Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or any of its associated content.
After the ceremony Nyota talked to her father, brother and T'Mana. She smiled for them, as she had smiled during the ceremony for Kirk and Pike, but she knew the smile did not reach her eyes. She had so much to be happy about but nothing was enough to buoy her spirits at the prospect of losing Spock. Everything was so different now.
Kiano and Basim were hungry and indicated that they wanted to celebrate Nyota's accomplishment at a restaurant. Nyota looked at T'Mana. She felt strange celebrating anything when T'Mana had lost nearly everything; while her own heart was an upheaval. T'Mana seemed to know something was wrong but said nothing to the two men. T'Mana told them that Nyota would catch up with them later and exited, casting a look over her shoulder at Nyota as she went. Nyota slumped into a seat in the emptying gallery and exhaled.
"You doing okay?" Gaila sat next to her and put an arm around Nyota's shoulders.
"Not really." Nyota forced a smile.
"Do you... want to talk about it?" Gaila said, her voice tentative. "You're not mad are you? About last night?"
"No." Nyota sighed. "No, you're fine Gaila. I'm not mad at you. I'm just... going through some things." Nyota guessed she could probably tell Gaila everything, she was officially a graduate of Starfleet academy and assigned to the Enterprise now.
"Oh." Gaila searched Nyota's face. "Is it about Spock?" Gaila was sheepish.
"Yeah." Nyota said, not even pretending to be surprised that Gaila had guessed. Why wouldn't she have guessed? If Gaila knew anything, it was about how to spot the interactions between a man and a woman.
"It's sort of shitty for him to do whatever he's doing now." Gaila said, a frown overtaking her face. "Something big must have happened if he came looking for you last night."
"We had a fight. He wants to give up on Starfleet. He says he'll wait but I don't know that it'll work. I'm sort of crushed." Nyota leaned back and closed her eyes.
"Maybe it is better this way Uhura?" Gaila said hopefully. "You're going to start a whole new chapter in your life now. Maybe it is better that you don't bring stuff from the past with you." Gaila smiled lightly.
"We were going to get married Gaila. We sort of are already." Nyota frowned as she opened her eyes. How could she explain their bond.
"No way! You bonded to Spock and you didn't tell me?" Gaila whispered harshly. "Oh come on, don't act like an Orion doesn't know how Vulcans work around love and marriage." Gaila said when Nyota's eyes widened in surprise. "It makes sense I guess. We were sitting together that first day of class remember? He couldn't take his eyes off you. He didn't even notice me." Gaila mused.
"We were trying to keep it all secret Gaila. I'm sorry. I should've told you. I went back and forth on it forever, but after Kirk was able to hack Spock's test it just seemed too risky."
"Yeah. Well, I wouldn't have said anything about it. The test codes were just stuff for school. This is your life. That's serious business! And if I'd known that you were really, y'know, with him then I wouldn't have let Kirk have access to my password in the lab." Gaila paused. "How long had you been...together?"
"A while." Nyota said. "Officially since the summer before last, but we were spending lots of time together before then. You know that though. When did you figure it out?" Nyota asked.
"Oh, not too long ago." Gaila shrugged and leaned back next to Nyota. "You spend lots of time with your dad but never that much time. And your dad would always send you home with food. You were spending more and more time away and never coming back with anything but a smile." Gaila looked at her friend. "I wasn't positive until Jimmy started making jokes about it when he got back though and the two of them confirmed it last night by acting all suspicious together."
Nyota talked to Gaila for an hour about the situation, glad to have another outside perspective on it. Like McCoy, Gaila asserted that Spock was crazy for wanting to leave and that if he did so, he did not deserve her. Gaila seemed to know a great deal about Vulcan marital bonds though and she offered advice to Nyota on what to do if she decided that waiting for each other wasn't working. The two women stood up and Gaila hugged Nyota fiercely and insisted that she at least try to enjoy this day with her family. There would only be one of this day after all.
Nyota walked slowly to the restaurant with Gaila's words ringing in her ears. There would only be one of this day, so enjoy it. It was true. Every day that she had was unique. Today would be a day with her family, a day that Spock could have been there, but he was not. She would not have many more days with Spock and it occurred to her she should enjoy each one as much as she could. Perhaps she could be convinced to work through her hurt and persuade herself that they could work as a long distance couple by savoring every moment together.
Nyota excused herself from her family dinner. She felt bad about arriving so late and leaving early but she wanted to see Spock. Only Basim balked at her early exit. Nyota was fairly sure that she saw her father kick him under the table. She had warmed up during the dinner, genuinely smiling and enjoying her family's company but her mind kept returning to Spock. She had no idea when he planned to leave and she knew that the Enterprise would be setting off again within the week. She was on limited time.
When Nyota left the restaurant, still in her formal uniform, she had broken into a run. Suddenly time seemed too precious to waste strolling through the streets. The day had become dark with clouds and as Nyota ran, the rain started to fall. Lightly at first but then it came harder and faster. Nyota's sweat mingled with the precipitation, plastering her hair to her head and soaking her uniform through. She tried to feel through her connection to Spock to see if he was still here. She had expected him at the graduation in spite of the way things had been left that morning. She began to panic, thinking perhaps that he had already departed to find a new planet.
When Spock finally opened the door he was surprised to see Nyota. She was panting, smelled of a heavy rain and she looked relieved when she saw him. Spock started at her. He could feel her relief in his mind, but it was light, like the scent of flowers on a breeze. If Spock had not been concentrating on her so thoroughly, he would not have detected it.
"Nyota, I would not have left without saying goodbye." Spock said, guessing at Nyota's point of concern. Spock took in Nyota's appearance, her hair wet and her uniform clinging to her heavily.
"I know. It's illogical, but I wanted to see you. To make sure you were still here. You didn't come to the ceremony today." Nyota said still catching her breath.
"No." Spock moved aside to let her in. Spock was bare chested, the environmental controls of his apartment set to a temperature that was more than suitably warm and the chill air was uncomfortable. "I have been contemplating a number of things. I thought it best that I focus on them. I fear that I would have been too distracted to appreciate your achievement."
"Oh." Nyota looked down and said nothing further. Spock hated not knowing what she was feeling, especially at times like this.
"I am proud of you Nyota." Spock said. "You deserved the praise that you surely received today." This, for Spock, was the highest compliment that he could pay to Nyota. Spock had spent his whole life hoping that his father would finally speak such words to him. Even Spock could detect the flush of emotion that colored his voice.
Nyota embraced him then, resting her cool cheek against his skin. Spock had much to tell her about his encounter with himself and the things that he had contemplated but he could not bring himself to speak. He had been waiting for this. He missed her touch even though it had only been days. Spock had been feeling broken since he had returned but suddenly, he felt whole again. Now that there were no secrets between them, now that he felt more clearheaded about what would happen next, now that Nyota was in his arms again, Spock felt he could breath for the first time since Vulcan had been destroyed.
Spock unzipped Nyota's uniform and threw it onto the floor. His intentions were to help her into dry clothes so that she would be comfortable when they spoke but as she returned to position in his arms, Spock knew that there would be no talking. Nyota rubbed her face against the coarse hair on Spock's chest and inhaled deeply. Abruptly, Spock had full access to Nyota's emotions and thoughts. He was going to comment upon this but as Nyota traced a path of gentle kisses down his abdomen he decided to bring it up later. In a way, Spock was relieved to be able to drop his mental guard. It was the first time that he had done so since their initial bond.
There was something about their extended touch that gave Spock the insight into Nyota's mind that he had once had with T'Pring. Instead of finding Nyota to be dull and shallow, he was consumed by the complexity of emotions that he found within her. Nyota displayed her emotions regularly but Spock had no idea that they ran this deeply, that he had hurt her so much. Spock shrank back at the emotion as it flowed into him but moved toward Nyota again a moment later, recalling his conversation earlier in the day.
Nyota moved against Spock, her undergarments falling to the floor. He lifted her and she wrapped her legs around his waist as his hands steadied her. They locked into a long kiss, Spock exploring Nyota's mouth as though she were new to him again. Immediately, he was ready. He slipped his lounge pants down and, as Nyota ground into him, he knew that she was ready as well. Spock carried her to his bedroom but she bit his ear, eliciting a number of responses from Spock that he could not describe. Spock sensed through their connection that she wanted him to go a different direction.
"I have yet to think of a more ineffective manner of getting me to stop doing anything Nyota." Spock said, his voice breathy and his fingertips digging into the lush flesh of her buttocks.
Nyota merely raised an eyebrow and laughed. She too was experiencing their connection in a different manner. She seemed to be enjoying it. Spock carried Nyota toward the bathroom, sensing that this was a better option from her perspective. He intended to set her down while he ran the water but instead he pressed her back against the wall and took her that way. This seemed to meet with her approval because she called Spock's name out repeatedly, until she was hoarse.
When they had both caught their breath Spock set her down gently and finished preparing the bathwater. Nyota sat behind him. He was stretched out with her legs wrapped around him, his head resting against her stomach, the water covering his body to his neck.
"You do not seem angry any longer." Spock said into the warm damp air.
"I decided that it was illogical to focus on my anger during the time that we had left." Nyota smiled. "It will only be today once. I need to make the very best of it that I can."
"That is highly logical." Spock said quietly, his hand floating to Nyota's knee. "You are a highly logical woman."
"I have help." Nyota took Spock's hand where it had rested on her leg. "I saw something before, when we were touching." Nyota said, somewhat distantly.
"Our link has reverted to its imperfect state." Spock said. "I apologize for creating it poorly. Perhaps, when our healers are no longer so occupied with the refugees, we can have it remedied."
"It's okay Spock. I'm sure we'll figure out how to manage until then." Nyota thought about it. "My father seemed to suspect it back at your mother's memorial service though. Maybe he and T'Mana can figure something out for us before you leave to to help find a new Vulcan?"
"It is interesting that you mention such an endeavor." Spock said as he looked up into Nyota's eyes. "It seems that an acceptable world has already been located." Spock was still touching Nyota's fingers and could feel the confusion and excitement build as she waited for Spock's next sentence.
Nyota settled into her quarters, wondering how long she would be there on her own. It was so different being on the ship without the threat of death looming. It was nice though. She liked it. She had gone to see McCoy in his element for a few minutes before her shift on the bridge began. He'd looked her up and down skeptically but she assured him that she was fine now. It was hard to believe that it had only been a week since she'd slept across from him and poured out her woes.
Nyota had seen Kirk on her way to the bridge. He'd winked at her, the signs of Spock's beating and the subsequent fight with the crew of the Narada finally faded from his face. Nyota and Spock had just started to talk about what it meant for him to lose control in that way and Nyota was glad that the reminders of the beating were disappearing into the past.
Nyota ducked into the observation lounge. The sight of the stars took the edge off of her inexplicable anxiety. She always felt closer to the grandfather that she had never met when she looked at the stars. She checked her reflection in the glass once more. She had no idea why she was so nervous. It was not like she had never done this job before. Still, the feeling did not subside. Nyota took a deep breath and turned to walk back out.
"Spock?" Nyota smiled widely.
"I too find the sight of the stars to be... calming." Spock walked closer to the glass and looked down on Earth, his only home for now. No, Spock thought, his home was wherever Nyota was. He understood that now. Nyota and come to stand next to him and he slid behind her, his arms around her waist. "Are you aware that you are the reason that I came to consider Starfleet as an option?"
"Me?" Nyota leaned into Spock. "How is that?"
"When we were children." Spock said into her ear, inhaling her scent. "On the rooftop." Spock's eyes were closed but he could feel Nyota smile against his face. "I was illogical Nyota. I can no more separate myself from you, from my career than I can separate myself from my past or my future. All of it is bound up together." There was a long silence between them as they stared out at the stars.
"Are you ready?" Nyota whispered over her shoulder.
"I believe so." Spock responded, resting his forehead against her temple. "Although it will be up to the captain at this time."
Finally it was time to set off. When Nyota came aboard the bridge, she smiled at McCoy and took her station. After a while she felt the ship beginning come to life with movement. She took a deep breath as she heard Sulu call out that the impulse engines were ready. Chekov said that the weapons systems and shields were on standby.
"Dock control reports ready..." Nyota paused as Kirk walked onto the bridge. "Captain."
"Bones!" Kirk smiled as he walked toward his chair. "Buckle up. Scotty? How we doing?" Kirk said as he sat down. Scotty updated the captain and Nyota turned to look at the far door of the bridge. Spock did not come through. The captain gave Sulu the order to prepare to engage thrusters. Where was he?
"Permission to come aboard Captain." Spock said as the turbo lift door opened. Nyota let out a breath that she had not known she was holding.
"Permission granted." Kirk looked at Spock.
"As you have yet to select a first officer, respectfully, I would like to submit my candidacy." Spock paused and tilted his head. "Should you desire, I can provide character references."
"It would be my honor Commander." Kirk said with a smile.
Spock looked at Nyota as the captain continued his pre-launch checks. It was immensely gratifying to be here on the bridge with her only feet away. His bond mate would accompany him as he made he did the work that he found so satisfying. He would be able to go to her quarters at the end of his duty and discuss the day. Or he could take a meal with her in the mess hall without secrecy. Spock felt a thrill of excitement pulse through him at the possibilities that awaited them.
Nyota tried to repress her smile. She had spoken to Spock about what their relationship on the ship would be like. She knew he liked his privacy and she was prepared to honor his wishes; however, she did not know if showing how happy she was that the captain had accepted him as first officer was in line with his request. Several people already knew about their relationship. Would it be alright to show affection in front of them? Nyota wondered.
The captain gave the order and distantly, Nyota could hear the engines explode to life. She gave her attention to her work as Spock walked by. He raised an eyebrow in her direction, one corner of his mouth raising ever so slightly. Nyota could not hold back any longer. She smiled as broadly as she ever had. For the first time since everything had happened, it seemed that things would go their way, that the dreams that she and Spock had discussed would have a chance at coming true.
Spock saw Nyota smile as he passed her and was relieved. He no longer struggled with the burden of not knowing what would transpire between them. Spock knew they would be together. He did not need to calculate the probability. He had never been so sure in his life.
Author's Note: Yay! It's all done! I hope you liked it! Special thanks to ayachan1412 for beta assistance. One thing that she brought up that I haven't ever been able to resolve on my own is the ceremony at the end-- she wondered if it were just for academy grads or if it was for Enterprise personnel exclusively. Idk really. I can argue it either way; however, it makes just a touch more sense, to me, that it was for academy folks since it was on campus and involved the same folks at Kirk's discipline proceeding. Totally could go either way even though I've written it as a non-Enterprise exclusive ceremony (I don't assume Gaila ended up on the Farragut or the Enterprise). I hope that folks picked up on my two references to TOS: Man Trap. There was one during the chapter with the lift/fight and again here. :)
Thanks everyone for reading and comment. Comments keep me going!