Author's notes: So this is it. My first Dragon age fanfiction. I'd actually finished this story two weeks ago but apparently some unseen force was keeping me form uploading them (this unseen force being my cat that'd kockt over a glass of water, letting me deal with a very wet and very broken laptop). Gee.. this is the first story I've wrote without gunfights xD. Well I hope you like it... And just so you know, English is not my first language and I have dyslexia so don't be too hard on me when I spell things wrong or when the grammar sucks. But if you notice a mistake please send a message or something so I can correct it. Reviews are always welcome ^^
* Update: I've rewritten this chapter on 36/02/2011 as the first of the nine chapters I'm planning to re-write before writing new ones. I had taken a large break from this story and now I've decided to continue it once again I feel like I should start over. For the ones who've already read this story before: there are no major changes in this chapter. I changed the main character's appearance and she has some minor personality changes...apart from that the only different thing is that the chapter now has about 1.500 more words than it had before. Here is a link of Selyna's new appearance (clear out all the spaces): http : / / i871 . photobucket . com / albums / ab277 / Shousie / Selyna-1 . png

Disclaimer: I own nothing apart from my own fantasy and keyboard.

All Alone

The Grey Wardens, a world full of secrets, mysteries and sacrifices

A groan escaped her mouth, her whole body protesting as the elf tried to open her eyes. It seemed like every inch of her was somehow trying to turn inside out. Like her head and veins were near exploding...And then, there were the sounds. The whisper, the song that sounded though her head. But the song wasn't made of words... or maybe it were words from a different language? Curious to what the words said, she tried listening to it with more attention. Though just when felt like she was almost able to hear them another voice broke through it, a closer one. "Can you hear me?" This voice sounded nothing like the voices in the song. It was one that was way easier for her to understand. Feeling like she should respond to this voice Selyna opened her eyes. However, this action brought her another wave of pain that simply refused to die down. The bright outside light wasn't exactly what one would call pleasant either. Only a few seconds had passed before she had to close her eyes again. Though just before she slipped back into unconsciousness she did noticed three silhouettes hovering over her, each of them easily recognizable as shems. "I am... very sorry."

oOo

By the time she was able to open her eyes again, the Dalish elf found herself surrounded by brown colored pelts. The same kind of pelts that were used to isolate the tents in their camp. 'I'm...back home?' How could that be? Surely she hadn't walked back on her own strength, no? And if she somehow had managed to do that then wouldn't she remember it? The last thing that she remembered was the mirror...what had happened after Tamlen had touched it. 'Wait, where is Tamlen?' Shooting up, Selyna ignored the nagging pain in her head and quickly threw on her armor before moving outside. "You're awake!" Tilting her head, the she-elf watched the elf that had just spoken to her. It took her longer than it normally should, but after a few seconds she finally recognized the elf as Fenarel, a hunter from her clan. "You've got the creators' own luck Lethallan." He said, giving her a weak smile as he continued. "How are you feeling?"

At hearing this question Selyna rubbed the back of her head, still hearing the whispers and songs inside it. Though for some reason the whispers had silenced down, now only just audible over the nagging headache. "I feel like I've just been trampled by a dozen halla." She responded before focusing her eyes back on the other elf. He did not need to know that she was hearing voices in her head. "Where is Tamlen?"

The look on his face was all but reassuring, as was his answer to her question. "We don't know, the shem only brought you back."

"No, three." Selyna responded shortly, and a few seconds before realizing that she probably should clarify those words. "I know that there were three shems with me. Different ones than the ones that Tamlen and I killed in the forest...but there were defiantly three."

Solely from the expression on his face she could tell that he did not believed her and the words he spoke only added to this conclusion. "I'm not sure Lethallan...maybe you saw double. There was only one shem with you, a Grey Warden who appeared out of nowhere with you slung over his shoulder." A short hesitation sounded before he continued. "You were delirious with fever. The Warden said that he had found you outside a cave in the forest, unconsciousness and alone. He left you here and went straight to the keeper. She's been using the old magic to heal you...Wait, you and Tamlen killed those shemlen? The keeper is not going to like it when she hears that!"

The only thing that stopped Selyna from rolling her eyes at that point was the major headache, but she made sure that her irritation sounded through her voice loud and clearly. "What should we have done then? Lead the shemlen back to our camp?" She asked, not giving Fenarel a chance to respond before distracting him with a different question. "Is anyone looking for Tamlen?"

"Sh...I...we...errr..." For some reason he refused to meet her eyes, just as he refused to answer this question. Instead he quickly changed subject, not leaving her a single change to stop her before running off. "The keeper wanted to see you as soon as you'd recovered. Wait there, I'll... I'll get her for you!"

Frustrated by his sudden leave Selyna sat down on the ground in front of her tent, wondering why he hadn't simply answered her question. Honestly, why wouldn't they search for Tamlen? He was a their brother, how could he just been abandoned while she was rescued by a shemlen of all beings? And there had been defiantly three of them. Why hadn't they- "I see you're awake Da'len." The familiar voice of the keeper sounded behind her, interrupting her thoughts. "It's fortunate that Duncan found you when he did. I know not what dark power held you but it nearly bled the life from you. It was difficult even for my magic to keep you alive."

These words defiantly distracted Selyna, though it did not kept her attention away from her friend. "...If it nearly killed me...then Tamlen could be sick, as well?"

"If he encountered the same thing as you did, yes." She responded, her tone sounding almost as worried as how Selyna currently was feeling. "Duncan said he found you alone outside a cave, already sicken. He introduced himself as a Grey Warden, but I'm afraid that we have no time to discuss this matter any longer. I will bring you to him now, there is much to discuss and we're leaving soon."

"The clan is leaving?" Selyna asked as she followed Marethari to her aravel. Maybe the keeper looked like an old elf, but she probably was still able to outrun most humans. Sadly, the nomadic life of the Dalish wasn't an easy one and soon even Marethari would be forced to step down as keeper and let her apprentice take over that role.

"If there is any truth in what Duncan said, then darkspawn may show up in these parts soon. We should get away from that horde. Apart from that we seem to have disturbed the humans in the nearby village." The keeper said. Something in her tone told Selyna that Marethari knew exactly what she and Tamlen had done to the humans that had stumbled on their camp...though part of her appreciated the fact that the keeper did not dwell on this subject any longer than she had to.

They arrived at the keeper's aravel after a few short minutes of walking, already seeing a dark-skinned shemlen standing in front of it. "You're the elf I found unconsciousness in the forest, aren't you?" He asked, his voice rumbling over the clearing.

"You..." Selyna said as she narrowed her eyes in an attempt to remember his silhouette a bit clearer. "I saw you when I first woke up." The she-elf concluded. "Where are the shems who were with you?"

"You must be mistaking." Duncan responded, sounding genuinely surprised. "I was there on my own."

"No, I'm sure that there were othe..." Halfway through the sentence, the red-haired elf cut herself off. It was obvious that her words were futile. No one seemed to believe her, not even the man of which she was sure that had been there when she had first awoken. Where they hiding something..? Just how serve had her injuries been? Or were they hiding something about Tamlen? Just where was he?

"Da'len, I understand that you are upset but you have to listen to what Duncan has to say now."

Following Marethari's words, Duncan spoke up once again. "Your keeper and I have spoken and we've come to an arrangement that concerns you." He said with a solemn voice. "You may feel better now, but the darkspawn taint still courses through your veins. If you look deep inside yourself you will see this as well." Taking the time for a deep breath he finally came to the point of this whole conversation. "My order is in need of help. You are in need of a cure. When I leave, I hope you will join me. You will make an excellent Grey Warden."

He wanted her to join the Grey Wardens? A Dalish? Her? "What?" Closing her eyes, Selyna forced her voice to a softer and more...normal tone before continuing. "What does this all have to do with my cure?"

"Everything I'm afraid." Duncan responded. "That you recovered from your sickness at all is remarkable. But eventually, the taint will still sicken and kill you, or worse. The Grey Wardens can prevent that, but it means joining us."

"But I can't leave my clan! We still need to find Tamlen-"

"We cannot watch you suffer, da'len. The Grey Wardens offer you a way to survive."

"This is not simply charity on my part. I would not offer this if I did not think you had the markings of a Grey Warden. Let me be clear. You will likely never return here. We go to fight the darkspawn, a battle that will take us far from your clan. But we need you and others like you."

Everyone in this conversation seemed know what was best for her. Did no one even paused for a second to look at the faith of others? Surely she was doing this, but shouldn't Marethari - as the keeper of this clan - watch out for the sons and daughters from the clan? "How about Tamlen? We need to him find and the mirror! How can you just leave him?"

It was Ducan who replied to her words, his voice still sounding as calm as it had sounded though the entire conversation. "I have destroyed the mirror, if I had not it would have affected the entire forest."

"Why do I get the feeling you are holding something back? What happened to Tamlen?"

"Dal'len, Duncan made clear that there would be no point in searching for Tamlen." The keeper said, tiredness shimmering though her voice as she spoke. "It would only cost us more of our own. That is why you need to leave. We cannot watch you die, knowing that there is a way to cure you."

Hearing these words, Selyna closed her eyes and blew out a sigh. Would Tamlen truly be lost? What if he wasn't? What if he was just as sick as she had been? He would never be able to recover on his own! ...But what if she would search for him? Would more of her brethren and sisters fall from the taint? Would she herself fall? Tamlen would never forgive himself if she would die while searching for him! And what would Ashalle do if she was to die? "Ma nuvenim, Keeper." The she-elf responded eventually after a few moments of silence before turning to the Grey Warden. "I accept your offer, shemlen."

oOo

"Drink this." Duncan said as he offered her a small cup. 'Is he trying to poison me?' Selyna wondered as she stared at his outstretched hands suspiciously. He would not have a point in poisoning her, right? She was to become a Grey Warden...and apparently there was currently a huge shortage of them. Killing her would not help him, right? Or would it? As she was still pondering on what to do, Duncan seemed to have figured out exactly what was going on inside her head. "It's just tea. You do not have to worry." The warden responded, letting out a small chuckle after he was done speaking.

Finally deciding that it could not harm her anymore than the taint would, Selyna took the cup. Though she couldn't help to watch the green substance within the cup with careful eyes. It did not take long before the colored water began to show the vague lines of her reflection. The corner of her mouth twisted slightly upward when she thought back to the conversation between Fenarel and Tamlen she had 'accidentally' overheard.

"How do you mean you don't know? Have you ever looked at her?" When she had first picked up the sound of Feneral's whisper she couldn't help but to listen in. After all, curiousness was a thing elves were well known of. Like it always did with most younger elves, her curiosity had won it over her respect for privacy. It hadn't been long before Selyna had decided to stick around for the end of this conversation. She was wondering who they were talking about. "Soft features, pale skin, high cheekbones, full lips, beautiful large teal-colored eyes and long wavy red hair...Did you noticed her wearing that silver hairclip I gave her last year? It shows off her ears perfectly. How can you not see this, she's amazing!" The elf Fenarel described had sounded very familiar in her eyes, though Selyna wasn't quite able to figure out why.

Soon Fenarel's voice was replaced by Tamlen's. His voice sounded a bit awkward and uncomfortable, unlike Fenarel's which had sounded like he was speaking from out his personal dreamworld. "Well I have eyes..." He responded slowly. "...If that's what you mean."

The conversation about the mystery person went onward as Selyna tried to move around the two. Maybe to get a chance to hear their voices more clearly, or maybe she just tried to leave for she had no idea of who they were talking about. Which of these two truly applied to her current situation was a thing she did not even know for sure. "You're a lucky man for that she wishes to be around you so much." Fenarel's voice sounded again, though this time it had dropped down a few tones. "She won't even go out hunting alone with me." It was that moment Tamlen suddenly twisted around, like he knew that Selyna had been standing there. Of course with her stealth it wasn't possible for him to actually see her, but had she decided to leave before he went out looking anyway...

Now this time seemed so long ago, even if it could never have been more than a few days. Back then she hadn't understood who they were talking about, but now she had a pretty good perception. It hadn't surprised her that Fenarel - in his description of her - hadn't mentioned her vallaslin at all. That was probably just because it was almost the same as Tamlen's, except the fact that she did not had any curls on her cheeks or mouthcorners but instead had added an extra stripe on her nose bridge.

The day that Ashalle had pronounced that Fenarel should be her mate Selyna hadn't even thought about twice before she ran away. Tamlen had already known because Fenarel himself had told it him... even before Ashalle had told her! For some reason he had left camp right after that, Selyna had only found him after she'd left too. That was when they had found the shemlens. That's when the trouble had started.

Selyna gritted her teeth as she threw away the cup, hearing it shatter against a tree trunk not too far away. Duncan looked up in surprise, but when his lips moved she couldn't hear a single sound. Since they had left the camp she hadn't spoken a single word. And now she couldn't even look at her own reflection. Only because it reminded her of him. Urgh, why hadn't she searched for him? He would have searched if she was the one that had gone missing!

oOo

When they had arrived at Ostagar the human king had personally welcomed them. He had sounded like a very cheer and - maybe a bit too - optimistic man, who had even bothered it to speak to those who were considered as 'lower life forms' by his people and probably himself too. An elf. But what was she supposed to do? Feel honored? Surely not. Why would she feel honored by words of a shemlen King? It had been partly because of this thought that she had not responded to any of his words, though that was not the main reason behind her silence. Not too long ago Selyna had noticed that the taint was affecting her behavior. The whispers had became louder, their song became clearer once more. Sometimes was even able to understand a few of the spoken words, even if they seemed to be spoken in that foreign language.

kill... slice... flay... shatter... crush... kill...

The words she was able to understand were all but reassuring. At moments like this, when the voices became louder, she could do nothing but to grit her teeth together. Praying that the voices would quiet down soon and leave her be. But they never did. Much later, Duncan had brought her to the Grey Warden camp. He had told her it was too late and there would be no use in starting the Joining now. They were to wait until sunrise before she and three others would go into the Korcari Wilds to collect the darkspawn blood and the treaties. When he had told her this Selyna had just nodded, still refusing to speak, not wanting to mistake her own words for those whispered words.

kill... slay... slice... flay... shatter... crush... kill...

Duncan introduced her to the other recruits, Daveth and Ser Jory and off course; Alistair, a very strange human and quite new to the Grey Wardens, who saw it as his eternal mission to make everyone laugh. Hoping to ease the tension of the upcoming Joining, probably. Duncan had sat with them when they were going to eat. When they were going to eat. Selyna still didn't eat. She hadn't ate since they had left the dalish, since she became infected with the taint. Alistair and the others desperately tried to let her speak, laugh or even eat but nothing worked. She kept silent.

kill... slay... destroy... slice... flay... shatter... crush... kill...

At one point when Daveth tried for the twentieth time to flirt with her, she was almost happy to obey the whispers in her head. Though the she-elf had just been able to restrain herself. It was obvious that a few of the older Grey Wardens were giving her suspicious looks, one of them - a mage with hair as white as snow - even waved Alistair and Duncan over.

"I sense... something." he had whispered to them, making Selyna smiled to herself. Humans tend to forget about the trained ears of a Dalish elf. Even their whispers were loud enough for her to hear.

"It's true Duncan, I sense it too." Alistair replied, it seemed like something was making him terribly nervous. Or maybe it was someone. "But it's no darkspawn it feels...weaker?"

Selyna frowned as looked over to the speaking men. Somehow that one man seemed very familiar to her, but somehow her memory was too vague to remember it exactly. Still a bit uncertain over her own memory she stood up and walked over to the men, stopping in front of the white-haired mage. "An se lan'aan?"

The man took the effort to smile warmly at her, but even with this expression it was easy to see his words as lied ones. "What do you mean? I've already been inside this camp for more than three weeks."

"Lies." The fact that he understood her Elvish words had already surprised her, but it hadn't been enough to let her drop the topic.

"I've traveled for a long time." The mage responded, not visibly taking offense in her blunt response. Though the smile on his face didn't seemed to fade either as he continued. "Though I have not left this camp since my arrival three weeks ago. Maybe you have seen me before that or maybe you confuse me with another human. We all look alike, don't we?" When he added that last part, she could easily detect the chuckle that he let out. Was he trying to be funny?

His words left Selyna with only more questions, it was pretty obvious that the shem was hiding something even if he kept denying it himself. It did not surprise her that a shemlen would lie over such things, but why stick to the story when the lie is so obvious? Was the shem not aware that he was being so easy to see through? She was Dalish. The face of a shemlen who lived after meeting her and her clan was a thing she'd never forget. Nevertheless, Selyna soon gave up on the conversation and headed back to the campfire, ignoring the questions and faces Ser Jory and Daveth bothered her with.

kill... slay... destroy... slice... flay... shatter... crush... kill... feed...

When the she-elf walked back to the fire Alistair could literally feel the shivers going up and down his spine. What in the Maker's name was wrong with that woman? "Is she always like this?" He asked, focusing his gaze back on Duncan.

"I'm not sure..." The elder Grey-Warden admitted.

"How do you mean 'I'm not sure'? Don't you even talk to your new recruits nowadays?"

Duncan's eyebrows raised the slightest bit as he watched the younger Warden, not even bothering to respond to his question. "Alistair make sure that she gets a place to sleep. There are enough bedrolls in the large tent at the entrance of camp. Tell Ser Jory and Daveth to share a tent so she has one for her own." He said, watching as Alistair muttered his complains under his breath before taking off. Once he was out of earshot Duncan spoke once more, lowering his tone even more than before, it had been quite clear that Selyna had no problem listening in on their conversation before. "After you left I brought her back to her clan. The keeper there had been able to keep her alive, but the magic is slowly wearing off..."

The mage's mouth corners dropped slightly as he glanced over in the direction of the elf once more. "Luckily we can begin the Joining tomorrow. She will not suffer much longer."

"I agree." Duncan said, gesturing for the man to follow him as they walked away from the small camp made especially for the new recruits. "We have to make sure that nothing happens before the Joining. Assign an elder to watch her at all times; if none is available I will watch her myself." A few moments of silence passed wherein the two Wardens arrived at their own side of the camp. Finally feeling like he could speak freely, Duncan blew out a relieved sigh before asking the question he had already been planning to ask the moment he and Selyna had arrived in Ostagar. "...How is he?"

"A bit shaken, but at least he has survived." The man responded, the cheer smile back on his face once more. "The only problem is that we had to tie him to a chair the moment he woke up. Apparently he is not that fond of 'shemlen' taking him to a place he has never seen before against his will."

"Hm... I hopefully she can calm him down when she too no longer suffers from the taint."

Dictionaries

Elvish - English
Shemlen/Shem (SHEHM-lehn) - How Dalish refer to humans, literally 'quicklings'
Da'len (dah-LEN) - Little child
Aravel (AHR-ah-vehl) - Long journey, also the name of a vehicle used by the Dalish clans to travel overland
Lethallan (leth-ah-LAHN)- Casual reference used for someone with whom one is familiar, used for females
Lethallin (leth-ah-LEEN) - Casual reference used for someone with whom one is familiar, used for males
Ma nuvenim (MAH noo-VAY-nin) - As you wish
Vallaslin (vahl-ahs-LEEN) - Blood writing. The art of tattooing adopted by some elves to more prominently display their worship of the traditional elven pantheon
An sa lan'aan (AHN SAH LAH-ahn) - How did you find this place?