A/N: Ok so this was actually based on some pairing quiz thing I did, the answer I ended up with was so crazy and cracky I had to write it. It is horrible. And this totally goes to Verena again because she commented on the quiz thing which got me thinking, which in turn brought this to life.
Warnings: Out of characterness, Crack, Slash, Human names are used, um more crack, sex, drunk people, crack....

The Adventures of Vash in WTF land

By: Kit Yami

"Once upon a time…"

"Are you seriously going to start this off with once upon a time?"

"Like yeah, now shut-up."

It is a bright and sunny day, perfect for a pair of lovers. The young couple, Vash and Kiku, is relaxing in the shade of a giant oak tree. Kiku's head is resting gently on the other man's shoulder.

All was peaceful and serene, until another man approached them. Dressed in a crisp clean school girl uniform, this male's eyes lock with Kiku's, "like my name is Feliks."

That is all it took and Kiku's heart is pierced with an arrow of love. He quickly fled the arms of Vash to throw himself into the arms of the new male. Feliks whisks Kiku away engaged in a heavy make-out session.

Vash is left behind, the pieces of his heart shattered, soon it begins to pour and Vash picks himself up to go to the nearest bar.

At the bar, Vash proceeds to get himself as drunk as possible. Seated in a corner another man watches him, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Just as Vash finishes his fifty third drink the watcher grabs him, covering his mouth and drags him out of the bar.

Vash is tossed into the passenger seat of a black sports car of some sort, while the unknown man climbs into the driver's seat peeling away from the bar at speeds three times as much as the speed limit.

They drive for probably five minutes before the man reaches over and slips a hand into Vash's pants jerking him, getting him aroused. By the time they reach a giant castle Vash is moaning like a whore, because everyone knows being drunk increases your sense of touch. The unknown man quickly leaps out of the car and throws the drunken Vash over his shoulder.

Practically running through the halls of the castle, the man pulls Vash's pants down just enough to slip a finger into his hole. Yeah so the man is fingering Vash as he throws the door open to the nearest room.

He pulls his fingers out and throws Vash onto the bed stripping the both of them. The man pulls some lube out from under a pillow and continues stretching Vash. As soon as he is finished he places his manhood at the other male's entrance and just before pushing in he tells Vash that his name is Francis. So the pair has several rounds of hot sex before Vash finally passes out.

The next morning, Vash wakes up – surprisingly without a hangover- to find a Chinese man staring down at him. Unfortunately Vash's kidnapper is nowhere to be found so Vash has to deal with an angry Chinese man whose sheets were stained beyond belief and his lube has gone missing.

So a contract is made, by the man named Roderich who was sick of hearing the Chinese man yell, between Vash and Yao. No one, but those three knows exactly what was in the contract, but it certainly horrified Vash.

As soon as Vash was let go by Yao, he went to wander the castle. During his wanderings he ran into an albino man. The new man introduced himself as Gilbert and ordered Vash to explain why he is in the castle.

Once Vash finishes his story, Gilbert declares that he hates "Roddy" too. The two quickly became friends and Gilbert drags Vash around the castle showing him all awesome parts of it.

Vash leaves Gilbert so he can do some exploring on his own. Although his actual reasoning was to avoid Gilbert, because a certain part of his body reacted quite strongly to the man's presence and he felt the need to forget that.

Suddenly the temperature drops and Vash feels the presence of someone else. He spins around and a man dressed in a sailor's outfit is standing behind him. The man bluntly points out that Vash is in love with Gilbert and Vash denies it. They "argue" about it for several minutes before Vash finally admits it. After thanking the man, whose name is Norge, Vash heads back off.

Of course, lucky for him Gilbert intercepts him. Vash declares what he discovers and is dragged back to Gilbert's room. Yeah behind those closed doors many wonders and pleasures occur.

Of course like all dreams this one must come to an end. Just as Vash reaches the tipping point of his pleasure he wakes up with a start and a really big hard on. He quickly looks around the room, which was a bad idea since a major headache blossomed. He groans clutching his forehead and collapses back onto the bed.

"I am never drinking with those guys again," he mumbles to himself before looking to his right where curled up is his wonderful lover Feliks. At least once thing turned out all right that night.

"The end!"

"That was a horrible story."

"Hey you like asked me what his dream was last night!"

"Did he really dream that?"

"Like would he lie to me? No, so of course he did!"

"Shut-up Feliks."