Title: Remember When

Author: Lucy

Pairing: Brittany/Santana

Rating: G

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Brittany's four, and her daddy is throwing her up in the air and laughing. He's holding her close in his arms and looking at her, and the twinkle is still in his eye but the smile is gone from his face when he tells her, Brittany, you take the sunlight with you wherever you go. And he looks so serious that she knows that what he's saying is important, and Brittany doesn't always remember a lot of things, but she remembers this moment, these words.

Brittany's four, and she makes a promise to herself not to let her daddy be wrong. She makes a promise to herself to take the sunlight with her wherever she goes.

~

Brittany's four, and she's coloring at preschool. She's using the yellow crayon, because sunlight is made of yellow, and that's why she likes it. She can hear crying, and at first she thinks it's Kurt, but Noah is at the next table squishing play dough snakes into play dough pancakes, so Noah can't have pushed Kurt down today. And besides, Kurt's right in front of her busy coloring with the pink crayon.

She looks around her and she sees a tall man with dark hair at the door, and he has a pretty little girl in his arms, and she's crying. She's crying hard, but whatever it is she's saying, Brittany doesn't understand.

Brittany's four, and she understands about words – she has some words she uses at home with her mommy and daddy, and they're called Dutch. And she has some words she uses at preschool, that the other kids understand, and they're called English. And so Brittany guesses that the crying girl's words are her home words, and she hasn't learned any preschool words yet. She gets up from the table and goes over and smiles a big smile at the man, and he smiles back at her.

He puts the crying girl down and she looks scared, she clings to the mans leg and cries harder when he tries to go, and Brittany smiles at the crying girl. Hello, she says, my name is Brittany, but the crying girl doesn't understand her. Brittany tries the other way, her Dutch words, but the crying girl doesn't understand those either, and now the tall man – the crying girl's daddy – is gone and the crying girl looks like she can't breathe, she's crying so hard.

Brittany listens and it sounds like Papi, Papi! and she doesn't know what that means, but she can guess that the crying girl is calling out for her daddy to come back, and Brittany's ears are starting to hurt from all the noise the crying girl is making. The teacher leans down and tells Brittany that the crying girl's name is Santana, and Brittany turns her smile back on, and she holds out her hand.

Santana, she says, and the crying girl quiets down some at the sound of her name. Brittany likes the way Santana sounds in her ears, how the word feels in her mouth, so she says it again. Santana. Santana has mostly stopped crying now, because Brittany is something new to think about, distracting her from the fact that her father has left, and Brittany takes Santana by the hand and leads her to the play house.

On the way she stops at her lunch box and gets out a cookie, because when Brittany's sad cookies make her feel better. She offers the cookie to Santana once they're in the play house, and Santana takes it, and looks at it for a second, then breaks it in half and hands one half back to Brittany. Brittany smiles big and wide, takes the cookie and leans in and kisses Santana on the cheek.

Santana's cheek is round and smooth and soft, and it feels so nice Brittany just has to kiss the other one, too. Then she giggles, and takes a bite of her cookie. There's a feeling in her tummy – not in her tummy, higher, maybe, but inside her all the same – and it's warm, and it started when she took Santana's hand. Brittany's four and she doesn't know what that means, but she knows it feels nice. It will be another twelve or so years before Brittany truly understands it.

Santana, she says, and points to Santana. Brittany, she says, and points to herself. It takes Santana a couple of tries, but she gets it quickly enough.

Brittany, she says, and Brittany doesn't think she can make her mouth smile any wider. The feeling inside her gets warmer.

~

It's a week later, and Santana doesn't cry when her daddy – her Papi - leaves anymore. She finds Brittany, and they play together all day. They share their lunches, and Brittany teaches Santana more preschool words. Santana can say cookie and crayon and juice now, and bathroom and play and teacher and duck and oh, lots of words. But mostly all she likes to say is Brittany. Brittany was her first word and Brittany was her first friend. Brittany's four and she thinks maybe one day she'd like to be a teacher, if this is how good it feels to teach someone.

When Santana learns a new word Brittany grins, and when Brittany grins, Santana grins, and when Santana grins, Brittany feels warmer.

It's a year later and Santana knows just as many preschool words as Brittany now, and she's started teaching Brittany some of her home words, which are called Spanish. Brittany tried teaching Santana some of her Dutch words, but Santana never could quite get her tongue around them. Brittany's five and she's not going to be going to preschool much longer. Brittany's daddy says that when it gets to be fall, and the leaves start falling off the trees, Brittany's going to be going to kindergarten, to real school, and won't it be exciting.

Brittany's five and she doesn't want to go to school, because Santana's four and she won't be going too.

Santana's four and she won't be five for four months and until Santana's five, she won't be going to school.

Brittany's five and she's not scared, she's sad. But she knows she has to keep her promise, and take the sunlight with her. So she takes the sunlight to school, and she meets Quinn, and Quinn's smart and pretty, and she's nice to Brittany when Brittany finds it really, really hard to learn to write her name. There are a lot of letters, and when Brittany finally remembers how to make them all, she has to remember what comes first, and what comes after that, and that the Y comes at the end, and her last name is so hard that even the teachers give up and let her write her name as Brittany V.

But Quinn's not Santana. Actually Quinn's kind of mean, even though she's nice to Brittany. She's mostly mean to a girl called Rachel, who likes to sing and dance, and Brittany kind of likes to watch and listen to Rachel sing and dance, but when Rachel sings and dances, Quinn laughs at her and calls her names and makes Rachel cry. But Quinn's nice to Brittany, so Brittany says nothing, just draws pictures for Rachel and hides them in her backpack where Quinn won't see them. They're pictures of smiling people and puppies and kitties, and sunshine, always sunshine, and Brittany signs them with a big B, which is the easiest part of her name.

It takes a million years, twelve million weeks, two gazillion days before Santana's five, but when she is, and she stands in the doorway of Brittany's kindergarten class, Brittany squeals, really squeals with excitement, and runs over and hugs her, and Santana hugs back, and Brittany's five and she knows that no matter how nice Quinn is, Santana is her best friend forever and forever.