TURNABOUT HIGHSCHOOL, Part 4
by BrDPirateMan
Genre: Crime / Mystery / Parody / Cross-over

March 14, 4:37 pm
Seiko High School
Staff Room

Everyone regrouped in the staff room. There was Edgeworth, flanked by Mina. Detective Megumi Kitaniji and Sho Minamimoto, along with Neku, Shiki, Beat, Ai, the cheerleaders and the security guard Mr Koki Kariya were present too. So were the forensics team. The exception was Eri, who had been detained at the police station.

Megumi: Mr Edgeworth, is there something you'd like to tell us? You had wanted everyone to gather round here.
Edgeworth: *taps the side of his head, smiling* I'm ready to solve this case once and for all, Detective Kitaniji.
Megumi: You found the killer? !
Edgeworth: *points directly at Sho* Yes... I hereby indict Mr Sho Minamimoto as the real murderer!
Shiki: What? !
Neku: So he's the one? !
Beat: BWAAAAH!
Ai: Seriously? !
All the other girls: Mr Minamimoto... a killer? !
Forensics: Sir!
Sho: Heh heh heh... Are you sure now, Mr Edgeworth? Is this a challenge to see who's smarter?
Edgeworth: I'm not interested in petty challenges, Mr Minamimoto. I just want to prove your guilt. And that's that. For that is my job... as a prosecutor!
Mina: *angry* You can't run away now, Mr Minamimoto! We found overwhelming proof that you're the one responsible for Ms Konishi's death! And we're gonna make you admit it!
Sho: Heh. Hahahahaha! This is so zetta amusing! Let's see you try.
Edgeworth: *wags finger* Ho ho. Now, if you please, let us hear what you have to say about this.
Sho: Aight... hectopascals. Whatever makes you happy.
Megumi: Mr Minamimoto, I beg of you, please refrain from personal attacks-
Sho: Shut up! This is my fight. And I don't need some lame detective getting in my way! Inverse matrix!
Megumi: *recoils* Guh!
Mina: It's go time! Raaargh!
Ai: *sweats* Mina... you sound just like an aggresive animal...

TESTIMONY by Sho Minamimoto
Sho's Alibi

Sho: I came here to work overtime.
I was in the staff room starting from 10 am onwards.
But when lunchtime came, I saw it fit to have a nice zetta meal.
It was two hours before I got back to work.

Mina: *sweats* What, that's it? Can you be any more ambiguous? !
Sho: Heh! You wanted a challenge? There you go! Dumb 000s.
Edgeworth: Mmmph... (It looks like the only way I'll be able to make any progress is to press him for details. There's just too little to work on as is.)
Mina: Who you calling dumb? ! Those math tips you give all suck, anyway!
Ai: *sweats* M-Mina, calm down...
Shiki: She's going hyper!
Edgeworth: Ahem! I will now begin my cross-examination! So please, I ask for everyone's cooperation. Thank you.

REBUTTAL
Sho's Alibi

Sho: [I came here to work overtime.]

HOLD IT!

Edgeworth: Why did you have to work overtime?
Sho: There was a whole bunch of test papers I had to mark for another class. Zetta hectopascals that they were... to completely fail it! All of them get a factoring zero! ! !
Edgeworth: (If this lunatic's logic is anything to go by, his tests would consist of PhD-level mathematics questions...)
Mina: Incidentally, how exactly did I do in that pop quiz?
Sho: Heh heh heh...
Mina: Wh-What? D-Don't tell me I really... *sigh*
Edgeworth: Let's leave those questions for later, Mina.
Sho: So anyway, I was here in this cubicle for the morning.

Sho: [I was in the staff room starting from 10 am onwards.]

HOLD IT!

Edgeworth: According to the teachers' logbook, you did sign in at around 10 am.
Sho: What? You want to dispute that, too? Heh! It's just like you lawyers to find fault in everything. Zetta awful.
Edgeworth: Are you sure you were marking test papers and not doing anything else?
Sho: Of course not. You can't mark test papers all the time. We all need a break every now and then. In the breaks that I often give myself, I spend them solving some differentiation questions!
Mina: *sweats* I can't believe he'd think math is a relaxing hobby...
Sho: Hah! That's because you fail to see the many beautiful things in math! How simultaneous equations go hand-in-hand with each other! How the numbers in pi are so wonderfully varied! The sexiness of the curves of a cubic equation!
Megumi: *recoils* S-Sexiness? !
Sho: Of course! Don't you think if you draw the right equations on a graph, you can create an image of a well-endowed wo-
Edgeworth: *stern* I think we've heard enough of your mathematical ramblings, Mr Minamimoto!
Mina: *sweats* I'm glad you stopped him, Edgey. If you didn't, he could go on for days about his sines and cosines.
Edgeworth: (His obsession with mathematics is really disturbing, that's for sure...)

Sho: [But when lunchtime came, I saw it fit to have a nice zetta meal.]

HOLD IT!

Edgeworth: So you didn't go on working during lunch, did you?
Sho: Of course not. Even a genius has to eat.
Edgeworth: Well then, where did you go for lunch?
Sho: Um, th-that's easy! You know that new ramen place in Dogenzaka? It just opened up, and I went there for lunch. The noodles there are really tasty. Mmm, it makes me hungry for pi!
Edgeworth: (Aha! I got you now...) Mr Minamimoto, I'd like you to append that last statement to your testimony.
Sho: Which part? That I'm hungry for pi?
Edgeworth: *stern gaze* No! The fact that you went out for lunch!
Sho: Aight... So I was hungry, right? And so...

Sho: [I went out for a nice bowl of ramen at that new ramen shop that just opened up.]

[EVIDENCE - List of attendees]

OBJECTION!

Edgeworth: So tell me, how were the noodles?
Sho: Oh, very nice! The flavours mesh perfectly like simultaneous equations. And the taste is like a tangent whose gradient is not too steep, nor too shallow.
Edgeworth: Was it your first time?
Sho: Yeah, it's the first time I've been there, but I think I'll go there everyday from now on.
Edgeworth: Glad to hear that you like it... considering that you never went out today!
Sho: What?
Edgeworth: The security guard Ms Uzuki Yashiro gave me a list of the people who came to school today. According to the logbooks, NO ONE left the school premises ever since they arrived. That includes you.
Sho: *sweats* Uh... Oof!
Edgeworth: You were here in school the whole time... And you were here during lunchtime!
Mina: I'll bet you were here in the cubicle the whole time too!
Sho: Wait...Wait. That's not true.
Edgeworth: ?
Sho: Hahaha! I guess even genuises like me make mistakes. Yeah, now I remember! I didn't go out at all. I was in school...but I was not in my cubicle for a period of time!
Edgeworth: Then let's hear it. Tell us where you were.

TESTIMONY by Sho Minamimoto
Sho's Alibi, Pt 2

Sho: Before noon came, I decided to take a long break from my work.
After all, it's strictly not a zetta schoolday, so I can do whatever I please.
There was a period of time when I was not in my cubicle.
And after that, I went back to my cubicle.

Mina: You weren't in your cubicle? !
Sho: If you don't believe me, too bad.
Megumi: But Mr Minamimoto, can you prove it?
Sho: I can't.
Megumi: What? ! Then what is the meaning of this? !
Sho: It's not like you can prove that I was in my cubicle, right? ! Heh, so zetta slow!
Edgeworth: Enough, Mr Minamimoto! We don't have all day!

REBUTTAL
Sho's Alibi, Pt 2

Sho: [Before noon came, I decided to take a long break from my work.]

HOLD IT!

Edgeworth: You were marking test papers, as I remember it.
Mina: *sweats* Don't remind me, Edgey... It hurts to have salt rubbed in the wound.
Edgeworth: (Well, it's your fault to begin with for not studying hard for your pop quiz...)
Sho: Don't worry, kids. After this, I'll have a special deluxe pop quiz waiting for you... with over 9000 questions! ! ! *maniacal laugh*
Mina: N-N-Noooo! ! !
Ai: What! ! !
Beat: BWAAAAH!
Neku: Whuh? !
Shiki: No way!
Mina: *pinches Edgeworth* Hurry up, Edgey! ! !
Edgeworth: *recoils* Wh-What? !
Mina: We gotta prove him guilty NOW! If we can't, he'll give us even more difficult math tests!
Edgeworth: (Instead of quaking with fear and anticipation of the next test, can't you actually work hard and do your revision? !)

Sho: [After all, it's strictly not a zetta schoolday, so I can do whatever I please.]

HOLD IT!

Edgeworth: Do you always come back to school on Saturdays?
Sho: I do that a lot, but not all the time. I'm sure the security guard can tell you more.
Kariya: Well, it's the truth, Mr Edgeworth. His name can be seen on almost every Saturday in the teachers' logbook.
Edgeworth: I see. And what do you normally do on those Saturdays?
Sho: It's all work-related, Mr Edgeworth. A teacher's job is never complete at any time. What with all the homework to mark, tests to think up...
Mina: So this is where he cooks up all those ridiculously hard math tests! This cubicle is his very secret lair of evil!
Sho: Heh... You can't even begin to imagine how much fun I have in store for you kids for your end-of-year exam...
Mina: What? ! You finalised the final exam too? !
Beat: BWAAAAH! We're doomed, yo!
Edgeworth: So anyway! The fact is, you were here in school today, Mr Minamimoto!
Sho: Yeah, I was here, but...

Sho: [There was a period of time when I was not in my cubicle.]

HOLD IT!

Edgeworth: You were not in your cubicle... so where were you?
Sho: I went to the computer labs, to surf the net and such.
Edgeworth: I was under the impression that the computer labs here are used only by the students.
Mina: Well, most of the time it's us students who use them, but really, anyone can have access to the computer labs.
Edgeworth: I see...
Sho: I often make surprise trips to that place, to see if any students have been playing games on the computers... which, of course, is against the rules here... right, Daisukenojo?
Beat: BWAAAAH! Dontchu say my real name, yo! It's Beat! And... uh, well, why do you ask anyway? !
Sho: Because there was one Saturday when I spied you through the window. You were so busy playing online poker that you totally failed to see me! Hahaha!
Beat: BWAAAAH! You you you you you... you saw me? ! ? !
Mina: *sweats* Well, I guess we've got another guilty party on our hands.
Edgeworth: Mr Minamimoto, when did you leave your cubicle?
Sho: Let's see... I wanted to take a breather, and that's at about 11:30 am.
Edgeworth: Half past eleven?
Sho: Yeah, so I was in the computer labs from 11:30 am. I was there for an hour.
Edgeworth: That part of your testimony was very important. I'd like to hear it one more time.
Sho: Why not hear it 3.1428571 times? !
Edgeworth: J-Just once will do!

Sho: [At about 11:30 am, I went to the computer labs, where I stayed for about an hour.]

HOLD IT!

Edgeworth: So tell me again. You were in the computer labs from 11:30 am to 12:30 pm?
Sho: If you can't work out the math in that simple problem, you're not worthy of being a human being!
Edgeworth: (It's killers like you who aren't worthy!)
Mina: What were you doing there?
Sho: Huh? For a moment, I thought you were going to insult me, saying that I was surfing "boring" mathematics websites and such. But you know what? ! You can't insult me, 'cause that's the truth! I was looking up ! ! !
Shiki: *sweats* I don't think a website like that exists at all...
Sho: Just kidding. Well, being the math genius that I am, yes, I was looking at a whole bunch of sites. Delving into the world of matrices and determinants...
Mina: *sweats* This guy has no life.
Edgeworth: (Hmmm... What he said was contradictory to what I know... I'll raise an objection!)

OBJECTION!

Edgeworth: Mr Minamimoto, you were most certainly NOT at the computer labs at that time! And I can prove it!
Sho: Oh yeah? ! Haha! Let's see you try to prove it... little hectopascal.
Edgeworth: You couldn't have been at the labs for an hour from 11:30 am onwards, because of this!

[EVIDENCE - Eri's cell phone]

TAKE THAT!

Edgeworth: Mr Minamimoto, I think you should know who this phone belongs to.
Sho: Hey, that's Er- uh, I mean, n-no, I don't know whose phone that is. Though it's zetta safe to assume it's a girl's phone! H-Haha! Maybe it's y-yours, Mr Edgeworth...
Edgeworth: *smiles* I detected a slight quiver to your voice in that last sentence... But no matter. What's important is the content of this phone.
Mina: I'll read it for you, Edgey. Everyone, listen up! This is a message that Eri received today on her phone... "My dear Eri, are you free today? I want to see you; I'm so lonely. :( My place. I'll be in my cubicle all the way from 11 am to 1 pm. Don't worry it's Saturday, there's no one in the staff room. See you there."
Megumi: Mr Edgeworth, what is the meaning of this? ! Don't tell me this is another one of your sick jokes! ! !
Edgeworth: *recoils* It's not a joke! Look, the sender of this message is called "Hubby" on her phone, but the real identity of this person is someone in this very room right now...
Sho: *sweats* A-Am I on Candid Camera or something? !
Edgeworth: The sender of this message is this person!

[PROFILES - Sho Minamimoto]

TAKE THAT!

Shiki: What? Sho sent her that message? Why?
Edgeworth: That's because he's Eri's boyfriend!
Ai: Seriously? !
Beat: BWAAAH! Whatchu say, yo? ! You sayin' she goin' out wit dis math freak? !
Edgeworth: Yes. Eri and Mr Minamimoto are lovers. Earlier today, he sent this message to her with the intention of arranging a date for the two of them... here, in his cubicle!
Mina: He also said that he'd wait for her here from 11 am to 1 pm!
Edgeworth: So what Mr Minamimoto testified about being in the computer labs from 11:30 am to 12:30 pm is false! He was waiting here all along!

HOLD IT!

Sho: You... factoring hectopascals... Supposing I really did send that message... what makes you think I was really waiting in my cubicle from 11 to 1? !
Megumi: Hmmm. He has a point, Mr Edgeworth. It's very likely that he could have ignored this... date... and went elsewhere during that timeframe.
Edgeworth: No. I'm positive he was here the whole time, waiting for her. And the evidence that proves it is this!

[EVIDENCE - Matching pendants]

TAKE THAT!

Edgeworth: Have any of you noticed that Eri was wearing a rather striking pendant?
Shiki: Uh... She had this plus sign-shaped pendant round her neck...
Ai: It was black and pink.
Neku: Actually, I noticed it too.
Edgeworth: Eri said that it's unique. It was crafted in a jewellery shop and cannot be found anywhere else in the world. She also only received it today.
Megumi: So what's your point, Mr Edgeworth?
Edgeworth: Mr Minamimoto wears a pendant that is identical to hers!
Shiki: Really? !
Edgeworth: *smiles* It was by chance that we saw his pendant... But thanks to those few seconds, we were able to conclude so much about him.
Sho: *sweats* Rrgh...
Edgeworth: The matching pendants also strengthens the fact that they're going out. How many couples have we all seen wearing the same shirts? This is a similar case.
Megumi: Mr Minamimoto, show us the pendant that you're wearing now.
Sho: Wha... No! This is a zetta crime you're committing! Invasion of privacy! You're low, all of you irrational numbers!
Megumi: *stern* Now, Mr Minamimoto! Men!
Forensics: Yes sir!
Sho: Don't touch meeee! No! Noooooooooo! ! !

...

The policemen managed to forcibly extract Sho's pendant, which was kept hidden inside his shirt. It dangled from the hand of one of the officers, and everyone noted it was shaped like a plus sign, and that it was black and pink.

Megumi: Aha! So this proves that you and Eri are together!
Sho: Grrr! You! Edgeworth! What's the factor is wrong with you? ! Are you out for revenge or something? ! Embarrassing me like this!
Edgeworth: I'm simply doing what I must. I'll summarise what I know for everyone's benefit: Mr Minamimoto messaged Eri to come over to his cubicle in this very staff room, where he promised to wait from 11 am to 1 pm. Eri came and their date began, during which he gave her one of a pair of pendants he had made in a jewellery store. The fact that Eri is wearing her pendant is proof enough that Mr Minamimoto was in his cubicle from 11 to 1! Also meaning he was in his cubicle at the time of the murder!
Sho: Ha! You're forgetting one thing!
Edgeworth: ?
Sho: The sender is "Hubby", right? How can you prove that it's me? ! Huh? !
Edgeworth: I could explain why, but that would take too long. Because there is one very simple way to show that you are "Hubby"! Mina, you've got Eri's phone with you, right?
Mina: Yup! I think I know what to do! Leave it to me, Edgey!
Megumi: What are you going to do with Eri's phone?
Mina: I'm gonna dial "Hubby's" number! It's in the memory of her phone. *grins* And then we'll see who "Hubby" really is!
Sho: *sweats* Y-You can't...
Edgeworth: I ask everyone to listen carefully...

Soon, a curious ringtone echoed in the staff room.

Ringtone: "Do, a deer, a female deer; Re, a drop of golden sun..."
Megumi: *recoils* Wh-Where is that horrible ringtone coming from? !
Beat: Yo man, it's... BWAAAH! It's comin' from Mr Minamimoto!
Megumi: Men, search him! Get his phone!
Forensics: I got it, sir!

The policeman held up Mr Minamimoto's phone, which was screaming a tune from "The Sound Of Music". On the display read the words: "Incoming call: Eri"

Mina: *ends call* I think that settles that... "Hubby"!
Edgeworth: "Hubby" and Mr Minamimoto... are one and the same! I don't know how many times I've said this by now, but just for the sake of reminding you, he and Eri... are lovers!
Beat: For real, yo? ! 'Cause that ringtone just now... BWAHAHAHA! I didn't know you use such a stupid ringtone, Mr Minamimoto! BWAHAHAHAHA! ! !
Sho: Grrr... Shut up, you son of a digit! ! !
Mina: Hee hee. I love how things fall into place so...perfectly.
Megumi: Whew... We got sidetracked so much, Mr Edgeworth, so allow me to bring us all back.
Edgeworth: Gladly.
Megumi: So far we've proven that Mr Minamimoto was in his office at 12 pm. But what does this have in relation to our case?
Edgeworth: (This is it! It's time to finally tie him to the murder!) A lot. Because we found two pieces of very incriminating evidence in his cubicle!
Megumi: Then let's hear it. What's the first piece of evidence?

[EVIDENCE - Glass shards]

TAKE THAT!

Edgeworth: We found these pieces of glass in Mr Minamimoto's wastepaper basket.
Megumi: What are these exactly?
Edgeworth: This glass originally came from Ms Konishi's spectacles. If you piece them together, they roughly form a pair of lenses that fit into the now-empty frame.
Sho: *sweats* They were found... in my dustbin? ! Of all the zetta...! ! !
Megumi: Hmmm... Exactly what were they doing in there, Mr Minamimoto? Maybe you can tell us.
Sho: This... It's a conspiracy! I knew zero- no, negative 100 percent about this!
Megumi: Interesting, Mr Edgeworth. Please, continue. What's the second piece of evidence?
Edgeworth: The other piece is...

[EVIDENCE - Bloodstains]

TAKE THAT!

Everyone: *shocked* ! ! !
Neku: Whoa! Look at that!
Edgeworth: This is what we found out when we performed a Luminol test on the wall next to the door in Mr Minamimoto's cubicle. Now, you know that Luminol confirms the presence of blood even when it is wiped away. No amount of cleaning can wipe away the truth, literally.
Sho: *sweats* What the digit? !
Edgeworth: This is the victim's blood that is splattered all over the wall!
Megumi: But how did you prove it's blood from the victim? Even though we know that there used to be blood all over the wall, we don't know who it belongs to because it's all been wiped away.
Edgeworth: Look carefully at the blood. It trailed down the wall and a little of it soaked into the rug on the floor.
Megumi: Ah! I get it. It's possible to take samples of the rug that is soaked with blood and check them all the same! Well, lab boys? I'm assuming Mr Edgeworth asked for your help.
Forensics: Yes sir! It's the victim's blood, sir!
Sho: *sweats* Ungraaah...
Neku: So it was you, Mr Minamimoto! You killed Ms Konishi, and made me a scapegoat! You dirty scumbag!
Edgeworth: Mr Minamimoto would be easily found out if he left the wall exposed like that; he obviously knows about the properties of Luminol. And the bloodied rug doesn't help matters much. Which is why he had to hide it all with this!

[EVIDENCE - Large filing cabinet]

TAKE THAT!

Edgeworth: Anything could have been used to cover the rug, but this cabinet is the only thing in his office that's tall enough to hide the invisible bloodstains on the wall.
Megumi: I see! *nods*
Edgeworth: There was one little clue which led to the discovery of this treasure cove of evidence, Detective Kitaniji. If you look carefully at another part of the floor, you can see markings of the feet of a cabinet.
Mina: The large filing cabinet used to stand here in this spot! You can see signs of it being moved!
Megumi: How so?
Edgeworth: Do you see the dustless circles on the floor? They are where the feet of the cabinet stood.
Mina: And only that cabinet has circular feet!
Megumi: Mmmm! Intriguing. So the killer moved it from its usual spot, here, to the bloodied wall! And by doing so, he'd conceal the rug at the same time!
Edgeworth: Exactly! But there's no way he could move the large filing cabinet all by himself because it's simply too heavy. When I asked for it to be moved, it took two policemen to carry it. Which leads me to believe there was someone who helped him in all this.
Sho: *sweats* You... Are you saying I had an accomplice? ! Z-Zetta nonsense!
Edgeworth: To cover up for this crime, you had to cooperate with this person!

[PROFILES - Eri]

TAKE THAT!

Sho: Whuh? !
Mina: Eri's his accomplice? !
Shiki: E-Eri is...? !
Edgeworth: Yes. Our math fetishist worked together with Eri to shift the blame away from himself. Only together were they able to move the cabinet! You see, when I first talked to Eri today...

(Flashback to about 3:25 pm.)

Eri: Ow... My arms...
Mina: Eri, what's wrong?
Eri: Huh? Oh, nothing... My arms hurt because I've been doing so much spring cleaning.

...

Edgeworth: Eri was complaining of a pair of very painful arms, but the spring cleaning was merely an excuse for the real reason her arms hurt!
Sho: *sweats* ...
Edgeworth: Her arms were throbbing because she helped you move that heavy filing cabinet, Mr Minamimoto!
Megumi: Oh!
Shiki: Eri did that? !
Sho: *sweats* This is ridiculous! I'd never involve Eri in something like that! Not that I'm involved in any way myself but... Why do you say she would want to help? !
Edgeworth: *smiles* Because she was more than willing to assist you. After all, she loves you and would do anything for you. Yes, Eri was a witness to the murder itself! She saw it happen in front of her with her own eyes!
Shiki: She did? !
Neku: I can't believe it myself!
Ai: Her? ! A witness? !
Edgeworth: That's also why she helped to lie for you, Mr Minamimoto! The two of you... are partners-in-crime!
Megumi: Hmmm... Hmmm... Hmmm! ! !
Mina: *sweats* Detective, will you stop "Hmmm"ing already? !
Edgeworth: What about it, Mr Minamimoto? !
Sho: *slouching deeply* Rrrghh heh heh heh...
Edgeworth: ? !
Mina: Wh-What's with that creepy laugh? !
Sho: I think you lot of hectopascals... *suddenly straightens up* ...are forgetting one important thing!
Edgeworth: One... thing?
Sho: Heh heh heh... Wahahahaha! This is all too much. Raahahahaha! First we talk about my alibi, then we make a 180 degree turn and talk about my darn filing cabinet! Really... You're all too much! Hahehihohu! ! ! Heh heh heh...
Mina: Ugh... Mr Minamimoto looks like a completely different person now... And it's kinda creepy in a sick and totally disgusting way!
Edgeworth: Spit it out, Mr Minamimoto, instead of wasting time acting like a total idiot! What is it that you claim we forgot?
Sho: Heh heh heh... All this while you've been saying I'm the killer... But do you know HOW Ms Konishi was killed? !
Edgeworth: !
Sho: That's right! You haven't found the murder weapon yet, have you? ! Then how do you suppose I killed her? !
Mina: Wha- Oh no, Edgey, he's right! Detective Kitaniji! Um, have your men found any murder weapons? Anything? ? ?
Megumi: *recoils* Unfortunately... no. Nothing at all...
Sho: Hahahaha! You're all the same. A WHOLE STINKING BUNCH OF FACTORING HECTOPASCALS! ! SOH-CAH-TOAAAAAAA! ! ! ! !
Mina: E-Edgey, can't we do something? !
Edgeworth: *recoils* Unngh! I hate to admit it, but Mr Minamimoto has a point! Without a murder weapon to tie him to the crime, there's no way we can convict him at all!
Mina: B-But... if we can't prove it now, he'll go home scot-free!
Sho: Hahaha! That's what happens to weak logic. First it gets subtracted... then it gets rounded off to zero, and poof! Wrong answer! D minus, just like your grade, Mina!
Mina: *shocked* Wh-Wh-What? ! I got a D- in my pop quiz? !
Neku: But he's clearly the killer!
Shiki: Y-Yeah! You can't give up now, Mr Edgeworth!
Beat: He been messin' wit our heads this whole time! He oughta get kicked in the behind, yo!
Ai: Mr Minamimoto mustn't get away! He's guilty!
Megumi: Oh dear, what should we do, Mr Edgeworth?
Mina: Edgey!

...

Edgeworth: (Grrr... It's my fault that I didn't take the murder weapon into account. But if I think through this carefully, with Logic, I CAN win this fight! Let's see... Ms Konishi had experienced blunt trauma to the head. And her blood gushed out of the only wound on her head...)

LOGIC FRAGMENT - Blood on wall
How did blood from the victim's head end up on the wall?

Edgeworth: (Now, I'll just think things through, and...)

LOGIC CONNECTION:

LOGIC FRAGMENT - Missing murder weapon
The murder weapon is nowhere to be found. What exactly was used to kill Ms Konishi?

AND

LOGIC FRAGMENT - Blood on wall
How did blood from the victim's head end up on the wall?

Edgeworth: The question here is how so much blood could have sprung from her head wound to the wall. Assuming a weapon was used, the cause of death was blunt trauma, which would make the weapon a blunt one. But it's impossible to transfer so much blood to the wall just by hitting her with it. Even if her head is close to the wall, it wouldn't-

Edgeworth suddenly had a brainwave.

Edgeworth: Wait, that's it! When it comes down to it, the only way Ms Konishi could sustain such an injury, and leave so much blood on the wall...is if her head is close to the wall! I've... I've got it!

...

Mina: Earth to Edgey! What is with you? ! We're in the middle of an argument! ! !
Edgeworth: I finally understand how the victim was killed!
Sho: Huh? Hahaha! Really? I'd like to see you try!
Edgeworth: The murder weapon we've been searching for all this time is simply too large to be one in the first place.
Megumi: Wh-What on earth? !
Edgeworth: Mr Minamimoto slammed Ms Konishi's head on the wall to kill her!
Sho: *sweats* Hnrgh!
Mina: Whaaa? !
Edgeworth: He grabbed her head from behind and smashed it into the wall! Don't forget that because of the double layer of blood splatter, it means that he hit her against the wall twice!
Megumi: H-He did that? !
Edgeworth: Yes. That is how the victim truly died. He killed her with his bare hands!
Mina: Oh!
Edgeworth: This is probably what happened! While Eri and Mr Minamimoto were having their date in his cubicle, Ms Konishi came in and caught them red-handed! They were probably in a compromsing position, but that's not the main point here. It's not allowed for teachers and students to engage in romantic relationships in this school, so Mr Minamimoto knew that if Ms Konishi told the higher-ups, it would be all over for him, his career and his reputation! He simply had to stop her from talking!
Sho: ...
Edgeworth: Ms Konishi probably told the two of them off at this point, and as she turned to leave, he attacked her from behind by shoving her head into the wall, not once but twice, thereby killing her. It was when he did this that he completely shattered her glasses in the process too.
Megumi: I see!
Edgeworth: Naturally, Eri saw all of this. Mr Minamimoto knew he had to cover up his act, so he had Eri help him clean up as much blood as possible. It was probably Eri who made the fatal mistake of throwing the shards from Ms Konishi's glasses into his wastepaper basket, only to be found by us later.
Shiki: Eri...
Edgeworth: But no matter what, the blood on the rug could not be cleaned off, and he knew that the bloodstains on the wall would show up if a Luminol test was performed. So he decided to have the large filing cabinet moved to that spot to hide the evidence! But as it was so heavy, it required the strength of both Mr Minamimoto and his accomplice Eri to budge it. However, in their panic, they failed to notice the marks on the floor that the feet made over time.
Sho: *sweats* ...
Edgeworth: I know that eventually, the police would have to move his belongings away for a better examination of the place, and the bloodstains would be found out sooner or later, but it wouldn't be much later, so until then Mr Minamimoto had some time to think of an excuse to get himself and Eri out of trouble!
Megumi: Hmmm...
Edgeworth: Mr Minamimoto had to pin the crime on somebody, and it was Eri who gave him the idea of using Neku's baseball bat. She was present during yesterday's baseball practice, so she might probably have an idea where his bat was. All she had to do was find it and hand it to Mr Minamimoto who smeared it in the victim's blood. Then Eri placed it behind the door in the locker area while Mr Minamimoto carried the body downstairs and placed it in front of the janitor's closet, in Corridor W-1.
Sho: *sweats* ...
Edgeworth: *shrugs and shakes head, smiling* Ho ho. Cat got your tongue, Mr Minamimoto?
Sho: *sweats a lot* You...hecto... Mnnrrgh! A-Anybody else could have done that...
Megumi: After hearing what Mr Edgeworth had to say, I think that's not possible at all!
Edgeworth: There's something else, you know, that proves once and for all that Mr Minamimoto is the culprit.
Megumi: What is it?
Edgeworth: *smiles* When Neku brought us here and we found the victim on the floor, this happened...

(Flashback to 2:55 pm, Corridor W-1)

Sho: Hey! What're you doing, you hectopascal? !
Edgeworth: Huh?
Ai: Mr Minamimoto!
Sho: Don't touch her! And hurry, call the cops!

Edgeworth: Mr Minamimoto, I remember, at this point, when you first called out to us to call the police, you were still on the landing of the staircase and hadn't come down the stairs.
Sho: ? !
Edgeworth: That would contradict greatly with this piece of evidence!

[EVIDENCE - Crime scene notes]

TAKE THAT!

Edgeworth: I ask you to look here…

MAP OF CRIME SCENE

|SHO |

|^^^^|-XXX-

... … … …V

X = door (janitor's closet)
V = location of victim's body (please ignore the dots)
^ = stairs
SHO = Sho Minamimoto's location

Edgeworth: From where you were standing then, it would have been impossible to see the victim's body, which was splayed out in front of the janitor's closet, completely out of view!
Sho: *sweats* Whuh... Ungh!
Edgeworth: And yet, how is it that you could tell us to call the police... when you hadn't even seen the body yet? !
Sho: ...!
Edgeworth: *chuckle* From where I was crouching, near the victim's body, I could not see you, Mr Minamimoto. Only when I stood in front of the staircase did I see you start to climb down the stairs! And I'm sure the rest of you can say that fact is real, right?
Ai: Y-Yeah, I was there...
Mina: That's right. You'd have to be at the foot of the stairs to see the landing.
Beat: Dude, yo, that makes perfect sense...
Shiki: I agree.
Sho: Guh! You kids...
Edgeworth: This means you KNEW the location of Ms Konishi's body! So you're the one who brought her body to Corridor W-1!
Sho: *sweats* Mmmngh!
Edgeworth: Also... You urgently shouted at me not to touch Ms Konishi and to call the police. Now, we all thought she was merely unconscious. The truth, of course, is that she was dead. At first glance, there is absolutely no way to tell if she was alive or not!
Sho: *recoils* ...!
Edgeworth: The course of action a person would normally take in such a situation is to call an ambulance, which was exactly our plan. Yet you told us to call the police. Now why did you insist that we do so?
Sho: *sweats* Guh...! That... I...
Edgeworth: I'll tell you why. It's because there was no point in calling an ambulance! You KNEW she was already dead!
Sho: *sweats* Aaaghn!
Edgeworth: And you knew she was dead... because you killed her!
Sho: *sweats* ... 3.1428571428 57142857142 857142857142 857142857142 857142857142 857142857142 857142857142 857142857142...! SINE COSINE TANGENT SOHCAHTOA! SOME OLD HORSES CAN ALWAYS HEAR THEIR OWNERS APPROACH ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT NINE TEN 9+5=14 70-32=38 34819*71209=24794261712117… sin(360) = sin(180) = sin(0) = 0 I... WAS... TOO... ZETTA... SLOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOW! ! ! ! ! ! ! *faints* *CRUNCH!*

...

(Flashback to just before the murder.)

Konishi: Mr Minamimoto! What is the meaning of getting yourself involved in a relationship with one of your students? !
Sho: Wait... Ms Konishi! This...
Konishi: Don't you know it's against the rules of this school? ! If someone were to see you both shamelessly hugging like that, there would be a scandal! Our school's reputation will be ruined!
Sho: But...! I'm in love with her... What's so zetta wrong with that? ! I'm a human too!
Konishi: Look! Rules are rules! You simply cannot break them. And this is unforgivable. Mr Minamimoto, you leave me no choice but report this to the principal.
Eri: No, Ms Konishi, please!
Sho: Y-You can't do this! Ms Konishi! ! !
Konishi: I've had enough. I'll be off for now. Look forward to your talking-to, you two.
Sho: Grrr... You... I wouldn't allow it! ! !

*WHAM!*

Eri: Eeek!
Sho: One more time, you witch!

*WHAM!*

Eri: Sh-Sho...
Sho: *pant* *pant* ...
Eri: Sho!
Sho: *pant* *pant* H-How... How did this happen... It's not supposed to be like this... I don't have a choice now. I'm going to have to cover this up.
Eri: But what will we do? !
Sho: Don't worry, I think I've already thought of something. It's nothing a prodigy like me can't handle. But I need you to help me...
Eri: Are you sure this will be alright? !
Sho: Better than being caught by the cops.
Eri: A-Alright... I'll help you... for your sake...

...

Edgeworth: (After a long and tiring afternoon, the mystery was finally solved. Sho Minamimoto was arrested on suspicion of murder. His lover and partner-in-crime, Eri, was arrested too for being an accomplice and for disruption of justice. Who would have thought that cases would follow me wherever I go...? Am I forever afflicted with this... "negativity magnetism"? Oh well...)
Mina: Edgey!
Edgeworth: Yes?
Mina: You did it! *hugs Edgeworth* You really did it! The real killer was arrested thanks to you! You're a hero!
Edgeworth: *chuckles* I'm only doing my job as a prosecutor.
Shiki: But still, you were amazing, Mr Edgeworth! With just the clues on hand you were able to figure out so much!
Ai: You're incredible!
Neku: Mr Edgeworth... Um, thanks! For saving my butt. You're really awesome.
Edgeworth: *takes a bow* You flatter me too much.
Shiki: But I can't believe my best friend Eri would dirty her hands on something as serious as a murder...
Ai: Yeah, I totally didn't know she was going out with Mr Minamimoto at all!
Neku: I still think she deserved it. Shifting the blame onto me... that was low!
Mina: Well, yes... Man, I really don't know what to think.
Edgeworth: (The truth can sometimes be hard to face... but it must be faced nonetheless!) Well, it's getting late. Now that the case is solved, we should probably get back home now, shouldn't we?
Beat: Yeah, man. Rhyme's prolly waitin' for me by now... But, dude, yo! That was tight!
Megumi: Mr Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: Detective!
Megumi: On behalf of the Japanese Police, I'd like to thank you for your help in solving this case. Please also accept my apologies for suspecting you earlier. But, truly, you have been a great help.
Edgeworth: *smiles* Like I said, I'm just doing my job. And another thing...it's perfectly normal to make the wrong assumptions in an investigation. We just need to correct them in time.
Megumi: Hmmm... Yes, of course. Well then, my team and I will be going back now.
Edgeworth: (Finally peace comes back to this school. I think I'll have a nice meal at a ramen shop...) Well, it's been nice getting to know you, but for now I must be off as well.
Neku: Alright, later, Mr Edgeworth.
Shiki: Thank you so much, Mr Edgeworth!
Ai: ...
Mina: What's wrong, Ai? You want Edgey's number or something?
Ai: *blushing* N-No! What gave you that crazy idea?
Mina: Um... the fact that you're blushing?
Ai: ...

March 14, 5:16 pm
Shibuya
Scramble Crossing

Edgeworth and Mina left the school premises at last. As they were walking down the streets of Shibuya...

Mina: Hee hee! Edgey, it felt good to shove all that evidence in Mr Minamimoto's face!
Edgeworth: I can't agree with you more. *smiles*
Mina: So where are we going to celebrate?
Edgeworth: Actually, I was thinking of going straight back to my hotel to rest.
Mina: What? ! Edgey! You really have no concept of celebration and merry-making!
Edgeworth: But it's not something I would usually-
Mina: NO! Edgey! We are heading straight for the nearest sushi restaurant, and that's final!
Edgeworth: Mina, but-
Mina: No "but"ing your way out of this one! As your cousin, it's my job to introduce you to the best outlets in Japan!
Edgeworth: And of course you're expecting me to pay for all our meals.
Mina: *big grin* Naturally!
Edgeworth: *recoils* Rrrgh! You... I really can't make it! I have important things to do!
Mina: Oh yeah? ! Then let's see you worm your way out of this one! Thanks to you, I know enough of what cross-examinations are all about.
Edgeworth: *recoils* You don't mean? !
Mina: Yeah! You're gonna tell me your story, and I'll point out the lies!
Edgeworth: Rrgh... Fine. Whatever makes you happy.

ARGUMENT by Miles Edgeworth
Edgeworth's Reasons

Edgeworth: The truth is, tonight I've got an important meeting to attend.
It's just dinner at Shadow Ramen with a bunch of prosecutor friends who reside here in Japan.
Some of them are VIPs, too, so I can't afford to miss out on this one.
Besides, it's getting late and I have to hurry!
So please, Mina, get this cross-examination over with! ! !

Mina: Hmmm...
Edgeworth: Look, will you hurry up? I need to go!
Mina: Come on, Edgey, weren't you the one who said patience is a virtue?
Edgeworth: I never said anything like that! And while I agree with that concept, now's not the time to apply it!
Mina: Well, you're not going anywhere until I figure out what's in that head of yours!
Edgeworth: *recoils* Ungh... I'm not gonna make it...

REBUTTAL
Edgeworth's Reasons

Edgeworth: [The truth is, tonight I've got an important meeting to attend.]

HOLD IT!

Mina: What kind of "meeting" is so "important" that you'll totally want to leave your dear cousin behind? !
Edgeworth: I'm not leaving you behind! It's just-
Mina: *sniff* Oh, Edgey! How can you be so cruel? ! You meanie meanie meanie!
Edgeworth: *recoils* I thought this was supposed to be a cross-examination, not a cross-humiliation! Besides, the real reason of the meeting...

Edgeworth: [It's just dinner at Shadow Ramen with a bunch of prosecutor friends who reside here in Japan.]

HOLD IT!

Mina: Dinner with prosecutors? Are you sure this isn't a date?
Edgeworth: N-No. I don't know many women friends in Japan, if at all.
Mina: Then how about I introduce you to Ai? She's had this dewy, dreamy gaze in her eyes ever since-
Edgeworth: *recoils* I am not going out with a student much younger than me! Wouldn't that make me appear like a pervert? !
Mina: *angry* Then what about the time when you pressed Eri for details on Ms Konishi's... assets? Does that not make you a pervert already? !
Edgeworth: L-Look, enough of that already! Anyway... this dinner is really important! Because some of those prosecutors...

Edgeworth: [Some of them are VIPs, too, so I can't afford to miss out on this one.]

HOLD IT!

Mina: When you mean "VIP"-
Edgeworth: It means "Very Important Person", with "important" being the operative word.
Mina: I know what that means, okay? ! I mean, who are those people you want to meet?
Edgeworth: They're a group of prosecutors whom I came to know while I was in America. They graduated as law students in America, and have since returned to Japan.
Mina: That's a nice story, Edgey. Too bad I don't believe it!
Edgeworth: If you don't believe it, that's too bad.
Mina: Now you're acting like Mr Minamimoto! I wouldn't be too surprised if you start saying "zetta" in all your sentences.
Edgeworth: Psh, that's zetta nonsense. *recoils* W-WAIT! I mean, nonsense! JUST NONSENSE! ! !
Mina: *sweats* Oh well, I rest my case.

Edgeworth: [Besides, it's getting late and I have to hurry!]

HOLD IT!

Mina: What time does the dinner begin?
Edgeworth: Um... I-I think it's about now...
Mina: Give me an exact time, Edgey!
Edgeworth: Uh, well! It's about 5:30 pm! Yes, that's right! Let go of me, will you? ! I must make haste!
Mina: Hmmm... That's fishy... That time is rather familiar... Can you add that to your testimony?
Edgeworth: Rrrmph... I don't see how this is getting us anywhere.

Edgeworth: [The dinner is at 5:30 pm, so I have to hurry or I'll be late.]

[EVIDENCE - Shadow Ramen notice]

OBJECTION!

Mina: Edgey, you say you're going to have dinner at Shadow Ramen?
Edgeworth: Y-Yes, why?
Mina: Because, if you take a look at this notice that's been circulating round...
Edgeworth: Huh? *recoils* Wh-Where did you get that?
Mina: *shrugs and shakes head, smiling* Ho ho ho.
Edgeworth: And don't imitate me like that, Mina! ! !
Mina: According to this notice, Shadow Ramen is closed for today from 5:00 pm onwards! There is no way you can even have dinner there at 5:30 pm!
Edgeworth: *recoils* Knngh! But... But why is it closed in the first place? !
Mina: Beats me. But either way... I now know... that you're lying, Edgey! So we're going to have ramen tonight and that's final!
Edgeworth: *recoils* Arngh!
Mina: *grabs Edgeworth's arm* Now come, let's go. My tummy's rumbling.
Edgeworth: Wait! WAIT! Mina, I really can't go!
Mina: *angry* Why not? !
Edgeworth: Because... Because... I have to catch the next episode of "The Steel Samurai", and it starts at 5:30 pm! ! !
Mina: What? !
All the bystanders: *sweats* ...
Edgeworth: *sweats* Um... (Oh, this is just wonderful.)
Mina: I know you like that kiddie show, Edgey, but... I didn't know you're an even bigger fanboy than I thought!
Edgeworth: *recoils* OKAY FINE! I admit it! I love the Steel Samurai show! I can't get enough of the special move called "Steel Samurai Sushi Slice"! What's more, this is the much-talked about episode where the Steel Samurai engages in an epic duel with the Evil Magistrate! If I'm late for the show by even one minute I'll hit the roof!
Mina: *bug-eyed* ... O.O;
Everyone: *sweats* ... O_O;;;;
Edgeworth: Let me go, Mina! I'll make it up to you tomorrow! But I absolutely have to be on time for it!
Mina: Um... sure?

Edgeworth raced off, back to his hotel.

Mina: (My cousin is a kid at heart... Never would have thought he'd be such a Steel Samurai fanatic...)

...

Edgeworth: (I need neither fame nor recognition. Because as a prosecutor, I was just doing the right thing. It doesn't matter how many lies and elaborate tricks are used to cover up a crime. Because as long as I have the power of logic and my sense of justice, the truth will always come to light!)

THE END