Ch. 21 "You Are the Smell Before the Rain"

"Happy birthday to you…"

The cake that sat directly in front of me, among the many other plates and cups on the table, was small and round with chocolate frosting, sprinkles, and two chunky candles with the numbers of a '2' and '1' placed in the center, the wicks lit with flames.

This was the part after the 'birthday song' where everyone stared at me and I was to blow out the candles with a wish in mind. From twenty years of past experience, only two of my wishes had ever come true. The wish when I was five years old for a pony was a disappointment, the wish when I was thirteen years old for my own library with the likes of Vonnegut and Roy was just as doubtful. Yet, the birthday wishes when I was nineteen and twenty of staying human and returning to my family both came true within the same six months.

So perhaps my luck would continue, and my next wish would somehow become a reality, too.

But what else was there to wish for? A happy and healthy life? Wouldn't that be pushing the life I was already grateful to have been given?

Looking at the five people around me, I realized I had everything I needed, everything that mattered, in those faces staring back at me.

My eyes drifted closed with a different person's face in mind, someone who had been there for my past three birthdays. I sucked in a lung full of oxygen, blew out the candles intently…and wished for Edward, for his happiness, wherever he was in the world following our goodbye two weeks ago.

Routinely, there was the clapping, the loud cheering (on Collin and Jake's part to make me blush) in front of the other occupants in Forks' Diner, and then the serving of the cake Ali had made for the occasion of my birthday that Thursday evening.

"So, Bells, you want a beer?"

I swiveled my head around to where Charlie sat at my left, his arm thrown over Ali's shoulders. A grin was firmly thinned on his lips.

"You're an adult now, kid. Alcohol and gambling are the few privileges that come with it," he grumbled with a shrug. "Don't kids your age usually go to a bar and get drunk when they turn twenty-one instead of agreeing to have dinner with their old man?"

A smile lit up my face as I laughed. "You know as well as I do that I've always been a bit different, dad. Plus, I want to remember tonight…and not nurse a hangover in the morning. And I have work," I realized on a bitter note.

Charlie tipped his beer towards me in agreement and then took a hearty swig. I turned my attention to Ali. "Thanks for making the cake." Not only had I been surprised when Charlie called and ordered me back to Forks to have dinner for my birthday, but I wasn't expecting the whole new half of my family to be there…along with a cake and cards.

"No problem. I wasn't about to let Collin and Jacob give you the one they made. If I hadn't known any better, I would have thought it was charcoal!"

My smile only widened at the image of my two favorite wolves in baking aprons. I turned quickly to my right to find Jacob, who shrugged innocently in response to my 'Oh, you sneaky wolf…' playful glare. He turned back to his conversation with Vanessa who was at his side. Throughout most of dinner, I found myself watching them interact; this being the second time I had seen the two together after Vanessa told me of their should-be imprint.

I was curious. Not the jealous kind of curious, but…they had a connection…and I wanted to see exactly what kind they shared.

Like Charlie's, Jacob's arm was thrown over the booth behind Vanessa, his hand occasionally patting her shoulder when something funny was said and he was caught throwing his head back, flashing that smile of his and laughing.

They just looked like…good friends, at ease with each other. It was heartwarming to see that they could remain so close despite all the past troubles mixed in with their worlds that should have been one in the same.

Throughout dinner, Jacob kept a hand on my thigh underneath the table, or in my hand, when it wasn't used to shovel food into his mouth. I reached for that hand now, holding it in the two of my own. He leaned in to kiss the side of my head, the draw to feel each other always there between us.

"Ready to go?"

The cake had been demolished and the bill paid.

I nodded eagerly. Jake was stealing me away…I was his for the night. But there was no reason to steal me. One command and I was his.

After our large group exited the diner, I said my goodbyes to Charlie, Ali, Collin, and Vanessa…all my respective family. Amidst the drive up to Port Angeles with Jake, I was stuck on the phone with Renee who I had called to thank for her gift of a new laptop…thus then led into a discussion of my three classes at Peninsula starting up next week, to my schedule changing at work, to Jacob, and finally to Renee blabbing on about some new job at a real estate company.

It was difficult—tiresome—to get my mom to shut up after she started rambling. All I could do was inset the appropriate 'uh huhs' and 'mmhms' and 'yeahs' until I was finally able to get her off the phone during the walk down the hallway to Jake's loft thirty minutes later.

Finally, cell phone and Renee free, we were at Jake's door. "I have something for you…"

"I told you not to get me a gift, Jacob." I gave him my best I-hope-you-feel-guilty pout.

The exaggeration of his eye roll dismissed my under played scold. "It's not…technically…a gift." He leaned down to peck my lips, unable to resist the urge of my pout I presumed. I relaxed into it.

I pondered over what fell into the category of 'gift' and 'not gift'. "Is it flowers? A card? Chocolate? That foot massage you still owe me?"

"You're a terrible guesser, honey," Jake chuckled, flexing his fingers in mine. "You'll see. Don't get too worked up over it. I already told you I wouldn't buy you anything…and I'm saving up all my gift privileges for Christmas," he grinned, his lips falling to my forehead before pushing the door open with his shoulder.

Three steps inside the loft and my feet were already lifted from the floor, dangling from the ground as broad arms and a steel chest met me. An "Oof!" escaped my lungs at impact.

After my greeter set me back to my feet and I sucked in a breath to expand my smothered lungs, I prepared to glower up until I felt the tight knot in my lower back had popped from the pressure of his arms. It still didn't digress getting the air knocked out of me.

"Jeeze, Embry. You just saw me yesterday. No reason to get excited." I adjusted my shirt bitterly.

He looked at me in a shocked horror. "No reason to get excited? No reason to get excited? It's your birthday, Bella! Your twenty first birthday. Wait…why aren't you drunk off your ass?" Embry eyed me up and down suspiciously, as if expecting to suddenly find a state of un-soberness within me.

"…because I have dignity?" I tried, having no other excuse.

He rolled his eyes at me just like Jake had earlier. "Right. Well…," he took my shoulders in his hands, "happy birthday, Bella. Now, if you two will excuse me…"

"Where are you going?"

"Megan's. You guys can have the place to yourselves. That's my gift to you. Have a…fun night. See ya." With that he nodded to Jake, winked at me, and retreated out the still opened door.

"He doesn't shut up about her," Jake grumbled and towed me purposely further into the kitchen.

"Likewise with Megan…I think we're good matchmakers—" My entire body froze mid-motion when I saw what was waiting in the middle of the kitchen table. Once I gathered my flustered and disbelieving thoughts, I turned to look with wide and bewildered eyes between Jake—who stood with his hands stuffed in his pockets, head bowed shyly, eyes hidden behind eyelashes—and the item sitting proudly on the polished wood.

Somehow in the next moment I jumped into Jake's embrace, my face trying to bury itself in his chest. I exploded with laughter and cries at the same time, unsure of how to react. But the grey of his shirt was becoming stained with little dots of my uncertainty. He kissed my hair.

"Too cheesy?" he whispered insecurely in regards to the 'not gift', yet there was that confidence in voice. Two contradicting feelings, similar to the way I was crying yet laughing.

"Too…" I searched for words, shaking my head. I came up blank and hugged him closer. "I don't know what to say," I settled with quietly, still laughing for whatever reason. "I love you."

"I love you too, Bells."

I tilted my head back to expose my face to him. "I can't believe you." It was a typical Jacob ploy – something that shouldn't have really awed me. I smiled as he brushed away the silly tears on my cheeks.

"I can't believe you didn't see that one coming," he chuckled, resting his forehead on mine. His voice became more serious and deep. "I hope you saved room for dessert. Well…for more dessert."

My head nodded a shy 'yes' as I stood on my tiptoes to just barely reach his jaw line to place a kiss. "Do I even have to ask if you saved room?" I laughed, placing a hand to his stomach that had more than likely already burned through the ridiculous amount of food he had just eaten and was hungry for more.

And lately, it wasn't just food Jacob was hungry for.

On cue, a grumble reverberated against my hand and Jake caught my lower lip with his. He went to pull back seconds later but I held him in the kiss longer, smoothing our tongues together in a muted gesture of gratitude.

"C'mon," he breathed against my lips when the kiss died down and the throb of our bodies flourished. Jake backed away—why weren't his hands on me, touching me?—and took my hand to lead my compliant body to the stout table.

That hunger I referred to earlier was distributed in each opportunity, each touch, over the past two weeks…that even with a simple kiss Jake found a way to make it something more. So my surprise at his backing away following an aching kiss in the private sector of his loft was…surprising, for lack of a better term. He could have taken me right there.

I blinked in confusion.

Jake sat in one of the four chairs and settled me into his lap with an arm secured around my waist. The seriousness of his actions settled me down. His free hand reached for the plate at the center of the table, pulling the item closer to our end and beneath our noses.

Two forks and a perfectly cut triangle of banana cream pie stared back at me.

"You got your banana cream pie. Happy Birthday, Bells," he whispered tenderly with rich compassion against the skin of my ear, his hold on me tightening. I knew he wasn't referring to physically 'getting' the food sitting in front of me, but to obtaining the concept of it; him…and that I had gotten him—something I needed and wanted—despite trial and error.

Because it was, after all, just some silly metaphor of comparison.

I leaned heavily back into Jake's chest as he kissed up my neck and cheek. I fell away to memory with glossy eyes, unresponsive to his touch. The memory (or lack thereof) served more from reading the one letter months ago on Jake's couch reminding me of such analogy than the actual flashback to memory of that night over a year ago (because most of that time period was blocked).

It was in Idaho. It was nighttime. The fluorescent lights of the diner were giving me a headache. My heart hurt. And the coworker—whose name now escaped me—was chomping at the bit for a certain piece of pie. That much I remember. Or were those all just made up facts and images associated with written words on a letter?

I didn't think about it for too much longer as my name falling from Jake's lips stirred me. I shifted to throw my arms around his neck awkwardly. My abrupt action startled him.

"Thank you for giving me a second chance," I murmured in desperation.

Jake pulled back to search my eyes, unaware of how highly I cherished his previous words. His thumb stroked my cheek, his eyes softening. "Where did this come from?" he asked to my declaration and the new tears in my eyes.

"Does it have to come from somewhere? I'm just…grateful, okay?"

His eyes were so scorching and inquisitive. "Okay. Sure, sure. You're welcome. I love you. Always." He let it go. The rough edges of his thumbs tried to chase away my tears. "Don't tear up on me now, Bells. I want this night to be special for you," he teased, trying to steer the conversation off of something so heavily weighted…something in which I was sinking.

"Sorry, sorry," I grumbled a laugh, brushing away the tears. "I'm just being silly." But really I was just being honest. How did I come to deserve him?

His smirk reassured me that he didn't mind…and possibly never would. Silently we began to eat, sharing the piece of food that held so much meaning of what I wanted.

"So…since my food of choice for you is banana cream pie, what's your food of choice for me?" I inquired on a lighter note, beckoning my mind from other darker places.

Jake mulled that one over, chewing at the piece of pie in his mouth. I leaned in to kiss away the stray whipped cream at the corner of his lips.

"Honeysuckle."

I cocked an eyebrow. "That hardly counts as food."

"It's what you smell like," he clarified, resting his face at the crook of my neck and nudging at my skin with his nose to take deep inhales.

"Well…you don't smell like banana cream pie," I giggled.

"No?"

"Nope. More like evergreen and pine tree. Like the smell before the rain."

"Huh. That's fitting."

"Mmmmhm."

The piece of pie was finished within a matter of bites.

Immediately after the plate was pushed aside, we found ourselves in a common position that had snuck up on us as of two and a half weeks ago, when it became too difficult to fight off intimacy after experiencing it whole. Somehow Jake managed to sit me straddled over his lap in the chair, his strong hands balancing me against him. Our lips and tongues were in a heated fiery kiss of passion as my hips were continuously rolling against his, trying to center myself over his need. All the built up tension between us in the past few hours was finally finding its resolve.

"Bells, baby, I need to be inside of you. I need to feel you," Jake groaned against my lips, his hands at my hips squeezing with the urgency of his words.

I whimpered my own need of approval. The idea of feeling him inside of me created eager butterflies in the tightness of my abdomen, and all I could do was rub myself against his strained erection to somehow soothe the ache between my thighs.

"Take me…" I breathed heavily into his ear, "right now."

Ever since that first night, we had only slept together twice more in the following weeks. Real life, outside of Jake's bedroom, couldn't be offset for any longer than a few more sleepy hours after the air was cleared between us. The problem of work was ever-present on that foggy yet blissful Saturday morning. Jake coaxed me into calling in sick—which I couldn't refute to since I hadn't gotten any sleep that night and never could have made it through the day standing. (That…and the lower half of me was sore with that good kind of ache.)

Jake wasn't so lucky. Work wasn't an issue for him, as he already planned to take the day off in advance…to meet with his pack. The deal between him and the council of withholding any further ceasing of phasing within the pack until the end of the year was a set in stone agreement he made as Alpha without the pack's acknowledgement. He planned to tell them all that day, they'd then meet with the entire council and elder's council (apparently there were two) and hash any other resentment among their tribe's most important forefront. He promised he'd be back by four p.m. sharp…and ordered me to stay in his bed. Something I easily agreed to.

Every single part of me wanted to beg for him to stay with me and reschedule things with the pack for the sake of having him hold me. But, as previously discussed hours before his departure, Jacob had reminded me of one thing; that I had to share him with his brothers. And that was irreversible.

By the time Jake had gotten back, I had fallen asleep waiting up for him. Mentally and physically I was drained. We slept into Sunday morning, and though Jake woke antsy and I woke too sensitive and sore…we realized there was simply no rush. We had an entire future laid out.

Shockingly, it wasn't until the following Monday night—after Jake and I agreed to go back to our plan of focusing on each other solely on the weekends despite our new desire—that I realized one thing. That one thing scolded me in the sound of Renee's voice in the back of my mind rabidly. Protection. Always use protection, sweetie. No matter what the rush. I'm too young to be a grandma!

Where had this voice been two nights ago? Nowhere, that's where.

I woke up the next morning with a taunting dream of kids and a mother with no education, a mother who couldn't provide. In the short amount of time following this, I freaked out to Megan, the only present womanly figure in my life, and cried my fears over the phone to Jacob.

Wednesday morning I awoke to cramps and a wetness between my legs.

That lesson was learned the hard way. So the last time we had found ourselves in this same position, five days ago, Jake was sure to have a heap of condoms within reach. But god, nothing compared to feeling him inside of me with no barriers…

My mind went blank the moment my back met the cushions of the couch and Jacob's hands practically ripped off my jeans—although I didn't hear a rip above the pounding in my ears so I was sure he took generous care to remove them without any damage in his haste. I opened my legs to him, the shyness and the modesty towards my nudity having dispersed over time. He kneeled over me, still fully clothed, and caught my gaze with his lust filled, focused, knee-buckling, smoldering eyes. Holding my gaze, he shoved my panties aside and plunged two fingers deep within my slick entrance, his fingers curling up against my walls as he pumped me.

I threw my head back, panting and moaning the moment his thumb found my hard clit. I lifted my hips to meet his thrusts with grinds of my own. I felt his lips at my neck, a slight growl finding its way from his throat.

"Fuck, Bella…I can't believe how wet you already are for me," he growled at my ear, grazing his teeth over the skin. A shiver ran up my spine from his words. My nails dug into his shoulders, having to hold onto something as my climax built.

Just as I was nearing my orgasm, Jake's hand left me…along with the possessive stance of his body towering over mine, leaving me exposed and aching for more.

"J-Jacob…no…I'm…so close…" I whimpered, opening my eyes to find his pants off and his dick freed. He pulled out a condom and rolled it on his shaft.

"Take those off," he commanded sharply in a rasp with a nod to my underwear.

My insides quivered at his order and I quickly did as I was told, tossing them off the side of the couch carelessly. Neither of us wasted time removing our shirts. He was back above me seconds later, settling between my parted knees with his dick rubbing along my slit. He pushed into me in one quick movement, causing me to gasp and throw my legs around his waist.

He kept his movements controlled; reining in his animalistic side that he once told me fought to take over. Yet the pace for me was faster than anything we had experienced together. I clung to his neck, scratching at the bare skin with my nails as he pounded into me.

The way I was filled so completely coupled with Jake's Alpha influenced, dictating voice in my ear urging me to come for him brought me to the edge. I only lasted a few more deep strokes before I sighed his name in my climax, clenching around him and trembling.

He continued to thrust into me, bringing himself along. "I love you, honey. God, you-ugh-feel so good…" With that he groaned into my neck, his teeth finding my skin as his own orgasm hit.

We remained in that position for the following few minutes, riding out the waves of pleasure and catching our breath. Jake moved first to sit back. He kissed my lips slowly, sighing into my mouth.

"You're so goddamn addictive," he grinned, causing me to blush. He slid off of the couch, discarding the condom and pulling on his boxers. He offered me my underwear with a crooked and clearly satiated smile before he tossed off his shirt.

A line of sweat had built on both of our bodies. I was so flushed.

I pulled on the article of clothing, feeling no need to cover myself up any further. I rested back on the couch, throwing my arms above my head as I watched Jake sit down at my feet.

The atmosphere wilted under a sudden tension.

Something in Jake's eyes changed, like an on and off switch of emotion. He looked at me sadly before moving to rebury his face in my neck, his hands at my hips. "Christ, Bella…"

His tone hit me like a slap in the face. Why does he sound so broken?

I nudged him with an elbow, trying to push him off of me so I could see his face. He sat up and I followed, taking his hand. "Jake? What…what's wrong?"

He sucked his lower lip into his mouth, not meeting my questioning eyes. The tightened look on his face crushed my heart, and I found myself wondering what I did to make him look so crumpled after we had just made love.

Finally he turned to face me, his mouth splitting into a grim line. "I spent two of your birthdays thinking you were dead, Bella," he reminded me harshly. "Fuck," he whispered, burying his face in his hands.

My heart sank.

I was still staring at him with wide eyes and parted lips when he spoke next. "This…this all just feels so goddamn unreal, you know? Having you here with me, as mine…when for two long years I thought I had lost you. Can you understand how I'm feeling right now?"

A part of me wanted to snap at him, remind him that he wasn't the only one grieving for those two years. But I could understand what he was saying, about the surrealism…and I knew he wasn't telling me this for an already issued apology, or an explanation, or a comforting hand…but for reassurance.

I crawled closer, kneeling beside him and forcing his hands away from concealing his face.

I found his eyes, locking them in a hold the way he so routinely does to mine. I took one of his hands, holding it to cup my cheek in an effort for him to feel me. "Hey. I'm here now…with you. So…let's just focus on that, okay? This is all that matters. I'm here. We can't keep dwelling on the past."

Jake had practically said those words himself the night we had our first argument, further spurring my reaction of letting go of Edward and the Cullens to result in putting that part of my life behind me. Behind us.

Something so grave would only continue to beat us down if we let it.

My assurances didn't seem to sway him. The pain was still there, written in his eyes.

"Can you just be kissing me right now?" I whispered helplessly and resumed my position in his lap, taking his face in my hands and showing him my need for his touch.

Jake's delayed response was that of my request after his submission. Neither of us moved to initiate the soft and tranquil kiss into something rougher. We just kissed; our tongues and lips never growing tired.

Through his lips, I felt Jacob become more relaxed and grounded. And when his hands finally sought for me, I broke away for air and rested my forehead on his.

And idea was developing in my mind. I nudged his nose with mine. "Where are the letters?"

His hands were at my thighs, transfixed by caressing the bare and pale skin with his thick fingers. "Hmmm?"

"My letters," I repeated. "Where are they?"

"In my room—" he caught my wrist as I stood from the couch. "Wait, why?"

"I think we should get rid of them."

"What?"

"We should get rid of them. Throw them away, burn them. I don't care. But," I shifted apprehensively on my feet, "I want to put all of this behind us, Jacob. And move on. We deserve to." I bit my lower lip. "You know…out with the old, in with the new?"

Jacob continued to stare at me.

"I mean, that's why I said goodbye to Edward—" Jake flinched, "—and the Cullens. I thought that was what you wanted from me…for us…" I lowered my gaze to the ground at my rambles, feeling small in my decision under his scrutinizing eyes.

He stood immediately, his warm hands gripping on my shoulders. "You really want to get rid of them?"

"Why keep them around?" They were just another reminder, adding substance to what we were trying to run away from.

With a nudge to my chin by his thumb, I found Jake's soft smile which curved upwards to his eyes. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes. Okay," he chuckled gently in understanding, kissing my chin then lips. "Be right back, honey. Stay here."

Jake turned and jogged up the stairs. My eyes followed his silhouette until it disappeared along with the lights. Why did the subject of the letters always leave me so nervous? To the butterflies flapping like sparrows in my stomach, I shook my hands out at my sides and let out a breath of air to unwind.

With the emptiness surrounding me, I began to wonder if it would even make a significant difference if the letters, like everything else, were let go of…and in this case, destroyed. The answer came quickly; no. Shoving them inside in a trash bin wouldn't make us forget a two year devastation, but the act of mentally letting go of them might help with the whole 'one foot in front of the other' thing.

Yet, of course, the memories would always be there. And as tonight proved, with both mine and Jacob's heartaches, those memories were still present in our thoughts.

Seconds strolled on like hovering minutes until Jake was back at my side, lacing our fingers together and guiding me further into the wide living room. He stopped us in front of the fire place and pushed aside the barrier to the pit filled with logs of wood. With a flick of a switch, a fire was ignited and crackled to life.

Burning them, it is.

I looked to Jake who handed me one of the eleven letters tucked under of his arms. I could feel his eyes on my face, watching my expression and reaction closely. My attention was elsewhere. I flipped over the envelope and traced my finger along the penmanship of Jake's written full name, my eyes following the path. My heart questioned what was written inside this single letter, what mysteries of my mind lay within.

There was a moment of contemplation tainted with curiosity within me. Should I read the letters one last time? Would it help stabilize me? Or were some things meant to be left behind on paper? I studied the envelope once more, allowing whatever memories to rush back at me without divulging into something that I had meant to leave forgotten.

One by one the letters were dropped by mastery of my hand and into the flames to burn, emitting a strong odor of burnt parchment.

"There…" I whispered in a sigh when the final one had been consumed.

Jacob gave me his most proud smile and held me close, lending me his support. From his chest, I kept my eyes focused on the eleven solitary cackles in the fire to make sure one hadn't escaped. What I felt wasn't regret…but peace of mind, and maybe even a touch of satisfaction.

When my body slumped tiredly, Jake led us to the one couch directly in front of fire and lowered himself to the ground, using the furniture to the lean back on. I followed his hint and sat between his legs to rest my back on his bare chest. Both of his hands came up to stroke my legs and pull me closer. Patterns by the artistry of his fingertips were being woven along my thighs.

We both let out content hums.

My head lolled back to rest on his shoulder as my eyes closed. I stretched my legs out—which still weren't nearly as long as Jake's, even in his position—so that my toes could meet the heat of the fire. The warmth hugged at me from all angles, reminding me why I coveted for it so much in the first place. It filled me; worked its way through my pores and inside of me, much in the way Jacob does.

"Sorry for freaking out earlier," Jake mumbled above the hiss of the fire and into the side of my head.

"I had my own freak out, too," I reminded him quietly in recollection of where and what my mind wandered off to after being served the banana cream pie.

His laughter blew at the strands of hair at my neck. "What a pair we make."

A nod of my head displayed my agreement. How was it that all of our faults and personable traits leveled out, and that, for whatever reason, we were quite the pair?

'Perfect' wasn't in my vocabulary, but together, we were just…ideal. Especially during moments like these.

"Jacob?"

"Yeah?"

"You're the best friend I've ever had."

Both of his arms wrapped around my torso, snaking me even closer into the puzzle-piece envelop of his body. "You are too, honey."

"And Jake?"

"Hmm?" His breathed sigh at my neck created a wake of chills.

I lifted one of his hands to my lips, the bumps of his calloused knuckles each receiving the lightest brush of a kiss.

"No more living in the past, okay?"

.

December 24th

.

"Yours looks like…" I tilted my head in consideration, "…a snow hulk. You should not be allowed to make snow angels if they turn out looking like huge blobs. It's melting too, you big space heater."

Two images, which I was now standing to inspect, were compacted onto the late winter's snowfall covering the front lawn. One was of a perfect and small snow angel—mine of course—and the other, a tall and large blob whose wings had melted into the legs so that the 'snow angel' appeared with rounded sides, a straight line for the legs, and a shape of a head poking out on top, belonged to Jake.

There was a loud rumbling coming from Jacob…who was laughing, at my joke. I grinned cheekily, feeling triumphant over getting him to chuckle at me like that.

"Really, Bells? It can't be that bad."

"It's giant! No snow angel should look that scary."

"Sure, sure. My bad, honey."

"It's okay. But I think you outgrew the stage of making snow angels when you turned into a werewolf. Now, warm me up," I requested with open arms to welcome his embrace.

With no further prodding, Jake—still chuckling—stepped forward and drew me into his chest, his hands and arms rubbing at my back for friction. My shivers disappeared into a sigh. Snowflakes continued to fall slowly.

"Your nose is pink," he observed.

"That's because I'm cold, silly. I just sat in a pile of snow in thirty degree weather."

"It's cute," Jake murmured with a smile, gently nudging the tip of his own nose against mine to chase away the freeze. His lips helped with the effort.

Slyly, I snuck my cold and numb fingers up the back of Jake's shirt to seek relief. His skin twitched at the shock.

"Let's get you inside, freezy, before I'm forced to get you naked and de-thaw you…"

Stubbornly, I pursed my lips together so that the fighting, mischievous smirk and giggle would remain hidden. The gleam in Jake's eyes told me he saw it…or at least knew what I was thinking. I snatched his hand and dragged him indoors to shut him up.

Inside smelt like peppermint, warmth, and braised turkey.

"Maybe I wouldn't need de-thawing if you hadn't tackled me into the snow when I came outside to greet you," I muttered as I shrugged out of my wet jacket and scarf, stuffing them both in Charlie's hallway closet along with my boots. The late winter's snowfall had been nonstop over the past few days.

"Awe c'mon, Bells. It's just a little snow, honey."

"Sure, sure. Maybe for you. Do you want some hot chocolate? I'm freezing." My shivers returned the moment I entered the kitchen to start boiling water.

I felt Jake's heat at my back before his arms were around my waist. "I already told you I'd warm you up…"

"Renee and Phil are upstairs unpacking, Jake. And Charlie's around here somewhere."

He sighed, letting go of his hold but staying at my side. "How come you never told me about Charlie and Ali?"

"That's because I didn't know about it."

I was equally as stunned as everyone else.

The whole pack and the few families in on the secret had gathered earlier at Ali's house that evening for a Christmas Eve dinner before we all went our separate ways for the holiday.

Midway through the feast when the rush to eat had died down, a slightly buzzed Charlie stood from his chair with his drink in hand. "Ali and I have some news we'd like to share with you all."

Vanessa and I shared a look of confusion. Charlie hadn't mentioned anything to me about 'news'.

"We've planned our wedding for next summer. June 17th! The date is set!" Ali erupted boisterously, jumping out of her seat.

The shocked silence was followed by cheering and the typical congratulations.

A toast was then made.

"To family," Charlie raised his cup, his eyes set in my direction. "Merry Christmas."

"So… A summer wedding, dad? I'm happy for you."

"Yep, it's what Ali wants. Looks like you and me both are getting our happy endings, kid."

On a later note he added: "It's great to have you back."

Things were falling into place all around us.

Enough time had passed for resentment to unfold, and at some point within the last three months of that time, I was accepted into the pack. Whether that acceptance be from Jacob's command or their own welcoming arms, I wasn't sure. But it was a gradual process that took time to finally surrender.

There was no more awkwardness, rude stares, or uncomfortable tensions. Minus an apology, Paul had never said much else to me in regards to the comment he made about my danger magnet attraction. I had originally hoped that by saying goodbye to Edward would prove to the pack that the Cullens wouldn't be coming around on my behalf in the future and it would then sedate his worries, as well as anyone else's.

My loyalty seemed to have worked, because I've never felt so at home.

"When did Renee and Phil get in?" Jake's question sucked me from my thoughts.

"Umm...about an hour ago." Charlie and I had left the dinner at Ali's early to head up to the Port Angeles airport. I had every intention of seeing my mother for Christmas; it wouldn't have felt complete without her. And although I promised to come visit her, the holiday also wouldn't have felt complete without Jake or Charlie.

A settlement was agreed upon for her and Phil to visit the snowy Pacific Northwest for five days.

"Head on into the living room…I'll be there in a few minutes." I stood on my tiptoes to place a kiss to his cheek.

Balancing two mugs filled to the brim with hot coco and mini-marshmallows five minutes later, I padded my way into the family room at a snail's pace to not burn my skin from the overflowing liquid. Jacob was sitting on the floor by the lit Christmas tree Charlie and I had assembled earlier in the week, a small gift in his hands.

Because we'd both be so busy with our families Christmas day, we'd exchange our gifts tonight. The gift I had for Jacob made me a bit queasy. I was petrified over his reaction. Or paranoid. I couldn't tell. Either he'd like it…or pretend to like it.

I sat in front of him, both our legs crossed so that our knees were touching. I set the mugs aside. "You go first." My courage was shot.

"Alright. The first present I can't give you right now. I'll have it paid for; we just have to plan it out," Jake explained.

"'Kay. What is it?"

"A trip."

"A trip?"

His head nodded. "We can go away together, take a vacation. Be with each other. No distractions."

"Where?"

"Where ever you want."

Any where I want? Where didn't I want to go? "How about…someplace warm?" Warm is always good…

"Okay," his lips twitched into a smile. "Someplace warm. Check."

"And someplace with good food. We'll have to keep you fed."

"Good food. Check."

"Somewhere with a beach, too."

"Warmth, good food, a beach…I think we have our answer."

"Hawaii?"

"Hawaii."

A noise resembling a squeal broke from me. I threw my arms around Jake, bringing his mouth to mine, the smile never breaking from my face.

"We're going to Hawaii?" I repeated, completely dismayed.

"If that's where you want to go."

"Yes! When?" I squeaked. God, I sounded like such a kid.

"Whenever we want, honey," he chuckled. "We'll make plans later, okay?" The small gift in his hands was transferred to mine. "And here…I made this for you awhile back. I added something new to it recently. Merry Christmas."

I quirked an eyebrow, peeled away the snowman wrapping paper—Sue must have helped him with that—and clicked open the box. The Christmas lights from the tree reflected off of the metal laid within. My eyes took in the bracelet, following the winding chain until I noticed the two wooden carvings of a wolf and a heart dangling at each end.

To observe the two crafts more carefully, I lifted the item with a finger in front of my eyes. "You…made this, Jacob?"

He nodded. I didn't see it because my eyes were set on the piece of jewelry. The question was kind of silly, because he had just told me he, himself, had made it.

My breath hitched at the russet coloring. "It's perfect. It's beautiful. Put it on me." I extended my left wrist and watched him lock it onto place.

"Okay. I want my gift now, Bells."

I caught his face in my hands and kissed him sweetly first. "Thank you for both those gifts, Jake. You're too good to me."

"You're welcome."

I fumbled with the envelope I plucked from under the tree. "Here," I breathed anxiously.

"Another letter?"

"No. Just…read what's inside."

He did. And for fifty three seconds he did nothing but scan the sheet of paper over and over. I had to set my drink down because my hands were trembling with rotten anticipation.

"Bella…" Jake looked at me with such drastic shock, the smile on his face having fallen along with my stomach to ground. I was so sickly nervous over his reaction. He whispered out the next words, "…how did you pay for this, honey?"

Of course he would ask that question first. "Right, well, um, you see…ever since that day we went down to paint your house and you told me Billy was selling it now that he lives with Sue, I started wishing there was some way you guys didn't have to get rid of it because I know how important it is to you. But, of course, it's not like I could buy it… I didn't have the money," I swallowed back the cotton mouth, using the pause to allow myself time to figure out how to phrase these next words.

"So, um, these past few months I've been thinking about it a lot, wishing there was something I could do since it was still on the market. And then one day three weeks ago the exact amount of money to pay off the house was transferred into my bank account…and-and I knew it was from the Cullens because Alice told me awhile back that they would pay for 'it', and I didn't know what 'it' was until now and…and…" I choked back the rest of my rambles.

"I never could have accepted their money. That must be why Alice transferred it into my bank account…so I couldn't get rid of it and I would be forced to buy the house because I would never spend the money on anything else. And I know that they're your enemies and you hate them and you can maybe never accept this…but…but you can sign the house in your name and do whatever you want with it. You could sell it if you still want to…or use the money for something else…like to rebuild that old church out there, or all the other old buildings out on the reservation…or for Billy's medical care…"

I watched Jake's face in silence as he processed the information. His eyes remained focused on the piece of paper in his hands.

"…do you hate it? I'm sorry if you do…"

"No, no of course not, Bells. It means a lot…that you wanted to do this for me." The crooked smile on his face returned, voicing his silent elatedness. His next move helped calm the second guessing voice in my head. He pulled me into his lap, cupped my face, and kissed my lips, cheeks, chin, nose, forehead…

"Bells…you amazing, beautiful, brilliant woman…I love you so goddamn much," he mumbled when realization of my actions hit him. He fell onto his back, bringing me with him.

I giggled as he continued to kiss my face. "So you like it?"

"I love it, baby. That place is my home, it's the only part of my mom I have left. God…I'm gonna rebuild it, refurnish it, re…everything it! I'll have so much time to work on it… Then you and me can live there, have our own family…"

"What do you mean you'll have a lot of time to work on it?" For some reason that was the part of the conversation I found myself taken back by instead of his implied 'family'.

Jacob sat up, keeping me in his arms as a more serious look fell over his face. "Well…I've been thinking about some things for awhile now, Bells. And…I've decided to give up phasing at the end of the year with Jared, Leah, and Paul. Embry's gonna take over for me. This just seems like…the perfect time to, you know?"

"Are you sure?"

"A hundred percent. It's my turn to let go of something for us."

I kissed his lips to show my own support of his decision.

It seemed good—healthy for us, even—to let go of the supernatural world, too.

"Rebuilding the house will be a good distraction. Sam says the first year is hard on our bodies physically. Usually it takes 'bout two years until the urge is gone. And once that's gone, so is the wolf."

"That's great, Jake. I'm happy for you," I whispered honestly.

"Hey you two," Renee poked her head into the living room. "We're gonna pop in a Christmas movie here before Phil passes out from jetlag. You want to stick around for two hours of Jim Carrey dressed as the Grinch, Jake?"

"Sure, sure," he chuckled. "I can stay a bit longer. My dad and Sue won't mind."

Renee beamed and turned back into the kitchen. Charlie and Phil sauntered towards the couch.

"I can't wait," Jake whispered as he turned his attention back to me. The love in his eyes was so kind and warming, and I was unable to resist running my hand through his hair and stroking my fingers across his cheek.

"For what?"

"Life. With you."

Life.

After losing hope for so long, I felt invincible.

A/N: There are a lot of reasons as to why I chose to write in certain parts of this story, i.e. Jake's addiction, Vanessa/Jake imprint scenario, the letters, etc. Yes, they structured the plot, but they also have more meaning than the simplicity of the problem. If anyone is baffled as to why I chose those things to incorporate into the story, than I can answer your questions or even post maybe another longer author's note with anything that might be unclear? A lot of the story has underlying themes, too, that some of you picked up on in reviews; insecurity, forgiveness, family, acceptance, all things that are dealt with in real life. This story wasn't about supernatural elements and those effects on Bella and Jacob, but more about their own problems as humans.

I'm really, truly, grateful to my readers and reviewers. I feel like I've gotten to know a lot of you personally and that is just amazing (: So thank you guys so much for sticking with me on this wild ride!

I don't think I'll be able to quite give up writing Jacob and Bella. I have some plans for oneshots and drabbles, but never anything as long as this. So…if you'd at all be interested in reading anymore of my work, than put me on author alert 'cause I promise some more J/B fluff/angst/love and who knows what else in the future! :P

No epilogue will be included in this story ******

-Mae