Pressure

"You're not as brave as you were at the start."

Pressure. It is an awful thing to feel; he knew that all to well from experience. He was pressured with every single decision that he ever had to make. He did not want to be like this; he did not like being a monster. He had not realized the extent of crimes that the Death Eaters committed; his father never told him about that.

His father... how he hated him, how he despised everything to do with him. Yet, Draco still wanted to be exactly like him, a powerful Pure-Blood wizard, respected by all, feared by many. He had always looked up to his father ever since he could remember; it was only recently that he had started to be hostile towards him.

It seemed to him that it was his father's fault that he was in this situation; Draco would have never become a Death Eater of his own accord; it was not his idea. His father filled his mind with the glory of being a Death Eater, the power, the amazing feeling of having a Dark Mark. He had been Marked for several months now and he had not experienced any of these things that he was promised. He felt weak, vulnerable, and not in control of himself. He felt like he was just another puppet being played with by the Dark Lord, a puppet that could be ruined without his master ever blinking an eyelash or thinking twice about it. All of the Death Eaters, including himself, were afraid of Voldemort. They all knew that their life did not mean a thing to him; that they could be killed without him ever shedding a single tear. And yet, they all willingly risked their lives for him, they did all that he asked of them, they did all of his dirty work.

Draco was done with this- he was sick and tired of being just another chess piece on the losing side of the board. He was bound to die, he could not do this task that was assigned to him. How was he, a sixteen year-old boy, suppose to kill the greatest wizard of all time? He couldn't, he was not capable, mentally or physically, of carrying out this job. He knew that he was given this task so everyone could watch him fail like a child, like the child that he was.

There were two catches, though, if he was to quit or to fail. The first one was that he would bring shame to the Malfoy name. His father was already upset with him, Draco's memory was refreshed everyday by his letters that were sent from Azkaban. "You're not as brave as you were at the start," said the latest letter after Draco had told his father that he was afraid of what he had to do. The second catch was that he was sure to be killed outright by Voldemort for not obeying direct orders. Draco was not quite sure ,though, which one was worse.

Against his will, against everything that he believed in, he would have to find a way to fulfill these orders. His father was right- he was not brave. If he was brave then he would not have picked the easy way out to a difficult situation. But since when were Slytherins valued for their bravery?