WHEN HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS SEE THE EPILOGUE

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS?"

Harry Potter was staring in disbelief at the large book in his had. Around the corner, the Weasleys plus A Granger entered the room, looking at him with curiosity.

"What's wrong, mate?" Ron asked.

Harry looked at the book in his hand with disgust and passed it to Ron.

"Here. Take a look at what the author thinks is a 'great' ending in the epilogue."

Ron, not one for books, but curious, opened the new Harry Potter book, the Deathly Hallows and quickly found the epilogue. After reading it, his jaw nearly hit the table.

"No fucking way! This is just…ridicules. We aren't even compatible!"

Hermione cocked an eyebrow at the boys.

"What did she pair you two up?"

Ron gave her a disgusted look while Harry faked vomiting before he answered.

"No. She stuck you with Ron and me with Ginny the fan girl."

"Hey!" the aforementioned red head piped up.

Harry gave her a shrug.

"It's true. Hell, you couldn't even put two words together in the first few books if I was nearby."

Ginny opened her mouth to defend herself, but realized it was true and shut her mouth. Hermione, meanwhile had taken the book and read through the epilogue herself and pushed the book away, making a werid face.

"There is no way in hell she thought this was right. All through the series, Harry and I were the ones who were most likely to jump in the bed together and shag all night long. Instead…I get the fire crotch. Not cool."

Ron didn't know what he was supposed to say but simply stayed silent.

"Hey. At least you lived. I died." A cold voice sounded from the doorway.

Harry gave him an annoyed look.

"That's because you're the bad guy, you twit." He told him.

Riddle frowned as he poured himself a cup of tea and sat at the table.

"What about us then? Us dieing makes no sense what so ever." Remus asked as he and Tonks appeared in the kitchen.

A loud crack announced the arrival of certain elf.

"Dobby not likes being dead. Dobby talked to his agent, but agent couldn't fix it." The elf stated sadly as he plopped down on the floor.

Harry sighed.

"It's almost like she let a group of brainless fan fiction writers get a hold of her outline and play with it."

"You mean like him?" Hermione asked, pointing to a man with brown hair, green eyes, a green sweatshirt that had 'USMC' on it, and a pair of blue jeans with black sneakers.

He raised his hands in protest.

"Hey. Don't point any fingers or wands at me. I was rooting for a Harry and Hermione ending. Why do you think I paired you guys together in What If? Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go write some more." He said as he left the burrow.

"PFB does have a good point. Not all of them want the established pairings." Fred pointed out.

"Yeah. Poor Yank. He tries so hard to write us a believable British folks, but his American views pops into the story. Bless him for trying so hard." George teased.

"I HEARD THAT! FOR THAT, YOU GET NO ONE IN MY STORY!"

George paled as he closed his mouth and sat down. Meanwhile, Ron was looking at the book in wonder.

"Maybe we can get time turners and go back and fix this mess by making her write the ending the right way."

Everyone looked at him in shock. Ron blinked before turning red.

"What? I do get the good idea once in awhile."

"Maybe while your at it, you can have her rewrite the whole damn series."

Harry looked up and saw Snape and Sirius enter the house as well and had to wonder just how many people could fit into the tiny kitchen.

"I'm with Sevvie on this one. Shit, she had me locked up for twelve years."

Harry sighed and pulled the book over to him as he looked through the epilogue again.

"Who the hell would name their son 'Albus Severus'? That's just stupid."

The Weasleys nodded as Arthur and Molly left to go shopping leaving the crowd in the room when one more being seemed to spring to life out of nowhere.

"Yes. Well…at least your sexuality was known. Apparently, I'm gay. Very confusing since there aren't really any clues." Dumbledore said as he hunted in his pockets for a lemon drop.

Harry cocked an eyebrow.

"Your gay? Huh. I didn't know that. All that time I was in your office, I never would have guessed."

The oldman nodded before he popped the sweet into his mouth and seemed to enjoy the muggle candy as Sirius pulled the book closer to him and read through it as well.

"Now see, this is wrong. Your supposed to have a son named Sirius as well as a James."

"True. Or combined it with James. Make it James Sirius Potter."

Sirius grinned.

"Has a nice ring to it. And why the hell would she pair you with Ginny Weasley. That girl is a fan girl from hell."

"I'm still in the room you know." A rather angry Ginny stated bluntly.

"We know." They answered.

She huffed in annoyance and left the room.

"I had bet that Harry and Hermione would have gotten together. All the evidence fits. Why would she do this? It makes no sense. Hell, she's more like Hermione and all the guys she dated are like Ron, and those relationships never panned out. They all sucked. But the one man she married, he was like Harry. Can anyone explain that please?" Snpe asked.

Albus looked at Snape with curiosity.

"I don't think any one can. And you bet on Harry and Hermione?"

He nodded.

"Yeah. We had a betting pool going. I think the old fraud of a divination teacher won that bet based on this rubbish."

Harry glanced over at Hermione who's jaw was hanging open in disbelief.

"Well…I can safely say I agree with Vegeta8936 'The epilogue sucks.'" Harry stated.

"Who…? Oh…that Naruto Abridged series…right. Well…what are we going to do about this…I really don't want to say book, but I have to." Ron asked, looking at it with disgust.

Harry grabbed Hermione's hand and headed off to the stairs.

"Make my own ending. Come on Hermione. Let's get out of here."

Everyone watched as Harry and Hermione left before looking back at the book. Voldemort poked it with his wand in curiosity before he noticed everyone looking at him.

"What? Any book that is this messed up is clearly and evil artifact. Maybe there is another Dark Lord inside of it." He said defensivly.

"Only you would put your soul in a book. And why are you even here?" Ron asked.

Voldemort shrugged.

"Hell if I know. I think the author is just bored out of his skull and is trying to get some laughs at having me in the same room in a civilized manner."

Albus nodded.

"Yes. It's a cheap way, but if it get's him reviews, he really doesn't mind."

"Egotistical bastard." Ron muttered.

"Anyone notice how quiet it is?" Sirius asked suddenly.

Everyone paused and listened intently all while looking toward the stairs.

"Anyone wanna go take a look?" Ron asked.

Out if nowhere, they heard a pleasure induced scream and looked toward the stairs, pale. It was Ron who spoke up.

"Yeah…how about those Cannons…?" He was cut off by another scream, this one of Harry's name.

"I think I'm gonna be sick." Voldemort muttered as he headed outside to get some fresh air, his face paler than usual.

"I'm going that way." Albus muttered, pointing to the door.

The rest of the kitchen followed him outside, taking the book with them. They decided to have a cookout and the book would be the fuel. Unfortunately, the food didn't taste so good. But at least Harry and Hermione finally got together.