Disclaimer: iCarly isn't owned by me, and frankly, it's probably for the best. I don't think they'd air my show :/

"I'm Sam-"

"-And she loves ham!"

"And this is iCarly!" We say in unison, gesturing widely.

I've only been back a few days, but it feels like I never left. I'm grateful for that... I don't think I could take it if things were different, if Spencer or Carly looked at me differently. And Freddie? Well, I don't want that boy looking at me at all. At first he was all apologetic, and I know it's partly because Carly had a little word with him, or rather, a lot of little angry words, and I'd defend him if it wasn't so fun to see him trampled. He really didn't have anything to do with it. I made my own decisions, and they sucked. But that'd be too easy, just letting him off the hook. He'd be suspicious, and the boy flinches enough around me already. So a twisted arm and some rug-burn later and Freddie was back to treating me like he always did.

It was actually Freddie who got me and Carls to do iCarly again. He said that now everything was better and 'back to normal' that we should start doing it again. I think he just missed his tech toys; they're the closest things to friends he has. iCarly has always been a coping mechanism for us, whenever any of us would have a problem, it was always the show that helped us get through that. I've missed it so much, just being able to be an idiot with Carly; it makes me remember why we do it, why we keep doing it. Not for the fans, not for the money, but because it's fun, because it makes us happy.

"So... you're probably wondering where we've been. Well, Sam here-"

"That's me!" I interject.

"Sam fell down a well."

"I thought I smelled chicken." I shrug.

Carly moves closer to the camera. "Don't worry, she's fine. Just a little..." She twirls her finger around in a 'crazy' motion.

Freddie turns the camera to face him. "Actually she was like that before."

Carly stands in front of me, holding me back. "Anyway, ow! Sam!"

I cease struggling. "Sorry."

"Anyway, we missed her. So... welcome back Sam!"

People flood into the room, music starting and a rainbow of streamers and balloons sailing down. I laugh, stumbling back as Carly basically tackles me in a hug. "Carls, did you plan this?"

She grins at me. "Maaaaaybe."

Freddie switches the camera off, ending the webcast and coming over to us. "Hey, I helped too!"

Spencer stumbles into view, out of breath, a couple of kids complaining loudly from where he shoved his way through. "Me too! I helped. Whew!" He swipes a hand across his forehead, frowning. "We have a lot of stairs." He turns to Carly, holding up a fist. "Fistbump!"

She smiles tightly. "Uh, still mad at you!"

Spencer turns to me. "Fistbump!"

I bump his fist, wiping away a mock tear. "Aw, you guys!" I'm honestly touched. And I know it was Carly who planned this; it's so organised, for one thing. "Now where's the food?"

"Hey Sam!"

"Gibb-ay!" I throw my hands out and pat the spot beside me. "What's up Gibb?"

He smiles proudly. "I made you a cake!"

I grin, my smile fading as I look at it. "Uh... Gibby? There's a picture of your face on it."

He nods enthusiastically. "I know, right?"

"I don't wanna eat your face!" I say, pausing. "I'll have some of your shoulder though." I reach out to scoop some cake up, a hand grabbing my other wrist. My gaze follows the hand to it's owner; Carly.

"Sam, c'mere. I wanna show you something." I look wistfully at the cake as Carly tugs me away. It just wasn't meant to be.

She pulls me into her room, locking the door behind us. It's quiet, only the muffled sound of the music filtering through. It's also dark, only Carly's lamps on. I turn to Carly, confused. "What's going on?"

Carly smiles, leaning against the door. "I have another surprise for you."

"Really?" I look around, excited. "What is it? Is it ham? It's a ham, isn't it?" I fight to stop myself bouncing up and down.

Carly shakes her head, laughing. "Wow. You're really not perceptive, are you?" She approaches me, her fingers creeping around my waist, and I start to get it.

"So it's not ham?" I tease as Carly tilts her head towards me.

"Nope." She says softly before our lips meet. The kiss starts gentle, Carly's lips barely caressing mine, just brushing against them lightly. Her hands tighten their grip around my waist, pulling me into her, and I break the kiss as it starts to get more intense.

"What about...well, everyone? What if someone comes looking for us?"

Carly kisses me softly. "No one's gonna come looking for us." She kisses me again. "Trust me."

She takes my wrist, bringing it to her lips and gently kissing over the tattooed letters, tracing the outline of her own name. I swallow hard. I've only been back a few days, but when I was gone, it felt like forever without her. All I wanted to do was have her in my arms again. I wanted to kiss her, and touch her, and do all the things my body and my mind were begging me to do. But I couldn't, even now. Spencer knew about us now, and while he seemed to be fine with it, almost... happy even, he still wasn't dumb enough to leave us alone together. The problem was, there were still times that I was alone with her, and they were spent desperately kissing her, my hands fumbling over Carly's clothes in the brief time we had. It wasn't enough though. Those times only served to torture me more, and I knew Carly felt it too. Knew when she pushed against me during those times, her breath hot on my neck, hands sliding along the skin of my back. It was like this huge pressure just building and building without release. It was like before we together, when she didn't know how I felt; every touch meant more than what it was. It was worse now though, because I knew exactly how good touching her could be.

Carly leads me to the bed, her hand entwined with mine. She's achingly beautiful in the muted light, and I can feel my heart pounding so hard in my chest I'm sure it'll overload and kill me. I could die this way, die from happiness. Her fingers trace over my face, her lips following as she pushes me back onto the bed, climbing on top of me. She pulls away for a moment, her eyes tracing over my face. "I love you so much Sam. You know that, right?"

There's this sharp thing in the back of my throat, like a sliver of broken glass, and I try to swallow past it. Hearing her say that, hearing her whisper it to me, her eyes steady on mine... I'll never get tired of hearing it, and I never want her to stop saying it. "I love you too Cupcake." I manage to choke out. And then her hands are fumbling at my clothes, lifting my shirt over my head, her breath rushed. She's trying, with difficulty, to take it slow, trying to show me how much she cares, but it's not necessary. I want this as much as her, and I unbutton her blouse with clumsy fingers, pulling the material away. I try to sit up, to reverse our positions, but she pushes me back down.

"Uh uh. This is your welcome back present." She grins.

"Then let me unwrap you." I try to sit up again, with the same result.

Carly's hand brushes between my legs, rubbing against the material of my pants. "Do you really wanna argue about this Sam?"

I swallow hard, my hips pushing against her involuntarily. "N-no."

Carly's hand fumble with the catch to my pants, tugging them off, shimmying out of her own pants awkwardly in the process, and then her hand is skimming over the top of my boyshorts, a finger running underneath the waistband along my skin. I feel my body stiffen, my breath catching. I thought I was over this... thought I was past this anxiety, and it's not as bad, it really isn't. But what happened with Steve... it's never gonna go away. It's not something you forget, and my body's had it engrained into it. That one, shining, perfect time with Carly helped immensely, but it's obvious I'm still not past it. It's not something you can get past that easily. And it frustrates me so much. I want her so much, want her to touch me, make me feel those things I felt last time, and it frustrates me that my stupid body is still holding back, still tensing me up. Carly kisses me lightly and I respond, trying to relax my muscles. Stupid fucking body. I feel like it's betrayed me.

"Are you okay?"

I nod, letting out a shaky breath. "I'm sorry, I can't help it. I want you to, I really do."

She kisses me again, softly. "Don't say you're sorry. It's not your fault. I shouldn't have rushed so much... I'll take it slow, okay?"

I feel such a strong pang of love for her it almost chokes me. But I wish she didn't have to say those things, wish my body didn't act this way. No. I can't think like that. It's not my fault. Better it happen this way than not at all.

Carly captures me in a deep kiss, her tongue tracing over my lips to caress my own tongue, and I moan throatily, feeling a sharp tug between my legs. Her hand moves over my bra, finding the hardened nipple, her thumb flicking over it and making me jerk. I feel my body start to tighten in a different way, aching for her. Carly feels me start to respond, the muscles in my thighs flexing as she teases my nipples, pleasure and lust coursing through me, agonisingly teasing. Carly's lips trace over my jawline, moving down over my pulse point and nibbling at my neck.

I'm feeling giddy, my hormones in overdrive, and the fact that there's two dozen people out there, and only a pretty flimsy door between us and them only adds to my excitement. I've always gotten a kick out of being bad. I buck up against Carly as she tweaks my nipples, her teeth grazing over my collarbone. "Unh, God... Carls..." I'm almost begging her. Screw my body, I don't care if it's not quite ready, I don't care if it's a little scared, I want her so much it's unbearable. I feel like I'm almost bursting out of my skin for want of her. Mind over matter, that's what they say, right?

Carly's breath hitches at my moan, and she moves back to my lips, capturing me in a heated kiss. I feel her hand skate over my stomach, moving down, and it makes me shiver, goosebumps raising on my skin. Her hand stops just under the waistband of my boyshorts, Carly pulling back for a moment to look at me, dropping a soft kiss on my cheek. She seems satisfied with what she sees, but I know she'd stop in a heartbeat if she thought I wasn't ready. It only makes me that much more wet for her, and every second I have to wait is agony. She seems to sense this, kissing me again, her hand slipping down further to touch me directly. Her fingers stroke over my clit, and I swear I almost come right then, just to feel her touching me, just to feel her lips against my neck, just to feel her body pressed against mine. I bite my lip to keep from crying out, my teeth digging into the soft flesh. As it is, I let out a muffled whimper, pushing against her, trying desperately to get more friction. Carly rubs harder, her own breath short and uneven. And I know I could come from this alone, but the thought of her being inside me – it makes me shudder. "I- I want... uh." I stammer, my words coming out clumsily as pleasure pulses through me with every stroke of her fingers.

One of the best things about falling in love with your best friend, and there a lot of things, is that I don't have to finish my stuttered sentence. She knows what I want, and the truth is I probably didn't have to say anything at all. Carly moves her fingers down further, thrusting them into me easily. My hips buck up against her involuntarily, "Oh fuck." I whimper, closing my eyes tight, Carly's lips gently caressing my jawline as she moves inside me. I can feel her starting to grind against my thigh, her breath hot against my neck as she moans softly. I try to fight off the climax I feel coming, my eyes starting to roll back in my head. I don't want this to end so soon, but I can't help it. It's getting closer and closer, the pressure building as Carly twists her fingers inside me. "C-Carly... I..."

Carly's breath shudders out, "I kn-know." She stutters, pumping her fingers harder, and bringing me even closer, my breath catching in my throat, as I feel myself topple over the edge. I arch my back off the bed as it rips through me, obliterating everything in a revolt of pleasure. I let out a strangled cry, my breath sobbing out, Carly whispering sweet, shivering words into my ear as I come down, her own body shuddering against mine.

My limbs are trembling, my muscles feeling light and uncontrolled, but I manage to wrap my arms around her, holding her tight as we both catch our breath, our skin heated and slick wherever it touches. Eventually Carly pushes up off me, panting lightly, a soft smile curving her lips. "We should get back." She says quietly, planting a light kiss on my lips.

I make a noise of dissent, keeping my arms tight around her. "Can't we just stay like this awhile?"

She moves off me a little, and I loosen my grip reluctantly, Carly snuggling her head into my shoulder and saying softly. "Yeah. We can."

A/N: I'm writing this now, mid-chapter, even though you won't read it 'til the end, because I feel I have to make a point. Now I know that it'd be easier, story-wise, if everything went smoothly and there was some hitch-free Cam loving, and honestly, that's what I'd planned. But for the sake of realism, and to avoid trivialising rape as something that's easy to get over, or indeed, something that can be gotten over, I've made it the way it is. As you of course realise, and which I probably don't need to say, rape is a very serious thing. I threw it in the story as a plot idea, not expecting to have to deal with the consequences (the plan being to only do six chapters), but I obviously went beyond that. That being said, I hope I've done the matter justice, and treated it with the proper gravitas it warrants.

Now that all the serious stuff is out of the way, let's get down to my trademark off-the-wall-slightly-pleading-because-I-want-reviews humour. Now this looks like the end, doesn't it? And it is. I'm quite happy leaving it here. However, I have one reader (you know who you are!), who would very much like me to continue, and I, being very insecure and oversensitive to praise, am therefore able to be talked into anything (which makes me a helluva fun date), have agreed. Sort of.

I shan't be continuing it here though. Most likely I'll do a sequel, but that might not be for a while.

So, in summation, I hope you enjoyed this fic. God knows I enjoyed and sometimes got super-depressed writing it, but it all turned out good in the end. I hope that in some small way, this affected you, because dang if that don't make me feel important. And I like pretending I'm important :)

So review, ye lowly readers. Okay, so not that important. Can you imagine? What a jerk I'd be.

Anyway, REVIEW!

Seriously, I love you all as much a person you don't know you can take the word of can. Which it turns out is a lot. I hug your face.