Changes

Chapter One

Kate Beckett-Castle sank onto her bed with a loud sigh. She brought a hand up and rubbed at her eyes. The last few months had been rather hectic, and Kate was fed up. Six months ago she'd married the man of her dreams. Of course, on the eve of their honeymoon she'd been handballed a serial killer case, and that was that. Some cases were quick, and almost easy to solve. Others were not. This case was one of the latter. Kate and her team had finally caught the killer a week earlier, and so she'd spent the last week completing all the necessary paperwork, and she was over it. Furthermore, over the six months they'd been after this guy, Kate could feel a shift in her relationship. She saw everyday that her husband was drifting further away. She wasn't sure if it was his fault, her fault, or the fault of both of them. The more she thought about it, the more she came to realise that it was both of them. Unbidden, a tear leaked out of one eye, and Kate angrily swiped it away. She closed her eyes, willing herself to calm down. She felt the bed sink next to her as her husband settled in for bed. She heard his lamp switch off, and could feel the bed moved as he rolled onto his side, away from her. Kate opened her eyes, and stared at his back. She missed him. She missed the feeling of him holding her at night. She didn't remember when that had stopped. It just had one day, and she hadn't even noticed. Sometimes being a homicide detective meant pushing everything else away, causing everything else to be her second priority.
"Rick?" Kate asked quietly.
She felt the bed shift again as Rick rolled over to face his wife.
"Hmm?" He replied, eyes still closed.
Another tear was forming in Kate's eye. It spilled over, and she sniffled a little.
That got Rick's attention. He opened his eyes, looking up at her in concern. "Are you crying?" He asked.
"Oh no." Kate replied, voice laden with sarcasm.
Rick pulled himself up so he was sitting, looking down at her. "What's wrong?"
Kate wiped her eyes. "What the hell went wrong with us?" She asked in a small voice. "Where did we go wrong?"
Rick looked away. "I don't know." He said. "Maybe when you stopped talking to me. Maybe when you started spending more time at work than at home. When you began to push me away."
"What, so it's all my fault?" Kate sat up.
"Well, I tried. God knows, I tried hard, Kate. I kept at it, trying to make you happy. I was there when you needed me, I gave you space when you wanted it. I did everything you wanted, and you know what?"
"What?" Kate was scared of what the answer could be.
"All you did was push me away. In the end, I gave up. It's what you wanted." Rick swung his legs off the side of the bed, and stood up. "All I wanted was to make you happy. Now all I want is my Kate Beckett back. Not this." He gestured at Kate. "Not what you've become."
Kate looked up at him, more tears spilling. She watched as he stormed from the room, and listened as the front door opened and closed. Then she cried herself to sleep. She didn't hear Rick come back.

Kate awoke the next morning to find Rick staring down at her.
"Morning." She murmured.
"Morning." He replied.
"What's up?" It wasn't normal to find him staring at her while sitting fully dressed on the bed.
"I was thinking, Kate, and I think we need a break. From each other." He clarified.
"Oh." Kate couldn't find any other words.
"I just... look, this isn't easy for me." Rick said. "I love you, God help me, I do, I just need some time to think things through, you know?"
Kate just nodded.
"Right." Rick sighed. "Well, I've got a suitcase packed. Me and Alexis are going away for a few weeks."
Kate could feel emotion bubbling up inside her. She knew if she let him go, she might very well be saying goodbye to her marriage. But still she could not speak.
Rick bent down, and kissed her gently on the forehead. He looked into her eyes. "I do love you, Kate."
"I love you, too." Kate whispered.
Rick nodded. "I'll see you." He said, and then he left.
Kate listened as he spoke with Alexis happily, and she heard the door shut behind them. She fell back onto the bed. She felt numb. Sure, she loved him, but now she had to figure out if that was enough.
Kate cast her mind back to the last time she and Rick had had sex. It was about two months ago, and now that she thought about it, it wasn't because she'd wanted to feel close to him, it was just stress relief. Kate knew that Rick knew, and it saddened her. How did she get to the point that she'd pushed away the man of her dreams?
"God, I am so messed up." She groaned to herself. She pulled herself out of bed, and made her way to the kitchen. Well, she had the house to herself for a few weeks. Martha had moved out about a month after Kate and Rick had been married. She still popped in every now and then, but it was becoming less regular. Rick had no doubt called his mother, and Kate figured she probably wouldn't be getting any visits from Martha. Kate poured herself a glass of wine, disregarding the time, and sank down into the couch. She turned on the TV, and spent the day wallowing in self pity.

A/N: And bring on the angst. It'll get better. I promise. I figured they had such a good run til now, that something was bound to go wrong sooner or later. But don't fret, happier times are coming :D