kid, he would never leave Marni.

It was day one of the three day event finals. I pulled a rather sleepy-looking Rigoletto out of his stall, picking shavings out of his forelock and off his barely growing whiskers. Clipping the tether dangling from the portable stall door to Rigoletto's black leather halter, I opened my tack trunk and dug the grooming kit out to set to work. Rags' braids, thankfully, were still intact.

"You ready?" I could hear Marni's voice from the next stall over, with a Starbucks cup in one hand. Nathan was nearby with a very bundled up Shilo in one arm and a drink holder in the other with two other Starbucks cups.

"I am. I'm surprised you are," I teased her playfully. Marni could have been hung-over or even still drunk and she could have still passed it off as though everything was fine. She turned her head with a look in my direction that playfully wondered why I don't give her enough credit.

"Please. One night out isn't going to stop me." She said, unlatching Uther's stall door. I had to hand it to her. The girl had incredible stamina, especially for a new mum. As Marni went in to get Uther, Nathan moved toward me, ducking out of the way of Rags' curious nose with a laugh as my gelding seemed convinced that one of those cups was for him.

"Get out of here," Nathan growled playfully, gently pushing Rags' nose out of the way before setting a coffee cup down on my tack trunk.

"You're a lifesaver," I told him gratefully, picking the cup up.

"Believe me, you've returned the favour many times," Nathan said with a grin, and from the look in his eyes I knew immediately that he was talking about me inviting him up to my room to vent last night, and all the other times I had given him someone to talk to. He had done the same for me.

"Nathan? Honey?" We both turned as Marni lay the dressage saddle over Uther's back. "You'll be able to watch Shilo, right? I just need to get on Uther to warm him up a bit."

"Here—Marni, why don't I get on him for a bit, it's cold out, I just want to make sure he's not stiff or hasn't pulled anything." Nathan offered. By the look on Marni's face she was clearly more grateful for that. Nathan was a veterinary surgeon. He didn't ride often but he knew how to and could ride well. Marni was quick to agree, and before long, I was watching Nathan stick his foot in the stirrup of the saddle with a dressage whip in hand. He leaned down to adjust one of the stirrups effortlessly even as Uther turned, which made me realize that Nathan had told him to walk on, and was guiding him toward the arena as he straightened once more.

The connection between the two was incredible. Uther's neck rounded as Nathan got him in the bridle, asking for softness on the bit which Uther obliged. The pair performed figure eights, an extended trot, side passes, and leg yields. It never failed to amaze me just how quickly Nathan could reconnect with the stallion.

"Isn't it great?" Marni looked over at me with Shilo in her arms. There was a smile on her face and I nodded and grinned in return, but looking back at Nathan on Uther, as Nathan collected the stallion, I could see something in Nathan's expression. His eyebrows furrowed in an expression I couldn't entirely read, but something about it doesn't read 'Good sign'. Nathan asked Uther to walk, and loosening the reins, he guided the stallion out of the arena, snatching up the reins as a girl on a little Morgan mare passed him. Uther had started to falter, turning his head and rounding his neck to the curious mare who was dwarfed by Uther's massive size, but his attention was quickly brought back as Nathan gave him a single smack on the flank with the dressage whip almost effortlessly, moving him away from the gate.

"Watch out, honey, he's a stallion, don't get too close," I could hear him telling the girl who nodded quickly and moved her little mare away. But seeing Nathan shaking his head as he loosened Uther's reins again, walking back to the barn, I could tell something was up and it wasn't just the girl whose mare was at risk of a fornication attempt by Uther.

"Marni," Nathan tightened the reins and dismounted, pulling the reins back over Uther's head and began gently rubbing the stallion's poll. "Honey, he feels a bit off to me."

"Oh. He's fine, Nate, it's probably just the cold," Marni set Shilo down in the carrier on her tack trunk. She had changed into her dressage ensemble, which I was nearly close to getting into. But Marni's test was before mine. Nathan looked hesitant.

"Just be careful, Mar," Nathan said, with a hand lightly on Uther's withers. "You have two other events, the last thing you want is him pulling or bowing something."

"Nathan, it's fine," Marni's tone was almost short, "I know, I've done this before, remember? I wouldn't be here with Mag if I hadn't. I know how to keep him from wearing out."

"Alright," Nathan responded with a sigh. I looked up from placing the saddle pad over Rags' back and saw the almost exasperated look on Nathan's face, but it was obvious he wasn't going to fight her. As Marni mentally ran the test through in her mind, motioning each with a finger tracing the air as though she was running the test over on a piece of paper n front of her, Nathan scooped Shilo up. I quickly changed and got Rags tacked and ready before mounting and following Nathan over to the dressage arena.

"Number one-seventy-two, Marni Wallace riding Uther Pendragon." The announcer blared. Nathan stood by the fence where I stood beside him aboard Rags, who stayed put rather patiently, every so often dropping his head with a snort which I could feel through his entire body.

"Do you think Uther's alright to be ridden?" I looked in Nathan's direction. He didn't look at me, his eyes trained on Marni as she performed the test, but his expression was grim.

"He'll be alright in this if she's careful, but something off." He said quietly. "She'd better hope he doesn't come up lame tomorrow."

About three minutes later, Marni finished the test with the soft clapping of dressage etiquette. Before long, I knew I was going up after her.

"Next up we have one-seventy-three, Magdalene DeFoe on Caro Nome." Nathan looked my way with a gentle pat to my boot.

"Go get 'em," He said with a grin that immediately brought one to my face. Passing Marni going into the arena, she raised her hand and slapped me a high five, mouthing good luck as I entered the ring.

Centre. Salute. Extended trot to K, Even though I knew the test like the back of my hand, it was suddenly cloudy in my mind the second Rigoletto and I entered the ring. Damnit to hell

Rags' ears tipped back towards me. What's next? He was waiting on my command. He was counting on me as the pilot to get us through the dressage test. Keeping my hands still near his neck, I asked for a walk straight toward the centre of the arena and salute. Not uttering a sound, for any spoken commands docked points from a test, I dug my heels into Rags' sides until he gradually picked up pace to an extended trot. Using leg and rein we both turned the circle, breaking into a canter across the arena to F. Once we reach the mark I sat back, gently slowing him until we came to a trot and I dug my heel into his left side, asking him to move away from it in a side pass. It was a clean break. Two steps to the right, halt. Canter from a halt, counter canter, then back up the middle.

Realizing I was holding my breath the entire time, I released it after the salute, loosening the reins and briskly pat Rags' neck as applause softly travelled throughout the crowd as we exited the ring.

"You were awesome!" Marni squealed, beaming at me but knowing to keep her distance with Uther. Nathan came up with Shilo in arm and I leaned down to hug him, feeling his own arm around me in a tight, congratulatory embrace.

"That was beautiful. Beautiful." Nathan told me, his voice extremely close to my ear, and as the embrace broke, I was able to see the genuine smile on his face. "You two were fantastic."

"Only the scoreboards will have the final say." I responded with a shrug, but I was ecstatic and the smile on my face was a dead giveaway. Nathan grinned and patted my knee.

"You guys! They're reading the result!" Marni said excitedly.

"In fifth place is Kerri Roth riding Santorini." The PA announced. "Coming in fourth is Jessica Banks riding Galloway. Third is Tara Redding on Das Boot… "

"This is it, it has to be either one of you," Nathan muttered, standing near the both of us. My heart stopped for a moment and the next call seemed to take ages.

"Second place goes to Marni Wallace on Uther Pendragon." The PA announced. Marni smacked her thigh.

"Damnit!" She growled, but she was laughing nonetheless. "You had to have gotten it, Mag, there's no way you didn't."

"And first place and congratulations go to Magdalene DeFoe on Caro Nome." My breath caught in my throat and Marni screamed.

"Oh my God, Maggie I'm so proud of you!" Marni squealed. My smile couldn't have been wider, even as we accepted the ribbons for it and head back to the barn to get the horses cooled down and put away. We headed up to the hotel rooms where there was a jointed patio. Marni, Nathan, Shilo and I all sat up there, with Shilo playing with toys on the ground and a bottle of wine opened between the three of us.

"I'd say congratulations are in order for the two of you," Nathan said as we clinked wine glasses together. "You both were fantastic. The horses as well."

"We've all worked our way up here," Marni said, scooping Shilo up and set her in her lap. I took a sip from my own glass, letting the sharp, tangy flavour fill my senses, nodding in agreement.

"Indeed. Through blood sweat and tears." I remarked, setting my wine glass on the table.

"Not to mention dirt." Marni added. Nathan barked a laugh.

"No exaggeration there," He shook his head. "I've seen you both come off more than once."

"Just wait, Nathan, your daughter is going to be just as into it before long." I teased him gently. Nathan's eyes widen in a look of mock terror that lined his features.

"God, I hope not." He sighed. "I don't know if I want Shilo showing. I'm still trying to get my mind wrapped around what's to come when she starts dating."

"Whoa there, cowboy," Marni laughed, turning to stare, amused, at her husband. "She just turned a year old, Nate. That doesn't come for quite some time.

"You're a great dad, though," Marni said with a smile, leaning toward Nathan to kiss him. As their lips met my stomach tightened, wishing so badly that that was me rather than her, as much as I hated to be jealous of my best friend.

"I'm going to go turn Rig out for a little bit," I said casually, standing. Marni didn't turn but Nathan's eyes shot toward me, breaking the kiss for a moment.

"Alright, call if you need anything," He said, but I could see his eyes studying me, knowing something's wrong. There really wasn't. At least not in my mind. I just hated seeing that happiness that I wished so desperately that I could have. I nodded quickly.

"I'll do that," Pushing my chair back in, I left my nearly empty wine glass on the table, zipping up my hooded sweatshirt with the scarf wrapped around my neck, heading into my room and down the hall to the elevator. I eventually came to the barn and wandered up the aisle, casting eyes into stalls with sleek, muscular Warmbloods that were probably worth thousands of dollars. Pausing at Rigoletto's stall, I greeted my gelding with a hand run down his face before looking over at Uther's stall. My mind went immediately to what Nathan had said. Maybe he was right. I couldn't help but be curious and moved to Uther's stall door, carefully letting myself in and was met with a pair of dark, inquisitive eyes standing out from a jet black head, a small bit of white travelling in a crooked pattern down his face.

"Hello, handsome," I murmured, rubbing Uther's neck as I bent down to run a hand down his foreleg. Uther was naturally curious, and before long I felt a pair of lips wriggling over an area of exposed skin on my back.

"Don't bite me, Uther," I growled in warning. Everything seemed fine, yet there was heat by the side of his cannon bone which concerned me in the slightest. I straightened, gently scratching the stallion's neck, who leaned heavily against my hand, upper lip rigid and eyelids partially closed in complete bliss. Yet the last thing I wanted to do was stimulate him. Scratching seems to always stimulate a stallion, which gets them studdish and rambunctious and that's the last thing I needed to deal with when Uther was over seventeen hands tall.

Leaving the stall, I had to push Uther back to keep him from following me directly out the door. Latching the stall door, I moved back over to Rags' stall, grabbing the halter off the hook and open the door.

"Thought I would have missed you by now." A sudden voice behind me caused my heart to about fly out of my throat. I jumped, whirling around when I heard a snort and rustling of sawdust flying in every direction.

"Jesus Christ, Nathan… " I muttered, glancing over at a rather sheepish looking Nathan. I then looked back to find that my horse had fled to the far corner of the stall. The whites of his eyes showed as he fixed the both of them on the two of us, nostrils flared as he continued huffing, clearly just as startled as I was.

"Didn't mean to scare you both," Nathan said as I finally calm Rigoletto down and slip the halter over his nose and buckle it on his head. "Though a two in one isn't all that bad."

"You're hilarious," I fired back; though look at him with a smile on my face that I knew he recognized as me kidding. With a grin, he was standing by the stall door as I lead Rags, who cast a suspicious look in Nathan's direction, out of the stall. "So did you just decide to follow me down here?"

"I know you, Mag." Nathan said, and that actually freaked me out a bit more than it should. "Something was wrong, and I have a feeling I know what it is."

"You probably do," I couldn't look at him at that point, and was doing everything I possibly could not to as I lead Rags to the turnout ring and unlatched the gate. Nathan kept a hold on it behind me and Rag once I lead him into the ring and let him loose. Rags exploded into a complete airborne head-between-knees bucking fit as he tore across the middle of the arena. Nathan moved to stand near me on the other side of the fence. Oddly enough, there was something comforting about his presence, familiar. I'd known the man for years, he was one of my best friends. But regardless, I couldn't look at him.

"You know you can talk to me."

"About the topic at hand? No, I can't." I answered, glancing at him over my shoulder. "It's not my place, Nathan. I have no business saying anything about it."

"That's what this is about," I heard Nathan murmur behind me and I froze. But it's not in exasperation, but understanding, sadness. I kept my eyes glued to Rags, who came to a complete halt, his ears turning like dials with that elegant Andalusian-like head lifted. Before long his knees tucked underneath him and he hit the ground on his belly with a thud, and within seconds he was on his back, writhing in complete bliss, his hooves flinging sand in every direction. That lasted for not even two-point-five seconds before he clambered to his feet, sending a brisk shake shuddering through his body before picking up an elegant trot in almost a zigzag pattern down the centre. He was just enjoying being out.

"Like I said, I'm happy for you two, I have no business having any kind of opinion about it." I murmured with a brief glance over my shoulder at him, but I knew he can read me like a book. At that point I was standing next to the man I had such strong feelings for with a heavy heart. My eyes lowered, lifting slowly as Rags made his way back over, gently nosing his muzzle into my hands while breathing in the scent. The warmth of his breath was hot against my hands, but the love I had for that gelding was unconditional. As mad as he drove me sometimes, he and I were both a team. I could immediately tell I was doing everything I could to keep my mind off of myself and Nathan.

"Yes, you do," Nathan's voice was gentle, leaning toward me from where he could reach over the fence, and I felt his hand on my upper back. "Mag… I feel horrible for the position I put you in during that time. I absolutely do. But it doesn't mean my feelings for you aren't still strong."

"Nathan, you have a baby," I responded softly, my own tone gentle. Nathan couldn't possibly be being rational about this. "I wouldn't ever ask you to leave your family, especially not when your wife is my best friend. I wouldn't allow it."

"I know you wouldn't," Nathan said softly, "And that's why feel horrible for putting you in the situation I did. I know you care about me, just as I do you. But because of the situation at hand, nothing could happen, and I know you wouldn't let anything happen."

He almost sounded disappointed, which killed me. As Rags stood near, I start smoothing his forelock, feeling my throat constrict. The fact that he was saddened about it brought up the unsettling emotion that he felt the exact same, and to know we shared that made it all the more difficult to carry on like we were doing. Opening the gate, I slid back out, trying to avoid eye contact with Nathan so he couldn't see that I was literally fighting back tears.

"Hey," I heard him say gently, almost surprised but sympathetic. Damnit. He caught on. As I finally got the gate latched, I could feel the sting of tears welling in my eyes, but suddenly Nathan's arms were around me and pulling me to him gently. At that point I gave in, slowly wrapping my arms around him and let him hold me. At that moment it was more of a comfort than he could have possibly imagined.

"I know this is hard, I really do," His voice was low, soft in my ear. "It's hard for the both of us."

"I love Marni to death," I murmured against his chest. I could feel tears welling in my eyes. "But I wish things could be different. I really do, and I'm sorry for that, Nathan,"

"Maggie, you don't need to be sorry," He said. I could feel his hand gently stroking the back of my head. It almost scared me how right it felt, when I knew it just couldn't happen. That is what hurt the most. I stayed in Nathan's arms for a few more moments, cherishing the feeling, cherishing the fact that I had this man so close. But what was even more painful was having him so close yet so far away.

The next day, both Marni and I stood by the barn, both Uther and Rags were standing tied outside their stalls, almost fully tacked. I leaned over Marni's shoulder to look at the mapped out cross-country course when Nathan arrived with Shilo. He and I exchanged glances but that was about it. I figured we' were on the same page; it was easier if the both of us just had as little contact as possible as long as Marni was around… and in general.

"It rained last night, so some of the more solid fences I'd watch it on," Nathan advised the both of us, moving to Uther's shoulder and ran a hand down his foreleg, picking up the hoof to inspect it. Marni's head turned and she looked over my shoulder, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Nathan, he's fine. He came out of it sound yesterday," She said, her tone a bit clipped. I immediately looked in Nathan's direction, inwardly cringing in preparation. Poor Nathan.

"I'm just checking, honey." Nathan let out a sigh following the sentence, looking up but not at Marni, still bent over, almost in mild exasperation. Marni shook her head.

"Alright, fine," She gave a shrug, clearly deciding not to deal with it. I stood and headed over to Rags to get his splint boots on, looking up to see Marni finishing tacking up Uther and mounting. As her number was called, she headed over to the starting box. I caught Nathan looking in my direction and he and I exchanged glances. He shook his head, his eyes averting to where Marni had just left to.

"She's just uptight, don't let her get to you, Nate," I offered, searching his face, but Nathan exhaled heavily.

"I'm trying. I really am trying," He said, his voice quiet and lower than it had been. I wondered for a moment if he was only talking about not letting Marni get to him, or if it was the fact that he really was trying to be a good husband; which he was, but I knew Marni didn't quite appreciate that as much as she should have. I turned back to Rags and knelt down, only to find heat radiating off the back of his cannon bone.

"Damnit." I kept feeling around the area, and then checked the other one for comparison. Yes. It was hot when it shouldn't have been. "Damnit, really?."

"What's wrong?" I felt Nathan come up behind me, running a hand down Rags' neck before kneeling down behind me.

"Do you feel heat there?" I asked, guiding his hand to the area of Rags' cannon bone, freezing for a moment as I realized that the movement had been completely impulsive, and now my hand was over Nathan's. I glanced over my shoulder as though to see his reaction, in fear that he would see it too, but if Nathan gave off any kind of expression about it, it had gone before I could see it. So I proceeded to pretend like nothing happened.

Nathan's eyes lowered for a moment as though focusing his attention on my horse, keeping his hand on Rags' leg. My hand didn't leave Nathan's hand either, as though my mind froze for a moment and I didn't have the mental or physical capacity to move it. So what did I do? Left it there and pretend like it was supposed to be, while inwardly kicking myself.

"There's definitely heat," Nathan said, and at that point I removed my hand from his. "Can you walk him so I can take a look at his gait?"

"Sure," I untied Rags' lead rope and turned him away from the barn once Nathan stood, and right off the bat as I walked him I could feel him favouring one of the legs. Perfect.

"You felt that, huh?" Nathan said grimly. With a sigh, I nodded, rubbing Rags' forehead just as I brought him to a halt.

"No cross country for you today, buddy," I said to Rags, but I was disappointed. We did incredible on the first day and now I wasn't even sure if we would be able to compete in the show jumping part on the third day. For the time being, my concern was getting my horse healed up. As I lead him back to the stall, Nathan came up behind me and I could feel his hand on my shoulder and the gentle squeeze it gave.

"I'm sorry, Maggie," He said softly, his tone genuinely sympathetic as I unbuckled Rags' girth. I offer a half smile.

"Thanks," I responded, giving a shrug of my shoulders as I patted Rags' neck. "Well, we can't compete in them all, can we?"

Nathan smiled. "Get him put up then we'll go watch Marni's ride."

Once I had Rags untacked, blanketed and his leg was wrapped with a medical cooling wrap, I headed down with Nathan, stopping at the show office to scratch myself and my horse from cross country.

While in the show office waiting for one of the officials to get the list taken care of so Rags and I were out of cross country, I could hear a radio going off at someone's desk.

"We've got a horse down at fence five. I repeat, horse and rider down at fence five. Seventeen hand black and white pinto stallion with a woman in her late twenties."

Immediate panic filled me, for the description sounded almost exactly like Marni and Uther. "Nathan—" I was trying to keep my voice calm, though immediately I became uneasy. Nathan had heard it and rushed over as one of the judges came back over to the desk.

"Can you find out which rider that was?" Nathan said, hovering at the desk, almost pacing. The judge shot Nathan a questioning look but paged the course official.

"Copy that, Tom? Which number?" The judge asked.

"One-seventy-two, Marni Wallace."

"Oh, my God, I know her! She's with us." My breath caught in my throat.

"Which jump is she at?" Nathan demanded.

"Sir, only event officials are allowed on the—"

"I don't give a damn who's allowed on the course. That's my wife." Nathan snapped. "Which jump is she at?"

"The canoe."

Both Nathan and I tore out of the office. My heart hammered in my chest as we practically sprinted toward the course. But once we reached the fence, I gasped and Nathan let out a strangled yelp. There was a number of people surrounding what looked like a horse lying on the ground on top of a portion of a rider. Nathan ducked under the fence with me close behind him, immediately rushing to the people surrounding the body where the ambulance resided as well.

"Oh Jesus… my God, Marni… " Nathan's voice was almost broken in panic. An EMT had to catch him and hold him back.

"Sir, we're doing what we can."

"That's my wife!" Nathan protested. My arm went around his waist, the other on his chest both to try to reassure him and to hold him back; otherwise I was sure he'd beat the poor kid's face in.

"Nathan, please," I practically begged him. "Let them do their job, it's the best thing we can do."

Nathan's jaw clenched, and I could feel his heart pounding as well as his heavy breathing, but he stayed near me. With a hold still on Nathan, I turned to one of the EMTs. "What happened? We know her, that's my friend and his wife."

"The ground had too much give. Horse tried to take the jump anyway, I think both radius bones have snapped and he crashed down on top of her."

"Oh my God… " Nathan choked. I ran my hand over his chest and side to try to soothe him, even though I was just as frantic as he was. It wasn't good. If Uther broke both radius bones, nothing was keeping his weight from completely coming down on top of Marni. Her whole lower half was under Uther… it would have been a miracle if we could have even saved Uther. Marni might have been in even worse shape, and that was enough to make it feel like a knife is turning in my chest. How was it that just yesterday everything was fine? Now this nightmare took place. We couldn't lose her… Nathan and Shilo couldn't lose her. I couldn't lose her.