A.N. This fic is the product of the Support Stacie Author Auction. Thanks to 24jls who placed the winning bid on me and provided the entire basis of this story—in fact, more than 600 words of details and links to songs, speech, etc. Thus, much of words used in this story came from her emails with me. So the result is a collaboration in which I am doing my best to bring these ideas to life. My main deviation is the flashback, but she contributed a great sequence to that scene too. I hope everyone enjoys this writing experiment!

The song played in this chapter is "Where You Want to Be" by Darren Hayes. You can find it on youtube with this address at the end: /watch?v=rc0qlvdd-t4

The speech Rachel hears is based on the recent Golden Globe speech by Mo'nique.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, song lyrics, or anything familiar.

***

Are you where you want to be?
Did you get there easily?
Did they make you sacrifice?
Did you make a sharp left
When you should've turned right?

Darren Hayes—"Where You Want to Be"

***

Five years ago, Rachel Berry made a choice. The obvious choice. The right choice for her career.

During her junior year of college, she chose fame over the boy she'd been dating since March of their junior year of high school. Not that she ever informed the man in question that she'd been struggling with a life-altering decision. Well, not directly at least.

*** Five years earlier ***

Although Noah Puckerman and Rachel Berry survived their high school romance in tact to continue dating seriously in college, it was anything but smooth sailing.

It was really great for awhile. They stayed in Ohio—going to Ohio State—close to family and friends. Puck formed a college band right away with some new guys he met, and Rachel became active in the theatre department productions and the OSU school of music. Still, they had always talked about transferring to New York University once Puck saved up enough to afford it so that Rachel would have a real shot at pursuing her dreams of landing a role on Broadway. But they were never acting on it. And by their junior year of college, Rachel knew it was getting too late. So she went ahead and sent in her application forms, hoping to transfer during the spring semester and have all of senior year in New York. Ideally, with Noah by her side.

Rachel was anything but subtle usually, but over the years she had found that she got better results with Noah if she could subtly hint at things before finally convincing him that he wanted to act on her idea all along. So since sophomore year of college, she would drop hints about how great an environment New York would be for an aspiring musician such as himself; how many opportunities they'd both have there; even about how great the hot dogs were in New York—she was a desperate woman. He'd nod and agree with her, and then complain about how expensive it was to live in New York, and how tiny the apartments are, and how comfortable it is in Ohio, and how they could always move to New York after graduation. But that wasn't Rachel's dream and it wasn't the deal she thought they had. He would flash her a grin and say something simple like, "C'mere, sexy," and her objections would be kissed away. She was a little miffed at herself for being so powerless to his charms.

But she loved the big lug. She really did. She thought he loved her too, but sometimes actions speak louder than words. If he loved her, wouldn't he want to support her goals? Rachel had a nagging fear that he would never want to leave Ohio.

Then there were the fraternity parties he played with the band that caused arguments regularly. Rachel was perfectly fine with her boyfriend playing in a band in front of loads of drunk girls. Fine. He would say that he was a stud and couldn't help it that girls threw themselves at him—and she would grudgingly admit that he was probably right. She actually did trust him to behave himself.

But on this particular occasion, he was gone later than usual—the kind of late that usually meant he would end up not coming home. Even though it was only Wednesday night instead of a Friday or Saturday. It was final exam week, but instead of studying, Noah and his band had one last frat party to play before the end of the semester. Rachel learned this when she got his message after she finished her last exam that day. Her boyfriend had not perfected the technique of giving her advanced notice of his plans. So she hadn't seen him since she kissed him goodbye that morning while he slept. Rachel really needed to talk to him because her acceptance to NYU had come in the mail that week and she truly wanted to accept the offer. The deadline to accept was approaching, and orientation and class registration for the spring semester had already started, so the sooner she could go register, the better classes she would have. Rachel had called him several times, left several increasingly upset messages on his phone, and she had paced around their shared apartment more times than she could count.

Rachel turned on the tv out of boredom and flipped through the channels until she found something watchable. The classic "It's a Wonderful Life" was on, and Rachel settled down on the couch for a long movie and what promised to be a long night of waiting for Noah to come home. As she watched, Rachel couldn't help but think about her future and wonder if she could be like George, who had given up his dreams for the sake of family. Could she be happy without resenting the circumstances (and people) leading to that dream dying? Rachel knew she needed to break free from her depressing thoughts, so she called home for a little diversion. Her dad answered the phone, "Hi sweetie, I was just thinking of calling you."

Perfect, Rachel thought. Instant distraction was just what she needed. "Oh really? Did you have something to tell me?"

"Well, we heard some good news about your former teacher, Will Schuester from the glee club. He and and his wife are going to have a baby! She was your guidance counselor, right?"

"Yes, that's right. What lovely news, Daddy. Thanks for telling me." If Rachel's dad picked up on her somber mood, he didn't mention it. They chatted idly for a while longer, but Rachel's mind was elsewhere. The news about Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury made Rachel think about how Mr. Schue had first married his high school sweetheart, Terri. That disaster had ended in such a messy divorce. And it was just one of many examples which showed how unlikely it is for high school couples to stay together long after high school ends.

As Rachel finished her phone call with her dad, she assured him she'd have a safe drive home and would see him after finals week. She didn't tell him that she was finished with her exams and was just waiting for Noah to finish his because she wanted to spend every possible minute with him in their little apartment before they went "home" to their parents' houses for winter break.

With thoughts of her past and future swirling in her mind, Rachel launched into making a pros and cons list for transferring to NYU. She had been waiting for Noah's input, but she decided since he wasn't there, he wasn't getting to help. Perhaps her list might have turned out differently if she had watched the end of the holiday movie or if she had waited just a while longer…

Instead, Rachel turned off the tv and concentrated on her list. From her reflections, she came to several conclusions. First, she needed to focus on what was important to her. If Noah didn't support her, then maybe he was not be the right one after all. This was one of her deepest fears. She was afraid that her first love might not be her true love. Perhaps they were both too young to know any better. If he didn't love her, truly love her the way she needed to be loved, then what was she doing wasting away in Ohio? It was then she decided to go forward, to accept the offer at NYU, to transfer schools.

She realized that it might be now or never. He wasn't there, and if she waited, she didn't think she'd go through with it. Rachel made the hardest decision she had ever faced: the decision to leave Noah.

She gave him fair warning. He just didn't take her seriously.

Puck woke up after crashing at the frat house following the gig that had gotten a little out of hand. He knew Rachel would have been worried sick and crazy-mad since he hadn't called before passing out on one of the couches. He was expecting that. He knew he deserved the tongue-lashing that was about to occur because he had acted like an idiot as usual. But when he got to their apartment and announced, "Slap the cuffs on me, Berry, I'm home," he wasn't expecting what he found. Or really, what he didn't find.

Rachel was gone. Like really gone. He actually looked around the whole apartment in disbelief, but the bedroom was what gave it away. Her stuff was gone. The furniture was there, but all her clothes, shoes, and the rest of her crap—all gone. They had moved out of the dorms and had gotten an apartment together off campus only at the start of the fall semester that year. And living together was awesome. Like the best decision ever. Sure, at first the idea at freaked him the fuck out; but after Rachel had convinced him of the convenience of the arrangement, he had learned that the girl was a full-on genius. The benefits of living together were too many to list. He wasn't really sure what he'd been scared of in the first place. It's not like he wanted to be with other girls or anything stupid like that. It was just at first the idea of living together meant that marriage might be around the corner… Not that he couldn't imagine marrying Rachel—because scarily enough, he really, really could imagine it.

But as he stumbled around in his stupor, he realized that none of that mattered now because she had taken off while he had been piss drunk at a stupid party that he didn't even care about. At all.

He spotted the note she left on the coffee table—which is where they ate most of their meals in front of the tv. At first, he felt a surge of hope that something in the letter would help him make sense of the empty apartment. Like there was an emergency at home and she had to leave school early. Not that he wanted her to have a family emergency. He didn't know what he wanted the note to say. But he didn't want it to say what she had written there for him.

Rachel told him everything. Not in person, but in the tear-stained letter. He couldn't read all of it because her tears had smeared the ink. But he got the idea. She couldn't give up on her dreams if he didn't truly love her. And if he did love her, shouldn't he want what's best for her? She decided that what was best for her meant Broadway and New York. She apologized for her abrupt departure and promised that her dads would send him checks to pay the rent until he could find a new roommate.

(Because seriously, only she would put practical details like that in a fucking Dear John letter. Fuck!)

Rachel wrote that she loved him, but that she felt their relationship was slowly killing a part of her that she wanted to survive.

When he read her letter, Noah Puckerman knew he made the wrong choice.

Immediately, regret gripped him like a cold vice around his guts. He had something special with Rachel, and he took it for granted. Rachel was special, she was really talented, and he was fooling himself to think that it was fair for him to keep her from her dreams when she made it so obvious that she really wanted to be in New York. He desperately needed to apologize, to make it all right, but he had to finish his damn final exams before he could go home for Christmas break. Needless to say, he didn't do well on his remaining exams. He probably should've just skipped them. But he thought he'd be able to talk to Rachel at her dads' house during the three week vacation before spring semester so they could figure something out.

When he got back to Lima and went to her house, her dads told him that she had already moved to New York and that it would be best if he left her alone because she was hurting enough. And that shit fucking killed him—to think of how badly she was hurting.

Puck soon discovered that Rachel had cut off all contact with him—she changed her cell phone number, email address, everything. He could still find her online profile pages, but she had changed his status so they were no longer friends or in a relationship. She had been a constant in his life for so long, and suddenly she was gone.

To be fair, Rachel knew she wouldn't go through with leaving if she would have talked to him in person. And she knew she would never stick to her plans to live in New York and audition for everything remotely fitting if she kept any form of communication between herself and Noah. So she left. Without leaving a trace.

Rachel Berry made the wrong choice.

She just didn't know it at the time. Well, maybe a part of her knew it, but she wouldn't let that weak, romantic girl inside of her deter her from pursuing her life-long dream of becoming a star. That was her destiny. Romance is fleeting. And how many people can really live happily ever after with a high school boyfriend? The odds were against her and Noah as a couple. They were a cliché really: the artistic good girl with the bad boy jock. There were countless teen movies centered around such couples. That certainly did not improve the chances of success. Rachel knew, and her fathers agreed, that if she focused solely on her goals, she had an above average chance of successfully achieving her dreams of stardom.

On that front, Rachel Berry was right.

*** Present Day ***

Five years since she left Noah, she was a rising star with a successful Broadway career and was now Oscar-nominated for her leading role in her first movie. Rachel Berry was sitting at the Academy Awards ceremony, listening to the winner for Best Supporting Actress give a heartfelt speech. The actress had a beautiful story about how she married her childhood sweetheart. At age 14 she had told him 'we're gonna be stars' and he had said,'baby, you first'. That's when Rachel began to think about her lost love with Noah Puckerman.

But it was the most inopportune time, really. Not that she expected to win her category and give a speech, but she was seated next to her date. The date her manager/publicist had picked for her. Just like all her other "boyfriends", the "relationship" was mostly for the sake of mutual benefit. Rachel didn't mind. Too much. It was a price she paid for success. She had already chosen success over love once. Still, it was a little awkward to be thinking of her high school sweetheart while sitting next to her attractive date, Anthony. He was the son of two Hollywood A-listers, and he was trying to make a name for himself. They got along well enough. He might even like her a little for real. But Rachel Berry had been ruined—no man could compare to her first love, Noah.

Rachel was pulled out of her reverie by the pats on the back, the sweeping hug by Anthony. "Congratulations," he told her in her ear, "You really did it!" She kissed him in shock and delight, and made her way to the stage in a daze.

She actually won and it was completely surreal. She gave the speech that she'd been preparing since she was six years old. She knew it wasn't as emotional as the other speeches that evening, but the rush of the moment caused her to temporarily forget her thoughts about Noah.

The rest of the night was pretty amazing. Interviews with the press, the after party, everyone fawning over her, a gorgeous guy on her arm. What more could a girl want?

The limo driver dropped off Anthony at his house in the hills after Rachel had insisted that she couldn't stay with him that night. She didn't have a house in Hollywood because her primary residence was in New York. She was just in California for the award show and for short stints to make the movie—though now that she won, her agent said to expect more movies to come her way. (Anthony had a home in Hollywood and a great condo in New York since he had the luxury of wealthy parents, so she'd see him again in New York for some strategically publicized dates.) Rachel just really wanted to relax by herself that night in the hotel. Alone, she leaned back in the seat, kicked off her shoes, and played with the radio dial. She stopped when a song caught her attention. The voice on the radio sounded familiar, but she couldn't place the artist.

Hey there stranger
Do you remember?
You were a part of my life
Early December
Think I remember?
Sentiment cuts like a knife
The seasons are changing
Life's rearranging
Full of could've dones
Would've beens
It's all your fault
And where have you been
And how time goes
And now I don't even know
How to fill in the spaces
of the love you erased in my life

Are you where you want to be?
Did you get there easily?
Did they make you sacrifice?
Did you make a sharp left
When you should've turned right?
Are you where you want to be?
Did you sell off all of your gold
Did you trade it in?
Did you wait for love
Or settle for somebody to hold?...

The song continued and the lyrics spoke to her heart. Maybe she didn't have to make the choice that she did all those years ago. The urge to see Noah Puckerman took hold of her, and she whipped her cell phone out of her purse and called her dads. By this time, it was very early on Monday morning in Ohio, and her sleepy but excited father answered the phone. He had to wake up for work soon anyway, so he put on a pot of coffee and woke up his partner so they could both talk to their daughter. After the obligatory chatting about her award, Rachel took a deep breath and announced the real reason behind her call.

"Daddy, I've been thinking about what's important to me, and there's something I have to do. I need to find Noah. When you talk to Mrs. Puckerman, does she mention how he's doing and where he lives now?"

Rachel heard her dad inhale sharply—she knew her question had surprised him. Her father said, "I have a feeling that I won't be able to persuade you not to pursue this, so I suppose I will just tell you what you want to know."

"Thank you, Daddy. You're right; you won't be able to dissuade me. I'm stubborn like you."

Her father told her that Noah was doing well according to his mother and had moved to Nashville after he graduated from OSU. But he didn't have an address or phone number. "I could find out next week at Temple," he told her.

"Any contact information you can get would be great, thanks, Daddy."

But after she ended the call with her father, Rachel still felt anxious. She didn't want to wait until next week. She wanted to go now. She already had a driver who could take her to the airport… So she asked the driver to make a quick stop at her hotel so she could gather her things and then take her to LAX. She would take the first flight out.

And in a flash, Rachel Berry, now Oscar-winning actress, was on her way to track down her old flame in Nashville, Tennessee.