Harry Potter and the Special Brownies
Chapter 22: The Quickie and 101 Uses of Jell-O (The End)
Author's Note: It's over! This chapter is long, so read it. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, and especially to the chapter 21 reviews. I appreciate knowing I don't suck. 154 reviews, last I checked. So to...
- WildRose04:Yep, writer's block. It sucks. And thanks for the advice. I'll have to try and find a way to work it into the sequel...
- gwen: THANKS!! Words of encouragement are great.
- catchytune: Well gosh, thanks!! And I want to hear about you getting drunk... hee hee! ^_^;;
- loverwren: Good! Oh, yay, thanks. But Ron and Hermione will get over it, I promise...
- Hestia: Oh, good, thanks. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who found the drug thing amusing...
- SoulSister: I agree that Ron and Herm are cute together! ^_^
- Haley J. The Bat: Cool and thanks for checking out my fic!!
- Pythia: NO JELL-O FOR YOU!! Okay, lol. And Ron won't really get 101 uses of jell-o from McGonagall... RON won't...
- ViEiRA: You think Herm was in character? Oh, good!! Thanks!
- Hermione-G-Weasley: Well thanks for recommending my fic to someone! It's much appreciated. And there's a bit more Hermione here, too. And thanks for tiling me specifically what you liked!! ^_^

Also, thanks to the reviewers who gave me advice/ suggestions. I will try to work more stuff into the sequel, if I can remember. I wrote this last night and said, This is not worthy of the end. So I scrapped it and rewrote the whole thing. I am actually LIKING this one. Please review, k? And if you EVER have ANYTHING you think I should put in my fic, you can always tell me. Cold things, sexy!Snape... whatever. *sniggers* Now, to end this wonderful journey...

~*~*~*~*~

So we're agreed, right?





I'm sorry, I just don't want to lie to everyone!

We already talked about this.

I know, I know, it's just -



I feel bad lying to everyone!

Then don't think of it as lying.

But it is lying.

It is not lying.

Well, it's certainly not being honest.

You're just equivocating. It's different.

It's still dishonest!

What is it with you and this whole, being honest' thing?

Of course, you're a Slytherin. You wouldn't get it.

Ouch, you hurt my feelings.

Shut up. Really, I just don't know if I can do this.

You don't have a choice. We TALKED about this, Harry. Just suck it up and act like a man... or something.

Or something?

I don't know. I just know that we talked about this and you are NOT going to go and tell all of Hogwarts about us.

I wouldn't -

You would.



Come on, Harry. Admit it. If you had the chance to tell everyone on earth, you would.



I'm right, said Draco, smirking. I'm always right.

No one is always right.

Not most people. But I am.

NO ONE, Draco.

I am Super Draco. I can do anything. And everything. And I am always right.

What is it with you and creating stupid names for yourself?

My names are NOT stupid.

Ahem. I seem to remember something about a dominatrix...





All right. So that one was... less than perfect. It seemed like a good idea at the time...

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, well. At least I don't get sex tips from my Professors...





I thought you liked the jell-o...

It was okay.

So why are you complaining?

I'm not complaining. I'm making a point.

And that point is?

That you shouldn't take pointers from Snape's sex life.

Did I tell you?

Tell me what?

About Snape and Trelawney?

... no.

I'm pretty sure that Trelawney and Snape are...

You don't say.

Mmm hmm.

He really gets around.

Yeah. You'd think he'd be happier, what with all the action he seems to be having.

Hot, jell-o action.



So we're settled, right? We're not going to tell anyone.





But I don't want to lie.

Stop being such a git.

I am not. And besides, Seamus, Dean, Neville and Ron already know...

But no one else knows.

Blaise knows. How do you know that he won't -

Blaise is NOT going to tell anyone.

But Draco, how do you know?

Just trust me.

Trust you? But I thought they put you in Slytherin for a reason...

All right, you shut up now.

Well it's true, isn't it?

THWACK!

said Harry. It's DEFINITELY true.

Oh, look, said Draco, as he and Harry approached the Great Hall. We're here.

Do we really have to lie to everyone?

Yes. Yes, we do.

But Draco -

We already talked about this.

I know, but what about -



But can't I tell -



But, Draco -



You didn't even wait to hear what I was going to say!

I don't need to. The answer is, no' Harry.

You're such an arse.

But I thought you liked my arse.

Oh, not this again! cried Harry, throwing up his arms. Fine. You wait here. I'll go into the Great Hall and you can go in in a few minutes.

Why do you get to go first?

Because. If I have to lie to my friends, I get to go in first.

You Gryffindors and all your damned fairness and equality.



Yes, Harry?

You look sexy when you pout.

I always look sexy.

Yes, but you look especially sexy when you pout.

I thought you wanted breakfast...

Breakfast can wait.

But I'm hungry.

Aww, come on Draco...

Harry. Really.



Ack! Harry, stop! We're in public!

Come on, live a little.

I'm living just fine, thanks. And - hey! Don't put your hand there! Harry!

Let's skip breakfast.

No, I told you already. I'm hungry. And don't DO that!

But you liked it last night...

Harry, anyone could come along and see us.

You didn't care last night.

That was last night. This is now. STOP THAT!



Oh, don't look at me like that.



Fine, fine. But not now. Breakfast now. Sex later.

But I want it now.

Well, I want food now. Deal with it.

Harry sniffed. Fine, Draco. Be that way. See if I ever let you play with my wand again.

Draco sighed. he said. Fine, we'll do it now.



Let's just make it quick, all right? I need to eat.



***

20 MINUTES LATER...

Hey, Ron, said Hermione, looking around the Great Hall. Where's Harry?

I already told you, Herm, he said, taking the marmalade. I have no idea.

She sighed and looked at her watch. It's awfully late.

I'll bet I know where he is, Seamus piped up, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. The last time I saw him he was -

KICK! KICK! KICK!

Seamus yelled, jumping up from the Gryffindor table, holding his leg. That hurt!

Shut up, hissed Dean, Ron, and Neville. We're not supposed to talk about that!

Seamus whimpered. You didn't have to kick me...

Stop complaining, said Dean. At least we got out of our detentions...

said Seamus, sniggering as he sat back down. Although I almost feel bad for Snape...

ALMOST being the operative word, said Dean, laughing. If you ask me, he deserved what he got.

Ron frowned. What are you all talking about?

said Dean. After you and Harry went running off we got caught -

- by Snape AND McGonagall, supplied Seamus.

said Neville.

And we got in trouble for being out of bed, said Dean.

And Snape tried to kill me, said Seamus.

Only because of the pudding thing, Neville pointed out.

Ron blinked.

So anyway, said Dean. McGonagall got mad at Snape and made him go away -

No jell-o for yooooouuuuuu, Seamus sang, gleefully.

And then she gave us detention, said Neville. But at least she got Filch to look for Trevor.

Oh, yeah, said Ron. I'd almost forgotten. So what happened to Trevor, anyway?

Neville looked perturbed. Seamus sniggered.

said Dean. As it turns out... Trevor... is actually, erm... well... Trevor is...

A GIRL! Seamus yelled. Trevor is a GIRL! Ha ha ha!

Neville sniffed. It's not funny, Seamus.

All that time and you never knew? said Hermione, looking up from her Potions textbook. How could you not know, Neville? And how did you find out?

Neville whimpered. Filch found her down at the lake...

Laying eggs, said Dean. It seems that little Trevorita gets around.

Trevor was PREGNANT? Ron exclaimed.

Neville whimpered.

Oh, come on, said Seamus, clapping him on the back. I told you I was sorry. We just never thought to use protection...

ARGH! Seamus! That isn't funny! yelled Neville.

said Ron. Even Snape is better than Neville's toad...

Hee, hee, said Seamus. I'm a proud father.

said Neville. It's not funny.

So, anyway, interrupted Hermione. How did you three get out of your detention?

Well, McGonagall just felt so bad for me and Trevor, what with the kids on the way and all...

SMACK!

Oww! Neville, you HIT me!

You deserved it!

I did NOT!

You did, said Dean. So anyway, Hermione, we got out of it because McGonagall got mad at Snape.

Apparently Snape's not a one-woman man, said Seamus. But neither am I, so I understand.

Ron frowned. Trelawney, right?

said Dean. How did you know...?

Lucky guess, Ron mumbled.

Well anyway, said Seamus. She caught him with Trelawney, got mad, and completely forgot about us. Then she remembered and, just to make Snape mad, pardoned us. No punishment, wheee!

Lucky break, said Ron. Oh, look. Here's Harry now...

Helloooooooooooooo all, said Harry gleefully, skipping over to the Gryffindor table. Wonderful morning isn't it?

said Ron.

I know that look, said Seamus. THAT is the look that you get after you have SEX!

Ginny Weasley's head whipped around. HARRY HAD SEX?!

The Great Hall was suddenly completely quiet. Harry stopped skipping and looked around at the Great Hall guiltily. he said. I didn't.

You did! Seamus exclaimed, but in a lower voice this time. I know you did! I can tell.

Harry took a seat between Ron and Hermione. Shut it, Seamus. I did not, just leave it.

said Dean, looking thoughtfully at Harry. Yep. Seamus is right. I can see it.

See what?! Harry exclaimed, looking at his robes frantically. There's nothing to see! I made sure to -

WHAT I MEANT, Dean said loudly, interrupting Harry. Was that I could see the afterglow.

said Harry, looking slightly relieved.

Hermione asked.

Don't ask, said Ron. Just don't ask.

Harry had sex?! yelled Ginny.

hissed Ron. Be quiet, Ginny!

So, Harry, said Seamus. How was it?

I'm sure I don't know what you're referring to, Seamus.

I think you know.

I'll tell you later, Harry whispered so only Seamus could hear. So anyway, he said, raising his voice again. What are you all up to?

Oh, look, Dean commented, keeping his voice neutral. There's Draco Malfoy.

said Seamus. And look at that! His robes are all askew.

I cannot believe you just said askew, said Dean. You almost sounded smart.

Well, thanks, Dean, but - wait. Hey! That was an insult!

And his hair is all disheveled, Dean commented, looking at Draco again as the boy walked over to the Slytherin table. Wonder what he was doing before he came here...

He and Harry were probably shagging.

Seamus, Dean, Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Ginny all turned to stare at Neville.

Harry... and Malfoy? squeaked Ginny.

Hermione blinked. Well, Ron, she said, pulling out a handful of coins. I guess I owe you two sickles, don't I?

exclaimed Harry. You told her?!

Ron shrugged and took the two sickles from Hermione. You would have told her anyway...

No wonder you were late to breakfast, Harry, said Seamus, winking. You bad boy, you!

Thanks a lot, Neville, hissed Harry. Now everyone knows!

said Ginny, still in shock. And... Malfoy.

said Parvati, finally deigning to say something. At least he has good taste in men.

agreed Lavender. Draco Malfoy is THE sexiest guy at Hogwarts!

A shame they're both gay, said Seamus.

said Parvati and Lavender together, sighing.

No one is supposed to knooowwww, moaned Harry.

Don't worry about it, said Seamus. Everyone was bound to find out.

I knew, said Parvati. When Harry didn't want to have sex with me back in fifth year, I knew he had to be gay.

Are you sure it wasn't just you? asked Seamus.

Parvati narrowed her eyes at him. I'm sure.

Draco's going to kill me!

Oh, no, Harry, said Seamus, sounding suddenly grave. He'll do a lot worse than that...

What do you think he'll do? whimpered Harry.

Seamus gave Harry a piteous look. No sex, he said. For a week at least.



Seamus nodded. I'm afraid so, Harry. No jell-o for you!

Harry gasped. He wouldn't!

It is Malfoy, Harry, said Dean. I'll bet he would.

Harry sniffed. But I can't live without my jell-o...

Don't worry about it, said Seamus. There's always pudding.

Yeah, I guess, said Harry, sadly. But jell-o is special...

What EXACTLY can you do with jell-o? asked Hermione.

said Dean.

I don't want to talk about it, mumbled Harry.

Who cares? said Ron, shrugging.

said Seamus. There are approximately 101 things you can do with jell-o. First, there's eating it, obviously. And second...

And so Seamus taught the other Gryffindors the true value of jell-o (You can do this multiple ways...).

Trevor was never renamed (Trevor can be a girl's name, too! insisted Neville) but she did lay and hatch her eggs.

Harry made the other Gryffindors promise not to tell anyone about him and Draco, which they agreed to do, but would always ask Harry, How's the jell-o today? when they saw him in the halls.

Ginny got over being shocked (I can't believe he's gay! Ginny exclaimed. Get over it, said Ron).

Draco refused to have sex with Harry for one week, after which time his hormones betrayed him and they enjoyed a night of wild, monkey sex (Ha, ha, ha! Dominatrix!Draco has returned! crowed Draco).

Blaise never told anyone about Harry and Draco (Don't kick me again! yelled Blaise. That hurt!).

Ron finally accepted Draco when he discovered his new broomstick at Christmas (I guess he's not so skanky, after all, said Ron).

Hermione finally answered Parvati and Lavender's question (Harry or Ron? Well, Harry's gay, so Ron, I guess, Hermione said. Plus I've always had a thing for red-heads!).

And Harry and Draco experienced all 101 uses of jell-o....

THE END
~Finis~


~*~*~*~*~

That was long, but it's the end so it really had to be. I found out that British people say, instead of so from now on it shall be known as jelly. *sniff* Anyway, it's over and I'm sad. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed!! Feel free and review this chapter, too.

It's the end. But don't be sad. Coming soon: Harry Potter and the Spiked Pumpkin Juice. Blaise hatches a plan for revenge and gets a bunch of people drunk at their graduation party (Yes, graduation!). It's the sequel. Course this fic needs a sequel...

If you want to know when it's up then you can leave me your e-mail in the review or e-mail me at [email protected] and I will tell you when it's out. Should be soon. But not too soon.

Thanks so much to all the loyal readers who have been reading since this started. Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed, cuz I love reviews!! HP&SPJ out soon. Until then...

Yours in the 101 uses of jell-o, giving Snape blow jobs, and flying toads,

~ChibiWhiteFerret (But you can call me Savannah since that's my real name...)

End Transmission: 3/15/02 (Oooh, Sean Biggerstaff's birthday! Yay!)