Two words. I'M SORRY!

I've been so busy you wouldn't believe! Please forgive me! :L TaylorLautnerLover, sorry I made you cry :( Hope this makes up for it :) x

Um. Yeah. Um. My first try at writing something like this. So. Um. Yeah. Please be nice :L.

Enjoy and don't forget to R&R!

Em xx

Four years. Four long, painful years I had to pretend everything was okay, pretend that I was happy for Jacob and Renesmee. When I told Seth what had happened that night, I had to physically hold him back to stop him from killing someone. That 'someone' being Jake. I'd never seen my little brother so angry, and it pained me. I didn't sleep or eat properly for at least a month, which had Mom getting all worked up and usually ended in us arguing. Seth eventually told her everything and she did a complete 180 on me. I made her swear not to tell Billy though. I could deal with Seth's pity, and my Mom's pity. I could deal with Jasper's pity, and I could deal with Edward's pity. But I would not let Jacob Black pity me. I may love him more than life itself, but having him feel sorry for me would not only make me feel pathetic, but would hurt me more. After Mom moved in with Charlie Seth was the only one there to wake me up from the nightmares that continued long after the first month had passed. He was the one who helped me through every day, one minute at a time, and I would never ever forget it.

Two years later he agreed to move into a little house on the edge of La Push with Embry so it would be easier for him to pay the rent. That left me with the house all to myself. At night I would sit on the porch and study the stars, wishing I could be one of them. Anything to get me out of this wretched existence. No matter how much time I spent with the guys – Jake and Sam combined the packs, and Sam grudgingly agreed to let Jake and I remain Alpha and Beta – I still felt the same every day. I couldn't shake off the incurable loneliness that settled itself within what remained of my heart, and pretty soon I just gave up trying.

Not that Jake ever noticed the slightest of changes in me. He was all Nessie this and Nessie that until I couldn't stand to be in the same room as him and the....thing. Normally I wouldn't have had such an intense....dislike....for a kid, but she was hardly a kid anymore. Renesmee had grown much quicker than the Cullens and that Nahuel guy had anticipated. All too soon she'd grown into a woman and froze that way, young, beautiful and perfect for all eternity. She was smart, funny, and could kick any model's butt. To put it simply, she was everything I was not. Renesmee Cullen got it all – the house, the money, the loving family, and Jake. My Jake. He'd loved me before her. I knew he had. He just didn't remember anymore.....

So, naturally, Renesmee and Jake's relationship had slowly turned more romantic than friendly and next thing I knew – BAM. They're dating. I wanted to cry when Edward told me, but I couldn't. After he imprinted, I was too broken to become the Leah Clearwater that had revealed herself in the aftermath of Sam Uley's betrayal. I didn't give a shit what I looked like anymore, didn't really do much except patrol – which Jake didn't notice either – or sit in my room. It was pathetic, actually. I was a 25 year old trapped in a 19 year old's body, with nothing to show for everything I'd been through except a severely-broken heart.

It got to the point where Seth threatened to make me move in with Mom and Charlie if I didn't get start trying to get myself together. So I tried. I tried real hard. I got a part-time job at the local supermarket, not exactly flashy but well-paid. I enrolled in online college courses and actually began to bother about my appearance again. To an outsider, I'd look like your average person. A job, schooling, a house, and a guy at a club in Seattle told me I was hot. He was kinda pissed at the time, but I'll let that slide.

It was a week after the four-year anniversary of the....imprinting....when Edward Cullen turned up my house late in the evening. He knocked on the backdoor, although he could've just come in the front. "Edward?" I asked, staring at him with eyebrows raised in surprise. "What are you doing here?" He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Leah, I'm sorry to just show up like this. But there was no way I could call you without someone knowing and then they'd ask questions and I know we agreed that only Jasper and I from my family would know." I nodded and wondered where the Hell he was going with this. "Can I come in?"

"Sure, sure." I stood back to let him into the kitchen, shutting the door behind him. "Uh...have a seat," I said, gesturing to the kitchen table.

"Thanks." I pulled out a chair and sat down opposite him, watching his face and it displayed a series of emotions. Finally he met my eyes, and began to speak. "I don't want to cause you more pain, Leah," he said. "What you've been through in the last three years....Frankly I don't know how you've dealt with it. All I know is that Jasper still can't be in the same room as you for very long." I sighed. Edward....is....is she....pregnant, or something? I met his gaze steadily, though I knew he would know the fear behind those words. I didn't think I could handle it if she was. Renesmee could give Jake everything I couldn't – including children. Especially children.

"No, thank God," he said, shaking his head. "But...I was sitting in the garden this afternoon, reading. And Jacob approached me – " I tried my best not to flinch at the sound of his name, but it didn't really work – "and asked if he could have a word. And then, of all things...."

Edward shook his head slowly, as if he couldn't believe what he was about to say. "They've been together for six months – I was with Bella for over a year, for goodness' sake." I went rigid in my seat, knowing what was coming. "He asked if he had my blessing to propose to my daughter," Edward finally got out. "The first thing I thought of was you, and what it would do to you, Leah. So I told him I would think about it, and then came straight here as soon as I could get away." I covered my face with my hands and sighed. After all these years I was a pro at keeping the tears at bay. To someone who wasn't Edward or Jasper Cullen, I would have merely seemed annoyed. But what Edward said next made me still bolt upright. "He loves you, still." I stared at him incredulously, not even daring to hope.... "I catch little thoughts of you in his mind, sometimes," Edward continued, although he was anything but oblivious to my inner turmoil. "He'll remember your eyes, or the way you smelled, or the time you spent together, or even how much he wanted to kiss you that day. But then Renesmee appears and it all clouds over with thoughts of her." He frowned at the surface of the table. Clearly, Edward didn't approve of Jake dating the youngest Cullen.

"But the point is, he still loves you, deep down. Jasper picks up on the odd thing on those rare times when you and Jacob are in the same room. The Imprint clouds his mind, but I believe it can be broken."

"What about Renesmee?" I whispered, although I didn't know why I cared about her. Edward gave a sad half-smile.

"She is young. She would recover. But you, Leah, only have a lifetime. Jasper and I will speak to her. Show her a few memories, some yours, some ours. Renesmee will understand."

"But, Edward...." At this point I couldn't even force myself to look him in the eye. "What if it can't be broken?" I didn't want him to ask Renesmee to just reject the Imprint. For one thing, some crazy part of me felt like that was wrong. The other thing was that an Imprint had never been rejected before – so what if it did something to Jake? What if it hurt him?

"I'm confident that it can, Leah. You'll find a way. For now....try to get him to remember. Tomorrow. Invite him over and reminisce over coffee if you have to." I couldn't help but smile faintly at the last bit, imagining Jake and I looking at old photos at this table and gossiping over our tea like old women. Edward smiled too when he read my thought. "I have to go now, but I'll speak to Renesmee tonight. I won't give Jacob my answer until I've heard from you. But I can't hold out too long, okay?" I nodded, sighing.

"Thanks for letting me know, Edward. I appreciate it."

After Edward left I spent hours wondering what the Hell I was going to do. I had one day, two days max, to remind Jake that he...used...to love me, break an Imprint and find my happily ever after. Because that really was going to happen to Leah Clearwater.

XXXXXXXXXX

I went through seven outfit changes the next morning. By the time I called him it was midday, because I'd woken up late and then had to shower and then had to eat something and then had a wardrobe crisis and.....well......I was kinda scared to call him. I couldn't get rid of the little voice in the back of my head, the one that was telling me that today was D-Day, today would make or break me. Deep down, I was also scared because I knew it was right. I eventually talked myself into picking up the phone, and dialled his cell number with shaking hands. He picked up on the third ring. "Leah?" Even now, after all this time, his voice make my heart skip a beat when he said my name.

"Hey, Jake," I said, forcing my voice to be steady. It came out more confident than I thought it would, making me feel a bit more sure of what I was doing."

"Hey. How've you been?"

"Uh...okay..." A total lie. But he wasn't to know that. Yet.

"Good, good...."
"Uh...listen, Jake, I....could you come over to mine this afternoon? It's important. There's some things I need to talk to you about and I can't put it off any longer."

"Sure thing, Leah. I'll be there at.....three?" Three! Three hours to stress myself sick!

"Great, I'll see you then. Bye."

"Bye."

I hung up and set the phone back in its cradle on the wall. My hands still shook. I went to shove them into my jeans pockets – then realised I was wearing a damned dress. Just a simple light blue number that Alice had picked out for me years ago. It came to just above my knees and showed off my curves – which I normally loved, but right now was in a mood for hating – but it was the best thing in my wardrobe. The material was kinda silky as well, which for some reason I loved. Now, how to kill three hours without self-combusting out of worry?

XXXXXXXXXX

I was surprised that didn't actually happen. The time went so slowly that I thought three o'clock would never roll around, but it did. He arrived on the dot, and I had to force myself to walk and not run to the door. He was standing there on the porch, not looking a day older than he did four years ago, even though he was 22 now. He was dressed in simple trainers, jeans and a polo shirt, with his hair still short and spiky, looking as beautiful as ever. He flashed me that smile, an exact replica of the one in the clearing that day, and my heart picked up the pace for a second. A part of me hurt to see him again, so happy and carefree, when I'd suffered so much. But the rest of me was too busy telling it to shut up to care. "Hey," he said.

"Hey," I managed to get out, unable to help a grin from settling on my lips. I stood back and let him in, praying that he would listen. That he would remember.

We sat in the living room, where so many of our Xbox days took place. I planned on reminding him of those times, of how our friendship steadily grew, how it changed – but that plan went out the window as soon as I met his eyes. Still so deep, so warm. God, I could drown in them. "So, what did you want to talk about?" He asked, smiling, from his position on the sofa next to me. For a few moments I did nothing but look at him, drinking in every detail, scared beyond words that today would be the last chance I would get to do so. But I couldn't put it off any longer. It had to be done. It was now or never. I decided to wing it, let Fate decide what I would say and what would happen, despite the fact that she had royally screwed me over numerous times in my life. Sam, my dad...even Jake.

"Jake...." I began, taking a deep breath. "I need you to listen to what I'm going to say. Okay? Just hear me out. Even if you don't like what I'm saying." He nodded obediently, not looking at all fazed. "Three years ago....you....you Imprinted."
"On Nessie," he added, not-so-helpfully. I nodded slowly.

"Yeah. On her. But...do you remember what happened just before you Imprinted? Like...five minutes before? In the clearing, in the forest."

"I...." His forehead screwed up in concentration as he searched his memory. Did he really not remember? After a few seconds I decided to help him out.

"Jake, we almost kissed," I said. "Seth called and interrupted. You left and....and that was it." I fought the tears that suddenly wanted to make themselves present. "You forgot about me after that." His expression was one of surprise.

"No, Lee, I didn't, I – " I cut him off.

"You didn't call or explain to me what had happened. I had to find out from Edward. Edward, Jasper and Renesmee can show you. But you did forget about me. Over the last three years I've got a job, enrolled in college...and...and other stuff. But not once did you call me. Not once did you say anything about patrol, or drop in just to say hi, or...or anything. You forgot about me Jake. You even forgot how you felt about me."

"Felt..about you?" It was like a knife through my heart that he didn't remember, but I had to keep trying.

"You loved me," I whispered. "And I loved you." The silence that followed was suffocating. Then he suddenly got to his feet.

"Leah. Don't try and turn me into Sam." I stood up too, a burst of anger rushing through me.

"I'm not!" I shouted. "Do you know what I've been through these past three years, Jake? Do you know how much I suffered! I had nightmares, I barely ate for a month – I can get Edward and Renesmee over here right now to show you what happened to me when I found out you'd Imprinted!"

"Lee, I didn't come here for this. I'm done." He left the living room, and I followed.

"Jake! Jake, don't go!" A tear slipped down my face, followed by another. "Please! Please, just hear me out!" Jacob turned around and folded his arms, attempting to glower at me but my tears seemed to make him falter.

"Fine. You have two minutes."

I reached up and cupped his face in my hands, making him lean down slightly. "Jake," I whispered as a third tear escaped. "You loved me. I know you did. I know you remember sometimes. Little things. My scent. Our memories. My eyes. My lips..." Jake's expression changed and he looked at me with that same longing expression he'd worn all that time ago. "Try to remember. Please. Remember me, Jake," I said, leaning in until I could feel his breath on my lips. He met my gaze fully and what I saw in his eyes spurred me on. I put my lips right to his ear and whispered one final time, "Remember me..." And then, before I could think it through, I pressed my lips gently to his and prayed for a miracle. Immediately a warmth spread to every nerve ending in my body, starting from my heart. I tried not to think after I sent up the little prayer, knowing that this was probably the last time I would ever see him. In another second or two Jake would pull away, mumble he was sorry – if I was lucky enough to get an apology – turn and leave. He'd go home to Renesmee. I'd call Edward, he would give Jacob his permission, and then my Alpha would propose to his Imprint. He would marry her, and she would have his children, and they'd spend the rest of forever together while I watched in silence. But if all this kiss achieved would be to make Jake remember me one last time, I would take it and be grateful.

I felt his hands grip my waist and didn't want him to have to push me away. I reluctantly pulled back of my own accord, hands still at his face, and opened my eyes. I found his warm, deep ones close to my own, and tried to stop the tears through willpower. I guess this was it, then. God, it hurt. "Jake..." I began, trying to formulate the words to say the perfect goodbye. I wouldn't be able to be around him, not after he left me to go back to her. "I – " But he stopped me by putting a finger to my lips, and I went silent. Jake watched me for a full thirty seconds, eyes flickering from place to place, taking in my face. My heart fluttered in my chest, confusion and doubt and unwanted flickers of hope stealing the common sense from my mind. And then, quickly, he leaned in and closed the gap between us. The warmth blossomed in me once more, and I felt a surge of hope. He had made the move. How? How was this possible? The Imprint, Renesmee....and then I stopped thinking completely when Jake's warm hands slid further round my waist and pulled me flush against him. My hands moved up around his neck, my fingertips running through his short hair.

"Lee..." Jake murmured against my lips, voice deep and husky. I didn't say anything in reply. I didn't want to push him. But he only held me tighter, and who was I to complain? I was terrified that he would let go, suddenly stop and push me away – would my fragile heart be able to deal with that?

XXXXXXXXXX

Jake POV

Dreaming. I had to be dreaming. Never in reality would I be kissing Leah like this. Some part of me ached terribly, almost painfully, but I couldn't figure out why – I could barely think at all. The small section of my mind still working was taking a trip down memory lane, back to that day I almost kissed her in the clearing. Judging from the thudding of my heart that day might as well have been yesterday. She pressed closer to me and my mind shut down almost completely, hardly registering anything. Her flowery scent was almost overwhelming. Sweet and addictive, like...like...

And then I remembered Nessie. My Imprint. All knowledge and class and innocence. The pain increased a notch, an invisible force trying to prise me away from my Beta and push me back to Renesmee. Home is where the heart is, nagged a quiet voice in some distant corner of my mind. Yours is with Renesmee. You don't belong here. Except I did. I could feel it. Leah was childhood days playing hide and seek in the woods, uneventful but fun fishing trips on weekends, my Mom's home-made cookies taken while they were still too hot. She was awkward teenage years and heartache, she was my heritage and the first time I phased, and the proud look on my Dad's face when I instantly phased back. She was the day I became Alpha and the day I let Bella go. Leah was tears and laughter and smiles and warmth and love, and everything a home should be.

And Imprint or no Imprint, I wasn't letting that go.

XXXXXXXXXX

The pain got worse. I knew it would. I could deal with it when we were in the hallway, but now we were here it was getting harder. I didn't care. It wasn't going to win. Not this time.

XXXXXXXXXX

Leah POV

I tried to keep my eyes closed. I thought if I opened them it would all turn out to be a dream. Soft sheets would be nothing more than the wall behind my back and the worn carpet beneath my feet. Warm breath on my lips would be just my own tears burning as they fell. But occasionally they'd open of their own accord and his face would be fixed with a strange look of concentration. He kept his eyes closed more successfully than me. He kept tensing, only for a split second, but it started happening more and more often. I knew it had to be something to do with the Imprint. Then I reminded myself that if it all really was a dream he wouldn't leave me. So I turned and pressed my lips to the muscle in his arm that suddenly tensed until he relaxed again, and hoped I wouldn't ever have to wake up. He mumbled my name against the skin of my neck a few minutes later, tensing again. I wound my fingers in his hair and brushed my lips against his jaw, not sure what else to do. The Imprint was causing him trouble, definitely. I just hoped he'd be alright.

XXXXXXXXXX

Jake POV

The pain peaked as she gasped my name in my ear. One moment it was close to unbearable, and the next it was just gone. I opened my eyes, waiting to find that none of it had been real, and met her gaze. She was beautiful, really. Unbelievably so. Now that I looked at her – I mean really, really looked at her, without any pain or aching from the Imprint – I couldn't believe that she'd waited for me. That I hadn't Imprinted on her, that I hadn't kissed her before. I was such an idiot. Her hair was mussed and the look on her face was almost disbelieving, mirroring what I felt on the inside. Unable to stop myself, I leaned down and captured her lips with mine. When I pulled back a centimetre she still seemed so uncertain, so unusually unsure of herself. She was scared I was going to leave. But the whole thing felt so oddly right that the thought of leaving never even crossed my mind, only a longing to comfort her, to make her see the truth. So I shifted and pulled her close to me, enveloping her in my arms, and closed my eyes with a small smile on my lips.

XXXXXXXXXX

Leah POV

The first thing I saw when my eyes fluttered open was sunlight streaming in through my window. The second thing I saw was the muscular arm wrapped securely round my waist, and my heart jumped. Flashes of last night came flooding back, and I sighed. Just a few more minutes? I asked no one in particular. Just a little while more. I laid my palm flat over his heart, next to where my head was, and felt it beating under my fingertips. I tried to memorise it's pace. I sighed quietly again, closing my eyes. At least now I'd have a lot to remember when he left. But then, knowing that this could happen and make no difference whatsoever....that made it hurt more. I was just starting to drift off again when his heartbeat changed, and he moved ever so slightly. I risked a look up and met his eyes. "Hey..."

"Hey..." I answered in a murmur. He continued to watch me for a few more seconds, and then I couldn't take it any longer. I sat up reluctantly, clutching the sheet to my chest, and pushed my hair out of my eyes. I inwardly cursed when I realised my clothes were out of reach. Instead my attention fell to the clock on my bedside table.

"What's the matter?" he asked, sitting up a little. It was moment before I replied.

"It's almost midday," I said, skirting around his question. "You'd better get going. She'll already know you were gone."

"What? 'She'? Who?" I didn't have to be looking at him to be able to picture his expression as comprehension dawned. "Oh...." He sat up fully, running a hand through his hair. "Leah, I – "

"It's okay, Jake." I cut off his apology. "I made you remember, at least for a little while. That was all I really hoped for." I was too tired to cry. The feeling of déjà vu was too strong, the pain too familiar. I'd convinced myself that he was going to leave, but now that it came down to it, it was hurting a lot more than I'd expected. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have gotten involved. You don't have to apologise."

He appeared instantly at my side, an uncharacteristic frown on his face. "I wasn't going to." Wow. That one...that one actually hurt. Quite a bit.

"No," I agreed, swallowing hard to fight the tears that were suddenly trying to fall. "Of course not." He sighed heavily and covered his face with his hands.

"No, that's not what I meant. Damn it, I'm messing this up!"

"Just go," I said. "Go home. Marry her. Live happily ever after. I'll be okay." I'd given it away that I knew he was going to propose to his Imprint, but I didn't care. Warm hands enclosed around my wrists, and he turned me to face him.

"I'm not going anywhere, Leah," he said firmly. "Last night...I wouldn't ever apologise for that. It was the best night of my life. Lee..." His tone became softer, the look in his eyes gentler. "The Imprint broke. I remembered everything. It...it wanted me to leave. It wanted me to go back to her, but I didn't want to, Leah, I wanted to stay..." It broke. The Imprint broke. My heart thudded too fast in my chest, mind racing. It couldn't be true. "I'm telling you the truth," Jake continued, leaning closer and maintaining his grip on my wrists as if begging me to understand. "It broke." I swallowed hard as a tear escaped and ran down my cheek.

"Did...did it hurt?" I managed to ask quietly. He studied me for a second before nodding slowly. A look of horror formed on my face.

"If I'd have known – Jake, I didn't....I didn't think...I didn't mean – Oh, I was so stupid – "

"No, Lee, don't apologise. I'm free. You freed me." He shook his head. "I was stupid. I forgot about you. I couldn't think about anyone else but her for too long....and then I shouted at you, I made you cry...." Jake reached out and brushed my tears away with his thumb. "I'm so sorry, Lee. So sorry. If you don't want me – If I'm too late, I understand. You deserve someone better." I shook my head fiercely, the tears coming thick and fast.

"No, Jake – I want you. Nobody else." He pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me as I wept, all the pain of the past four years finally showing itself. Jake stroked my hair and made soothing noises to try and comfort me.

"I love you, Leah," he whispered into my hair when my sobs had finally quietened. "I love you."

XXXXXXXXXX

Six Months Later

I sat at the kitchen table, sipping my tea and smiling to myself. The clock read quarter past one. Seth would be calling soon. He and Embry were going to be picking up Jake and wanted to give him a few minutes' notice. Which meant Jake needed to get home quick, or he'd have to phase and run to Seattle. Paul, of all people, had come up with the idea of turning Jared's stag do into a weekend of clubbing and getting drunk in Seattle. Personally, I was enjoying the peace and quiet already. Right on cue the door burst open and Jake came into the room, visibly distressed. "Jake!" I set my mug down and jumped to my feet, chair scraping against the tiles. "What is it?"

"Leah!" he cried when he caught sight of me. In less than a second he'd crossed the room and was holding me tightly. Sudden fear started to tie knots in my stomach as I threw my arms around his waist.

"What is it? Has something happened?"

"They showed me, Lee," Jake answered, pulling back enough for me to see his face. He looked stricken. "Edward and Jasper and Nessie – they showed me all the memories." Jacob shook his head as if trying to force the images from his mind. "I didn't know, I.....I didn't know it hurt you so much – "

The fear disappeared and I sighed with relief. "Jake, it's alright," I assured him, stroking his face. "What happened, happened. You can't change it. What matters most is that you fixed it in the end." He nodded, swallowing.

"Yeah...we fixed it," Jake repeated, sounding as if he didn't quite believe me. I pulled him to me again and smiled.

"Seth and Embry will be here soon. You'll have a great time. And I'll still be here when you come back." Nodding again, he smiled weakly and laid his hand over my ever-so-slightly rounded stomach.

"I will come back this time Lee, I promise." My smile grew and I placed my hands over his.

"I know you will, Jake, I know you will."

Was it okay? Was it terrible! Let me know!

I really don't think I'm up to writing lemons :L So I like, tried to work around it...? If you get what I mean :L Any tips/advice/ideas/thoughts = review :) xx