DISCLAIMER: I don't own Hetalia: World Series or That's Amore by Dean Martin.

It's Like a Reality Show, But Really Not

Chapter 5

The Script is What Everyone Loves

(The Voices Can Go FrUk Themselves)

"Does anyone want to explain how, exactly, did we miss the stairs? They may as well be painted red and white and called Waldo!"

"And in other news, we don't give a shit."

China nodded in agreement, cooling himself with a random fan that popped out of nowhere.

Everything they have comes from the air. Really. It's true. If you have any questions, please feel afraid to ask.

While England (produced good old yaoi times) attacked Canada—because, once again, America escaped the evil British by hiding behind the good old, all-American, scary as fuck Russia (minus the all-American, because, really, even Russia and his gigantic nose have the decency not to have a tacky-ass flag)—Veneziano skipped over to the stairs and patted them. Yes, skipped, because he's super manly like that.

"Ve~ ciao, Waldo. Welcome to our mafia. I-I mean group! Yeah…group…hehe…" There was a moment of silence before the Italian pulled out a gun that immediately turned on everyone with a gun kink. Those sick bastards. (Yeah, I'm lookin' at you. Yes, you sitting at the computer instead of doing something actually fucking ~productive~.) "You heard nothing, capisci?"

As Germany dragged Veneziano—and the totally badass gun that makes yo mama cry—away from Waldo, England continued raeping Canada and Spain returned to dancing the Macarena. A totally normal day, in truth.

And then Romano spoke.

"So are we going to go up…'Waldo'…or are we all just going to stand around being dumbasses?"

America shouted, "WHAT HAVE I CREATED?"

And then everyone else screamed.

And then Denmark danced the Irish Gig across the screen.

Meanwhile, the authoress had no idea what the hell she was doing.

"I vote we climb Waldo!" South Korea exclaimed after everyone managed to calm down. America was in the corner, rocking back in forth in the featle position, chanting 'There's no place like Albuquerque' and some other fucked up Wizard of Oz quotes. It was safe to say he was scarred for life by everyone's amazing accents.

"Hmm…It would make sense for us to go up Waldo if we're still searching the house…" There was a beat of silence before a life-shattering discovery was made. "…My 'Aru' has disappeared!"

South Korea's eyes widened in despair. "Then…then EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIE!"

"I'M NOT ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT PASTAAAAAAA ANYMORE!"

"MY IMAGINARY FRIENDS ARE AMERICAN."

"I DON'T SOUND CUTE ANYMORE."

"MY VOICE IS SO MANLY AND UNSEXY THAT MY ASS WON'T MAKE UP FOR IT."

"I SAY THE J-WORD ON SCREEN!"

"…Jeremiah?"

"Huh?"

"Is the J-word Jeremiah?"

"…Yes, yes it is."

Kumajirou (who suddenly appeared in the story, like whoa) smiled proudly to himself, having figured out that the J-word was Jeremiah and not a three-lettered term that not even your fascist daddy would say.

"So, ahem, anyway…I vote we do as Korea suggested."

Of course, the cliché continued and nobody heard a word Canada said. Whoever he was.

Prussia heard him, but he isn't needed right now, so he did nothing but stand awesomely in the emo corner.

Miraculously, France also heard this mysterious "Canada" person. "I agree! Come now, Angleterre—oh hey, I said it correctly*-let us have l'amour while climbing up these steps." He grabbed England by the arm, pulling him to his body and leading him up the stairs. Somehow, they found a gondola and started rowing up the stairs. France found a ukulele and began singing.

"When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, that's amore~."

"When the crap were you Italian?"

"Since your mom, mon lapin."

That was when America moved away from his emo corner (not the same emo corner Prussia was in—the awesome of those two together would cause the nearest rave to mellow down, and nobody wants that) and jumped into the gondola with France and England, screaming "I'm not done releasing my sexual tension! Woof!"

Everyone blinked in surprise. "…Did you just bark?" England inquired.

"Like an alpha dog, woof! Yes."

"W' sh'ld pr'b'bly get th't ch'cked."

"Hmmm, no. I rather like it." Then England grew a creepy smile on his face and America shrunk back, blushing slightly.

And it was at that moment that all UKUS fans had a nosebleed.

As this went on, the authoress was banging her head against the desk, unsure just what the hell she was thinking.

The authoress' mother, who was in another room, had a vague feeling that she should go check up on her daughter for any self-inflicted damage to her head.

"I challenge you to…the death," Korea hissed, standing Preying Mantis style. He glared at the object before him, allowing a dramatic pause before yelling loudly and jumping into the air.

"For Aru's sakes, don't try to kill Waldo," China sighed, watching as South Korea attacked the stairs (…and humped it, apparently) foolishly.

The Korean turned to him, tears shining in his eyes and bishie sparkles surrounding him. France fainted from the beauty. "But…but everyone else got to go up awesomely!"

"You don't," China stated, grabbing South Korea's collar and dragging him up the stairs, dropping him on top of France when they reached the last stair.

(South Korea was never the same after coming into bodily contact with France.)

And because the authoress is a lazy ass and feels horrible for not updating in, like, forever, she is just going to leave you with this four-paged chapter that makes little-to-no sense, not that the rest of this story really makes much sense, anyway.

Not that any of you really care.

Grace Raven: -insert Wapanese apologizing here and massive amounts of fake tears stolen from France- I would give you a reason for not updating in, like, 3 months, but I'm a lazy bitch, so no. And...don't ask why Chapter 4 disappeared - I was being a dumbass. ._.

Just blame school – that's what everyone does. That and communists :D

*Go back to the first chapter to figure this one out :P

Oh, and did anyone here go to Oni Con? If you did, I was the epic Denmark that kept asking everyone "Can I eat it?"