A/N: This is the fic request Blue-Iceland won after being reviewer number 50 for Human Nature. Er... where to start.... Well here is what she asked for:

Iruka, chunnin of Konoha, gets a mission to help Kakashi, a lazy perverted police detective from outer country to solve one of the mysterious charka-induced (which Kakashi has never believed in the first place) case in his country.

Kink : KakaIru (Not IruKaka plz)! Detective!Kakashi fought with pistols/any modern facilities against chakra-using enemies and win. Teasing Kakashi and adorable when angry Iruka. Angry!Sex. Happy ending.

You can make it Crack/Angst/IC as possible, it's up to you. =D (Single/multiple chapters and the rating is up to you as well, ;) )

So yeah... interesting ^_^ It was originally from the KakaIru LJ community and no-one picked it up, so Izky asked me to give it a shot. Here is the result of my madness.

Warnings: AU, total OOCness, smut, language, brain scarring mental images, genin beating, OC bashing, more smut, crude cracky humour and bad cop movie references..... Soooo in other words complete and utter insanity. ^_^

Dis: I do not own any of the Naruto characters, I just like to torture them for my own perverse amusement.

Rating: M (It's me duh, do I write anything else?)

Cops and Robbers.

Prologue: Enter Umino Iruka! Super Secret Mission!

"You wished to speak with me Hokage-sama?"

Behind her desk Tsunade looked up with distinct unease on her face, her normal neat blonde hair looked rumpled and dishevelled as though someone had tried to pull it out from the roots. A small if somewhat strained smile flittered across her deceptively youthful features and she motioned for the shinobi to sit down.

"Yes I did Iruka-Sensei, sit down please." The voice was calm, but hoarse.

Across the room Iruka shuddered, he had a bad feeling about this. The hoarseness of his leader's voice meant one of two things. One: She had been up all night on the sake, which meant there was a shed load of paperwork waiting for him. Two: She had been up all night shouting about something and was about to not only get a paperwork overload but a massive migraine as well. Great, just great a marvellous end to a marvellous day. With a defeated shrug he moved toward the chair and promptly plopped himself down in it with all the grace of an elephant, flicking a few stray strands of mahogany hair out of his face. Making himself comfortable he levelled the Hokage with a look that said 'This better be worth my time or no sake for a month.'

Tsunade inwardly chuckled at the look suddenly understanding why scores of pre-genin and Jounin held unflinching respect for the man.... Well his wrath at least, that was almost as legendary as her. The moment of good humour was spoiled however when she remembered the reason as to why the tanned sensei had been called before her. This was not going to be pretty.

"I have a mission for you."

Iruka blinked in surprise, he was never sent out on missions anymore. Not since that incident in stone with the mountain lion, vestal virgins and peanut butter or had it been that time with the diplomats and the exploding tags? Either way they were both stories for another time. Surely the Hokage knew about all this? He attempted to conjured up an eloquent response.

"Hn."

Yeah real eloquent, nice one Iruka.

Tsunade ignored the grunt and continued to brief the man, mentally bracing herself for a burst f Umino's infamous temper.

"We have received a mission request from the London police force*. They say there have been a number of unusual crimes there recently with unexplainable elements."

Iruka nodded along in understanding, so what did that have to do with him? Surely Tsunade couldn't be thinking about sending him to London, could she?

The Hokage continued "There has been no distinct pattern to the crimes but there has been only a single lead. One of the security guards got a brief look at one of the assailants."

Tsunade stood up and leaned across the table fairly shoving her ample bosoms in the sensei's face, file in hand. The brunette ignored the rather generous view and snatched the file from her hand scanning the mission parameters, with a bored look on his face.

'Okay random crimes in London. Good job he could speak decent English by the sounds of this they seem to be using chakra and not very discreetly.'

His dark eyes wandered over the rest of the page taking in small details, trying to find the clue as to why he was being assigned this mission. He lingered over the description of the assailant. Across the desk Tsunade gripped the arms of her chair.

'Here we go.' She thought regretfully.

Iruka's eyes narrowed as he read the description again, his face pulling into a snarl as he reread it a second time. By the time he'd finished the third read a vein was popping in his forehead, he looked ready to explode.

He did.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS NARUTO DOING IN LONDON?!"

The blonde woman unfurled her fingers from the arms and lent her elbows on the desk, she levelled Iruka with a look.

"He and his team were sent there on an exchange program with Mizuki-sensei** so they could and I quote 'Expand their cultural horizons.'"

"WIDENEING THEIR CULTURAL HORIZONS!"

The tan man absolutely seethed "What the hell were you thinking!! No disrespect Hokage-sama but sending team seven to a foreign country with their reputation for chaos was complete and utter fucking insanity!"

Tsunade shrugged nonchalantly "They needed the break and I though Mizuki could handle them."

Iruka's eyebrow twitched dangerously "Handle it? No offence once again Hokage-sama but Mizuki can just about handle eating lunch never mind a dysfunctional group of hyperactive genin."

The Hokage gave a snort of laughter. "I knew I'd picked the right man for this mission. You're one of the few people the brat listens to"

Iruka just rolled his eyes in a 'yeah right' gesture. "So what are your orders Hokage-sama?"

"Umino Iruka you are to go London and assist the police with their investigation. As soon as you have a fixed lead on the brat's location and have confirmed what the fuck is going on you are to grab the team and run like hell. Have I made myself clear?"

"Crystal Hokage-sama."

"Right now get out of my sight, you leave in an hour."

Iruka shrugged and rose from his seat dossier in hand walking out the office at a brisk pace. As the door closed shut Tsunade breathed a sigh of relief that had gone better than she had anticipated. Giving herself a pat on the back she reached into her drawer and went to pull out her secret stash of sake, only to find nothing. She frowned and began scrabbling through the drawer and still she found nothing, nothing except a note.

'Naughty Hokage-sama. No sake till I get back. UI."

Tsunade gaped, when had he....

Angry chakra filled the room and the hidden ANBU promptly popped out of the way, knowing a warning when they got one.

A scream of pure fury echoed across the village hidden in the leaves.

Umino Iruka chuckled evilly and everything was right with the world.

~End Prologue~

*- I though London would be a good location it's very multicultural (plus I kinda know about the UK police force since I'm British. I would have had to do A LOT of research otherwise.)

**- This is AU remember and well I needed a scapegoat. Who better than baka-Mizuki ^_^

A/N: Sorry I know it's short. Reviews/ feedback is very much appreciated

Next Chapter: Horrors and hiccups in Heathrow.