Grace-chan! (Uphill Both Ways) Happy birthday!! (heartheartheart)

-Note- Severe crack warning. A birthday fic. Miss Kayleigh and I decided to put our heads together to come up with a string of events. I guess we sort of lost our train of thoughts in the middle lol. Yes, it's very forced.

Disclaimer: I don't own characters, or references.

Shizaya.

Midnight Mayhem

Start.

Shizuo was tired. So tired that when he sunk into his bed and it split into two across the middle, he momentarily considered staying there.

The blonde had a shitty day at work, the client being a complete ass about the debt they owed. The fact that he had to resort to violence didn't relieve his stress in any way, and even built upon it. If it had been one dumb client, it would have been so much better then the three he had to face in sequence. Now that he was back home, all he wanted to do was rest, too tired to even change out of his bartender uniform…but his bed had other plans for him, apparently.

Cursing, Shizuo got up and grabbed his pillow and blanket. Even though the couch would not possibly stretch out enough to fit this giant, that would have to do for the night. He trudged to the living room, each step slow and painful to the wooden floorboards. Plopping on without a second thought, he realized too late, that his couch also had problems.

The cushioned seats unhinged itself from the frame and sprung upward, tossing Shizuo to the ground. He watched, dark eyes wide in shock, as the springs bounced up and down, unable to grasp this as reality. What in the world was going on?

Even then, he yawned. The rug underneath him would just have to do. He'll probably have to pound someone's face in tomorrow, and he wasn't going to go out and buy another couch or bed tonight.

If only the rug had let him sleep.

The ground seemed to be moving underneath him, somehow, and the blonde's tired eyes shot open. He snapped his head back in the direction it was going and watched in horror as the tiny space between the floor and the wall started to vacuum up the rug. Shizuo didn't have time to get up before it accelerated, slamming him in violently. The blonde yelled out incoherently in pain, then swore louder before standing up. He wanted to know what just happened, so he went to check out what was on the other side.

As soon as he set foot into the kitchen, he regretted it. He had to duck immediately from the flying forks and knives that zoomed over him. Somehow, his dwelling had been converted into a trap house. Every tile on the kitchen floor seemed to trigger a hidden compartment to open and pelt something at him. That did it. He was out of there.

The bodyguard made it out through the backdoor with only a few minor scratches here and there. Why him? Why today? What happened? It was too tiring to think. Shizuo dropped on the lawn and sighed. Even weeds and grass were starting to feel comfortable in this kind of state. His eyes were starting to close…

Unfortunately, sprinklers turned on, whizzing bits of water over his new bed before he could enjoy a second of shut eye, and he jumped up enraged. Now he was tired and wet. He briskly walked around the house and to the front yard.

There, a bulldog was waiting, scratching the ground angrily before jumping on Shizuo's leg and biting down. The blonde glowered down at the mild nuisance. He was so pissed off it didn't even matter that it didn't hurt. He just wanted to kill something, and the dog, realizing with his animal instinct that the male in front of him was a lot stronger than he was, started running away. Shizuo ran after it, turning left and right over his neighborhood.

When he lost sight of the vexing beast, he found himself on a narrow sidewalk with the zooming cars dangerously close. Frustrated, he sighed and stomped angrily on the ground. The concrete dented slightly and showed some signs of cracks.

There was no way he could go home and get any rest, so the debt collector wondered if he could possibly bother Tom-san or Shinra for the night. His thoughts were disturbed by the sound of ringing bells and tires skimming itself. Dark brown eyes searched the horizon, and he groaned at what he found.

Bicyclists. Not just a few, but a mass mob of them! Coming at his way in this shitty narrow street. There was no way he could avoid them by simply sticking to wall, but he wasn't going to let himself get run over by cars either. The only option? Run again, and run he did. Ran all the way until he found an entrance to the subway. He quickly skipped down the stairs and waited until they were gone.

Finally, when the last of them passed by the entrance, he peeked out. The moon was half today, but even its beauty wasn't able to manage to move Shizuo's worn out heart. He knew what might help though, as he took out a pack of cigarettes. Leaning against the subway's handrail, he stuck one in his mouth and fumbled for a lighter. Great. He probably lost it sometime when he was battling his home sweet home.

The cigarette stick waved up and down in the blonde's mouth before he considered what to do again. Just when he was about to take out his cell phone, a lady rushing inside bumped into his hand. She squeaked a hurried apology and descended without a second glance looking extremely awkward in red high heels. Her scarf flew away from her neck, but the lady didn't seem to notice at all. Shizuo called out to her, but she was speeding up, unable to hear him. It would leave a bad aftertaste if he pretended he didn't see anything so scooping up the cloth, he dashed after her, sliding his train card clumsily over the ticket booth, and into a train. Handing her the scarf, he was about to get off.

…But the door closed in his face.

The tall man panted heavily, looking extremely pissed off. The lady apologized over and over before thanking him, while the train moved at a steady pace. He actually didn't know what to be angry at, and that's why everything was making him twice as furious than he should be.

Thinking back on it, maybe he should have rode on and skipped this stop before getting off. Then again, it was a waste of time to do so, but just the station name of Shinjuku seemed to prod him in places that were best left alone. It frankly gave him imaginary hives that he would scratch in irritation and leave the spots red. While he waited for another train to get him back home, the sound of a fire alarm echoed. He guessed, that it was bound to happen from the way things were that night, but never appreciated the way the mob of people swarmed their way out, carrying him with them. All he could do was groan and follow the current, finding himself in the busy streets of a city he rather not be in.

That night still seemed to have plans for him as he stopped a thief from stealing an old lady's purse, saved a cat out a tree, beat up a group of Shinjuku's delinquents, ran from the police, got caught and was taken in for questioning, and now he was standing outside the station after being cleared of charges due to the former lady's testimony.

Shizuo seriously wanted his lighter right about now, but he wasn't going to go back in and ask for it. Instead he watched the quiet side of the metropolitan, when a young boy appeared in his horizon. The boy was crying for his mother, and the blonde wondered what kind of parent would go out with their child at this kind of time. The boy held a red balloon in the shape of that one D*sney character while he wiped his eyes with his other sleeve.

Suddenly, the child let go of the balloon and it started to flow away. The boy cried out, reaching his tiny hands upward, but he couldn't grasp it. The two watched as it drifted away and got caught on the balcony of someone's apartment building. The blonde didn't think too much about it before he found himself running up some stairs. It was only when he realized who's apartment he was standing in front of, that he realized all the mistakes he had made that night.

Shizuo shook. He shook so violently that the ground beneath him started to shake too, and if the whole complex wasn't experiencing a minor earthquake, he was about to disrupt that silence now. He yelled at the top of his lungs, charging shoulder first at the door. It snapped like a twig and he tumbled inside.

For a second, the blonde came face to face with a gigantic nine feet tall tower of cake before he busted through that too, from momentum, and into the smiling informer's arms.

Goal.

…And now that you readers have goaled too, you guys are now a mess that landed right into my arms. Because I love you all. Especially Miss Birthday Girl.