I don't own twilight, shock horror

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To: .uk

From: .uk

RE: The magazine subscription

Dear Edward

Issue number one:

What the hell is a 'what car' magazine subscription leaflet doing on my desk in my room. And don't even bother telling me that it's not yours because it IS!

Problem two:

I don't need another car Edward, I know your worried for my safety because my truck isn't exactly modern but it doesn't mean you have to spend a boat loads of money just to placate yourself. We use your Volvo the most anyway.

Thing three:

I really do miss you, when you get back I want you to come straight to see me, Alice has been driving me insane, I am hiding in your closet currently on your laptop while she watches London fashion week, she's squealing above my hearing range I think.

Please some home soon, I really need to tell you something.

Love you forever, your future wife,

Bella.

PS, ask Emmet why I received a phone call from Seattle lap dancing club confirming a reservation in his name. Don't worry, I still want you to have a bachelor party, I've already planed my hen night.