Hellooooo roflcopterskates here, again! With the second diary of the series! Raoul! Obvious disclaimer: I own nothing. Enjoy the fic ^-^

Raoul's Diary

CHAPTER 1

Dearest Princess Ramalamadingdong-pants,

Oh the horrors of today! At a closer inspection of my hair, I realized I had split ends! I! WHAT A FARCE! WHAT AN OUTRIGHT SLAP IN THE FACE!

After all the lengths I went through to get my hair as soft as bouncy as it is now!

SPLIT ENDS. YOU KNOW WHAT SPLIT ENDS MEAN?! THE SPLIT END OF THE WORLD. YES. NOW THAT I, RAOUL DE CHAGNY, THE EPITOME OF PERFECT HAIR, HAS SPLIT ENDS, THE WORLD WILL, UNDOUBTEDLY, STOP TURNING, AND THEREFORE, END. COMMA COMMA COMMA.

I'm sorry Princess. When I grow angry, I use a lot of punctuation. I'm alright now, Ramalamadingdong-pants. I took some deep breaths and counted to ten. Just like they tell you in elementary school! Elementary my dear Watson! Elementary!

Did you know that everything you need to know, you learn in Kindergarten? I read a poster that said so. Kindergarten teaches you to share, nap, and something about cookies. It was on a poster. So it must be right.

So anywho! I discovered I had split ends. Then I went to my darling Christine, and we painted each others nails and--Oh ho ho! I jest, Princess! We simply did each other's hair.

I would never do anything so feminine as paint my nails. Except that one nail polish that strengthens and hardens your nails...the clear, shimmery one? It looks positively divine in the light! Anywho.

After my split ends discovery, I decided to pay my good friend Erik a visit! Erik! That silly little freak! With his crazy delusions that Christine loves him!

Ahaha! He does make me laugh! Ha! And ha! Ohhhh, Christine most certainly does not love Erik. Would you like to know why, Princess? Because Erik has an incurable disease. You know what that disease is, Ramalamadingdong-pants?

COOTIES. Yes! It has been proven that Erik indeed has cooties. Christine told me so!
She said to me, "Raoul. H-How could you ever think th-that I love Erik? He...he um...has cooties! So you see...it's impossible! I would never! If I did love him and make out with him I would receive the cooties!" My dear, Christine. I'm so glad she's looking out for her health.

But that does make me wonder. How does one know if another has cooties? It'd take some close inspection. Unless cooties are something like pneumonia? Something obvious? Hm.

Anyway. Split ends, visited Erik. Most of the time, he pulls the same usual trick he does when I visit him. He pulls a rope out from the lake and ties me up to this large iron fence as he threatens to kill me if I come again. Oh how I love games!

But this time, he did not strangle me against the fence. I admit, I was rather hurt Erik did not want to play with me. So, when I saw him diligently writing at his organ, I did what any masculine friend would do! I glomped him!

Needless to say, he very much enjoyed it. You see, I noticed that when Erik grows increasingly angry, and he tries throwing various items at you, it means he's happy!

As I was fleeing from the objects, I said, "Well it's nice to see you too, Erik! How are you doing?"

"GET OUT OF HERE, RAOUL! I'M BUSY!" He shouted back, hurling a book at me.
Ignoring his previous statement...well what? He's just indescribably excited to see me! Anyway. Ignoring his previous statement, I said, "Erik, you know what I think you should do?"

"KICK YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE?"

"Heavens no, my dear friend! I was talking about having a tea party!"

I saw him advance his organ and pick it up. He looked at me, holding the organ like a trophy.

I heard him mumble under his breath, "...No...that'd be a waste of an organ." he set the organ down carefully, and heaved a long sigh, "Raoul, I'm not having a damned tea party. You go and get in your princess dress and have your own." With a swish of his cape, he turned and left.

I do believe he was inviting me to a tea party! Otherwise, why else would he leave? He was getting ready! I must be off then, Ramalama. I must go find the right attire! A princess-themed tea party...

XOXO,
Raoul

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